Happy @!#$%&# New Year to me

[Ree]

I don't know why, but I woke up in a really blue mood today.

I spent most of the morning having little weepy moments.

I put my dishes on to wash, crying and angry and frustrated the whole time because I am so sick of being the only one who does the damn dishes, and I am so very tired of looking after my granddaughter while her Mom sleeps in because she worked late, then went out with friends, coming in sometime between 3 and 6 am and crashing, so I can't get her ass out of bed.

The baby went for a nap, so I sat down to relax. I heard the dishwasher click after the final cycle and went to go put the dishes away and reload, only to discover that something had fallen into the drain and my sink had overflowed, flooding my entire kitchen and countertops, and leaking through the floor, flooding my basement as well.

What a mess!!

I lost it.
I started to cry as I grabbed all the towels I could find to soak up the water, and I couldn't get stopped.
I had a meltdown. I was crying so hard that I couldn't catch my breath, and I just couldn't stop sobbing and crying.

At least it woke my daughter up and she came to help me.
She yelled at me to go and sit down and pull myself together, but I think it was more because it scared her and she was worried about me, because she has never really seen me like that...not even when her Dad died. (I cried very hard, but this was probably the worst when I couldn`t get my breath.)

I think she understood that it really wasn`t about the water.

I have calmed down now and the weepiness has passed.
I think I just needed a good cry.

Why did this have to happen, today of all days, when I was already feeling so fragile?

*ETA - I just looked up from typing to see my granddaughter, standing on a box so she could reach the window in the door of the curio cabinet. My husband's pictures are in there.
She's babbling away to the pictures and making kissing motions into the glass. Her slobbery little mouthprints are all over the glass.
She hasn't even seen her grandfather for 6 months!!
Somebody must be sending me a message. LOL

[persephone]

It happened today because you felt so fragile. If it wasn't the sink overflowing, it would have been something else.

It sounds like you are stressed out and overwhelmed. A lot of people go through that over the holidays, especially over the first holiday they spend without a loved one. It sounds to me like you need a break!

I wish there was something I could do to help. I'll send you all the good thoughts and good wishes and mental hugs I can. I haven't been where you are, but I've lost people I care about and I know, at times, it's hard. Especially when you try to be "okay" for everyone else when you just, well, aren't. And not being okay some days is alright. It's natural. But sometimes the world doesn't realize that and you just want to be the strong one.

Is there a way to tell your daughter you just need a break? Maybe just a day off where you don't have to do housework or look after her or a baby? Just a day to yourself where you can do what you need to for you?

I'm sorry it's a rough day. :( I hope it gets better.

(Though that's really cute about your granddaughter. Sounds like she knows him, even if she won't remember him, and that's cool. Maybe he's telling her that Grandma needs some extra love today?)

[BookstoreEscapee]

I can't answer that last question..."when it rains, it pours" might not be the best thing to say...? ;) Can't say I blame you for losing it a bit.

My parents had a similar incident with the washing machine a few years back. Luckily it was in the basement, but the washer is in the back room and my mom went down and stepped into two inches of water at the bottom of the steps 15 feet away. They had to call out the cleaning people at 9pm; they ripped out the carpet (dripping water from garbage cans all through the kitchen as they brought them outside). There was old, thin tile under the carpet which started popping up all over the place, so they had to pull all that out before they could replace the carpet. Then they painted the walls because the water line was clearly visible. My brother had a lot of stuff stored down there and lost some (thankfully nothing too valuable). I was never so glad to be closing when my mom called me at work to tell me about it.

Maybe you and your daughter need to have a little sit-down and let her know you need a little more help from her. Maybe make some sort of chore schedule so she knows exactly what you expect/need.

Sending hugs and good vibes! Here's hoping that this is the worst 2009 has to offer for you. :hug:


*ETA - How cute! I'd be tempted to leave her little mouthprints on the glass...it would make me smile...:)

[alogram]

I really really hope this doesn't sound like the dreaded "assvice" :o but I would suggest that you sit down and remind your daughter that this is HER baby, and her responsibility and as a result that she can't go out partying til all hours of the night all the time.

She is lucky she has you. I know for a fact that if I had had kids young, that I would be the one taking care of them. My parents would have helped me out, but the staying out all hours of the night would have stopped.

I really hope you don't take this as rude, I am really not trying to be!

:)

[iradney]

Oh Ree

*HUGS*

It sucks. It's hard. But we love you very much!

:love:

[Rapscallion]

Well, come Feb, I think it's party time. I'll do what I can to take your mind off it.

Rapscallion

[PentUpRage]

Ree, I only know you from reading on here but I can only imagine that things have just piled up for you for awhile. Grief doesn't just stop at a certain time and combined with everything else going on, I'm not surprised at all that you'd have a breakdown at the dishwasher barfing today.

It's normal and healthy to feel like you are today and please know that somewhere in the bowels of northern Michigan, a woman is sending you happy thoughts and wishing you a fabulous 2009.

[Giggle Goose]

I know how you feel! Sometimes you just keep going and going a la Energizer Bunny and before you know it you just have to let everything out! I can't even imagine how you can do it all, especially after your loss.

Having a meltdown isn't necessarily a bad thing IMHO. It can be cleansing to just let out your feelings like that! Hang in there! We're all rooting for you. :hug:

[RootedPhoenix]

:hug: Sometimes it just builds. We have to be gentle with ourselves. You can't be Superwoman; nobody can. You just do your best.

[Mad-Bassist]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. My sanity has been on a thread for the entire year since my roommates and I moved to the house we're in now. (One of them made me regret coming along the day after we signed the lease, which explains the great joy of my upcoming move.)

I hope things get better for you soon. Say it with me now:

"So long 2008... we've had about enough of you!"