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View Full Version : 'Happy New year, Mom. You hateful old sinner!' (long)


ShinyGreenApple
01-02-2009, 03:05 PM
I want to :salmon: my oldest brother to infinity right now. About 16 years ago, he got married. To his ex-best friend's ex-girlfriend. What a great way to start out, right? He tried to be good and asked people what they thought of the idea of him asking Martha* to marry him. My parents said no. His pastor advised him with a resounding 'no'. And the friends he had not lost due to his relationship with her said "No way in hell, dude!" Obviously he did it anyways. To give you some idea of what this lovely 'woman' is like, imagine a thirty something Martha Stewart with a flaming, raging, permanent case of PMS. She's not a fun person to be around, constantly whining, making smug, snide remarks that are anything but funny, and slyly putting people down to their faces or in conversation with another person. Shortly after they were married and expecting their first child, they moved in with us. That lasted all of two months. They repainted the walls of the room they were staying in a lovely shade of poop brown, refused to come out and have meals with us, and would bring their dishes out and leave them on Mom's kitchen sink in large stacks for weeks on end. Martha was not working, my brother wasn't making much money, and they weren't giving my parents any kind of compensation or help for living with them.

Then they came out one day and announced that they were buying a $300 purebred Keeshound puppy. My parents saw red and in no uncertain terms told them to pack up their stuff and get out. Huge family spat ensues. My brother then comes over abruptly one day and tells Mom & Dad "If you can't accept Martha then you can't accept me." They eventually left to live with her parents in another state and we didn't hear from them for a while.

After that, we had an on-again, off-again kind of relationship with them, up until a few years ago when they were visiting us on the way to a Disney trip. Brother had to go off on some sort of Navy duty for a day or so, and left Martha and the three kids here with us. And I'll give Mom loads of credit here; I know she really dislikes this woman, and she was nothing but nice to her in that time. Depsite Martha taking two hour showers in the morning, then sitting around all day whining about this and that and refusing to let the boys go outside to play because "It's dirty outside and they might get ticks and spiders!" So we had four boys (my other brother's son lives her as a permanent resident) under the age of ten in a three bedroom doublewide and all of them possessing the pent up energy that kids of that age do. I also discovered that Martha's enormous makeup/travel/toiletry bag had broken my doorknob because she hung it there, and she also left wet towels all over the floor and inside the tub. Nephew and I went to Mom privately after Bro came back and begged her to please, please get this woman out of our house. Seeing as how she'd been considering doing just that, our requests were unnecessary but we figured it couldn't hurt to nudge her decision in the right direction anyways ;) Oh yeah, and when they came up for another visit a few years prior, one of the boys remarked "Oh, this is our witch grandmother, right Mom?"

This caused another family rift and it's been pretty touch and go since then. It's important to note that Martha divorced my brother for a short period of time and had an affair as well. Their third child looks absolutely nothing like my brother or our side of the family. Regardless of whether or not the child is his or not, Bro insists that he is and he's become a favorite child. Whenever Mom or Dad are on the phone with bro, he puts this kid on the phone. Not the other two, just this one.

We haven't seen my brother and his family since Mom asked them to leave our house those years ago, but he does call and email. The thing is, whenever he calls, he'll wish Mom Happy New Year, Mother's Day, her birthday (Yes, he does this on her birthday, for crying out loud!), but then goes on to say "But I'm still unhappy with you for how you treat Martha. You HAVE to accept her and love her. You're so mean and hateful, and she never did anything to you" and so on and so forth. He did it again last night. I thought they were having a nice convo at first, talking about what's going on with each other and the like, and then he started.

"I'm sorry I didn't send you a Christmas card or presents, but since you want Martha struck dead, I can't do that."

He hasn't sent anything like that in over ten years. We haven't gotten pictures of the kids in 5 or so. And the whole time he was on the phone with Mom, he had her on speaker and she could hear the kids giggling in the background. She hung up on him and then vented to me for an hour or so. I really had felt like picking up the other phone and asking my brother "Does it make you feel good, like a big man to call a 60 year old woman and belittle her at the holidays?!" I'm so sick of this. Mom tries to be nice, she really does. And yet Bro is constantly bringing up old family battles to gripe about. He sent her an email this morning saying that "I pray for your salvation because you obviously don't know God. Do you even know what LOVE is?" along with other mean and spiteful comments. Again, I'm sick to death of this. Why can't he just let this go instead of constantly calling/emailing and making her upset? My parents aren't exactly young and healthy anymore and he's forever causing stress. Dad tried calling him after he found out what happened, but Bro refused to answer his phone calls. Mom has sworn to not answer Bro's calls anymore.

I have good parents. Heaven knows the bullcrap they've put up with raising four kids, and now one grandchild. They loved us and gave us what they could, and this is how my stupid brother thanks them. I love my parents dearly and it just hurts me to see them upset :cry: :mad: :censored:

Rapscallion
01-02-2009, 03:17 PM
Just because they're blood family doesn't mean they're family.

Rapscallion

protege
01-02-2009, 03:24 PM
Damn...that's just fucked up :(

Right now, both of my younger brothers still live with my parents.

One, who turns 30 in April...constantly complains about it. Nearly every night, I get to hear how "terrible" our parents are. Granted, they aren't perfect--they fight constantly--but they don't deserve his shit, mainly because they're letting him live there. I say "letting" because the idiot has been unemployed for a year, yet doesn't seem too interested in getting a job. He's run up some debt buying video games and other expensive crap...yet complains how "bad" living there is...even though he pays no rent. One of his favorite things to do, is to "bait" my mother into yelling at him--then he later complains about how she's a bitch :confused:

I don't know about the rest of you, but if he was my kid, he'd be paying some serious rent, or he wouldn't be living there.

Then there's my other brother. He'll be 28 in April, and still lives at home. He's constantly getting into it with my parents...simply because of his attitude. Mom tells him to do something, like move his car from the driveway, and he tells her to fuck off :eek: Again, he doesn't pay rent, but bitches about the living conditions. At least he's working :rolleyes:

But, none of that compares to how they act towards my grandmother (Dad's mom). Both of them can't stand her. Some of it, I can understand--for years, she acted like she wanted nothing to do with us...never mind that we're the *only* grandchildren she'll ever have. The only time she calls us, is if she needs something fixed, or someone dies. As such, my mother can't stand her, and I'm the only one who goes over there to visit. I know that she's not perfect, but we're the only (local) family she has.

RootedPhoenix
01-02-2009, 03:49 PM
The actions described in the OP's story and protege's story just shock me. I don't get how people can act like that.

Evil Queen
01-02-2009, 03:59 PM
Just because they're blood family doesn't mean they're family.

Rapscallion

You got that right, Raps.


LB, I think it's about time to have surgery to remove the Toxic Cell from your family. And by that I mean cut all ties.

Ignore/delete e-mails from him or "his" family.
Get rid of pictures (or, at the very least, store them away).
If he calls, tell him that he has the wrong number and hang up.

He's just another face on a street of many doors.

crazylegs
01-02-2009, 04:09 PM
What EQ said.

In addition (I know it's rather severe) but if it gets any worse (god only knows how but...) try a court injunction to prevent contact seeing as he is being such an arse.

derangedperson
01-02-2009, 04:48 PM
Disown the bastard. If his priorities are that screwed up, he doesn't even deserve the time of day.

protege
01-02-2009, 04:50 PM
The actions described in the OP's story and protege's story just shock me. I don't get how people can act like that.

Well, with my family...some of it is because my parents *enable* my brother to act like a douche. My brothers get away with it, simply because my parents (sorry) don't have the balls to stand up to them. When I confront them on it, all I get are excuses, usually about how "your brother has had it rough." The last time I heard that, I was like, "are you fucking kidding me?" He has it rough because nobody *forces* him to get off his ass and do something. It's far easier to mooch off our parents. Sorry, but I can't respect people like that, especially when they're resentful of what I've been able to do :confused: Last time I checked, the house and cars weren't magically given to me.

OK, the MG was, but that's beside the point :p That car was a mess, and my mother handed me the keys simply because she got tired of it rotting in the garage....and hoped I'd do something with it. Still, the parts and money required to restore it came from hard work. I've always seen that car as a *reward* for working hard for the past decade. In other words, I've worked hard, so if I choose to enjoy the rewards, I'm going to, dammit!

Getting back to the OP, it sounds like the brother is a bit resentful that Martha is a bitch...and he's stuck with her. That might be why he's taking it out on everyone else.

ShinyGreenApple
01-02-2009, 09:11 PM
In addition (I know it's rather severe) but if it gets any worse (god only knows how but...) try a court injunction to prevent contact seeing as he is being such an arse.

She's beginning to consider that. I know it's just phone calls and emails, but it's getting to be serious harassment. We live in FL, and they live in CO. And for the record, she has never said to him "I want your wife to drop dead."

Getting back to the OP, it sounds like the brother is a bit resentful that Martha is a bitch...and he's stuck with her. That might be why he's taking it out on everyone else.

That's a possibility, but I honestly don't think he sees any of this bitch's faults. He seems more upset that the rest of the world doesn't see Martha as a Super Perfect Special Snowflake Princess. His whole world revolves around this . . . thing and he gets highly offended if anyone points out any faults in her. She was a bitch before they got divorced, remained one, and he freaking married her a SECOND TIME! Talk about not learning the first time round. And I meant to mention in the OP that it's not just my Mom that feels this way about Martha. After my parents threw them out of our house in '93, they went to live across the street with my other brother, his wife, and their baby (which is the nephew that my parents are now raising). That lasted maybe two weeks, and my other brother and now ex-sister in law almost went looney in that short span of time. Ex-SIL told me last time she visited that she'd be locked out of her own bathroom for over an hour at a time having to pee quite desperately because Martha was doing who knows what in there.

Then there's my sister's husband. When he first met Martha, he got the distinct and uncomfortable impression that she was trying to hit on him whenever they visited with her and Bro. And now, years later, he still feels this way and told my sister that if Bro ever wants to come and visit them, the answer is no because he doesn't want 'that thing' in his house.

In Easter of '99 they came to visit, and a neighbor invited us to bring them to her house to swim in the pool. A few days later, we went back and were having coffee with her and she says to Mom "You know you guys, you, your husband, LB, and Smeagol are always welcome here. And your other son, Smeagol's Dad, too. But do not EVER bring that woman back to my house again!"

Bro sent Mom another email a few hours ago. Here are a few prize winning quotes from it:

Your actions are pure evil.
This situation is the fruit of your evil doing.

*snip*

I think you are a little insane - maybe a lot.

LB, I think it's about time to have surgery to remove the Toxic Cell from your family. And by that I mean cut all ties.

I for one certainly plan on it.

I want to rip him a new one right now, I really do. I know none of this was directed at me (hey, I was 8 when this all started!), but I'm one of those people who, well, you hurt my parents, you hurt me. I've also gotten extremely defensive and protective of them in the past few years, especially with Mom.

I'm not sure if I'll write the Angry Email of Doom™, but I know that he will not be receiving an invitation to my college graduation in a few years. Should I ever meet someone, he will not get an invitation to my wedding. If I ever spawn have children, he doesn't really need to know that his baby sister is having kids. If he cares more for the person that belittles him constantly in front of their children, other relatives, and total strangers more than his family, then so be it.

One-Fang
01-03-2009, 05:40 AM
I have a vindictive and manipulative person in my blood family as well. I say "blood family" because, as Raps said above, she is not "family" any more. Ties are cut. I do not see her, do not update her, do not email her, she never calls, there is zero connection now.

Oh how much happier we are!

You can't choose your family, but should the fact that they're related to you force you to keep negative and hurtful people in your life? Surround yourself with positive and affirming people, and remove the negative ones. They offer you nothing, but take so much.

iradney
01-03-2009, 09:08 AM
Ignore ignore ignore.
By giving him attention, you're giving him what he wants. He wants attention, he doesn't care how he gets it.
Tell your Mom (who, by the by, is a saint for not beating your bro and Martha with a garden hose) to get a restraining order, and pretend that Bro no longer exists.

Life is TOO SHORT to have deal with people like that.

Sliceanddice
01-03-2009, 12:09 PM
yeah its seriously time for him to have a discussion with his siblings.
Because if your mom was my mom i would be about ready to kill rihgt now, its time you convince your mother to change her number and email and to have a sit down talk with that ....'man' and tell him if he loves Martha and this she is wonderful that ok, but you cant force feelings on to people nor can you think that harrassment and evil speach is helpful.
And unless he can refrain for hateful words inf he contacts your mother again he will be arrested.