Thank you... now please LEAVE! (long and ranty)

[Mara-chan]

The following is a dramatization and compilation of several customers I've had over the last few days. There really isn't much dialog except what happened in my head each time this has happened... and what may come out the next time it does.

You know, I always thought those Visa check card commercials were cute when everyone was checking out to the music then someone would write a check and the music would stop. But now when there's a bunch of people in line and BigGiantPurseLady pulls out her checkbook for $4.87 worth of stuff I just want to scream. GET A DAMN CHECK CARD!!! By the time you wrote the date we could be DONE with this transaction!!! I HATE CHECKS! Personally I only write checks for my Rent since our appartment complex's office is run by old ladies who don't know what computers are.

But wait... she can't write the date because they don't know it. So we tell them the date and they go to write the "To" and have to ask "Where am I?" o_O Um.. it's on my shirt... and nametag... and the bag in front of you... and the doors... and the big sign behind the counter. And the big sign above the counter... and the GIANT sign above the store you walked in ten minutes ago! "Do you have a stamp?" A STAMP? It's Staples. S.T.A.P.L.E.S. Not that hard to write out. If you can't spell it, look at the name on my shirt... and nametag... and....

"What was the total again?" $4.87. "What was it?" Four Dollars, eighty seven cents. 4. Looks like an upside down chair. 8. Kinda looks like my eyes that are bugging out right now. 7. The number of times I just beat my head against the counter.

I need a phone number. OMG! It's on the check! There IS a god!

...no there isn't. THe computer just asked for ID. She has to dig through her wallet to find it. No, that's a blockbuster card. Nope, that's your AARP card. No, that card... That's your damn bank card! Why didn't you use that? THAT is your ID. Take it out so I don't have to hold up this 14 pound pink wallet while I type in your license number!

I give her her stuff and her receipt. Nope, can't put that in the bag, it's got to go in the wallet. Tightly folded into the pile of receipts she's been collecting since time began in an attempt to turn them into diamonds pressed in between the millions of cards in her wallet. Make sure that ID is back in the proper spot. Make sure all the clasps are done up tight. Wallet goes into the BigGiantPurse in JUST the right spot. And so does the phone she had to take out to get to the purse. And the her glasses. And her compact. Wait. Where's the keys? She can't find her keys! OMG! Her keys were just here! Stop the world, she can't find her frigging keys so let's hold my line up until she realizes they're in her OTHER hand! Is she done? Will she move that massive purse so the next customer can buy their stupid desk calendar before it expires (or she does)? C'mon lady... you can do it... pick up the purse... and the stuff you bought... you can do it... almost there... almost there...

"Did you give me my receipt?" *goes to open purse*

AUUUGGGGHHHH!!!! Please! Just go! GO! Take Purse-zilla and LEAVE! Figure it out when you get home! Just let me check out the next person and move on with my life! Do NOT pack and repack that giant bag at my counter! Just take your crap and GOOOOO!!!!

*pant pant pant*

Oh thank god, she's gone. Next customer. Breathe.

"Can I write a check?"

:cry:

[RetailWorkhorse]

I'm so sorry, Mara-Chan, but I had to laugh. Long and hard. My ribs are killing me.

[BethB]

I'm sorry to hear about your customer with way too much junk stuffed in giant overnight size bag of a purse. I hate when people use a check when debit is a trillion times faster and less painful or the everything has it's own little space in the purse people. 99% of the time you can't find it where you put it...or so you say. I thank the gods that all I carry is my wallet containing my cards, my phone, maybe checkbook and candy. Not full but I can find what I need

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I only write checks when I won't physically BE there to personally hand a person a payment (like bills or something). Thankfully, I finally got my Grandmother to see the error of her slowness. Always writing checks and stores. Finally got her to use her Debit card.

She can almost use it without help, too.

[Sonoma]

I think I was in line behind these people the other day.

I will confess, there is one grocery store where I usually write a check. I do it because half the time the debit card machines are down there. When I do write a check, I write out everything but the amount when I'm waiting in line. That way, all I have to do is write in some numbers, and we're ready to go. It's easy, if you know what you're doing.

[pizzaparlorchick]

That was seriously the funniest thing I've read all year!
Yeah a lady came in to the pizza place I work at. She had a HUGE purse and she was rumbling through it trying to find money and then after she paid and ate, she accused me of not giving back her change. So after 10 minutes of her searching though her huge body bag carried around her shoulder, she found the change in one of her compartments. LOL

[MannersMakethMan]

Oh boy, do I know how you feel. Cheques are the spawn of Satan and should be burnt. After working in retail for a while, I forcibly made my nan change from using cheques to her debit card. I mean, she had to have it with her anyway as the cheque guarantee card, why the hell wouldn't she use it outright and speed up the whole transaction?

Funnily enough, she always used to complain when she got caught behind someone else doing it, but it was fine for her to because she was always quicker... Oh no she wasn't. And she wouldn't wear her glasses either out of vanity, so she'd be incredibly slow trying to read everything. Yes, I often had dreams about tearing up her chequebook...

There's a time and a place to use cheques. In a shop is not it, unless you'd like to leave with a large scorch mark on your backside.

[EmilyRose1982]

OMG I was so happy when my company banned checks!

I did the Mambo around the store on the day it went into effect!

I still get a rush when people pull out their checkbooks and I get to say "Sorry, we don't take checks!" :devil:

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

Eternity is a long time, my friends. It's hard to imagine how long eternity is. Imagine you're at a supermarket checkout line, and there's fifteen people ahead of you, and they all have a full basket of groceries. And none of the items are marked. And everyone wants to pay by check. And it's the girl's first day on the job. And she doesn't speak English.

You take a few minutes off that, and you start to get an idea of how long Eternity is.
--Emo Phillips

[Chromatix]

It is said that Orthodox Church services are meant to give a vision of Heaven.

They last for an eternity.

[Mara-chan]

Thank you, thank you. My pain is your entertainment...


....well, that sounds REALLY bad.

[Gerrinson]

I was sooooo happy when ye olde grocery shoppe got check printers. Customers sign, hand the check over, and the printer does the rest. Easier, faster, less confusion.

I give her her stuff and her receipt. Nope, can't put that in the bag, it's got to go in the wallet. Tightly folded into the pile of receipts she's been collecting since time began in an attempt to turn them into diamonds pressed in between the millions of cards in her wallet.

Totally OT, but this reminded me of when my dad and stepmom got married, in 1997, he finally cleaned out his wallet at the reception. Why at his own wedding reception? Beats me. :confused: I was amused to help him sort his receipts and noticed that he had receipts (like pharmacy/grocery receipts) back to 1974. Just to put this in perspective, I am his oldest child and I was born in 1976. My dad, the pack rat. :rolleyes: On the bright side, the wedding was 2 days after my 21st birthday, so I had my first alcoholic drink at my parents wedding. :lol:

/end threadjack

[ditchdj]

Why does it seem that store owners have a problem with accepting ALL forms of payment: You can't use a debit/credit card because the merchant pays a fee, you can't write a check because it's too cumbersome, you can't use CASH because you're using too many coins. When it does it end??? :confused:

[Sliceanddice]

wow oi now have to tell you about my mom.
She is nice sweet and nonconfrontal, not an SC or EW normally, i have to complain for her.
But one day we need to run to the store to pick up some basics and my mom couldnt find her debit card, so she pulled out her aged checkbook. When we got there i turned to her and 'your going to fill that out before we get to the cashier right, everything but the total?' she looked sursprised and said "No i dont know how much it is" i reply "But do you know your name, the name of the store, the date, and all the other little bits of info you need on the check? do you have your ID found from you monster purse and ready to hand over with the check? do it or we are keeping this under 20 dollars because im paying"
she scrounged up 10 bucks and we about 27 dollars worth of stuff.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Another thing about checks is that they don't always go through the first time. Then you have to page a manager over for a check approval, and they have to turn their key in the register to let the transaction go through. Or something.

Once I heard the person in electronics page for a check approval about 5 times before the manager either came over to do it, or the customer got pissed and walked away without buying anything. I've noticed the managers at my store don't respond the fastest when somebody pages for a check approval.

This doesn't happen with a debit card.

[Becks]

Am I the only person in retail that doesn't mind when a customer pays by check?

[Pagan]

And why do they never, ever have everything but the amount filled out? And why do they have such a damned hard time finding their drivers license? I know exactly where mine is at all times. But no, here they are rootling around through their purse, or guys digging through their pockets. (And now I need a wet wipe 'cause what the hell is all over your license? :help:)

I was sooooo happy when ye olde grocery shoppe got check printers. Customers sign, hand the check over, and the printer does the rest. Easier, faster, less confusion.

If you can get them to do it. At work, not only do we have auto-fill, but it's actually an electronic transfer and we give them their check back. All they have to do is tear the check out and give it to me, don't even have to sign it!

[Nyoibo]

Why does it seem that store owners have a problem with accepting ALL forms of payment: You can't use a debit/credit card because the merchant pays a fee, you can't write a check because it's too cumbersome, you can't use CASH because you're using too many coins. When it does it end??? :confused:

Now accepting payment in the form of either your everlasting soul or your first born child.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

It seems that at my store, some of the cashiers have taken to entering checks as cash or gift certificates if they don't go through the first time. It happened 38 times last month alone, according to the sternly-worded memo from the front end manager posted by the checkouts and also in the break room.

This of course results in shortages and headaches for the cash office people and makes them sad pandas.

Seems like people on both sides of the register are making checks a PITA.

[elysia]

lmao this thread is full of win and makes me happy. I feel your pain about the checks.

My personal favorite part of the scenario is when they wont clear off so that the next person can come up but stand there writing in the record the amount and date and check # and shit for 45 seconds.

[ralerin]

Am I the only person in retail that doesn't mind when a customer pays by check?

Nope. :angel:

[johnb1]

CHIP cards are almost as bad. We had one old farmer guy come in and buy gas, and
oh....I can't remember my PIN number, and....oh.... I can't remember my wife's phone number...and Oh, I can't remember the banks' phone number to get it from them and..well lookey here...you have a wallet full of cash which you won't use to pay for your stuff....F**k me are you ever a waste of time and breath. He kept 5 customers waiting. We were almost ready to pay for his gas just to get him the hell out of there

Oh and this is a true story, well as much as I can verify it. One day, one of my friend's coworkers had a heart attack at the gas station, which sucks, and most people were patient and understanding and pumped their own gas, except for one lady. Now, people aren't really supposed to come into the booth, unless it's to put in their PIN number, but
there she was taking money, making change and running through credit cards on the machine, and she wasn't even an employee. We asked her "What the hell are you doing here, lady?" and she said "Oh, I've left the money right there. " You mean you're such a lowlife that you wouldn't wait while some person is getting bundled into the ambulance, you just HAD to get your gas/smokes/whatever and you JUST COULDN'T WAIT a few minutes. You should have been dragged out behind the back of the station and shot

just my opinion

John B

it's rather unfortunate that giving someone a CHIP card/ Checkbook doesn't come with a test for smarts.. I wish it was mandatory. If you couldn't handle remembering your PIN or writing a cheque, then you get to pay cash, now get the heck out of here
SIR

[DGoddessChardonnay]

lmao this thread is full of win and makes me happy. I feel your pain about the checks.

My personal favorite part of the scenario is when they wont clear off so that the next person can come up but stand there writing in the record the amount and date and check # and shit for 45 seconds.

And you're standing there, check card in your hand and waiting to reach the machine that's on the OTHER side of the Pursasaurus??

Worse still is when you can't reach around them because they've got a shopping cart blocking the rest of the counter.

It's been (on rare occasion) where I have to restrain myself from screaming at them. :hairpull:

[Pagan]

My personal favorite part of the scenario is when they wont clear off so that the next person can come up but stand there writing in the record the amount and date and check # and shit for 45 seconds.

Oh, I had so forgotten about that part of it!

And you're standing there, check card in your hand and waiting to reach the machine that's on the OTHER side of the Pursasaurus??

Worse still is when you can't reach around them because they've got a shopping cart blocking the rest of the counter.

It's been (on rare occasion) where I have to restrain myself from screaming at them. :hairpull:

Hey, you were at where I work and didn't stop and say "Hi"? Of course, this happens on a daily basis. I often feel like asking them what it's like to be the only person on the planet? :p

[Chattyaholic]

I'm sorry that some of you cashiers don't like checks. And I know it's frustrating to deal with older folks who are slower than you would like them to be, but you know what? You too will be an old person someday. :)

I do not have a debit card. Don't want one. I didn't like using my ATM card because many times I would forget to write the withdrawal in the checkbook, and I know I would be the same way with a debit card.

I love stores where you don't have to fill out the check, their machine does it for you. Takes no longer than a credit card transaction.

If I do have to fill out the check, I try to do it while I'm waiting for the person ahead of me to finish their transaction.

[Mara-chan]

most of the customers who write checks in my store don't even bother to have their checkbook OUT let alone ready to go.

The check process at Staples:
1. Customer fills it out completely
2. We check the information, write phone number on check if it's not already on it. If it's a large check we have to have the CSL (me) or manager double check the info and sign off on it.
3. Enter check amount in register and hit 'Check'
4. Run check through machine
5. Type in phone number and if it's personal or business
6. Run the check through the printer again
7. Slide it in the drawer.

If they haven't written a check with us we may also have to type in their information from their ID.

The process for a check card?

1. Cashier presses CAT key
2. Customer slides card
3. Customer types in PIN, selects if they want cash back and if amount is ok.

That's it! No ID needed. Customer can get cash back (can't do that with a check). No other typing for the cashier, no other writing for the customer.

Even entering it as a credit card is just as easy:

1. Cashier presses CAT and customer swipes card -OR- cashier swipes card
2. Cashier types in security number from card & checks ID
3. Customer signs pad and clicks 'done'
4. Cashier presses OK to accept signature.

you can see how much faster this is when you have a long line of customers.

[Pagan]

I'm sorry that some of you cashiers don't like checks. And I know it's frustrating to deal with older folks who are slower than you would like them to be, but you know what? You too will be an old person someday. :)

We don't have a problem with the checks themselves. We have a problem with the people who wait until their whole order is rung up before they start rummaging around for their checkbook.

And this isn't directed solely at old people. I've seen this behavior across the whole age spectrum as I'm sure many of the rest of us can attest to.

[gerund]

There are many things I hate. One of them is the old lady who buys $11.25 worth of cat food and waits until the cashier says "$11.25" to her to start rummaging through her handbag. She gets out $20 and I will think to myself that it's going to be quick, but wait!

She says "Oh! wait! I think I have some change." Then the suck starts. All she needs is $1.25, but the first coin she pulls out is $2. That's no good because there is lots more in her purse. So, 5 cents at a time she starts to count. It goes on and on, and all the while the cashier has enough to pay for the cat food.

However the worst display of suckage I was forced to sit through was in a casino. The dealer was new and had no idea. She went along with this.

Here is a grown man at 2:00AM playing blackjack.

I sat down at the table and he had one $5 chip in front of him which he bet. He then got a pair of eights which he split. He waited until the dealer asked him for his action. So he stood up, pulled out his wallet. Opened the wallet and got out a little zippered bag. Something like a coin purse. He unzipped it and got out a $25 chip. He zippered the bag. Put it back in his wallet. Put the wallet back in his pocket. Sat down. Gave the dealer the $25 chip. She changed it for $5 and split the eights.

He won one hand and lost one hand. So he put out the five $5 chips and got them changed back to a $25 chip. Stood up. Got his wallet. Opened the wallet. Got the little bag. Opened it and put the $25 chip in it. Zipped the bag. Put it back into his wallet. Sat down. Put his bet out. The dealer started dealing.

He lost the next hand. So he stood up. Got his wallet. Opened his wallet and got the bag out. Unzipped the bag. Got out a $25 chip and gave it to the dealer. She gave him back five $5 chips. He zipped the bag. Put it back in his wallet. Put the wallet back in his pocket. Made his bet.

He won that bet. He changed the chips back. He stood up. Got the wallet. (Are you sick of reading this now?) I started looking for the floor manager. He was at a roulette table some distance away. Ignoring the whole debacle.

I politely suggested that the man stop changing the chips back to $25 every time and putting it away, so we could get on with the game. He looked at me like I had kicked his dog. We went through one more round of change chips put away get back out change again before I cracked up.

I started shouting and the floor manager came running. I stood up and walked away, went around the casino but there were no other tables working. Came back to this one and the guy doing that had been sorted out by the floor manager. He had been told that he either stopped holding up the game or he left the table.

I think it was a full moon that night too.

[Pagan]

I think it was a full moon that night too.

I was going to ask if that was tonight, but then looked at the time you posted....man, people have been inordinately strange with this full moon today!

[Peppergirl]

We don't have a problem with the checks themselves. We have a problem with the people who wait until their whole order is rung up before they start rummaging around for their checkbook.

And this isn't directed solely at old people. I've seen this behavior across the whole age spectrum as I'm sure many of the rest of us can attest to.

A-freakin-men and thank you.

I personally have no problem with people who are still hooked on their checks. It seems a bit silly in this day and age, but to each his own.

But for CHRIST'S sake, if you're going to insist on using your dinosaur checkbook, have it ready and KNOW how to properly write a check without holding up the fucking line for 4 hours. :lol:

OH!!! And don't even get me STARTED on the assholes at the ATM who insist on reading their receipt, placing EVERYTHING back in its proper little spot, checking their makeup or WHATEVER in the mirror, and adjusting their seatbelt BEFORE pulling forward 20 fucking feet so that I can do my transaction. :rant:

[Reyneth]

I love this thread. Why? Because I sympathize with nearly all of the posters....but writing checks at the bookstore I work at is faster than debit! :lol: The POS system is so slow, it takes a minute or more for any plastic transaction to go through processing. Checks, I can write ID#, transaction#, DL# and register letter faster than that. Although there are the SCs that will take forever no matter what method of payment Oy.

I did a lot of blaming the slow card processing on the "high shopping volume" during the holidays (even though that doesn't have anything to do with it) and during the rest of the year, people aren't so impatient so we just use the time to bag the books, suggest a new author, etc. :D

[BookstoreEscapee]

Tightly folded into the pile of receipts she's been collecting since time began in an attempt to turn them into diamonds pressed in between the millions of cards in her wallet.

:lol: I love that one. Also "pursasaurus" :D

I had a woman once write me a check for $1.38. This after she cleaned out all the cash in her wallet. What the hell?

I only use checks for bills and rent. Also, my cell phone is currently on my dad's plan so I pay him with a check at the first of the month, plus any other money I may owe them. If they owe me for something I deduct it from their check.

Though I did write my brother a check for my half of the hotel room from my cousin's wedding last weekend. I don't know when I'll see him next and I really don't want to hang onto $60 in cash for however long. He IM'd me last night complaining that now he has to go to the bank and cash it. Poor guy. :rolleyes:

[cinema guy]

I was once stuck in a queue behind a woman writing a check ... in the pound shop. I had my one item and my pound coin in my hand... grrrr!

[Mara-chan]

I had a lady return something that was paid by check last night. She got about $20 in cash back. She had other money in her purse. She turned around and bought new stuff, totalling about $28 dollars. She wrote another check.

I SOOO wanted to say "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH THE MONEY I JUST GAVE YOU?!?"

[driftwolf]

Oh good lord, you've met my mother!

[hobbitt97]

Thirty five years ago I worked in a Gas Station on Route 17S in NJ. At that time all the gas stations were self service and we took cash and major credit cards before magnetic strips were on the back.:eek:

I was manning four pumps at the same time and had to run around like a maniac from pump to pump. Pumps were not computerized. The worst part of the job was taking credit cards. I had to check a pamphlet for stolen credit cards and then call the bank for charge approval and an authorization number.

The sight I detested were 4 credit cards being handed out a tiny crack in the window. I was basically treated like the gas pump dog.