MaggieTheCat
01-18-2009, 08:38 PM
So, I have this "friend", J. I say "friend" in quotes because I'm pretty pissed at him right now, and honestly wondering if I even want to be friends with him anymore.
I've known J for quite a long time, several years, and at one point I considered him my best friend. I felt very comfortable around him and would be able to confide anything and everything to him; when I broke up with my boyfriend, the first time I had sex, when I was having problems with my parents, etc. He was the same way; we would always go to each other whenever we had issues that we needed advice on, or just when we needed someone to listen/a shoulder to cry on. We'd go on long rides together on back county roads, sometimes for hours at a time, and just talk.
Well, he went off to school a little over a year ago and we didn't see each other as much. That was to be expected, but he still kept in touch, we'd call/txt each other a lot and whenever he'd come home on weekends, we'd generally get together for dinner or another car ride, just to catch up.
Over the summer, he got a new girlfriend and they got pretty serious. He always said that he didn't want a steady girlfriend until after he was graduated from college, because he didn't want to be tied down, or tie anyone else down, while he was still in school. But he broke that rule with this girl, and they started doing the long distance thing when he went back to school in the fall (another issue that he had previously said he wasn't interested in.)
Now, I understand that when you get a pretty steady significant other, you're going to want to spend a lot of time with them. However...he started coming home every weekend from school, even cutting his Friday classes sometimes to get home Friday afternoon, to be with her. And he started neglecting all his other friends, and even his family; his mom and sister in law, in particular, got pretty pissed at him a couple of times for never coming over for family dinner night, but he didn't seem to care. Many of his other friends also said he was being a douche, or a jerk, and ignoring them as well.
He stopped calling/txting me like he used to, and wouldn't respond to any of my calls/txts. Finally after a couple of months, I gave up, and didn't bother trying to contact him anyone. Once or twice in the last 4 months, he's txted me asking if I wanted to get together over the weekend, and I'd reply, "sure, let me know when you're free" but he'd never get back to me after that.
About a month ago, he called me up out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to go to a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert with him and a bunch of other people. This was on a Friday night, and the concert was Sunday (as in, 2 days) night. He said that someone else who had been planning on going, and had gotten a ticket, had something come up last minute and wouldn't be able to go.
Last year, I went to this same concert with this same group of people. It was the first time I'd gone, but apparently J and another friend of ours, S, started this tradition by finding a date for the night (even if they weren't seeing a girl at the time) and dressing all nice and fancy and going to a fancy restaurant and then going to the concert. So, last year, I went as the "date" for another friend in the group, L. L and I didn't, and still don't, know each other very well; in fact, I saw him at Wal-Mart yesterday and I don't think he even recognized me. J was the one who set us up, saying that L had gone with them in the past but didn't have a date, so did I want to go? I said sure. It wasn't very date-like, though; L and I never sat next to each other, at dinner or at the concert, and we only really talked on the way home, when everyone else was sleeping in the back of the car. This didn't bother me at all, it was more like just a bunch of friends going out for a fun night together (J himself took his sister as his date; S was the only one who had a real date for the evening.)
My point is...I got invited to this shin-dig last year, but not this year, except as a last resort, when the original person who was invited couldn't make it (for the record, the girl whose ticket I was to get was L's date for this year.) I asked J why I wasn't invited in the first place, and he said...
"because it's a guy invite girl thing."
Yeah...make of that what you will, but I know there were a other people (friends of J's) who weren't invited, either, who were pretty pissed at J, and who called him an elitist prick.
Anyway, after that I was pretty ticked, so I told him I refused his invitation and I didn't talk to him for a few weeks (normal, because he never called/txted me and I wasn't about to call or txt him.) I did tell a few of his other "close" friends (who've also been ditched by him these last few months and are getting frustrated with his behavior) how upset I was, and apparently word got back to J that I was upset with him, because, again out of the blue, he sent me a txt last weekend that said, "If I have done something to upset you or your family, I truly apologize."
Well, okay, so he apologized...but does he know for what? No; he himself admitted it. So I asked him if he wanted to get together sometime in the next week (which would have been this past week) to talk, and he said absolutely. Okay, ball's in his court; he if really wants to reconcile, he'll contact me.
So he contacted me this morning...at 745am. He txted me, and since I didn't have my phone on silent, it woke me up. Seriously, who texts someone at 745am on a Sunday? Anyway, he asked if I wanted to do lunch around 1pm today. I said, "sure, call me then," and went back to sleep.
It's 2:30, and I still haven't heard from him. I even tried txting and calling him, and have yet to hear back.
So, what do you guys think? Is it worth trying to salvage this friendship?
Edit/Update: He just txted me, at 2:40, to tell me he was asleep this whole time (wtf were you doing up at 745, then?) and if I want to do dinner instead. Very, very tempted to tell him to go to hell right now, but I'm also pretty pissed off and may think differently when I've calmed down...
I've known J for quite a long time, several years, and at one point I considered him my best friend. I felt very comfortable around him and would be able to confide anything and everything to him; when I broke up with my boyfriend, the first time I had sex, when I was having problems with my parents, etc. He was the same way; we would always go to each other whenever we had issues that we needed advice on, or just when we needed someone to listen/a shoulder to cry on. We'd go on long rides together on back county roads, sometimes for hours at a time, and just talk.
Well, he went off to school a little over a year ago and we didn't see each other as much. That was to be expected, but he still kept in touch, we'd call/txt each other a lot and whenever he'd come home on weekends, we'd generally get together for dinner or another car ride, just to catch up.
Over the summer, he got a new girlfriend and they got pretty serious. He always said that he didn't want a steady girlfriend until after he was graduated from college, because he didn't want to be tied down, or tie anyone else down, while he was still in school. But he broke that rule with this girl, and they started doing the long distance thing when he went back to school in the fall (another issue that he had previously said he wasn't interested in.)
Now, I understand that when you get a pretty steady significant other, you're going to want to spend a lot of time with them. However...he started coming home every weekend from school, even cutting his Friday classes sometimes to get home Friday afternoon, to be with her. And he started neglecting all his other friends, and even his family; his mom and sister in law, in particular, got pretty pissed at him a couple of times for never coming over for family dinner night, but he didn't seem to care. Many of his other friends also said he was being a douche, or a jerk, and ignoring them as well.
He stopped calling/txting me like he used to, and wouldn't respond to any of my calls/txts. Finally after a couple of months, I gave up, and didn't bother trying to contact him anyone. Once or twice in the last 4 months, he's txted me asking if I wanted to get together over the weekend, and I'd reply, "sure, let me know when you're free" but he'd never get back to me after that.
About a month ago, he called me up out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to go to a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert with him and a bunch of other people. This was on a Friday night, and the concert was Sunday (as in, 2 days) night. He said that someone else who had been planning on going, and had gotten a ticket, had something come up last minute and wouldn't be able to go.
Last year, I went to this same concert with this same group of people. It was the first time I'd gone, but apparently J and another friend of ours, S, started this tradition by finding a date for the night (even if they weren't seeing a girl at the time) and dressing all nice and fancy and going to a fancy restaurant and then going to the concert. So, last year, I went as the "date" for another friend in the group, L. L and I didn't, and still don't, know each other very well; in fact, I saw him at Wal-Mart yesterday and I don't think he even recognized me. J was the one who set us up, saying that L had gone with them in the past but didn't have a date, so did I want to go? I said sure. It wasn't very date-like, though; L and I never sat next to each other, at dinner or at the concert, and we only really talked on the way home, when everyone else was sleeping in the back of the car. This didn't bother me at all, it was more like just a bunch of friends going out for a fun night together (J himself took his sister as his date; S was the only one who had a real date for the evening.)
My point is...I got invited to this shin-dig last year, but not this year, except as a last resort, when the original person who was invited couldn't make it (for the record, the girl whose ticket I was to get was L's date for this year.) I asked J why I wasn't invited in the first place, and he said...
"because it's a guy invite girl thing."
Yeah...make of that what you will, but I know there were a other people (friends of J's) who weren't invited, either, who were pretty pissed at J, and who called him an elitist prick.
Anyway, after that I was pretty ticked, so I told him I refused his invitation and I didn't talk to him for a few weeks (normal, because he never called/txted me and I wasn't about to call or txt him.) I did tell a few of his other "close" friends (who've also been ditched by him these last few months and are getting frustrated with his behavior) how upset I was, and apparently word got back to J that I was upset with him, because, again out of the blue, he sent me a txt last weekend that said, "If I have done something to upset you or your family, I truly apologize."
Well, okay, so he apologized...but does he know for what? No; he himself admitted it. So I asked him if he wanted to get together sometime in the next week (which would have been this past week) to talk, and he said absolutely. Okay, ball's in his court; he if really wants to reconcile, he'll contact me.
So he contacted me this morning...at 745am. He txted me, and since I didn't have my phone on silent, it woke me up. Seriously, who texts someone at 745am on a Sunday? Anyway, he asked if I wanted to do lunch around 1pm today. I said, "sure, call me then," and went back to sleep.
It's 2:30, and I still haven't heard from him. I even tried txting and calling him, and have yet to hear back.
So, what do you guys think? Is it worth trying to salvage this friendship?
Edit/Update: He just txted me, at 2:40, to tell me he was asleep this whole time (wtf were you doing up at 745, then?) and if I want to do dinner instead. Very, very tempted to tell him to go to hell right now, but I'm also pretty pissed off and may think differently when I've calmed down...