So what do I do now?

[marty]

I've been having a great couple weeks in school since it started. Last semester, between the mono, my dad dying, and my breakdown at work I didn't do nearly as well as I'd liked. But I feel like I started out good this time, with life, school, everything.

But then I found out yesterday that my mom has another brain aneurysm. She had one a little over a year ago that they successfully operated on, but this one's too small to operate on yet.

So I feel detached. I feel completely detached. And I know that it's my number one defense mechanism, to get really upset (like I did yesterday) and then completely shut down. When I get like this I don't feel much of reality. Besides my brother, my mom's all the family I've got, so what happens if something happens before they can fix it? And if they do fix it, it's just going to keep happening again--she's only 49.

I feel like I'm rambling, but ultimately I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel, so right now I feel nothing. I don't care about anything. I have no more motivation. I would say, god, this suck, but I don't even feel that.

I tried counseling last semester. The guy told me to try deep breathing exercises. When I told him I didn't think that was going to help, he told me that it helps more than people think--so I don't want to go back. Deep breathing doesn't help feeling cold and empty.

I guess I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.

[KiaKat]

It sounds like a bout of depression.

Hit up the counseling center again, and ask for a different person. You need to find someone who can really help, not just give you breathing exercises. In some cases, medication really does help.

I've gone through something similar in the past, and every time my mom gets sick, I nearly fall back into it. It's a hard disorder to deal with.

Also, talk to your mom. Bring up everything you said in this, and see what she says. Don't avoid telling her because you think it will stress her out. She probably knows something is wrong, and wants to help.

[digilight]

Dude, first of all I'm sorry to hear about that. Now does the counseling center offer psyciatric help or only psycological (the first they can prescribe meds, the second they can only talk to you). I would suggest going to see a psychiatrist. I'm gonna be frank with you, I've been seeing one myself for the past 4-6 months and its really helped. They can get you on meds temporarily to help you level out and feel normal again, it doesn't have to be perminant. And no these meds don't make you feel all "fucked up and out of it" or "zombie like" like some people may say.

P.S. That sounds exactly like depression. It can be set off by chemical, emotional, or environmental stimuli.

[DataJager]

Normally I don't feel qualified to talk to people about their problems, but considering I've fought depression for the last two years, I might know something about this.

Yeah, I agree with pretty much what everyone else says, life is dealing you a bad hand and you probably are depressed. Depression is a real bitch and a lot of things don't help with it, especially stupid counseling about breathing. So here's what I finally wound up doing.

1)I found people to support me, this is probably the hardest step since a lot of people get really quiet when you mention you have depression. Look to your family or good friends if you can.
2) Find someone with a psychological background to talk to. When your car breaks, you ask a mechanic what's wrong. When your brain messes up it's good to have someone who really knows about it to talk with you. Look for someone who has a full degree, not just some counselor. Preferably a Psychologist and certainly not a Psychotherapist (people don't need a degree to be a psychotherapist.
3) Don't overwork yourself. I really messed up this one. Things are going to take time to get better and if you keep chomping at the bit you'll wind up hurting yourself.
4) You're probably going to need meds. Sometimes the body really hates coping with a large amount of bad stuff and it's hard to handle without drugs. I was on prozac for almost a year and found it helped me get things done. Vitamin B also helps with energy issues and Fish Oil and Omega 3 (Try Olives or Fish) and fats help with mood issues. Find yourself a competent Psychiatrist and be honest with them. They'll give you something to make things better. Don't worry if it doesn't work at first, sometimes you just need a bigger dosage or different meds. The meds also won't be permanent, you will be off them eventually, just like how a cast helps you to heal a broken bone.
5) Try to make a nice long list of all the things you enjoy in life and why you enjoy them. I know, it sounds stupid but it helped me.
6) Try to do some work with tangible results. Make crafts and finish projects. It's nice to be able to show off what you can do rather than having achievements that are merely paper or ideas.

I'd also pick up a copy of Dale Carnigie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. While most self-help books are a bunch of crap, this one actually helped me a lot.

I am going to mention that many people seem to feel better when they are working for others or when they feel their life has purpose. Personally this never affected me but I am quite different from most people when it comes to things like philosophy. If you find that helping others and finding a purpose helps you, use it to your advantage and feel better.

If you'd like to talk to me, my contact info is in my profile.

[AdminAssistant]

4) You're probably going to need meds.

Okay, I'm sorry, I have to step in here and I hope I don't de-rail the thread - but only a licensed psychiatrist can really say that. My parents' pill-pushing MD got both of my parents addicted to Xanex, something that they still struggle with 15 years later. Therefore, I may be a little hypersensitive.

Please listen to therapists when they offer non-medicated solutions and at least give it a shot. How could you know it wouldn't work unless you try?

I do know somewhat how you feel - I'm constantly worried about my parents. Things are relatively stable at the moment, but I used to joke with my sister that any day that didn't end with a call from the police, the hospital, or a coroner was a good day. Best of luck to you!