Crosshair
10-30-2006, 03:47 AM
Since Halloween is getting near, here is a list of "Things I would like to hear in a Horror movie" from "The Firing Line" (TFL) gun forum I go to. Feel free to add any that you can think up.:D
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Lines I'd like to hear in a horror movie someday...
Yes, it is that time of year again. The Annual Mutt Horror-a-Thon has come and gone, leaving us with lines we'd really like to hear in a horror movie.
"My name is...Dracula. Velcome to my...vere the hell did you get a flamethrower?"
"Ma'am, we are at the highest location, with a clear line-of-sight for 1,000 yards, and Earl and I can neuter gnats at 400 yards with these .300 Weatherbys."
"Before you go into that dark, scary, critter-crawling basement why don't you toss in Uncle Bubba's lucky frag grenade?"
"He sure looks dead. Whack him with the fire axe a couple a more times to make sure."
"Sir, near as we can tell, the pyscho crashed something called a 'TFL Meet', fired up his chainsaw, and wound up catching more bullets than went through the last four John Woo movies."
"Darn right I believe you, miss. I've got Ft. Bragg on the phone right now."
"Camp Crystal Lake Welcomes the National IDPA Shoot-Off!"
"You know, since the ghoulies are fixated on this one woman, why don't we put some armed men INSIDE the room where she's sleeping, instead of dinking around on the other side of the locked bedroom doors?"
"Okay, so the house told us to GET OUT. Set off the napalm, darling."
"Fire mission! Target is butcher with axe in the open, will adjust."
"Instead of sneaking around a vampire infested house after dark, why don't we blow the place with dynamite at noon?"
"Regenerate, schmegenerate. This is a Barret Light Fifty."
"Killer bats don't phase Jolene none. She's the State Sporting Clays Champeen."
"Folks, the horde of Evil Minions will be here any second. Now's your last chance to get a Horde Minion Hunting Permit."
"Father O'Bannon, I appreciate the Holy Evil-Slaying Dagger, I really do, but could you see your way into talking the Pope into blessing a Garand or three? This hand-to-hand stuff bites."
dinosaur
They might be known as the walkin` dead now, but you`ll be callin `em Stumpy when I`m done with these double O`s!
Destructo6
How about in The Blair Witch Project hearing one of the guys pull an AR out of his backpack saying, "I've had about enough of this sh!t!", then proceeding to blast away?
CITADELGRAD87
So, Freddy Kruger is IN MY dream, huh?
And all he brought was those stupid finger knives?
But it's still MY dream, right?
Hmm, I'm dreaming I'm holding an M-60 with a 200 round belt...
Dr.Rob
Lines I'd like to hear...
Getting ready to go into the dark spooky place... "Got your piece?"
Two girls in the house with a stalker outside... "Does your dad have a gun?"
Your idiot pal throws away the map "thats ok we'll eat you first"
Idiot Blair witch nasty fool/deliverance freak beats on the side of the tent... "bang bang bang bang bang... shuffle shuffle zipppppppp.. crunch crunch crunch BANG "its ok guys.. I got her"
Zombies are coming... "ok tell me again about these "dragon breath" shotgun rounds?"
Werewolves are coming.. "ya'll realize silvertip is just a brandname right?"
Giant ants, big rats whatever coming "you sure that wussy lil AR 15 aint just gonna piss em off?"
In ANY slasher flick "Dude he has a chainsaw!!! Dude.. I have a 45!"
Vampire movies... "yeah well it started off as a winchester model 21, then I cut off the barrels to the end of the stock, made some custom hi brass loads by lathing down some oak dowels, its good out to about 50 feet and reloading is a bear.. but when it hits it does the job"
at the end of any horror movie.. "thank GOD you had a gun!"
Hardtarget
...well, yes he does have a LOT of big teeth! I still bet he can't chew these .45s up fast enough!
Six punks on motercycles? Thats why I brought this roll of steel cable and an eight shot 12 ga. riot gun.
This is the car thats been chasin' us?...BANG,BANG,BANG,BANG...not without a carb, a radiator, and both front tires, he won't...
dZ
"i hit him with the shovel and he went down, but instead of running away, i trussed him, loaded him into the wood chipper and then set the whole mess on fire with some gasoline"
"you think that chain saw is scarey?"
"meet the ditch witch"
"do you prefer breneke's or double aught for slithering alien brains?"
"tingle this mofo!"
"Hell spawn!"
"Return wence thee came, or i will unleash the bicycle riding witnesses of Good News"
JFrame
Pretty d**n funny, Lawdog and others!
Okay--here are some lame-o additions:
"Have you noticed these zombies can't climb trees worth a lick? Shee-yit...From up here, I can drop 'em all night long with my squirrel rifle!"
"Okay--now that we've figured out that some maniac has been bumping us off one by one in this big ol' house we're trapped in, I suggest we hunker down in the corner of that big room, face outward, and riddle anything that moves with our Glocks!"
"All we have against those mutated guinea pigs is my granddaddy's Winchester pump shotgun from World War I...But it's better than nothing!"
"Hey, Mister--! Mister--Watch out for that zombie! Hey! Oh... Sorry--I didn't notice you carrying that scoped .44..."
buzz_knox
"He's still coming! Failure to stop! Mozambique his ass!!!"
"Is he dead? Bam! Bam! Yup. He's dead."
"Do you hear those noises in the woods? So do I. Hit the Claymores!"
"Ghouls in the wire! Light off the foo gas!"
"Okay. Every person who's gone into that house has failed to come out. Either there's one hell of a party going on or something nasty's inside. Since I don't hear any music, I presume it's the latter. Set fire to one side and shoot anything you don't recognize that comes out the other side."
"This is 911. You say there's a horde of zombies coming your way. Yes, ma'am, I believe you. But my believing you doesn't change the fact that you are screwed!"
"This is mission control. You say there's a evil alien in the ship? So, gather everybody you like that's human in the bridge. Seal it off and open the rest of the ship to vaccuum. Take enough rations for a week. After that, you can seal the ship and bag what's left for the science geeks."
"Those devil worshippers are looking to sacrifice a virgin. You're a virgin. Do you really want to die? No? Okay. Come here, baby!" (Actually, this is a paraphrase of an actual scene from a Jim Carrey movie.)
"Here we have the evil psycho killer who's been hospitalized eight times, and when released, has gone back to the same campground and killed again. But we know he's cured this time so we're letting him out. Just kidding! No way he's ever getting out. We lobotomized him six ways from Sunday. He can't even wipe drool off his face, let alone operate a chain saw or pick up any form of gardening/carpentry tool!"
Alternatively: "I've warned you about letting this psycho out yet again. But you've ignored my warnings. So here's what I'm going to do: if you let him out and he kills again, I'm going to shoot him in the forehead and then I'm going to kill you. And here's the bullet I'm going to kill you with it."
"This is Adam 2-12. We've got a werewolf loose. Yes, I said a werewolf. Call animal control. Let those pricks deal with it. I'm going on break."
"You know, this script really sucks."
buzz_knox
Stop me before I post again!
Too late!
"Yes, I'm a cop. But that's a 300 foot tall firebreathing lizard. What part of 'not in my job description' don't you understand?"
"Hello, Mr. Hostile Alien. Let me introduce you to one of GE's finer products: the MINIGUN!"
"Okay. We're going up into the woods. Everybody bring a primary and a backup? Harvey, you didn't. Well, go home and get one. We'll wait. Those lousy kids are already dead for sure so this is a search and destroy mission, not a rescue."
"Well, the kids are already dead. So, let's wait until the cannibal finishes eating. When he takes his after-dinner nap, we'll open up on him."
"Anybody know a good recipe for vampire bat?"
Correia
there was a thread a while back about Dawn of Dead. I think it was Art who had the idea of attaching a bunch of samurai swords to a carousel ride, turning it on, sitting down and relaxing, and just letting the zombies come. I think that was the best stopping power idea I heard!
buzz_knox
I've got the perfect line.
"You know what the difference between me and you really is? You look out there and see a horde of evil, brain eating zombies. I look out there and see a target rich environment."
Glamdring
"Vampires? Gee, I wonder what a tracer would do to them?"
"Quick, we need some bait. We KNOW they prefer weak, stupid, defenseless victums. So how many of you watch Rosie? What? Nobody? Guess we'll have to settle for a democrat."
"First annual TFL Monster Shoot."
Glamdring
I still like Tremors II: "What happened to you?" "I was ambushed. But with a combination of small arms fire and hand to hand techniques I was able to beat off their attack."
Mike Irwin
From the Shining...
"HERE'S JOHNNY!"
response...
"Here's UZI!"
BBRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPP!
ow.....
Mad Man
"...and this magazine is loaded with wooden-tipped silver bullets, because you never know whether you'll be attacked by werewolves or vampires...."
coz
There was one that was a classic:
Hudson in Aliens:
"Is this gonna be a stand up fight, or a bug hunt?"
" Let's see. killer devil demons that turn your head around and/or maim you by sticking pins in your head or wrapping you in piano wire? They are coming here right now? Okay, do you prefer a wheel gun or an autoloader?..NO, I get the hi cap mags and the defender shotgun!"
buzz_knox
"In recognition that the national government cannot insure the safety of the populace against the rising tide of undead, aliens, and other creatures of evil, the Congress of the United States has unanimously approved the repeal of all statutes restricting the possession, sale, or use, of any and all non-nuclear weapons."
Nanaimo Barr
for a couple of years now I have been thretening to have someone cast me a .50 BMG bullet in solid Silver, set it in a .50 BMG case. then mount it in a little glass fronted box, "in case of Wearwolf, Break Glass"..
buzz_knox
"Fire mission!"
"OP! reporting massed group of goblins at coordinates ______."
"Load ICM. Battery 1 . . . fire!"
"Adjust fire and fire for effect!"
"Targets neutralized!"
How about this one:
"Col. Cooper, there are goblins outside!"
"What?! Miscreants are approaching my ranch and intending to do foul deeds towards my students? How outrageous!"
"No, Col. I mean there are goblins."
"Yes, yes. I know. Miscreants."
"No, you old fart. There are actual, green, fanged, scaly, axe wielding goblins running like hell for the gates!"
"Well, bring me my scout rifle!"
"A bolt action rifle for a massed attack of demonic infantry? Get real! I'm going to the Dillon ranch to see if I can borrow the miniguns!"
Mark D
Every movie that ever deals with an undead villan...
Yes, I understand that we can't kill him, but I don't think he's going to be able to do much to us without some form of locomotion. Now go over there and pick up his legs while I collect his arms. And I don't ever want to hear you complain about me carrying two 44 magnums again.
Rimrod
" I killed the Zombies by luring them into this giant microwave oven. I survived the radiation by hiding in this pile of mashed potatoes."
Crosshair
Here are mine.
(Said over radio*)
What kind of weapons do you need?
Something belt fed and lots of ammo. These Beta-C mags run dry too quickly.
-----------------------------------
That maniac is after the blond lady we picked up. She is an idiot, has been useless so far, and we have risked our asses to rescue her three times already when she tried to go find her father who she thinks is still alive. I say we give her a pistol and we haul ass out of here.
-----------------------------------
Why are you driving a fire truck, carrying a super soaker, backpack reservoir, and water baloons?
They are vanpires. I stopped by the church to pick up some water. By the way, I had father bless the city water supply. Hop on guys, the truck has a full tank.
(OK so they did something like this in Bordello of Blood)
-----------------------------------
Damm, looks like Oregon Trail Bullet Company has a new slogan for their Laser-cast bullets. Anyone see more werewolves?
-----------------------------------
It doesn't matter how many zombies there are. With this TAC-16 and 2000 rounds of subsonic ammo they will never find where we are. Just watch my flanks and stay quiet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lines I'd like to hear in a horror movie someday...
Yes, it is that time of year again. The Annual Mutt Horror-a-Thon has come and gone, leaving us with lines we'd really like to hear in a horror movie.
"My name is...Dracula. Velcome to my...vere the hell did you get a flamethrower?"
"Ma'am, we are at the highest location, with a clear line-of-sight for 1,000 yards, and Earl and I can neuter gnats at 400 yards with these .300 Weatherbys."
"Before you go into that dark, scary, critter-crawling basement why don't you toss in Uncle Bubba's lucky frag grenade?"
"He sure looks dead. Whack him with the fire axe a couple a more times to make sure."
"Sir, near as we can tell, the pyscho crashed something called a 'TFL Meet', fired up his chainsaw, and wound up catching more bullets than went through the last four John Woo movies."
"Darn right I believe you, miss. I've got Ft. Bragg on the phone right now."
"Camp Crystal Lake Welcomes the National IDPA Shoot-Off!"
"You know, since the ghoulies are fixated on this one woman, why don't we put some armed men INSIDE the room where she's sleeping, instead of dinking around on the other side of the locked bedroom doors?"
"Okay, so the house told us to GET OUT. Set off the napalm, darling."
"Fire mission! Target is butcher with axe in the open, will adjust."
"Instead of sneaking around a vampire infested house after dark, why don't we blow the place with dynamite at noon?"
"Regenerate, schmegenerate. This is a Barret Light Fifty."
"Killer bats don't phase Jolene none. She's the State Sporting Clays Champeen."
"Folks, the horde of Evil Minions will be here any second. Now's your last chance to get a Horde Minion Hunting Permit."
"Father O'Bannon, I appreciate the Holy Evil-Slaying Dagger, I really do, but could you see your way into talking the Pope into blessing a Garand or three? This hand-to-hand stuff bites."
dinosaur
They might be known as the walkin` dead now, but you`ll be callin `em Stumpy when I`m done with these double O`s!
Destructo6
How about in The Blair Witch Project hearing one of the guys pull an AR out of his backpack saying, "I've had about enough of this sh!t!", then proceeding to blast away?
CITADELGRAD87
So, Freddy Kruger is IN MY dream, huh?
And all he brought was those stupid finger knives?
But it's still MY dream, right?
Hmm, I'm dreaming I'm holding an M-60 with a 200 round belt...
Dr.Rob
Lines I'd like to hear...
Getting ready to go into the dark spooky place... "Got your piece?"
Two girls in the house with a stalker outside... "Does your dad have a gun?"
Your idiot pal throws away the map "thats ok we'll eat you first"
Idiot Blair witch nasty fool/deliverance freak beats on the side of the tent... "bang bang bang bang bang... shuffle shuffle zipppppppp.. crunch crunch crunch BANG "its ok guys.. I got her"
Zombies are coming... "ok tell me again about these "dragon breath" shotgun rounds?"
Werewolves are coming.. "ya'll realize silvertip is just a brandname right?"
Giant ants, big rats whatever coming "you sure that wussy lil AR 15 aint just gonna piss em off?"
In ANY slasher flick "Dude he has a chainsaw!!! Dude.. I have a 45!"
Vampire movies... "yeah well it started off as a winchester model 21, then I cut off the barrels to the end of the stock, made some custom hi brass loads by lathing down some oak dowels, its good out to about 50 feet and reloading is a bear.. but when it hits it does the job"
at the end of any horror movie.. "thank GOD you had a gun!"
Hardtarget
...well, yes he does have a LOT of big teeth! I still bet he can't chew these .45s up fast enough!
Six punks on motercycles? Thats why I brought this roll of steel cable and an eight shot 12 ga. riot gun.
This is the car thats been chasin' us?...BANG,BANG,BANG,BANG...not without a carb, a radiator, and both front tires, he won't...
dZ
"i hit him with the shovel and he went down, but instead of running away, i trussed him, loaded him into the wood chipper and then set the whole mess on fire with some gasoline"
"you think that chain saw is scarey?"
"meet the ditch witch"
"do you prefer breneke's or double aught for slithering alien brains?"
"tingle this mofo!"
"Hell spawn!"
"Return wence thee came, or i will unleash the bicycle riding witnesses of Good News"
JFrame
Pretty d**n funny, Lawdog and others!
Okay--here are some lame-o additions:
"Have you noticed these zombies can't climb trees worth a lick? Shee-yit...From up here, I can drop 'em all night long with my squirrel rifle!"
"Okay--now that we've figured out that some maniac has been bumping us off one by one in this big ol' house we're trapped in, I suggest we hunker down in the corner of that big room, face outward, and riddle anything that moves with our Glocks!"
"All we have against those mutated guinea pigs is my granddaddy's Winchester pump shotgun from World War I...But it's better than nothing!"
"Hey, Mister--! Mister--Watch out for that zombie! Hey! Oh... Sorry--I didn't notice you carrying that scoped .44..."
buzz_knox
"He's still coming! Failure to stop! Mozambique his ass!!!"
"Is he dead? Bam! Bam! Yup. He's dead."
"Do you hear those noises in the woods? So do I. Hit the Claymores!"
"Ghouls in the wire! Light off the foo gas!"
"Okay. Every person who's gone into that house has failed to come out. Either there's one hell of a party going on or something nasty's inside. Since I don't hear any music, I presume it's the latter. Set fire to one side and shoot anything you don't recognize that comes out the other side."
"This is 911. You say there's a horde of zombies coming your way. Yes, ma'am, I believe you. But my believing you doesn't change the fact that you are screwed!"
"This is mission control. You say there's a evil alien in the ship? So, gather everybody you like that's human in the bridge. Seal it off and open the rest of the ship to vaccuum. Take enough rations for a week. After that, you can seal the ship and bag what's left for the science geeks."
"Those devil worshippers are looking to sacrifice a virgin. You're a virgin. Do you really want to die? No? Okay. Come here, baby!" (Actually, this is a paraphrase of an actual scene from a Jim Carrey movie.)
"Here we have the evil psycho killer who's been hospitalized eight times, and when released, has gone back to the same campground and killed again. But we know he's cured this time so we're letting him out. Just kidding! No way he's ever getting out. We lobotomized him six ways from Sunday. He can't even wipe drool off his face, let alone operate a chain saw or pick up any form of gardening/carpentry tool!"
Alternatively: "I've warned you about letting this psycho out yet again. But you've ignored my warnings. So here's what I'm going to do: if you let him out and he kills again, I'm going to shoot him in the forehead and then I'm going to kill you. And here's the bullet I'm going to kill you with it."
"This is Adam 2-12. We've got a werewolf loose. Yes, I said a werewolf. Call animal control. Let those pricks deal with it. I'm going on break."
"You know, this script really sucks."
buzz_knox
Stop me before I post again!
Too late!
"Yes, I'm a cop. But that's a 300 foot tall firebreathing lizard. What part of 'not in my job description' don't you understand?"
"Hello, Mr. Hostile Alien. Let me introduce you to one of GE's finer products: the MINIGUN!"
"Okay. We're going up into the woods. Everybody bring a primary and a backup? Harvey, you didn't. Well, go home and get one. We'll wait. Those lousy kids are already dead for sure so this is a search and destroy mission, not a rescue."
"Well, the kids are already dead. So, let's wait until the cannibal finishes eating. When he takes his after-dinner nap, we'll open up on him."
"Anybody know a good recipe for vampire bat?"
Correia
there was a thread a while back about Dawn of Dead. I think it was Art who had the idea of attaching a bunch of samurai swords to a carousel ride, turning it on, sitting down and relaxing, and just letting the zombies come. I think that was the best stopping power idea I heard!
buzz_knox
I've got the perfect line.
"You know what the difference between me and you really is? You look out there and see a horde of evil, brain eating zombies. I look out there and see a target rich environment."
Glamdring
"Vampires? Gee, I wonder what a tracer would do to them?"
"Quick, we need some bait. We KNOW they prefer weak, stupid, defenseless victums. So how many of you watch Rosie? What? Nobody? Guess we'll have to settle for a democrat."
"First annual TFL Monster Shoot."
Glamdring
I still like Tremors II: "What happened to you?" "I was ambushed. But with a combination of small arms fire and hand to hand techniques I was able to beat off their attack."
Mike Irwin
From the Shining...
"HERE'S JOHNNY!"
response...
"Here's UZI!"
BBRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPP!
ow.....
Mad Man
"...and this magazine is loaded with wooden-tipped silver bullets, because you never know whether you'll be attacked by werewolves or vampires...."
coz
There was one that was a classic:
Hudson in Aliens:
"Is this gonna be a stand up fight, or a bug hunt?"
" Let's see. killer devil demons that turn your head around and/or maim you by sticking pins in your head or wrapping you in piano wire? They are coming here right now? Okay, do you prefer a wheel gun or an autoloader?..NO, I get the hi cap mags and the defender shotgun!"
buzz_knox
"In recognition that the national government cannot insure the safety of the populace against the rising tide of undead, aliens, and other creatures of evil, the Congress of the United States has unanimously approved the repeal of all statutes restricting the possession, sale, or use, of any and all non-nuclear weapons."
Nanaimo Barr
for a couple of years now I have been thretening to have someone cast me a .50 BMG bullet in solid Silver, set it in a .50 BMG case. then mount it in a little glass fronted box, "in case of Wearwolf, Break Glass"..
buzz_knox
"Fire mission!"
"OP! reporting massed group of goblins at coordinates ______."
"Load ICM. Battery 1 . . . fire!"
"Adjust fire and fire for effect!"
"Targets neutralized!"
How about this one:
"Col. Cooper, there are goblins outside!"
"What?! Miscreants are approaching my ranch and intending to do foul deeds towards my students? How outrageous!"
"No, Col. I mean there are goblins."
"Yes, yes. I know. Miscreants."
"No, you old fart. There are actual, green, fanged, scaly, axe wielding goblins running like hell for the gates!"
"Well, bring me my scout rifle!"
"A bolt action rifle for a massed attack of demonic infantry? Get real! I'm going to the Dillon ranch to see if I can borrow the miniguns!"
Mark D
Every movie that ever deals with an undead villan...
Yes, I understand that we can't kill him, but I don't think he's going to be able to do much to us without some form of locomotion. Now go over there and pick up his legs while I collect his arms. And I don't ever want to hear you complain about me carrying two 44 magnums again.
Rimrod
" I killed the Zombies by luring them into this giant microwave oven. I survived the radiation by hiding in this pile of mashed potatoes."
Crosshair
Here are mine.
(Said over radio*)
What kind of weapons do you need?
Something belt fed and lots of ammo. These Beta-C mags run dry too quickly.
-----------------------------------
That maniac is after the blond lady we picked up. She is an idiot, has been useless so far, and we have risked our asses to rescue her three times already when she tried to go find her father who she thinks is still alive. I say we give her a pistol and we haul ass out of here.
-----------------------------------
Why are you driving a fire truck, carrying a super soaker, backpack reservoir, and water baloons?
They are vanpires. I stopped by the church to pick up some water. By the way, I had father bless the city water supply. Hop on guys, the truck has a full tank.
(OK so they did something like this in Bordello of Blood)
-----------------------------------
Damm, looks like Oregon Trail Bullet Company has a new slogan for their Laser-cast bullets. Anyone see more werewolves?
-----------------------------------
It doesn't matter how many zombies there are. With this TAC-16 and 2000 rounds of subsonic ammo they will never find where we are. Just watch my flanks and stay quiet.