he's gone

[lupo pazzesco]

Just got a phone call.

My grandpa passed away about an hour and a half ago.

And I have to leave for work in an hour.

Good vibes and thoughts will be greatly appreciated, guys.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I"m sorry, Lupo, I know you must be very sad right now. I'm thinking of you. :(

[Cookiesaur]

For what it's worth, although you don't know me, I wish you the best. One foot in front of the other is all you can do. I'm sorry for your loss.

[JoitheArtist]

:hug: My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.

[RootedPhoenix]

*many many hugs* You and your family are in my prayers.

[Buglady]

Holding you and your family in the Light...

The cats also send purrs and snuggles (they somehow know when people are sad and they try to comfort us - Therapy Kitties).

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Sorry to hear that. :(

[iradney]

Sending you and your family truck loads of good energy...
*HUGS*

[persephone]

I'm thinking about you, sweetie. I know you're going through a rough time right now -- so am I. If you need to talk to someone, I am always here. I know this is hard.

*HUGS*

[lupo pazzesco]

So, the funeral is on Thursday, viewing is on Wednesday.

My stepdad told me to find a flight and he'd pay for it, and to ask if they would be able to give a discount for a death in the family. I'm not sure how that would work and don't know where to begin, so help? I'm trying to get from Houston, TX to El Paso, TX, probably on Tuesday or Wednesday. How do you ask if someone will give a discount because my grandfather died? It seems so...crass...

[Cookiesaur]

I'm really not sure. If your step-father really wants you to, your best bet might be to ask to speak to a manager, and say, "I'm sorry, but is there any chance you offer a reduced fee if it's an emergency? A relative of mine passed away suddenly and I need to get home right away."

Unfortunately, I've never heard of anything like that before. In most cases, I'm fairly certain the airport itself isn't responsible for setting prices anyway. You may wind up just getting some sort of voucher, depending on who you talk to. You might try calling your airline of choice and asking for seat sales, which generally happens close to the flight date as they try to fill every possible seat they can.

Good luck.

[Peppergirl]

Lupo - call me if you want...Im at work now and I can at least tell you the flights that are out there. The airlines dont really do emergency fares anymore, but I can check flts and see if there are any reasonable ones for you.

I'll PM you the number

[lupo pazzesco]

PepperGirl, I tried replying to your second PM, buti t says you've met your quota of messages and have to clean out your message box...

[Peppergirl]

Try it again. I just cleaned it out. Sorry

[DesignFox]

I'm sorry to hear this Lupo. I'm not so good with fancy words, but I offer up some :hug: and thoughts.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I'm sorry. :hug:

[Bella_Vixen]

*Hugs and prayers.*

[morgana]

Hugs and condolences, lupo. So very sorry.

[SG15Z]

Oh Lupo!!!! *many hugs* I'm so sorry to hear this!!! You'll be in my prayers!!

[lupo pazzesco]

Well, flight's set. Stepdad found me tickets for around $450... (OUCH!!) and the only way to get 'em that "cheap" is for me to have to change planes and have long layovers. I'm also not getting into town until uber late Wednesday night. I'll miss the viewing, but still make the funeral.

I'm sitting here, freaking out over the stupidest things, like what to wear? I've never been to a funeral before. And if it's open casket, I think I'll be freaking out even more. I don't want to see my grandpa dead. I just don't.

I'm already making myself sick with worry about it, and between that and phone calls from family, and listening to my dad break down and start alternating between crying and laughing on the phone, I feel mildly sick to my stomach.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm actually there in person. And now, it's late, and I'm desparately craving junk food or sweets of some kind. And I'm also trying to convince myself that 11:30 at night is NOT a good time at ALL to go putter around on the patio garden.

And herein ends this particular rant.

Thanks again for the warm wishes and support everyone. I don't think I could've gotten through 2009 without them.

[SG15Z]

Well, flight's set. Stepdad found me tickets for around $450... (OUCH!!) and the only way to get 'em that "cheap" is for me to have to change planes and have long layovers. I'm also not getting into town until uber late Wednesday night. I'll miss the viewing, but still make the funeral.

I'm sitting here, freaking out over the stupidest things, like what to wear? I've never been to a funeral before. And if it's open casket, I think I'll be freaking out even more. I don't want to see my grandpa dead. I just don't.

I'm already making myself sick with worry about it, and between that and phone calls from family, and listening to my dad break down and start alternating between crying and laughing on the phone, I feel mildly sick to my stomach.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm actually there in person. And now, it's late, and I'm desparately craving junk food or sweets of some kind. And I'm also trying to convince myself that 11:30 at night is NOT a good time at ALL to go putter around on the patio garden.

And herein ends this particular rant.

Thanks again for the warm wishes and support everyone. I don't think I could've gotten through 2009 without them.

BTW, is this the same grandpa that you found out had cancer (it was cancer right? If not I apologize me brain is mushy today) last time I was over? If so, :hug: :hug: :hug: . I'm sooo sorry it happened so quickly!!!

[lupo pazzesco]

BTW, is this the same grandpa that you found out had cancer (it was cancer right? If not I apologize me brain is mushy today) last time I was over? If so, :hug: :hug: :hug: . I'm sooo sorry it happened so quickly!!!

yep. same one I found out on game night. They gave him 4-6 weeks, maybe two months.

3 weeks later...

Ugh.

I need to go to bed. I know I do. But too tired to sleep, and not sure I want to knock myself out with tylenol pm. waiting for some tea to brew, hopefully that'll help.

[SG15Z]

yep. same one I found out on game night. They gave him 4-6 weeks, maybe two months.

3 weeks later...

Ugh.

I need to go to bed. I know I do. But too tired to sleep, and not sure I want to knock myself out with tylenol pm. waiting for some tea to brew, hopefully that'll help.

Wow talk about suckage....yeah I should probably sleep too, considering how worn out I am. But I'm so worn out I can't sleep. Know what I mean? I'm so glad I have a late shift tomorrow and I can sleep in. But you, get to bed young lady!

[lupo pazzesco]

Wow talk about suckage....yeah I should probably sleep too, considering how worn out I am. But I'm so worn out I can't sleep. Know what I mean? I'm so glad I have a late shift tomorrow and I can sleep in. But you, get to bed young lady!

I know exactly what you mean, because I'm there.

Young lady? Psh. older than you. But I accede only because I am unarmed for a battle of sarcastic swiping. Too too tired. And my tea's done besides, so I was going anyways, and not cuz you said so. so there...

[Der Cute]

Lupo,

All I can say is I'm sorry, and that I hope things get better for you soon.

My kitty Miss Fuzzy says hello - she gives lots of loves and bonks.

Cutenoob

[SG15Z]

I know exactly what you mean, because I'm there.

Young lady? Psh. older than you. But I accede only because I am unarmed for a battle of sarcastic swiping. Too too tired. And my tea's done besides, so I was going anyways, and not cuz you said so. so there...

psh, what, our age difference is what? 5? 6? Big deal....

[tropicsgoddess]

Lupo, I'm so sorry to hear that...:hug:

[Amethyst Hunter]

I'm sitting here, freaking out over the stupidest things, like what to wear? I've never been to a funeral before. And if it's open casket, I think I'll be freaking out even more. I don't want to see my grandpa dead. I just don't...I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm actually there in person.

First, I'm sorry for your loss. :(

Second - FWIW, here's some tidbits from my own experiences I hope will help you...

1) Dress. You most likely want something somewhat dressy, but it doesn't have to be super-fancy or tidy. Just something that looks nice, like maybe professional wear or office casual (though not TOO casual). Be sure it's something comfortable, as your situation is hard enough as it is without having to spend it wearing uncomfortable clothes/shoes.

2) If it's open casket, there is *no* rule that says you *have* to go up to it and look. That's strictly a matter of personal preference and everybody feels differently about it. My paternal grandfather died in late 2005 and there was an open wake, which I did NOT want to go to on account of I hate wakes; they creep me out. (To my way of thinking, that is *not* how you want to remember the person, because whatever made them unique is no longer there. YMMV, of course) I had to go though, or else my dad would have pitched one hell of a fit (he'd already snapped at me the previous night for saying that I wanted to skip the wake).

So this is how I got through it, and the funeral service the next day. I stayed in the very way back of the room (during the wake; I had to sit up front for the service itself because I was a family member) and NEVER looked directly at the casket. I was aware of it in my peripheral vision, of course, but I studiously kept my eyes away from that particular area and made a point of focusing on other stuff in my surroundings instead. When the time for the final viewing came and everybody filed up to the casket, I didn't go; fortunately, the minister officiating made it an 'invitation' to go view rather than a command, and thank God neither of my parents pressed me to do so (I was afraid my dad would make me go up there and I WOULD have pitched an unholy tantrum then; my mom understood my avoidance because she feels the same way I do about wakes). If possible, find someone to interact with (in a 'safe' area - close to the casket is probably not a good place) to help keep your mind occupied.

Don't let anybody tell you how to deal with this one, either. Everybody handles death in different ways - there is no one right or wrong way to deal with it. You're entitled to your feelings, whatever those are. If anybody gives you flack, take the Jester route: fuck 'em.

3) Repeated for importance. You won't know how you'll react until you're actually there. Whatever happens, happens. If you feel like crying, do it. If you feel like curling up away from everything and everybody, do it. Don't let people try to tell you how you should or shouldn't express yourself. Mourning is different for each person and it will take its course in your own way, in your own good time.

:hug: :hug: Take care.

[fireheart]

*sends many hugs* I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. Many hugs and condolences.

Also, for dress, I'd recommend not too formal, not too casual either. Maybe a nice shirt and black pants or skirt. It's not a requirement to wear all black to a funeral...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

For my grandmother's funeral, the only funeral I have ever been to, dress was just casual. As in shirt and tie and khakis for the guys and dresses or a nice shirt and pants for the gals.

I was a pallbearer, so it was probably a good thing I didn't have a suit coat or anything to worry about. I was just worried throughout the whole thing that I'd be the one to drop the casket. Fortunately that never happened.

[DesignFox]

Unfortunately, when it comes to funerals, I've got some experience.

Just dress nicely- like business casual. Nothing too fancy, but not your jeans and a t-shirt either.

Most people wear black or dark colors. Guys black/navy jackets, women black dress/dress clothes.

As for the casket, I don't remember the casket being left open during the funeral- that's what they usually do at the viewing. And if it is open, you don't have to go up to the casket if you don't want. I know it sounds scary to think of looking upon a dead person, but the morticians do a good job of making it look like the person is simply sleeping. To me anyway, it's not as scary as it sounds.

For me, the viewing/funeral lends a sort of closure. It lets your brain know for certain what your heart doesn't want to really believe. And then you can really start the healing process.

You have my sympathies. I feel emotional just talking about this. :(

[AdminAssistant]

Wear something comfortable - don't feel like you have to wear a dress (or black) if you don't want to. For my grandmother's funeral, I wore gray pants and a pink sweater. Pink was her favorite color, and it was January. I wasn't wearing a skirt or dress in January. (Good thing, too, it was particularly cold and windy that day).

Mourn, grieve, enjoy the company of your family - whatever you need to do to get through it. I'm very sorry for your loss, Lupo - many positive thoughts to you and your family.

[Evil Queen]

When's the flight Lupo? I'll drive you to the airport.

Last funeral RW and I went to, he read a book through the whole thing. (It's how he deals with stuff.)

Wore the classic blank ensamble (you've seen my clothes, even mourning, I'm a classy bitch) and had an okay time with distant relatives (never met them before in my life).

I just spent an hour searching for some way I can be more helpful to you. There doesn't seem to be a service or anything that will allow me to order a hot meal or two for your Grandmother and immediate family. :( Damn. Well, nothing that isn't a full blown catering outfit.

[lupo pazzesco]

I just spent an hour searching for some way I can be more helpful to you. There doesn't seem to be a service or anything that will allow me to order a hot meal or two for your Grandmother and immediate family. :( Damn. Well, nothing that isn't a full blown catering outfit.

you've already gone above and beyond helpful as it is. I know, everyone feels helpless in this kind of situation, because, as I told my mom earlier, it's something that cookies just can't fix. (I was trying to think of something for my grandma, too. I'm worried about her. 54 years with my grandpa, and now he's gone.)

Check your yahoo, I answered you. and now I'm going to go fall into bed, try and get soem sleep. Have to be at work tomorrow.

[Amina516]

Sorry, ..im just getting around to reading this now.

I hope you're feeling better, good luck with the funeral. I'll say a prayer for you and your family. :hug:

[Eireann]

My grandfather died recently, so I know what it's like. It's good that you'll get to go to the funeral; I couldn't. Best of luck.