Bridesmaid dilemma

[BunnyJas]

Just wondered if anyone could give me some advice on how to handle a situation like this. I'm getting married in June and one of my bridesmaids is a friend that I've had since high school. She just found out that she is pregnant and her due date is only ten days after my wedding date. I asked her if she still wanted to be one of my bridesmaids. She said yes and really wanted to do it, but I'm still having some reservations. I would think ten days between the wedding and the due date would be cutting it awful close. I don't want to tell her she can't be in my wedding party just because she's pregnant, but I can't help wondering if she won't be able to be a bridesmaid due to health reasons, feeling the need to take things easy, baby may come early, etc. All of those reasons are very understandable and I wouldn't blame her at all if she had to drop out of the wedding party because of them. However, the closer the wedding date comes, the harder this problem will be to fix if she does decide to drop out. I would have to ask someone else to replace her and there is no telling how much time they would have to get a bridesmaid dress if they would agree to do it at the last minute. Next month I plan to order the dresses for the bridesmaids, so I need to figure something out soon. I'm very happy for my friend and want her to be a part of my big day, but not at the expense of her and her child's health.

Should I just tell her that the task of a bridesmaid may be too much for her at that point and think of some other way she can be involved? Or am I just being paranoid? Advice and comments are much appriciated!!

[Melxb]

I have some advice but it depends on your ceremony and how close you are to your friend.

My one and only sister was married a few years ago. I was Maid of Honor and she choose two of her best friends from HS and our aunt (who is only 4 years older than my sister) to be BMs. My aunt found out she was pregnant and was due abouth a month after my sister's wedding. She REALLY wanted to be a BM but it really wasn't feasible.

My sister asked my aunt to read 2 bible passages at her wedding (it was a large Catholic mass), ensuring that my aunt would still be a HUGE part of the wedding, but allowing her to wear a beautiful, appropriate maternity dress. Everyone felt good and included and happy.

Like I said, it has a lot to do with what kind of wedding you're having. Maybe she can do a reading, or be involved in another aspect of the wedding other than the admittedly very demanding duties of a BM.

[ladodger34]

The only reason I'm even responding is because this crap hits close to home. Not the specific problem you are having, but my fiancee is having problems with one of her bridesmaids.

In your situation, I don't think there is a right way to figure this situation out. I think if you are genuinely concerned with the health of the baby and the mom, perhaps you should talk to your friend about it. Maybe she can bring it up next time she has a doctors appointment. She might be fairly uncomfortable standing by the time your wedding rolls around, but I'm not sure if there are any other health concerns that she would have to worry about (hence, asking the doctor). I certainly wouldn't give her any important tasks prior to the wedding, just in case the baby comes early or whatever.

[Rapscallion]

Most pregnant women I've known have complained about being wrapped in cotton wool. I'd seriously look at arranging an understudy for her in case baby decides to make an appearance earlier than planned. I'd put it to her in those terms and let her decide from there so she knows of the possibility.

Rapscallion

[Sandman]

I agree with both ladoger and Raps.

Have her talk to a dr. about what would be the best course of action, and have a back-up ready in case the kid decides to make an early appearance.

Hopefully not during the wedding!

[sportsmom]

OK, as a veteran of 3 pregnancies, I decided to respond.

First of all, if it is her first, they tend to come later, rather than earlier. No promise, but that's just the way they tend to go.

Also, if she is an active person, she will most likely not have a hard time standing during a ceremony or any other activities. Yes, she mght not be out on the dance floor swinging on a pole, but she should be fine. I was throwing around boxes of stock three days before my first was born, it's not unusual.

Obviously it is your wedding and if you don't want her in it now it is your call, but it will most likely cause some really hard feelings if you tell her you don't want her if she says she can do it. Pregnant women get shuffled off to the side enough as it is due to their "delicate" state. (That's a load of bull shit if I ever heard one) They don't usually like it if it's family and freinds doing it.

I can certainly understand you trepidation, but I think you should follow her lead on this one. Tell her you're nervous for her and ask her to talk to her doc, but do follow her lead.

BTW, congratulations!

[BunnyJas]

Thanks ya'll!

I've decided that if she wants to be in it, I won't stop her. As you have said, it may really hurt her feelings if I persuade her to drop out. However, I will make it clear that if at any time she feels she can't do it then she needs to tell me. One of my friends told me that if she has to drop out, I can have the best man stand at the alter with the groom and the rest of the groomsmen will escort my bridesmaids down the isle. That way it won't be too obvious that there are more men than women.

[CaroPhoenix]

I know this is a little in response, but at my wedding, one of my bridesmaids was preggers. This was her first child. I got married mid-August and she was due at the end of September. I gave her the option of stepping out, I would understand. She wouldn't have anything to do with stepping out of being my bridesmaid. The only thing I did for her was change the colors my bridesmaids and MOH wore. I originally had them wearing purple, but then she would have looked like an eggplant, so they wore green instead (then she only looked like a grape and since grapes are smaller than eggplants ... LOL ... Oh well .. it was fun!)

[BunnyJas]

My friend really wants to be in the wedding. I don't have any problems with having someone in the wedding party that's pregnant, but the whole "I'm due ten days after your wedding" kind of worried me a bit.