thegiraffe
12-11-2006, 05:08 AM
(Cross-posted to my blogs....I just thought some of y'all here may enjoy it)
I just realized this is my last Sunday in college. The last one. This week will be full of lasts. Last time taking an exam in my undergraduate career, last time walking into work, and it’s just to say my goodbyes, pick up my fingerprint card, and give them a recommendation form. Last time eating on-campus food (for awhile at least). This is my last week in college. The only word that even comes close to describing what I feel is surreal. High school feels like last week and a lifetime ago all at the same time. My first year in college feels like it was even longer ago. Though, maybe they really WERE a lifetime ago. I’m not even close to the same person I was in high school and early college. Deep down I am, but I’ve realized so much about who I am and where I’ve come from and where I’m going. It feels almost like it’s time to take the “new me” out for a test-drive.
These 3.5 years have been ones of incredible change and growth, I can’t even imagine myself if I hadn’t gone through everything I had. Most people don’t know the story of my freshman year. I wasn’t here in Tampa for the second semester of it, and I really wasn’t “here” to enjoy/remember the first semester. I can’t exactly pinpoint what the trigger was, but I wasn’t happy here my first semester. I think I took advantage of the freedom, though I didn’t go wild - I became a recluse. I never went to class, never did homework…I would sleep and eat constantly. The 25 pounds I put on in those first three months was a daily reminder of the failure I thought I was becoming. My RA was worried about me for a good few weeks because I WOULDN’T come out of my room. I had spent all of my money, and decided I wasn’t going to work anymore. Mom and Dad said that I had to pay for my first year of college because I didn’t look hard enough for scholarships. I barely scraped by my first semester, and I knew I wasn’t going to make it for the second. I wound up having to go home and work and take 6 classes online. I almost failed out of school, I had a 2.2 my first semester. I managed to raise it to a 2.8 by the end of the summer, and I petitioned USF to not take my 25% tuition scholarship that I was supposed to maintain a 3.0 to keep (Bright Futures paid the other 75%...and still does). I worked almost full time and did school full time. I pulled it off. I pulled myself back together emotionally, and I knew that I was going to be OK. Then sophomore year rolled around.
I was back in Tampa, living in the same building I did freshman year. That was mistake one – it brought back old memories. Mistake two was moving in with someone I thought I knew from that first semester. I was wrong. We were two totally different people with different values. I felt taken advantage of a few too many times – and rightly so – and she wound up moving out. That was the best thing to happen to me that year because I got to live completely by myself. I needed that. I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I discovered these creatures we call “boys”, and though I didn’t get in trouble with them per se, there were things I shouldn’t have done. I had my first two boyfriends that year. I guess it was a good thing because I learned from the second one what I shouldn’t be treated like. The last half of sophomore year was spent dealing with issues that some people know about though most people don’t. I attribute that event to a good deal of the maturity I have now (though choose not to display all the time…for obvious reasons).
Junior year was when it finally all fell into place. I got a serious boyfriend over the summer – we were together for a year, and he was also good for me to an extent. It ended because it had to, but I cherish the experience. I declared my major, and moved in with roommates more amazing than my wildest dreams. I wound up with a family, someplace I could call home. There was always someone around to talk to or goof off with or chuck farm animals or shoes at. Nisha, Stormy, Vanina…I can’t even begin to describe how amazing you all are for accepting me into your family like you did and have. Kat too – even though you no longer officially lived here, it seemed like you did sometimes, and that was awesome. I’m at a loss for words. There are none to describe my gratitude for you all. You really helped bring out the person I am deep down inside, the one who had been hiding for a very long time.
We joke that you have to be a certain kind of insane to live here and survive. It’s true – we’re all a little touched, though there’s more. We’re not at all shallow. We’re grateful for each other, we’re respectful, caring, loving. There aren’t alliances, we all get along really well. Cassandra – you fit in here perfectly. I know you’ve known Nisha and Stormy a lot longer than I have, but living with people can be different than just being friends with them. Somehow, we all made it work. Thank you for reminding me what it’s like to have a great group of friends.
My incredible roommates aren’t the only people I’ve met during my time here. I’ve had some truly amazing and incredible professors who…for one reason or another, saw something in me and took me under their wing. They know who they are, and I’m eternally grateful to them. I’ve met some awesome friends here, ones that I’ll never forget and hope to keep in touch with for a very long time. This semester in particular, I finally took a flying leap out of the shell I’ve been hiding in for so many years. I’m so glad I did. Daniela, George, Randy…psychology of learning wouldn’t have been the same without you guys there to make comments back and forth during class, our cram sessions before the test, getting in trouble for singing and dancing to Sugar Pie Honey Bunch in the library (I still say they should sound-proof those rooms!). I can’t wait to go out Thursday! Brandon – perception was almost enjoyable thanks to you; and knowing how I feel about Potts, that says a lot. I really hope we do well on that test. Rick – it’s amazing who you can meet when you talk to people at the library. I still haven’t figured you out…consider that an accomplishment. I’m generally pretty good at that. That’s not even everyone I’ve met and gotten to know this semester, but my head is currently short-circuiting because of the finals that I’m avoiding studying for right now. I know I’ve left people out, and I’m sorry. You guys at home – I didn’t forget about you! I love you all so much and I can’t wait until our reunion on the 28th (it IS still the 28th, right?)!
As this chapter in my life closes, a new one is (hopefully) opening. I’ve decided that my calling, for right now at least, is to teach. Due to circumstances, I’ve acquired quite a bit of wisdom in my time. I feel it’s only right that I share it with the next generation. It’s scary to think that if I don’t, there may not be anyone who will. I want to teach high school, English and psychology to be specific. Yes, it’ll be a challenge, but I’ve overcome in the past. I always manage to make it work one way or another. Why would now be any different?
What an experience college has been. I’m well-known for my ability to find a word for everything (or at least make one up), but the only one I can think of right now is surreal. Graduation is in six days. Six. That’s not even a week. It hasn’t hit me yet. It probably won’t for awhile. I think I now know the meaning of that saying: “life isn’t measured by how many breaths you take, it’s measured by the moments that take your breath away”. I couldn’t have put it better myself.
I just realized this is my last Sunday in college. The last one. This week will be full of lasts. Last time taking an exam in my undergraduate career, last time walking into work, and it’s just to say my goodbyes, pick up my fingerprint card, and give them a recommendation form. Last time eating on-campus food (for awhile at least). This is my last week in college. The only word that even comes close to describing what I feel is surreal. High school feels like last week and a lifetime ago all at the same time. My first year in college feels like it was even longer ago. Though, maybe they really WERE a lifetime ago. I’m not even close to the same person I was in high school and early college. Deep down I am, but I’ve realized so much about who I am and where I’ve come from and where I’m going. It feels almost like it’s time to take the “new me” out for a test-drive.
These 3.5 years have been ones of incredible change and growth, I can’t even imagine myself if I hadn’t gone through everything I had. Most people don’t know the story of my freshman year. I wasn’t here in Tampa for the second semester of it, and I really wasn’t “here” to enjoy/remember the first semester. I can’t exactly pinpoint what the trigger was, but I wasn’t happy here my first semester. I think I took advantage of the freedom, though I didn’t go wild - I became a recluse. I never went to class, never did homework…I would sleep and eat constantly. The 25 pounds I put on in those first three months was a daily reminder of the failure I thought I was becoming. My RA was worried about me for a good few weeks because I WOULDN’T come out of my room. I had spent all of my money, and decided I wasn’t going to work anymore. Mom and Dad said that I had to pay for my first year of college because I didn’t look hard enough for scholarships. I barely scraped by my first semester, and I knew I wasn’t going to make it for the second. I wound up having to go home and work and take 6 classes online. I almost failed out of school, I had a 2.2 my first semester. I managed to raise it to a 2.8 by the end of the summer, and I petitioned USF to not take my 25% tuition scholarship that I was supposed to maintain a 3.0 to keep (Bright Futures paid the other 75%...and still does). I worked almost full time and did school full time. I pulled it off. I pulled myself back together emotionally, and I knew that I was going to be OK. Then sophomore year rolled around.
I was back in Tampa, living in the same building I did freshman year. That was mistake one – it brought back old memories. Mistake two was moving in with someone I thought I knew from that first semester. I was wrong. We were two totally different people with different values. I felt taken advantage of a few too many times – and rightly so – and she wound up moving out. That was the best thing to happen to me that year because I got to live completely by myself. I needed that. I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I discovered these creatures we call “boys”, and though I didn’t get in trouble with them per se, there were things I shouldn’t have done. I had my first two boyfriends that year. I guess it was a good thing because I learned from the second one what I shouldn’t be treated like. The last half of sophomore year was spent dealing with issues that some people know about though most people don’t. I attribute that event to a good deal of the maturity I have now (though choose not to display all the time…for obvious reasons).
Junior year was when it finally all fell into place. I got a serious boyfriend over the summer – we were together for a year, and he was also good for me to an extent. It ended because it had to, but I cherish the experience. I declared my major, and moved in with roommates more amazing than my wildest dreams. I wound up with a family, someplace I could call home. There was always someone around to talk to or goof off with or chuck farm animals or shoes at. Nisha, Stormy, Vanina…I can’t even begin to describe how amazing you all are for accepting me into your family like you did and have. Kat too – even though you no longer officially lived here, it seemed like you did sometimes, and that was awesome. I’m at a loss for words. There are none to describe my gratitude for you all. You really helped bring out the person I am deep down inside, the one who had been hiding for a very long time.
We joke that you have to be a certain kind of insane to live here and survive. It’s true – we’re all a little touched, though there’s more. We’re not at all shallow. We’re grateful for each other, we’re respectful, caring, loving. There aren’t alliances, we all get along really well. Cassandra – you fit in here perfectly. I know you’ve known Nisha and Stormy a lot longer than I have, but living with people can be different than just being friends with them. Somehow, we all made it work. Thank you for reminding me what it’s like to have a great group of friends.
My incredible roommates aren’t the only people I’ve met during my time here. I’ve had some truly amazing and incredible professors who…for one reason or another, saw something in me and took me under their wing. They know who they are, and I’m eternally grateful to them. I’ve met some awesome friends here, ones that I’ll never forget and hope to keep in touch with for a very long time. This semester in particular, I finally took a flying leap out of the shell I’ve been hiding in for so many years. I’m so glad I did. Daniela, George, Randy…psychology of learning wouldn’t have been the same without you guys there to make comments back and forth during class, our cram sessions before the test, getting in trouble for singing and dancing to Sugar Pie Honey Bunch in the library (I still say they should sound-proof those rooms!). I can’t wait to go out Thursday! Brandon – perception was almost enjoyable thanks to you; and knowing how I feel about Potts, that says a lot. I really hope we do well on that test. Rick – it’s amazing who you can meet when you talk to people at the library. I still haven’t figured you out…consider that an accomplishment. I’m generally pretty good at that. That’s not even everyone I’ve met and gotten to know this semester, but my head is currently short-circuiting because of the finals that I’m avoiding studying for right now. I know I’ve left people out, and I’m sorry. You guys at home – I didn’t forget about you! I love you all so much and I can’t wait until our reunion on the 28th (it IS still the 28th, right?)!
As this chapter in my life closes, a new one is (hopefully) opening. I’ve decided that my calling, for right now at least, is to teach. Due to circumstances, I’ve acquired quite a bit of wisdom in my time. I feel it’s only right that I share it with the next generation. It’s scary to think that if I don’t, there may not be anyone who will. I want to teach high school, English and psychology to be specific. Yes, it’ll be a challenge, but I’ve overcome in the past. I always manage to make it work one way or another. Why would now be any different?
What an experience college has been. I’m well-known for my ability to find a word for everything (or at least make one up), but the only one I can think of right now is surreal. Graduation is in six days. Six. That’s not even a week. It hasn’t hit me yet. It probably won’t for awhile. I think I now know the meaning of that saying: “life isn’t measured by how many breaths you take, it’s measured by the moments that take your breath away”. I couldn’t have put it better myself.