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Misty
12-12-2006, 08:01 PM
This has been bothering me ever since it happened last weekend. I need wise and impartial opinions, so I thought I’d seek advice here.

My sister has been living with her boyfriend for over two years. They plan on getting married next year.

Last weekend we all went out drinking. My sister is very social and outgoing, especially when she drinks. She spent half the evening talking to some guy at the bar while her boyfriend shot pool about ten feet away. I really didn’t think much of it until the lights came up and they were kicking us all out.

My sister, who was quite drunk at that point, pulled me aside and said, “have you ever met someone who you were so attracted to that you just wanted to have sex with them?” I told her that it was just the beer goggles talking, and she said “no, I really want to have sex with him!” Ooookay.

At this point, her boyfriend is outside waiting for us. She goes back and gives the guy at the bar a kiss on the lips (not a sexual one, the kind you give your grandma), and comes back to me. As we’re walking out, she stops and gives him a longing, dreamy look, and then rushes both of us out of the bar, telling me to “hurry, hurry, hurry,” all the way.

Now, I’m not as drunk as her, but drunk enough to say what’s on my mind. Short version: I called her a stupid, selfish b**** and asked what the hell she thought she was doing back there. She got defensive and said “I’m just flirting! Sorry I’m not as noble as you!”

Now that I look back, I think I was way too harsh. It’s really none of my business, but I just thought her behavior was immature and disrespectful. Also, even though nothing happened this time, I worry that one day she’ll do something while drunk that she’ll really regret; I like her boyfriend, he’s a cool guy, and my sister seems to love him.

Maybe another reason I got so mad is because so many of my friends have great boyfriends/husbands whom they take for granted, while I can’t find a decent guy to save my life.

Anyway, I’d appreciate some advice. Do I owe her an apology?

Boozy
12-13-2006, 12:42 AM
I worry that one day she’ll do something while drunk that she’ll really regret; I like her boyfriend, he’s a cool guy, and my sister seems to love him.

Maybe another reason I got so mad is because so many of my friends have great boyfriends/husbands whom they take for granted, while I can’t find a decent guy to save my life.


This, in my opinion, is the crux of the matter. Intention is everything. Ask yourself:
Was my reaction a result of genuine concern for my sister and her happiness?
OR
Was my reaction a result of my own biases and concerns about my own future?

If I were you, I think I would apologize for HOW you said what you said....but if you are really worried about her losing a great guy, then I see no problem in making that clear as well.
That's my two cents, hope it helps. :)

Hemily
12-13-2006, 12:57 AM
this might just be my own view, but i strongly dislike people cheating on loved ones, unless they have some kind of open relationship or are swingers :p

so in my opinion, no, you don't owe her an apology for reminding her she's got a boyfriend.

AirHostess
12-13-2006, 05:28 PM
Personally I wouldn't aplogise...but it depends how you said it I guess. Is she in a mood with? You could always have a chat with her about it.

JustAGirl
12-13-2006, 09:03 PM
I would not apologize. If she truly loved her boyfriend she would NOT have said she wants to have sex with that guy, THEN go over and kiss him (no matter if it was a gramma kiss or a iwanttobangyou kiss), then give him a lusty look out the door.

You were in the right.

Maevis
12-14-2006, 07:17 PM
I'm with Boozy on this. Apologize for HOW you said it, but then explain why you said it.


Give her a chance to explain herself. Maybe she was just expressing a desire, but wouldn't actually act on it. I've been married near a dozen years and there are still times when I think, "oooh, yeah, baby" and I might mention that desire to a few of my girlfriends over coffee...but I'm sure as hell not going to act on it.

Maybe she realy does love and care about her boyfriend, but she's just not ready to settle down. At that point that's for her and her boyfriend to figure out what to do next.

For the most part I think it's almost always better to talk about these things, and clear the air, rather then let them slide.

Rahmota
12-14-2006, 11:25 PM
Well not knowing you, and not knowing your sister all i can say is communication can be a wonderful thing. Apologize for snapping at her but explain you are concerned about her and care abut her and work it out form there.

And I'm cool with open realtionships/swingers too (so long as its all consenting adults and everyone is cool and talks it over then why not) so there is always that with your sister and her boyfriend. I dont know so I'm just talking off the cuff here.

Your milage may vary, not responsible for accidents, Supplies are limited.

Giggle Goose
12-15-2006, 04:51 AM
I also think maybe you should have a serious talk with your sister about whether or not she is ready for marriage. Maybe you were a tad harsh, but it is serious when she is showing such a disregard for having someone in her life.

We all make mistakes, and hopefully that was just a one-time thing. But your sister needs to start being more honest with herself and with her boyfriend.