blas
12-20-2006, 05:57 PM
Ok, I know this is my...billionth post this week (funny how I came back from the dead, right?), and compared to some other posts on here, my problems are really petty, but I really do need some advice here.
I need to know the adult way to go about doing this. The reason I don't know how to approach this is, well, because I haven't ever had a roomate or lived away from home before.
As I've said before, my roomate is mostly non-existent. At first it bummed me out that he had a girlfriend and was never home, but I quickly made some new friends and it wasn't so lonely anymore.
Also, as most of you know, I work 3rd shift. I am completely worthless Sunday thru Thursday mornings/afternoons (in fact, bedtime is approaching soon). I only get Friday and Saturday nights off (unless it's a holiday or I decide to use paid personal time and take a day or two off). The weekends are just about the only time I have to really hang out with my friends, go on dates, have guests over, or do..whatever.
It's been several months and I've quickly adapted to this. Other than my horrible neighbors and the bad neighborhood, it's been wonderful being able to live here and have friends over whenever I want. I never have to tell someone "I can't because my roomate is sleeping" or "I can't tonight because the roomate will be home".
Well, my roomate and his girlfriend have a rather odd relationship. Let's just say that he moved nearly all of his stuff over to her house and he only comes home for a few minutes after work every day to check his email and maybe grab a clean towel or something. When they fight, his bedroom and the refridgerator and the bathroom closet magically get fuller. When they make up, he takes everything back over there again. Many times have I came home and seen the fridge bare (except for my stuff) and the shower only containing my products. Many times the next day, it's all back (lol). He's spent a few nights at home when it's been really bad, and one weekend it was horrible.
Well, that particular weekend, I was absolutely furious that he was home. I was on my cell phone inviting a friend over, and he gave me this completely disapproving look. So I decided not to and just put up with him being home and moping in his bedroom and guzzling down his cheap booze to heal his wounded heart. Thankfully, they made up soon after and I had my freedom back.
Now, fast forward to the past 4 Saturdays. One Saturday, a friend of mine was back on leave from the Army. It was about 4:30 am and my friend and I were watching Die Hard (lol) and my roomate walked in and, again, gave me that disapproving look that I had a guest over. He went into his room and instantly shut the door and talked very quietly on his phone until he fell asleep.
The next Saturday, I was alone, watching a movie quite loud (but not loud enough to bother anyone but him of course). Again, like clockwork, 4something AM and there he was. Again, straight to the bedroom and moped.
The next Saturday, I had another friend over. Again, like clockwork, 5:00 am and there he was, same look, shut the door, mope mope mope.
This last Saturday I left at about 2:30 to pick up an ex boyfriend to hang out with. I left my place knowing there was a good chance he'd be there when I returned. Like clockwork, there was his vehicle. My guest wasn't disappointed; I told him on the way. We got inside, and, of course, bedroom door shut, quiet voice on cell phone, mope mope mope.
I know this is very childish and petty.....we both live here and we both pay rent. But it's been so easy for me the past several months, and it has become ROUTINE to have friends over and have parties on the weekend (if I'm not at someone else's place). I drink every weekend. I drink with people every weekend. I cannot be the only one in this world who adapts to something and it grows on them. I can only imagine what would happen if he and his gf broke up...there's something he's grown to doing as a routine, what would he do if it just stopped?
He doesn't say anything, but just the look on his face says he doesn't want me having friends over. Just the look when he's caught me alone says he'd rather me be asleep or not even there. It really irritates me because I've grown to expect him to be gone and be able to do whatever the hell I want.
I'm not a math major, but the odds of him and his girlfriend getting into a fight at exactly the same time frame every Saturday night/Sunday morning is...well...lottery winning odds. I don't know WHY he's all of a sudden coming home. He KNOWS it's not going to be quiet if he comes home. He KNOWS I may have friends over. He KNOWS I may have a date over. To me, I think it'd be more trouble to wake up his girlfriend (from him getting up from her bed), then walking around in the dark (and maybe tripping over something) and then unlocking then relocking the door just to come home to find me awake with friends over.
And if that really is the case....he doesn't bring problems up to me anymore. He doesn't want my opinion anymore on relationship problems because the last time he got in a fight with her and asked my opinion....he didn't like it. He's one of those people where if he doesn't liek your advice he'll never ask it again.
Guys I know this is really petty but I really don't know how to handle this, and it's really irritating me and getting in the way of things. I can have whoever the hell over whenever the hell I want to! He's already established nearly full residency at her place, and I've adapted to it by having people over whenever I want. Isn't it fair that I'm upset?
I need to know the adult way to go about doing this. The reason I don't know how to approach this is, well, because I haven't ever had a roomate or lived away from home before.
As I've said before, my roomate is mostly non-existent. At first it bummed me out that he had a girlfriend and was never home, but I quickly made some new friends and it wasn't so lonely anymore.
Also, as most of you know, I work 3rd shift. I am completely worthless Sunday thru Thursday mornings/afternoons (in fact, bedtime is approaching soon). I only get Friday and Saturday nights off (unless it's a holiday or I decide to use paid personal time and take a day or two off). The weekends are just about the only time I have to really hang out with my friends, go on dates, have guests over, or do..whatever.
It's been several months and I've quickly adapted to this. Other than my horrible neighbors and the bad neighborhood, it's been wonderful being able to live here and have friends over whenever I want. I never have to tell someone "I can't because my roomate is sleeping" or "I can't tonight because the roomate will be home".
Well, my roomate and his girlfriend have a rather odd relationship. Let's just say that he moved nearly all of his stuff over to her house and he only comes home for a few minutes after work every day to check his email and maybe grab a clean towel or something. When they fight, his bedroom and the refridgerator and the bathroom closet magically get fuller. When they make up, he takes everything back over there again. Many times have I came home and seen the fridge bare (except for my stuff) and the shower only containing my products. Many times the next day, it's all back (lol). He's spent a few nights at home when it's been really bad, and one weekend it was horrible.
Well, that particular weekend, I was absolutely furious that he was home. I was on my cell phone inviting a friend over, and he gave me this completely disapproving look. So I decided not to and just put up with him being home and moping in his bedroom and guzzling down his cheap booze to heal his wounded heart. Thankfully, they made up soon after and I had my freedom back.
Now, fast forward to the past 4 Saturdays. One Saturday, a friend of mine was back on leave from the Army. It was about 4:30 am and my friend and I were watching Die Hard (lol) and my roomate walked in and, again, gave me that disapproving look that I had a guest over. He went into his room and instantly shut the door and talked very quietly on his phone until he fell asleep.
The next Saturday, I was alone, watching a movie quite loud (but not loud enough to bother anyone but him of course). Again, like clockwork, 4something AM and there he was. Again, straight to the bedroom and moped.
The next Saturday, I had another friend over. Again, like clockwork, 5:00 am and there he was, same look, shut the door, mope mope mope.
This last Saturday I left at about 2:30 to pick up an ex boyfriend to hang out with. I left my place knowing there was a good chance he'd be there when I returned. Like clockwork, there was his vehicle. My guest wasn't disappointed; I told him on the way. We got inside, and, of course, bedroom door shut, quiet voice on cell phone, mope mope mope.
I know this is very childish and petty.....we both live here and we both pay rent. But it's been so easy for me the past several months, and it has become ROUTINE to have friends over and have parties on the weekend (if I'm not at someone else's place). I drink every weekend. I drink with people every weekend. I cannot be the only one in this world who adapts to something and it grows on them. I can only imagine what would happen if he and his gf broke up...there's something he's grown to doing as a routine, what would he do if it just stopped?
He doesn't say anything, but just the look on his face says he doesn't want me having friends over. Just the look when he's caught me alone says he'd rather me be asleep or not even there. It really irritates me because I've grown to expect him to be gone and be able to do whatever the hell I want.
I'm not a math major, but the odds of him and his girlfriend getting into a fight at exactly the same time frame every Saturday night/Sunday morning is...well...lottery winning odds. I don't know WHY he's all of a sudden coming home. He KNOWS it's not going to be quiet if he comes home. He KNOWS I may have friends over. He KNOWS I may have a date over. To me, I think it'd be more trouble to wake up his girlfriend (from him getting up from her bed), then walking around in the dark (and maybe tripping over something) and then unlocking then relocking the door just to come home to find me awake with friends over.
And if that really is the case....he doesn't bring problems up to me anymore. He doesn't want my opinion anymore on relationship problems because the last time he got in a fight with her and asked my opinion....he didn't like it. He's one of those people where if he doesn't liek your advice he'll never ask it again.
Guys I know this is really petty but I really don't know how to handle this, and it's really irritating me and getting in the way of things. I can have whoever the hell over whenever the hell I want to! He's already established nearly full residency at her place, and I've adapted to it by having people over whenever I want. Isn't it fair that I'm upset?