Where's the period Key? (NOT kidding)

[sld72382]

Yesterday, I got a call for continued support. The customer just completed a virus scan as instructed by the previous tech. When I read the case notes, I knew it was a bullshit scan just to get the client off the phone. I also read the the client refused to let the agent use the remote access software (where we can see their desktop and move their mouse, etc).

So I get him, and it's clear all he wants is his Internet Explorer data (cookies, temp files etc) removed.

So, I figured I'll give him a try with the remote access - this time, I explain what it is and advise him it will make this much easier. Essentially, I tell him I am going to use it, rather than asking him. NEVER give clients an out or an opportunity to say no. As expected, he agreed.

This is where the fun starts. He can't find the address bar in IE. So I figured I would have him enter the remote support address in the run command. He entered "www" but then he asked me where the period key is. :eek: I had to basically spend a couple of minutes explaining this. So FINALLY I have him type out the address but when I tell him to click OK, he puts in OK in the address bar next to the address and then clicks OK and of course I have to retype it all! :banghead:

Next after about 20 minutes of this (seriously), I finally start using the remote access, and use CCleaner to clean all his junk out in one swoop. I show him how to use it (just the basic part of it) and all is well... I hope. :rolleyes:

The guy at least thanked me for my patience, my boss said I deserved the patience of a saint award after that.

[greensinestro]

That's too funny. I love it also when you set up a dial up connection. You tell them to put in their username. When it gets to the "at" symbol, many will actually type in that word instead of the @ symbol. Or, when you tell them "it's the little 'a' with the circle around it", they type in the letter "a". Spent twenty minutes with one of those this week.

[Auto]

i remember reading a list of the absolute stupidest tech center calls ever received.

the best was a rep telling the customer "Ok, now right click your mouse."

customer did as told.

nothing happened.

rep tries over. does his thing. tells customers to right-click mouse.

again, nothing.

the two repeat this a few times.

finally rep asks did you right-click mouse?

"Oh, yes."

finally it dawns on rep that customer is WRITING "click mouse" on her screen.

this story is so perfect it has to be fake.

but i love it.

at

[ShockQueen]

And to think I thought the stupidest person I ever dealt with was the one who couldn't find the start button.......

Nope...it was the lady who couldn't find the SPACE BAR! :runaway:

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

ow Ow OW, TEH STOOPID, IT BURNS! :runaway:

Now I have to go fish my brain out of the food processor again.

[TNT]

I think my dimmest customer was the one who called in because her computer "won't do anything." In customerspeak, this can mean anything from "I can't get to Yahoo!" to "My computer is on fire."

I finally managed to figure out that her computer had frozen. "The only thing to do now is just turn the computer off."

Long pause... longer pause...

Customer: How do I do that?
Me: Try pressing the 'off' button.
Customer: Where would I find that?
Me: Probably on the front of the computer.

Long pause... longer pause...

Customer: Would be that the thing where the CDs go?
Me: Yup.
Customer: Okay, I see a button. I pressed it, but nothing happens. You need to send someone out.
Me: Try holding the button in for four seconds.
Customer: That worked. What'd you do to fix it?

[Phone Jockey]

I had one guy tell me he didn't have an "address bar" & that it was his fault. He wouldn't go into detail, but then he advised me that his keyboard didn't have an "enter" key either. I just mailed the info he needed instead of helping him find the web site.

[Trisnic]

I once spent an hour and a half with someone who kept mixing up left clicking and right clicking. I spent the entire time trying to help him find a folder on his computer. He claimed that he couldn't scan ROFL, it scanned perfectly he just couldn't find the file. I finally had to tell him to talk to a computer tech in person who could show him around becuase there was no way I could help him anymore after an hour and a half. Really, spending this much time on this was way out of my support boundaries.

[purplecat41877]

I thought the stupidest person I ever dealt with was the one who couldn't find the start button.......

it was the lady who couldn't find the SPACE BAR! :runaway:

How can anyone miss the space bar? It's the biggest key on the keyboard.:roll:

[MadonnaC]

I can believe that - check out compaq FAQ....


http://www29.compaq.com/falco/detail.asp?FAQnum=FAQ2859&

[Noelegy]

When I worked at the bookstore, we had about equal amounts of CD-ROM and floppy disk software (mid-90's). The first question I'd ask when helping a customer would be, "PC or Mac?" Then, "CD or floppy?" Once, I got a guy who gave me a blank look when I said "CD or floppy?" I asked, "Do you put round things or square things in it?" He brightened and said, "Oh! Round things." :)

[Cia]

How can anyone miss the space bar? It's the biggest key on the keyboard.:roll:

Because the word 'space' isn't engraved on it.

[Banrion]

I had to show the b/f where the start key was just a couple weeks ago. I was in my room, and he was in the living room, I even referred to it as "the windows key" and he still couldn't find either one of them.

[Coconut]

finally it dawns on rep that customer is WRITING "click mouse" on her screen.

Haha!!! I told my husband this (he did some tech support during college) and he laughed so hard he nearly fell out of his chair.

[Imogene]

That's too funny. I love it also when you set up a dial up connection. You tell them to put in their username. When it gets to the "at" symbol, many will actually type in that word instead of the @ symbol. Or, when you tell them "it's the little 'a' with the circle around it", they type in the letter "a". Spent twenty minutes with one of those this week.

"Shift 2. No, not the one on your numerical keypad... the one above the letters!"

[Mr. Rude]

GAHHH!!!

Had one like this today...Sys froze up so I asked her to hit the reset button...

Of course she asked me "Which one is it? Is it the one beside the green one?"

Me: Ma'am, I have NO CLUE which button is the reset on your tower. I can't see it, I've never seen it in my life.
*puts gun barrel in mouth to end 15 minute long call*

:runaway: :runaway: :runaway:

[Rapscallion]

"Shift 2. No, not the one on your numerical keypad... the one above the letters!"

Not in the UK, it isn't.

:D

Rapscallion

[Banrion]

Not in the UK, it isn't.

Wow, I never thought the UK would have different keyboards. Please enlighten me, where is your @ at?

[Rapscallion]

Two keys to the right of "L" - it's with the apostrophe.

We geta quote mark on our Shift-2, and our Shift-3 is a pound sign (£).

Rapscallion

[Kilamon]

I often get people who don't know the difference between a forward and a back slash. This is why I often tell people it's either the one with the question mark key or not the one, depending on what I'm referring to. No one knows a pipe symbol except some of the programmers here. If I refer to using the 'bang' then I get blanks looks until I say "exclamation mark."

BTW, does anyone else hate it when people say 'asterick?' It bugs me. It's asterisk. Get it right. Either call it correctly, or use slang and call it a splat, but stop with the asterick bull puckey. :(

I can believe that - check out compaq FAQ....

http://www29.compaq.com/falco/detail...AQnum=FAQ2859&
That's awesome. I forwarded that to a couple friends. It's best, I think, because it's actually on the compaq/HP web site.

[chryso]

I will sometimes explain which slash key I mean by saying that it is the one with positive slope or the one with negative slope.
Sadly, it seldom helps.

[DarthRetard]

y=mx+b, right? or are we talking like, slope form, not slope intercept form?:D

on the actual subject, a customer asked me today if he really needed to refill his ink cartridges on his printer, or if he could get away with it......I put him on hold and left.

I was showing a woman how to program a universal remote (simple process, but i don't mind explaining to the elderly or those that dont speak english)and she presented me with this gem....

"I tried that once before, but the remote wouldn't turn the tv on so I could program it."

[HYHYBT]

Somewhat related: How to pick up and carry your iMac G5 (http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=86816)

[Simply Amazed]

I once had a customer ask me if I meant "as in decimal" or as in a period when I told him to type in dot. That one threw me. I wanted to ask him what's the difference but decided to just tell him to choose the period. :)

[Banrion]

Some people may associate the period as the one by the letters, and the decimal as the one next to the number pad.?.

[Simply Amazed]

Makes sense I guess but I've never thought of it that way nor have I ever had anyone else ask about it. The customer seemed more overanalytical than anything else so I just chalked it up to that. I just thought about it when I read the thread title and thought it would be a good time to sign up and post it.

[RogueOne]

I hate to say it, but are some people REALLY that stupid that they need an answer on a FAQ about how to carry a computer?

[Simply Amazed]

I'd say, yes, there are. I sometimes have to get a serial number off of the customers router. This number is on the bottom. Often times I've asked the customer to flip the router over and they'll ask "how do I do that"?

It's hard not to sound condescending when answering that.

"well, you put your left hand on the left side of the box, then put your right hand on the right side of the box, then move your right hand up and to the left while moving your left hand down and to the right. Continue until you can see the serial number."

That's what I usually say. :)

[Broomjockey]

"well, you put your left hand on the left side of the box, then put your right hand on the right side of the box, then move your right hand up and to the left while moving your left hand down and to the right. Continue until you can see the serial number."

That's what I usually say. :)

:lol: That's hilarious. It's factually accurate, and if said completely deadpan, very hard to be disciplined for! It's perfect!

[Pagan]

Two keys to the right of "L" - it's with the apostrophe.

We geta quote mark on our Shift-2, and our Shift-3 is a pound sign (£).

Rapscallion

Messed me up somethin' fierce when I sent an e-mail from Edinburgh to everyone here at home! :lol:

[MacPrince]

Somewhat related: How to pick up and carry your iMac G5 (http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=86816)

I'll see your "how to pick up your computer" and raise you Where do I find the "Any" key on my keyboard? (http://www29.compaq.com/falco/detail.asp?FAQnum=FAQ2859)

[HawaiianShirts]

I don’t think these examples are always from stupidity. Some of them seem to be just ignorance or fear (though that doesn’t make them any less funny in most cases).

I’ve had many people ask me what the difference is between a laptop and a desktop computer, and I’ve had other people absolutely convinced that you cannot have a laptop if you don’t have a desktop to connect it to.

I find it highly amusing that HP and Apple would actually post answers to such ridiculous questions on their websites. It makes me wonder whose idea it was and why they made that decision. I wonder more, though, if someone has sufficient difficulty with technology as to make them want to ask the manufacturer how to pick up the computer or where the “Any” key is, how are they going to be able to access the company’s website to find the information, let alone perform the search and browse the results?

Sometimes I think that the question “How do I do that?” is just a kneejerk reaction for those who think they are technologically incompetent. If you ask them to turn over their router, they immediately ask for instructions because they do not understand routers. If you were to ask the same person to turn over a box of crackers, they would do so without any difficulty because they understand what crackers are and what boxes are. They ask the question before they realize what your instructions are asking them to do. If most of them would take half a moment to think before asking, they would have no difficulty.

When I worked at the bookstore, we had about equal amounts of CD-ROM and floppy disk software (mid-90's). The first question I'd ask when helping a customer would be, "PC or Mac?" Then, "CD or floppy?" Once, I got a guy who gave me a blank look when I said "CD or floppy?" I asked, "Do you put round things or square things in it?" He brightened and said, "Oh! Round things." :)

Ignorance or not, though, people still astound me. When I used to work in a call center, I would send out free information packets upon request for a variety of companies. These often included a video, which the caller could have on VHS or DVD.
- Original Scripting…
Me: And would you like the video on VHS or DVD?
Caller: …I don’t know. What do you mean?
This caused problems and made my calls longer, so I changed the way I read it.
- My Altered Script…
Me: And would you like the video on VHS tape or DVD?
Caller: …I don’t know. What’s the difference?
That still wasn’t perfect. I never did find a good solution for this problem. Sometimes I had to ask if their TV took black rectangles or shiny circles to play a movie. A couple of times, even that didn’t clear it up.

And I had a guy call in a couple of months ago who couldn’t find the Number Lock key on his desktop keyboard. I described the keyboard in detail so he could find the button and get his “number arrows” back to typing numbers instead of moving the cursor. How is it so hard to find the key marked NumLk “near the set of number arrows” and press it? He was almost ready to pay to have a tech come out and “fix” his computer, but then he suddenly discovered the NumLk key and “fixed” it himself.

[MissVendetta]

The first question I'd ask when helping a customer would be, "PC or Mac?"
I asked that once from a customer who wasn't sure if CD-ROM she had already bought was compatible with her computer. Her reply? "XP!" :roll:

[trunks2k]

That still wasn’t perfect. I never did find a good solution for this problem. Sometimes I had to ask if their TV took black rectangles or shiny circles to play a movie. A couple of times, even that didn’t clear it up.


I could only dumb it down this far:
"Do you want a thick rectangle thing or a thin round thing?"

[Cia]

I'm still trying to figure out the difference between a laptop and a notebook.

[trunks2k]

I'm still trying to figure out the difference between a laptop and a notebook.

Notebook computers are pretty much just small laptops. There's no strict definition, and sometimes notebook and laptop is used interchangably.

[iradney]

yesterday, I had someone who couldn't find the "All Programs" on their Start Menu.
All Programs! I swear I'm not lying! It took him FIVE MINUTES to find it, even WITH me saying "Sir, it's on the bottom left" repeatedly.
*headdesk*
some people should just be given typewriters

[HYHYBT]

If you ask them to turn over their router, they immediately ask for instructions because they do not understand routers. If you were to ask the same person to turn over a box of crackers, they would do so without any difficulty because they understand what crackers are and what boxes are. They also, in that example, may think that "turn over" has some other meaning when applied to routers, like "boot" does when applied to computers.

[techsupptodd]

BTW, does anyone else hate it when people say 'asterick?' It bugs me. It's asterisk. Get it right. Either call it correctly, or use slang and call it a splat, but stop with the asterick bull puckey. :(


That's awesome. I forwarded that to a couple friends. It's best, I think, because it's actually on the compaq/HP web site.


I had a customer the other day refer to it as an asterick and it does annoy me everytime, but i had to put this other woman on hold and laugh outloud today as she refered to it as an ASSTRACK.

I am not sure what that is but I think I want one!!!

[SuperB]

Lol, funny thing is, I could easily see either my mother or my mother-in-law in any of these posts. :)

[HYHYBT]

I had a customer the other day refer to it as an asterick and it does annoy me everytime, but i had to put this other woman on hold and laugh outloud today as she refered to it as an ASSTRACK.

I am not sure what that is but I think I want one!!!

Careful what you wish for, it sounds like a synonym of "skid mark".

[yahurd]

I can believe that - check out compaq FAQ....


http://www29.compaq.com/falco/detail.asp?FAQnum=FAQ2859&


The term "any key" does not refer to a particular key on the keyboard. It simply means to strike any one of the keys on your keyboard or handheld screen.

:wtf:
dear lord.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

ow Ow OW, TEH STOOPID, IT BURNS! :runaway:

Now I have to go fish my brain out of the food processor again.

You really shouldn't be playing with your brain like that IPF . . . it'll turn to mush.:lol:

[BravoOrig]

This past week I had a customer call in for an email adress, and help setting it up in Outlook Express. I create the email address, and take her through OE setup. I have the volume turned up, and can still barely hear her, plus she's very old and "can't see" very well. Well I had her on the line for almost two hours doing this mundane and easy process, just trying to be patient and stretch the call as my break was coming up, but it took till about the end of my shift.

Enter your name, okay, click next, okay, enter your email address, which is your first and last name @ myisp.net , okay, read that back to me. Uh, why do you have your whole shopping list in there? Clear it out and try it again, okay, now it sounds like you typed in a doctors eye chart, lets start over. I had to have been on this screen alone for an hour plus. Okay, click next and we'll enter the server addresses, this doesn't manage to go as bad, but it did stop here. Then she tells me she did click on Next, when asked, but never did it. She asks if I can just give her the information and she'll have her daughter the instructor do it for her. I advise her we're almost done, just have to enter the password, plus I'm thinking how is she going to write this stuff down if she can't keep it straight in her head, let alone type it in right. Moments of silence and come to find out, she hit cancel, and closed the accounts screen, so shes back at the main screen. More directly this time, I take her back through the process, get to where we were before, send my sup an email that I'm going mental, and then the call goes to hold music, and disconnects. It wasn't our hold music, but I asked my sup if he took mercy on me, but he was just reading the email.

I had one kind of like this the next day, I talk to plenty of morons, but usually they can be molded into party intelligent humans for a few minutes. Its my Friday and I can't wait for 3PM.

[Bonnie Bitch]

I had one of those calls last week.
At XYZTV, we are required to "edcuate" our customers on every call about how they can pay their bill. One method of payment is over Channel 5 on the TV.

Bonnie Bitch: "...blah blah blah, and you can also pay your bill for free with debit or credit card over Channel 5 on your TV."

Customer: "How do I do that?"

BB: "Go to channel 5 and follow the prompt screens."

Customer: But how do I do that?

BB: I don't understand the question.

Cust: <exasperated sigh due to assface customer having to deal with stupid me> How do I get to channel 5?

BB: Take your remote control, press zero, zero, then five and hit the 'enter' key.

Cust: Huh?

BB: <said with all seriousness>Ma'am, how do you change channels when you're watching TV?

Cust: I don't know. I just press buttons.

BB: Then just press zero, zero, and five followed by the 'enter' key. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Cust: No.

BB: You have a great day, and thank you for choosing XYZTV.

[tollbaby]

BB: <said with all seriousness>Ma'am, how do you change channels when you're watching TV?

Cust: I don't know. I just press buttons.

omg... Millions of voices cried out and were suddenly silenced. Oh wait, those were my brain cells. Yikes. Talk about dumb.

[BravoOrig]

My head immediately slammed to my desk. This is along the same lines of asking them to goto a website or check their email, when they called in because they couldn't do either and you fixed it. Well, how do you normally do it? "I just click here, and here, and here." Can you look at the screen with your eyes and describe what shows up for me, or what you are clicking on? How many people don't know what version of Windows they have, or that they use Outlook Express, despite the splash screens that come up.

[nhollywood]

Actual call
Me: Thank you for calling ...
SC: Hey, it's fixed. Thanks.
Me: You're welcome. Is there anything else I can do for you today?
SC: No, I'm good. Thanks again.

[zzapp the witch]

My little brother is doing the computer thing...working for Intel right now and all that. Anyway, he's the one we all call when we need help, and yes, we get charged. LOL

I can't remember the exact circumstances, my SIL told me about this. Apparently my little sister called because she was having trouble with her laptop. He's like, ok, this is an easy fix, just do this, this, and this.

My lil sis: :confused:

Bro: Ooookay, do this......got it?...now do this....okay? Alright, now this last thing.

Lil sis: :confused:

SIL watches with restrained laughter as my brother's head hits the desk repeatedly, and she hears my lil sis yell, "What the hell was that?" into the phone.

Bro: That was my head hitting the desk. Now give the phone to your boyfriend.

[Imogene]

y=mx+b, right? or are we talking like, slope form, not slope intercept form?:D

Isn't m in that equation the slope? Or am I crazy?
On topic: Mom used to ask me all the time about the shortcut keys I told her for Word, so she could copy and paste her newsletters into her email. I wrote them down fr her more often than I can remember, hell, I had her write them down more than once. But still, every week, she'd ask again.