dealing with a mooch

[smileyeagle1021]

This isn't even my mooch that I'm having to deal with. This is my roommate's fiance. When I say that he is the type of guy not even a mother could love... well, I sadly mean that quite literally. The only person who doesn't see him as the mooch that he is, is my roommate.
Let's recap-
He is 34 (I believe) years old and has no permanent address, he moves between our place, his parent's place, and a few friends places.
He is going to school on a full ride scholarship (which all the more power to him) but he's made it clear that he will likely not continue in the field after he graduates (what the fuck, do you know how much that pisses people like me who have been turned down for scholarships off?) So basically he's taking charity with no intention of ever actually using it as intended.
He spends the most time at our place and not anywhere else, despite the fact that he doesn't help with rent or utilities because we have expanded cable and none of his friends/family does.
He took my roommate's half of their joint return and used it to buy a used truck for him to restore.
He also sees nothing wrong with taking other people's food etc.

None mooch related items,
He is convinced that my boyfriend is going to seduce our roommate.
Let me repeat that for emphasis, he is concerned that a gay man is going to seduce his fiance.
He has in so many words said that he does not like having his son over because he isn't sure if he is safe with us.
He never cleans up after himself.
And for extra fun, he's an over-possesive-royal douchebag.

Of course, aside from venting, the question is, what can we do to get our roommate to realize just how bad of news this guy is?

[Exaspera]

He sounds like a real keeper! </sarcasm.

Is the wedding date soon?

[smileyeagle1021]

they haven't set a date yet... thank deity.

[Exaspera]

Show this to her (http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects .htm) Maybe it will help a bit. But we don't always learn, y'know. :(

[AccountingDrone]

This isn't even my mooch that I'm having to deal with. This is my roommate's fiance. When I say that he is the type of guy not even a mother could love... well, I sadly mean that quite literally. The only person who doesn't see him as the mooch that he is, is my roommate.
Let's recap-
He is 34 (I believe) years old and has no permanent address, he moves between our place, his parent's place, and a few friends places.
He is going to school on a full ride scholarship (which all the more power to him) but he's made it clear that he will likely not continue in the field after he graduates (what the fuck, do you know how much that pisses people like me who have been turned down for scholarships off?) So basically he's taking charity with no intention of ever actually using it as intended.
He spends the most time at our place and not anywhere else, despite the fact that he doesn't help with rent or utilities because we have expanded cable and none of his friends/family does.
He took my roommate's half of their joint return and used it to buy a used truck for him to restore.
He also sees nothing wrong with taking other people's food etc.

None mooch related items,
He is convinced that my boyfriend is going to seduce our roommate.
Let me repeat that for emphasis, he is concerned that a gay man is going to seduce his fiance.
He has in so many words said that he does not like having his son over because he isn't sure if he is safe with us.
He never cleans up after himself.
And for extra fun, he's an over-possesive-royal douchebag.

Of course, aside from venting, the question is, what can we do to get our roommate to realize just how bad of news this guy is?

pity it would be too personally disruptive ...but I would remove all the food from the place other than what his girlfriend is personally responsible for. Put a vacation hold on the cable for 1 month [sorry, i know it would suck to not have tv but ...] and lock your bedrooms, with your personal toiletries inside [and nonspoiling foods and condiments]

Wait for him to start bitching. When he complains about the cable, just say that it was too expensive to maintain. When he complains about the lack of food, you are too busy to cook and have been grabbing food at work/on the way to or from work and lack of toiletries, again, you are very broke right now.

Make life in the household uncomfortable for him, and if the girlfriend complains, tell her that all you guys did was remove your personal items from the equation because moochie was taking them and not paying for what he used and you were tired of supporting him.

In a roomie situation, I always had a lock on my door and conducted life like I was in a dorm, locking my stuff up. I had a cube fridge in my room for cold drinks and snacks, about the only thing in the common fridge were condiments. I tended to do my shopping daily because I never knew what I wanted to eat. I miss not being diabetic *sigh* now i have to plan everything I eat for the week in advance =(

[Sheldonrs]

Shovel, ditch, bag of lyme.


:D

[smileyeagle1021]

accounting drone, the main flaw with your suggestion is that the cable is included in the rent, so the "it cost too much" thing wouldn't work (and I'm not sure if we can put a hold on the account because it is a group account).
The rest of the stuff he takes, my roommate does a good job of replacing... which while on the one hand I'm glad that I'm not just getting ripped off... on the other, she is a friend and I know she's getting taken advantage of.

[Magpie]

Unfortunately there's really nothing you can do. The general rule is you have to let people make their own mistakes, no matter how stupid they're being. If you've pointed out to roommate that you're worried that she's being taken advantage of, all you can really do now is support him when he dumps this jerk.

[AccountingDrone]

accounting drone, the main flaw with your suggestion is that the cable is included in the rent, so the "it cost too much" thing wouldn't work (and I'm not sure if we can put a hold on the account because it is a group account).
The rest of the stuff he takes, my roommate does a good job of replacing... which while on the one hand I'm glad that I'm not just getting ripped off... on the other, she is a friend and I know she's getting taken advantage of.

Bummer ...

Hopefully she will learn before it gets serious.

[elsporko]

Why don't you tell your roommate you don't want this guy staying in the apt? Maybe make a rule on how long guests can stay before they have to contribute.

I wonder what his finances are like. Alot of people who go from friends house to friends house do it because they can't afford a place of their own.

Also have you talked to him about the food? Does he realize you don't share food in the house?

[Exaspera]

Why don't you tell your roommate you don't want this guy staying in the apt? Maybe make a rule on how long guests can stay before they have to contribute.

I wonder what his finances are like. Alot of people who go from friends house to friends house do it because they can't afford a place of their own.

Also have you talked to him about the food? Does he realize you don't share food in the house?

Maybe the fiance can't or won't stand up to the guy. This always makes for a great relationship, y'know! :rolleyes:

[Jester]

Wait for him to start bitching. When he complains about the cable, just say that it was too expensive to maintain. When he complains about the lack of food, you are too busy to cook and have been grabbing food at work/on the way to or from work and lack of toiletries, again, you are very broke right now.

Too passive-aggressive/wimpy for me. If the fucker complains that the shit he doesn't pay for isn't there, I would flat out tell him, "Why are you complaining about this? You don't pay for it. WE do."

Don't make excuses. Tell him straight up. "We're tired of you stealing our shit, motherfucker!"

accounting drone, the main flaw with your suggestion is that the cable is included in the rent, so the "it cost too much" thing wouldn't work...

No, the main problem is that it doesn't address the situation head on. If you tell a clueless asshole that something they have unfairly come to expect is gone because you can't afford it, they are not going to put two and two together and realize that it's because they are a fucking mooch. If, however, you tell them that it (food, cable, pool access, dancing girls) is gone because they are a fucking mooch, then there is a 50/50 chance they'll actually get it.

Though I wouldn't bet too much on it, mind you.

[Solumina]

Talk to the roommie and tell her flat out that, while she may love the guy, you don't like him. She is involved with a loser that she is being taken advantage of and that she deserves a hell of a lot better. Chances are that she is currently blind to this (love really can make people dumb as a brick) and you may be the wake up call that she needs before walking down the aisle.

[lolad]

If he;'s not too technical and you want to try the 'cable not working' thing a slightly disengaged plug appears to be working, but doesn't actually make a connection, therefore disabling it (until you want to use it that is)

:D

[Jester]

She is involved with a loser that she is being taken advantage of and that she deserves a hell of a lot better.

She may be blind to the fact that he is taking advantage of her. However, you can illuminate her to the fact that, whatever her situation, this ass clown is taking advantage of you (and any other roommates), and that you are no longer willing to do so.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I'm with Jester. She's not gonna listen to anything about how bad he is for her unless and until she's ready to do so. But stand up for yourselves. Don't be all passive aggressive. If your stuff is disappearing, regardless of whether or not she replaces it, it needs to stop.

[smileyeagle1021]

You know, sometimes problems solve themselves... apparently her lawyer informed her that her odds of regaining custody of her kids was less with her staying with him (because he has no permanent address and his own child custody problems), and she really wants custody of her kids, so she's told him to keep his distance.
Amazing how the universe provides sometimes :)