Dating site

[Eireann]

Okay, yeah... I joined a dating site. I've had the usual would-be scammers, guys who are looking for casual sex, and one guy who sent me a whiny message asking why I don't want kids.

Well, anyway, this guy contacted me recently, and I'm not sure how to react. It's obvious that he's read my profile very thoroughly. He's made various comments on it. He's asked me if I'm going to write him back. When I wrote him back, he thanked me for it.

Is this the kind of thing that happens fairly often? I really don't know.

[Greenday]

Well, that's what I do to show women I care. I actually read their profile, then pick something and talk about it in a message.

[kibbles]

I'm always nervous about dating sites. For anyone who has had good experiences, how do you ensure that you are using the site safely? Maybe I'm just being paranoid..LOL!

[Greenday]

I'm always nervous about dating sites. For anyone who has had good experiences, how do you ensure that you are using the site safely? Maybe I'm just being paranoid..LOL!

Wait longer than one message to meet the person.

[Bandit]

Wait longer than one message to meet the person.

And talk on the phone first - preferrably many times before the first meeting.

If you're nervous about giving out your number, ask for his and call him using the *69 (or whatever your local telco has) to block your Calling Line ID so he can't trace you.

B

[Seshat]

As with another thread about romance, my major piece of advice is that there's no set rules.

The idiots and assholes, yes. They're pretty much the same. 'I wnt 2 lik u out', 'y dont u want kiz', 'u shud com liv wif me i treat u so good u cum evry day'

The real deal? The ones who are worth even considering? They vary. But they have common characteristics.

They actually read your profile.
They let you know they have, usually by commenting on some aspect of it.
They contact the people whose profiles are appropriate to their own needs, lives and desires.
They treat their contacts as people, and use courtesies such as 'please', and 'thank you'.

So yeah, I'd say your 'thank you for responding' chap is worth spending an email or two on, and seeing if you do have something in common. Maybe some phone calls.
If you don't click - oh well. Thank each other and move on.
If you do - yay!

[Eireann]

Well, right now, we're only going to be in contact online. We live on different continents.

He certainly did read my profile - he took sentences out of it, put them in his message, and responded to them. In some cases, it looks as if he was trying a bit too hard to be witty.

We do have a lot in common. It's one of those sites where they rank your compatibility. The rating here is extremely high. But that's computers, not real life. There's a guy who has been suggested to me by the site, for example. We have a high compatibility rating. He lives in the city where I live.

I know this guy (though I didn't know he was a member of the site).

And I can't stand him. He has an incredible attitude, and I have a strong suspicion that he's really gay, and trying desperately to pretend that he isn't.

So compatibility ratings aren't infallible.

[Greenday]

The one I've used said I wasn't kinky so I don't how much you can REALLY trust the numbers.

[tacohuman]

Wait longer than one message to meet the person.

exactly. i've only used a dating site once, but it was a good experience. the girl who contacted me and i emailed daily for almost a month, then talked on the phone for another couple of weeks before we met face to face. we ended up dating for about 4 months, and while things didn't work out between us, it did end amicably and i have nothing but good things to say about her.

[SubwayGirl]

I agree with Bandit, talk on the phone for awhile.

That being said, I met my husband on a dating site, moved to his home state and will be celebrating our 14th anniversary in January and now have 3 wonderful children.

Good luck!

[trailerparkmedic]

I used one of the compatability sites. Seemed to work pretty well since we're getting married next week. :D

He sounds like he's interested. Anyone who takes the time to actually read your profile is usually worth at least a few messages or a phone call.

As for keeping safe, what everyone else mentioned along with meeting in public for the first time or two, and letting someone know where you'll be and when they can expect to hear from you.

[Eireann]

No meetings for some time, given the geographical distance between us. As for phone calls - who knows?

I've never had a relationship with a decent man before (well, friendships, yes, but not a relationship that was supposed to be more than friendship), and I don't know how to behave in one. God.

[blas]

Avoid craigslist.

In all seriousness, screen anyone before you meet them.

[Seshat]

I've never had a relationship with a decent man before (well, friendships, yes, but not a relationship that was supposed to be more than friendship), and I don't know how to behave in one. God.

Like yourself.

Just let it develop. If all goes well, it'll develop into a strong friendship, which also happens to involve love and sensuality.

As for the sensuality side - instinct is a very good guide. If you're both enjoying it, you're doing it right.

If you choose to, however, good sex-toy stores should have some excellent books full of things that have worked for other couples, and might work to make things even more 'wow' for you two. I find anything by Dossie Eastman to be well written and at least worth reading - not everything that works for her works for me, but enough does to be worth a try!
If you choose to go into the kinkier side where there can be a risk of physical injury, Jay Wiseman's books have good 'how-to' and 'how-not-to' advice.

[Eireann]

Wow... I didn't realize I was already having a sexual relationship with him! :)

Seshat, you are very... how shall I say it? ... Interesting. :)

[Seshat]

<laughs>

Sorry. Better to be prepared in advance, is all. :)


And yes, I probably am interesting. :)

.... in fact, I just seriously interested a psychiatrist. He seems certain I do need chemical support - but he's stumped about what he can give me that doesn't mess up my pain meds!

I know that's not the sort of interesting you meant! ;) Yes, I am widely read, and in some ways widely experienced. I leave 'which ways' to your imagination. Enjoy!

[Victory Sabre]

I've tried 2 dating sites. The first one claimed to match based on compatibility. It didn't work out too well. The ones I actually talked to were stuck up snobs, who thought they were god's gift to men, because they used that site. It also gave me some very crazy matches. I selected that I wanted matches within 100 miles. It gave me loads of matches 1000 miles away. What a joke.

The site I'm on now is a free site, and is pretty good. I've dated 2 women from that site, but haven't had too much luck with them. The first was amazing, but our work schedules were so crazy that we couldn't make it work. The second one, while a great woman, there was no spark there.

Follow the advice that others have given you, and when you do get together, make it in a public place.

[Whiskey]

Trust your gut and carry a subtle weapon (or not so subtle if you want). I put a bottle opener on my keys. My gut and my keys have gotten me out of numerous situations.

[Eireann]

I think I'll tell you a little story.

One day, when riding a tram (streetcar) in Prague, I noticed something weird. I looked down, and saw that the guy behind me was sneaking his hand along the wall, trying to grope me.

I got up and moved to a seat well behind him.

Then I got mad. I thought, "What right does he have to try this shit on me?"

My stop was coming up, so I got up, took the cap off the bottle of water I was drinking, and poured some in his lap. He pushed the bottle away, but didn't even make a move to get up.

I stood near the doors, holding the bottle so that I could backhand him with it if necessary, and got off at my stop. He just sat there, staring out the window, legs firmly crossed.

Don't worry about safety tips, friends; I've dealt with far worse than Tram Shithead. But thanks!

[Victory Sabre]

Trust your gut and carry a subtle weapon (or not so subtle if you want). I put a bottle opener on my keys. My gut and my keys have gotten me out of numerous situations.

A .38 special works wonders in this situation.

[KellyHabersham]

Add me to the list of people who feel it's best to talk on the phone for a bit before meeting in person - I made that mistake recently with a guy whom I met through a dating site. Not that there was anything wrong with "Bobby", just that I'm NOT the kind of person who finds conversation easy when I don't know the other person well, and when that person seems to be in the same boat, it makes things awkward.

(Not sure if I worded that correctly or not, but let's just say that despite the fact that "Bobby" and I shared some of the same interests, we still couldn't really get a conversation going)

[Eireann]

Okay, everyone, please DON'T worry about us meeting in person.

If - and I mean IF - it ever happens, it won't happen anytime soon. He is not in the same city or country as I am. He is not even on the same continent. Meeting him would not be a simple "let's get together for your beverage of choice" affair.

It would involve one of us paying through the nose to take a very long flight, dealing with jetlag and other fun things, just to meet. So it's not something that would be taken lightly.

Do not fear.

[Jester]

Well, anyway, this guy contacted me recently, and I'm not sure how to react. It's obvious that he's read my profile very thoroughly. He's made various comments on it. He's asked me if I'm going to write him back. When I wrote him back, he thanked me for it.

Is this the kind of thing that happens fairly often? I really don't know.

You mean a man being polite, courteous, and expressing interest in a woman beyond her ability to blow him?

No, that doesn't happen all that often. Which means this guy is worthy of a response. :lol:

So compatibility ratings aren't infallible.

Nor are people.

Remember, dating sites are merely a way to meet people, and just like any other method, they have their ups and downs, their good and bad.

Relax, stop worrying so much about this, especially since this guy is quite literally half a world away, and just enjoy the conversation with him, whether via computer or phone. And if it gets to the point where you feel he is actually a douche, end the conversation.

Pretty simple, if you ask me.