Holy Cr-!

[Nox]

I'm gay. HOLY CRAP. Just worked that out like two days ago. I have a boyrfriend. OH CRAP. I really care about him and don't want to hurt him, but am obviously not attracted to him because of the whole "recently realised lesbianism" thing. How the hell do I break things off with him without hurting him too badly?

We've been together for about 5 months, and we've known one another for a few months before that. I would honestly say he was the perfect guy for me if I was attracted to guys. I have always identified as bisexual, but now whatever attraction men had for me is gone. (Sorry I keep repeating that but HOLY CRAP I am still freaking out. Holy crap. WHen did that happen?)

Okay, so the TL;DR version of this ramble fest is: I have recently realised that I am a lesbian (HOLY CRAP WUT?!) and I have to end things with my boyfriend. HALP. I don't know how.

[ArcticChicken]

Tell him. The worst thing you can do right now is let it sit, it's not fair to either of you.

[Amina516]

I agree with the above.

Tell him..after that the "break up" part should be easy. Of course, I think you need a minute to let that sink into yourself...you sounds a tiny bit freaked. :p

[Green_Fairy]

i'm agreeing with all the above. wait til you've calmed down and come to terms with the fact (congrats on the realization, btw ^_^), and tell him. leading him on will do no one any good.
make sure to explain to him that it's reeeeeeeally not him, not his fault. some guys tend to get a complex if you tell them you prefer tacos over hot dogs. get all "omg i turned her gaaaaay:cry:" and stuff. let him know that you still care about him as a friend and it's reeeeeeeeeally not his fault.
and...good luck! let us know how it goes

[Nox]

Okay, he dropped by this afternoon and I didn't want to put it off anymore. He took it really well, and I did my best to reassure him that it was nothing he'd done. Thanks for the advice, guys; you were right, as soon as I was honest with him it was okay, and it just would have been worse if I put it off. I'm so relieved, I've been freaking out for days. Now I just have to come to terms with the fact that I am gay - wait, what?! :eek:

[Whiskey]

Try to relax! Its a huge thing, but nothing has changed about you. You're still you, but now you date chicks. Chicks aren't much different than men. Don't let anyone get in your head as to what you should or should not be doing (or how you should act).

[telecom_goddess]

We don't know if she has ever dated a woman before, despite identifying as bi. The first time being with a woman is like being a virgin all over again....and 10 times more nerve wracking.

[Whiskey]

edit: nevermind, missed a part.

[Nox]

I haven't dated a girl before, and I had only just gotten used to the idea of dating a guy. I don't know why I am freaking out so much, but I really am. :confused:

[trailerparkmedic]

You're freaking out because everything you know has flipped around, right? OMG everything is totally different!!

Deep breaths. You're still you. You just realized you have different preferences. Good luck and congrats!

[telecom_goddess]

I haven't dated a girl before, and I had only just gotten used to the idea of dating a guy. I don't know why I am freaking out so much, but I really am. :confused:

It's ok I've been there and done that before and there isn't much you can do except get through it. Know that lesbians, as a general rule, tend to hook up into relationships faster than anyone else. Meaning two dates and blam it's a relationship ;)

Start out by going to a lesbian bar in the area, if you have one. There are also dating sites that cater to this kind of thing as well. When you're ready.

[dalesys]

... Know that lesbians, as a general rule, tend to hook up into relationships faster than anyone else. Meaning two dates and blam it's a relationship ;)
What does a lesbian bring on a second date?

A U-Haul!:lol:


An MC at Utah Pride.


Be true to yourself and everything else will fall into place.

[fireheart]

If you're still trying to come to terms with being gay, I'd strongly recommend looking up any LGBT counselling services in the area. (if there are any) They would've dealt with this before and they can provide the best advice. If they have meetings, who knows, you might meet other gay/bi folk just like yourself.

Otherwise, I'd agree with the others. You're still you. Go out to a gay bar, enjoy yourself. If you do go to a gay bar, don't go alone. :D

[Nox]

I think I'm starting to freak out less now. I mean, it's not as if liking girls came out of no where, it's just liking them exclusively. Not that big a difference, right? I guess I was just freaking out at the thought of ending it with the boyfie (which went so well I don't know what I was worried about) and wondering what else I don't know about myself.

[Der Cute]

Do you know how good this is? You're learning and accepting yourself. I think it's a great thing.

I had a couple of these in my life, and wow...it's a very deep feeling "whoa. THAT'S what I am/do/think? Huh. Wow." (strange how you only have short words when you're feeling very struck/shocked by life).

You are what you are. Be PROUD you can be honest to yourself. How many people go through this world sayin "Yeah yeah I"m XYZ, I'll NEVER be an ABC" when honestly, they ARE ABC. Lot of people lie to themselves about their families, their history, their behavior. You're doing something good.

BTW. I was 25 when I figured the first "Oh Wow, WOW" out, and about 30ish when I did the 2nd one. Do NOT kick yourself for not thinking about it when you were 5 or 10. I tell people - the kids that KNOW what they're doing for a career when they're grown up - those kids are few and far between.

Cutenoob

[Plaidman]

Also depends on her upbringing, what country, or worst, state, she grew up in.

You're still you. Don't think your required to act a different way because you like girls.

There are plenty of gay people here, and I grew up with a gay sister. (I learned about people being gay before I learned about straight couples).

It's fine. It's natural. Yay you. And be happy! (no pun intended)

[Kaylyn]

Glad the ex-bf took it well. I've been on that side of the relationship before. The guy I dated before I started dating my husband came out to me and broke up with me. He was in the same boat you are. He knew he was attracted to guys, but having never had any sort of relationship before me, thought maybe he was bisexual. After dating me for a couple of months, he tried to let me down gently by saying I probably would be the perfect girl for him if he were into girls at all.

I didn't take it quite as well as your ex seems to have. I just don't handle rejection very well sometimes. I did get over it eventually, though, and we're still very close friends today. Hopefully you and your ex can remain close in that regard.

[Nox]

I am pretty much in the best place I could be, really; I have very liberal, open-minded parents, a gay older sibling, I live in Western Australia (while its the most conservative state in Australia, its still pretty good. We have gay bars and a Pride Parade, a gay news paper, organisations, the whole nine yards) and I live in a very laid back town. The sort of town where a group of teenage skateboarders dressed as clowns doesn't get a second glance.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Don't freak out. Nothing has changed. The only thing is that now you know. That is the only thing changed.

And knowing is a good thing.

[Peppergirl]

Look at it this way - you're freaking out less, and it's sinking in...you're slowly becoming yourself, and that's a GREAT thing.

And your bf took it well - that is very impressive, and rare! Perhaps you'll end up with a life-long great friend out of it, ya know?

You are a very, very lucky girl - to have so many supportive people around you is something that many LGBT's would KILL for, and many of them have been 'out of the closet' for years and years. The fact that you're still coming to grips with it yourself and have such a wonderful base of friends, family and community - is SUCH a special thing.

Congrats, girl - and live it up! :)

[BookstoreEscapee]

And knowing is a good thing.

"Knowing is half the battle." ;)

The fact that the boyfriend took it so well probably indicates he had his suspicions, at the least. Which probably indicates that other people might not be so surprised, either.

I had a friend in college (he was more friends with some of my other friends) who came out during his senior year (the year after I graduated). I went to his (and a few other friends') graduation, and was sitting with one of my friends. She told me she had something to tell me, in that tone that says "I don't know how you'll react to this." The news was "R is gay." I said, "yeah, and?" Not a surprise at all (despite his previous long-term girlfriend).

[Plaidman]

Same thing happened when my friend not only came out, but later told us he was going to have a sex change.

No-one was surprised. AT ALL.

Seriously. A blind, deaf, dumb, no limbs baby, could tell he was meant to be a woman.

So he has lots of support from at least my mom, me, and various other people.

Naturally his step son, despite all his claims of loving people for who they are, and major major abandoment issues, was the only one to throw a huge shit fit, about how he just ruined everybodies life, and how could he do that, and he just better stay a man, and how dare he hurt his wife, (my friend's mom) like that.

Despite the fact that his wife, already knew, and respected, and accepted it, and is currently helping him become a woman.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Yay self-knowledge! :D :yes: :salute: :highfive:
Do you feel like having a random link from the internet on ... um... how to have special-fun with your newfound style? I'm pretty sure you aren't to that point in any relationship right now, and I've never tried what it recommends myself, but it seems legit, and random strangers on the internet are certainly good for something (information!). BTW, link totally not safe for anything but your computer and alone-time. The site itself is clear of viruses and such, have no fear. If you want, then I'll send it via PM.
EDIT: (wow I'm editing a lot tonight...) Just realized you may not be into that type of intimacy one way or th' other. Feel free to ignore me, or tell me I'm out of line. -___-; I'm only trying to help, I swear.

[Whiskey]

if you need advice on anything, there are a lot of us bisexuals/gays whove been around and dealt with lifes shit to help you out :)

[Plaidman]

*waves* I know lots of gays and bis.

I've even had some experence in that field when I was desperate for any attention in romantic field.

[Whiskey]

*waves* I know lots of gays and bis.

I've even had some experence in that field when I was desperate for any attention in romantic field.


girl..........

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Hay guyz have emotional needs too! :)
Really, it could be argued that since it's not such a 'big thing' for 'men in western society' they need it more than women do! Like, women have a pool of 100, guys 25, when a dude is down 5 points, that's what? twenty-five percent more alone he feels? For a woman, 5 points is what? 5 percent? :blah: