Mama said...

[MystyGlyttyr]

I was thinking about this after posting in the sneaking-up thread, and it occured to me that my parents...mostly my mother...have a good number of sayings that struck very well with me. I figure everyone must have these sorts of things so why not share?

To start the ball rolling with quotes from my mother:

"Go ahead. See what happens." Usually said before I was going to do something like stick a nickel in my nose, a bobby pin in the electric socket, a wrench to a car battery, whatever. It only took me once to realize that when she said that to me, what she wasn't saying was "It'll entertain me greatly to watch you flop around on the floor like a fish for a couple minutes. Please proceed with whatever dumb idea you have."

"TAKE IT OUTSIDE!!" Usually said when my dad and brother (and later on me) got involved in a full-on no DQ wrestlng match in the living room. She didn't care how banged up we got, how many bruises/dislocated bones/whatever else we dealt with. She just didn't want to listen to us banging around into stuff. Love. Feel it.

"If they deserve it, kick their ass." No further commentary needed on this one, ya'll all know me. :D

"What'd you do to deserve it?" Usually said when one of us hurts someone and the someone runs crying to her.

My dad on the other hand, didn't have a lot to say most of the time, but one of his speeches became part of our lingo. If anyone was going out somewhere, we got the "be careful, don't do this, do that, blah blah" speech, and once, he finished it by saying "Be careful, especially in the dark." We thought, for whatever reason at the time, that was a complete riot, so to this day, whenever anyone is leaving to go somewhere, all we say to each other is "In the dark."

*waits to hear what others say*

[Greenday]

"She's trouble." - Said by my mom about a girl who is just going to somehow end up causing me trouble. And damnit, she's always freaking right about it too. Same thing for "Stop going after girls with boyfriends." Always right about that too.

This one just made my jaw drop. "You're getting older now and I know sooner or later you are going to start having sex. So when you do, just be safe and use a condom. If you don't have one, ask me, your stepdad, or your sister to get you one." This was said to me when I was 14 and still in 8th grade. I thought it was hilarious. Me, having sex any time soon when I was 14? Silly mommy. But, uh, yea, I use em. Momma scared me too much to even think about doing otherwise.

[BookstoreEscapee]

"Just ignore him and he'll stop." Sometimes being the little sister sucks.

"If you break your leg don't come running to me." Gee, thanks Dad. (this one usually involved tree climbing)

[NightAngel]

"If it was a snake it would've bit you."

"If your friends jumped off a bridge- would you?"

"Being told no is not a good reason to cry. Would you like me to give you a real reason to cry?"
I think this particular phrase is one of the best of my Mother's sayings. If more parents used this phrase there'd be a lot less SC's in the world. I use this one on my kids. :D

"There's a difference between being kind and being a doormat."

"Don't be a chameleon."

"Go ahead and do *dumb thing*... just know you'll be sorry."

"You got yourself into it- now get yourself out."

My Mother was big on taking responsibilty for your own actions- if you can't tell.

[KuzcoLlama]

"Just hit him!" And after condoning violence against my own brother, now it's "Will you two knock it off?"

"Even if you hate the [insert item here], say thank you anyways and return it later." Wise words, as I was a rather truthful (and mouthy) child.

This one isn't so much a saying as it was an action: both my parents kept me or my brother from the "no" issue with items by never letting us touch things in public in the first place. Probably the reason why "throwing tantrums" is a very foreign (and ridiculous) idea to us.

and of course, one from the pops: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." I never said he was prolific.

[Spiffy McMoron]

Said to me by Mom on the night of my 18th birthday:

"You're 18 now. Have fun, but remember--if you do something stupid, people will be able to read about it in the papers."

Thanks for the advice, Mom. :lol:

[myswtghst]

"I know you do more than just kiss boys, but I don't really want to know the details, I just want to know you're being safe."

Yeah, that was fun. :)

[Becks]

"What'd you do to deserve it?"

My mommy has said this, or something similar to me...more than once. :D

One of my older sisters told me this gem: "Condoms are your friends." I was maybe 17 at the time. (Funny...she had four kids of her own and is step-mom to two others.)

[DarthRetard]

Dad- notorious for really, really horrible puns. You'll see:

"I don't really have a problem with homosexuality, I just don't want it shoved down my throat."

Advice? No good at that one either, heres what he said when I left for my first date:

"Beware the deep tongue." That's all he said, i swear. Useful though, I'll admit.:p

He's also good for boosting self-esteem:

"Well, look at yourself, really. You're eighteen. You're still a virgin, and by choice, even though we know you can't get laid, son. You don't have a bunch of kids running around. You don't smoke pot. You've got it made, even if you can't get laid."

I wish I made these up.:lol:

[iradney]

"You wait till your Father gets home"
That sentence had the ability to instill great fear in me. I'd inevitably spend the rest of the day freaking myself out by imaging my Dad's reaction and how he'll punish me, and then he'd get home, give me a lecture and that's it.

[Lvl_9_Gazebo]

This is the best one that comes to mind. Bear in mind that my mother speaks with a very thick Southern accent.

Real phrase:

"I hate shredded lettuce!"

Phonetically:

"Ah hite shray-dud lay-tuss!"

My brother and I can do an perfect impersonation of her saying this and she hates it. This is what she always, always, always said upon receiving her burger whenever we'd go out to eat when I was litte. Burger joints at the time were very fond of shredding their lettuce.

Other momisms:

"You always were a morbid child, you know that?"

Said to me when she dropped off my supper on night one her way to a church singing, after she found out that I was researching sex murders of children for the novel I was writing at the time.

"You ain't worth nothing either, but don't nobody shoot you for it!"

Mom gained fame in our community after having a very loud and very public argument with a man who lived across the valley from us and who liked to drive through the community either running over or shooting any animal he happened across. Mom saw him shoot one of our cats, stormed down to him, grabbed his shotgun, and had a chat. After he said to her, "Aw honey, it weren't nuthin but an old cat! It weren't worth nothin'" this was her response. The community gossip drove by with her window down just as this came out of Mom's mouth.

[jnd4rusty]

ME: I'm mad
MOM: well you have the same pants to get glad in
(never understood that one but I use it at work with the teens and it makes them laugh)

ME: Thats not fair
MOM: What is it then, a circus?

"You made your bed, now lie in it"

There are a lot more but I can't remember them, she always had some real weird sayings at times and I still use a few when I remember them.

[Writer Cath]

Now that we're getting older, if we complain about bills or work, my mother bursts into song. "WELLLLLLLLLLLCOME to to my WORRRRLD!"

Or when we were younger and complaining about school or our friends. This one's sung barbershop style.

"Teeny bopper, teeny bopper, teeny bopper, teeny bopper pro-o-oblems!"

We stopped complaining :angel:

My dad is very sow to anger. He used to belt out "JESUS CHRIST!" at the top of his lungs when he was really mad. Hasn't done it for years, but that doesn't stop us from imitating him whenever he looks annoyed at something.

Weirdest thing of all though, my mom has started to drop F-Bombs; it's the most disconcerting thing to happen to me sine that time I saw one of my teachers grocery shopping in summer.

[Chanlin]

This one is from my dad, and I think this is one philosophy that stuck with me and part of the reason why people who won't do things for themselves annoy the hell out of me.

Me: But I can't.....

Dad: Did you even try?

Me: No

Dad: So how do you know you can't do it?

My dad is a PE teacher and he holds this philosophy for all of his classes. The only thing he marks students of for is failure to try and disrespect.

The only real thing from mom I can consider that I'm a better person for is she felt it was very important to read to me and my sister when we were younger.

[BookstoreEscapee]

My mommy has said this, or something similar to me...more than once. :D

One of my older sisters told me this gem: "Condoms are your friends." I was maybe 17 at the time. (Funny...she had four kids of her own and is step-mom to two others.)

Apparently she didn't get along with them so well..:lol:

Weirdest thing of all though, my mom has started to drop F-Bombs; it's the most disconcerting thing to happen to me sine that time I saw one of my teachers grocery shopping in summer.

I think I've heard the F word from my mom once, maybe last year. We were at a family party and she was on maybe her 3rd glass of wine (she's a cheap drunk; unfortunately I take after her). I told her I think you've had enough and reached over her like I was going to take away her glass. She slapped my hand away. :roll:

My 2nd grade teacher used to work at the toy store in the summer. That was kinda cool :)

[Dips]

There were seven children in my family.

Mom:

"Yeah? Well life isn't fair."

"Awwww. My heart bleeds for you." [usually used to put a stop to whining]

"Uh huh. And what were you doing to him right before he hit you?" [Mom wasn't dumb]

"You don't like it? Too bad this isn't a restaurant." [this discouraged complaints about what was for dinner]

"I hope you have a kid just like you." [sounds sweet, but it was meant as a curse :lol: ]

Dad:

"If I step on one more goddamned [insert name of whatever toy happened to be on the floor], I'm going to throw them all out!" [sometimes he actually did]

"If you spent half the amount of energy you use to avoid picking up your room, actually [I]picking up your room, you'd have been finished hours ago." [I often think of this saying when dealing with resellers who don't pay their bills]

Now that I have kids I use those and I've added a few of my own:

"I'm sorry. I don't speak Whine. Could you repeat that in English?" [self-explanatory]

"I told you we would do something fun after you do your chores. If you spend all your time arguing with me about it, we will run out of time to do something fun and you'll still have your chores to do."

"You want me to write a note explaining that you didn't do your homework because I made you go to church on Sunday morning? Sure. I'll write that. I'll also mention that you couldn't do it on Friday and Saturday because you were watching TV. OK?"

I use the same logic on SCs only with more diplomatic wording.

And my sister is very fond of:

"Oh, no! We need to call the WAAAAAAAAAAAHMBULANCE." :lol:

[myswtghst]

"I hope you have a kid just like you." [sounds sweet, but it was meant as a curse ]
My mom says the same thing to me, all the time.

My dad's prize moments include:

After me, my brother and my cousin trashed the basement so we could make "music videos" and asked him not to go downstairs until we finished cleaning, he went down, and came back up with a strange look on his face. When we asked if he was mad, he said "I'm not mad, I'm really pi$$ed off." I though my cousin was going to start crying, she was so scared.

After we got him to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force with us, he started saying "Do what now?" in response to almost anything you said to him. Really obnoxious.

[BrightEyedKitty]

HA HA, Meatwad FTW! :D

[BookstoreEscapee]

"I hope you have a kid just like you." [sounds sweet, but it was meant as a curse ]

I don't know if my friend's sister ever got this from their mom, but if she did, it sure came true! I've know this girl since she was born... She's 27 now and has a 6 year old daughter who looks and acts just like her as a kid. What goes around comes around, isn't that how it goes?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Some of the Momisms I heard (and STILL do):

"I'll put the fear of ME in 'em-" Yes she could when I was growing up - the entire city school board heard her wrath. She went to battle w/them for several years over my brother, who is mentally challenged. Come to think of it, they were scared of her at MY school as well.:wave:

"You're better than that"

"Sure you've got something wrong with you. Look at your parents." She STILL says this and I'm almost 38.:roll:

"You've got a lot more sense than that dipshit your daddy still has at home." Baby sis is 19, stil at home and running up credit cards they don't know about, while I am still working and basically paying most of the bills at home. That child has no clue how lucky she is. I do without some things to have other stuff, while she thinks life is one big party.

At least I'm not out at all hours, smoking and drinking and hanging around potheads. :angel:

[reformedwaitress]

"I hope you have a kid just like you." [sounds sweet, but it was meant as a curse :lol: ]

My momma used this one all the time. My daughter is EXACTLY like I was.

She was adopted.

I apologize to her daddies for that ALL the time.

[nick1091]

My Mom's Gems:

"If you and your sisters are going to keep fighting like that, I'll lock you outside with the rest of the animals!"

"That's not the point."

"Clean up your plate, we don't have waitress service at this house."

Said to my sisters as sage advice: "Men like red. And men like women who wear red."

A couple of vintage Dad quotes:

"Walk it off" Like any other dad, said to treat anything from a Charlie Horse to lepracy.

"A good deal's like a sore dick, you just can't beat it."

[BookstoreEscapee]

"Do as I say, not as I do."

(But she only used this when I was a teenager and old enough to know what I shouldn't do.)

[Thrifty]

"It's a minor" relating to something small I was upset about. It really put things in perspective much of the time, and to this day when I am really upset about something I'll ask myself it is truly a minor thing.

"I was not a glass maker/your mother was not a glass maker" in reference to me or most recently my fiancee blocking her view of something.

[Boozy]

"I wonder what the poor people are doing today?"

- oft said by my father as we enjoyed some completely free outdoor activity as a family. We didn't have two nickels to rub together when I was a kid. I was a teenager before I realized that we didn't have money. The best things in life ARE free!

[BookstoreEscapee]

"I was not a glass maker/your mother was not a glass maker" in reference to me or most recently my fiancee blocking her view of something.

My dad: "You'd make a better door than a window."

-ams-

[Writer Cath]

This was something my grandfather used to say, but my father has adopted it.

"Hundred years from now, it won't matter."

That usually stopped any griping about my day or my friends in its tracks.

[Boozy]

"Hundred years from now, it won't matter."

That usually stopped any griping about my day or my friends in its tracks.

If we all thought that way, it may spell the end to this forum. And dammit, I like pointlessly bitching about daily minutiae!
But he's still right. ;)

[Broomjockey]

If we all thought that way, it may spell the end to this forum. And dammit, I like pointlessly bitching about daily minutiae!
But he's still right. ;)

I dunno, everything's connected, who knows, one rant session might be the thing to trigger an idea or change of behaviour in someone which triggers changes in others and it's a huge snowball effect!

And there's no way to know what you say will have that effect!
So keep getting ranty with it! You might just change the course of the world without even knowing it!

[Chanlin]

"Hundred years from now, it won't matter."



OFF TOPIC
This reminds me of a poster that I saw at school once.

"Because 20 years from now all that will matter is what you learned and how you applied it"

The teacher that had this hanging in her room had added her own little sign above it that read "Why do we need to learn this subject?"
/OFF TOPIC

[BookstoreEscapee]

I dunno, everything's connected, who knows, one rant session might be the thing to trigger an idea or change of behaviour in someone which triggers changes in others and it's a huge snowball effect!

And there's no way to know what you say will have that effect!
So keep getting ranty with it! You might just change the course of the world without even knowing it!

Kind of like Pay it Forward......sorta....:D

[nick1091]

OFF TOPIC
This reminds me of a poster that I saw at school once.

"Because 20 years from now all that will matter is what you learned and how you applied it"

The teacher that had this hanging in her room had added her own little sign above it that read "Why do we need to learn this subject?"
/OFF TOPIC

Interesting.

*makes note to self to wait 8 more years in hopes I'll have to calculate the cosine of something before I consider Integrated Math a waste of time.*

[Primer]

"I hope you have a kid just like you." [sounds sweet, but it was meant as a curse :lol: ]

My mom used this one too....and ya know what? I had the last laugh! I never had kids!!

[ForestDragon]

"You don't like it, supper's over." My father's favorite when we kids thought dinner was, well, less than appetizing. I learned to raid the kitchen early.

"Some days it rains and some days it's too wet to plow." One of my mother's. Usually about a bad run of luck or 'you can't win' situations.

"I wouldn't take a million for any of them. And I wouldn't give a nickel for another." My maternal grandmother on her five kids. :D

"I will tell you now, I will not acknowledge any bastard grandchildren." My dad when we kids got to adolescence. All heart, my old man. :rolleyes: I never wanted damn kids anyway, so there. :p (Now that I think about it, I think it was more directed toward my more reckless brother rather than me.)

"Christ on a crutch!" Dad's favorite expression when disgusted.

"If it was a snake, I'd'a bit it." Either parent when they were feeling silly when they found something they were looking for that was in a really obvious place.

"I hear screaming, I better see blood!" My dad. Intended to discourage 'wolf-crying' when my brother and I played. A related thing was when my brother as a very young child (barely verbal) would come running up to him bawling because he'd just banged something or fell down or whatever.

Dad (looking him over): You bleeding?
Brother: Nooooo... (sniffle sniffle)
Dad: Anything broken?
Brother: Nooooo... (sniffle sniffle)
Dad (finishing inspection): You're okay.
Brother: I'm okay, I'm okay. (sniffle sniffle; then runs off to go play again.)

Or a famous exchange between my brother (somewhat older than in the above incident) and my father:

Brother: But everybody's got one! (or going or whatever)
Dad: Not everybody. Not you.

There aren't too many specific examples of exchanges like this between myself and my parents - mostly because I learned what to do/what not to do from watching what happened to my brother! :D

[jnd4rusty]

I remember some more:
"Wait until your father gets home"
"If you don't stop crying I will give you something to cry about"
"You will feel my belt on your ass if I have to stop this car" said by dad
"I am not made of shutters" (said once when I told her to shut up)

Well that is all I remember so far.

[Tanasi]

My uncle had a saying that I've adopted: "Bless his heart, he was educated way beyond his intelligence."
Now the way of thinking for true southerneers is that you can say anything about some no matter how mean-spirited and niether that person nor their friends and family can get mad at you if you preceed it with "Bless their heart."

[dawntazz]

"Was you raised in a barn?" --- leaving the door opened I said nope

"Am i heating the whole world now?" ----again i don't know are you?

[Tanasi]

"Was you raised in a barn?" --- leaving the door opened I said nope


When I was asked that I would say "Yes part of the time." I generally spent about as much time in one barn or another as I did in the house. Come to think about it I still do.