Overreacting or not?

[Misanthropical]

First, a little back-story. I'm very sensitive about my weight and have been since I was obese in Jr. High and was made fun for the years that I went there. Well, I dropped the weight, but I'm still very sensitive about the issue.

Okay, now on to what happened. I went to the doctor and my husband went with me. I asked my doctor about my weight and the doctor blurts it out in front of my husband. My husband has never known my weight, since like I said it's a sensitive issue. I was first shocked that the doctor just did that and then hurt that he just did that.

The doctor told me it was no big deal and basically made it sound like I was overreacting. My husband told me it was no big deal, because he would love me no matter what my weight is. I was still very upset about it.

I have never had a doctor blurt out my weight in front of what ever family member was with me at the time.

So, good people of CS, was I overreacting?

[Broomjockey]

I think you might be overreacting a little, as the doctor probably assumed that since you trusted the person enough to have them in the room that you trusted them with whatever info.

However, on the flip side, doctors aren't supposed to reveal patient information of anykind to anyone other than the patient, implied trust or not. So I think he was wrong to do it.

[Banrion]

My question would be why did you bring your husband into the exam with you, if you expected him NOT to privvy to the details?

[draftermatt]

I'd say you are more than overreacting.

If the guy married you I think he loves you. You could weigh 200 lbs but as long as he likes the way you look then what's the issue?

Also, as other people said if you don't want your husband to know your weight or other info then why bring him with you to the doctor?

[Misanthropical]

I brought my husband, because my weight wasn't the main reason for the doctor visit. I wanted my husband to know what was going on with the main issue, since I was a bit scared about it.

I brought my weight up to get the doctors opinion since I have no idea how they measure people's weight into catagories. I thought the doctor would just answer the question without saying what my current weight is. I thought he would say something like "your weight is fine" or "your a bit over weight" or "you shouldn't eat so much chocolate" :p

[Ryu]

Its probably different since its my parents but whenever I goto the doctor they announce my weight in front of my parents if im with them even though I'm 20
To me its no big deal so I dont care, I would doubt your husband does either

[BookstoreEscapee]

<snip>I thought he would say something like "your weight is fine" or "your a bit over weight" or "you shouldn't eat so much chocolate" :p

Well, if he said that last one I'd say it's time to get a new doctor :eek:

I'd say the doctor probably assumed your husband would know approximately what you weigh; that said, i'd prefer not to have someone announce my weight in front of someone else, no matter who they were.

-ams-

[MadMike]

I agree with those who say the doctor probably assumed your husband knew what you weighed, and that you wouldn't care if he mentioned your weight in front of him. (But we all know what happens when you ASSUME, right?)

However, I also see where you're coming from. I've been married to my wife for almost six centuries... uh, years, and we dated for about 5 years before that. To this day, she still won't tell me what she weighs. :p

[Boozy]

The doctor didn't do anything wrong at all. He needs to be able to communicate openly with you about your health concerns or he wouldn't be doing his job. You decided you wanted your husband at the appointment. That can't hinder what the doctor feels he needs to inform you about. And you ASKED about your weight!

I don't think anyone should be jumping to conclusions about your marriage, though. Whether or not you want your husband to know what you weigh is entirely up to you. I'm not going to judge the health of your relationship based on such a small detail. Besides, his response about loving you no matter what was just so damn sweet! :)

[NightAngel]

I think that you were overreacting. Your hubby sees you everyday he probably had a good idea of how much you weigh before he was told. I also think that since you asked the doctor about your weight it shouldn't have been a great surprise when he said how much you weighed.

I've read enough of your posts/threads to deduce that your hubby think you're "da bomb" no matter what. :)

Maybe you should think of this as a "facing your fears" moment. It happened, nothing bad came of it, your hubby loves you. Now you know you have nothing to fear from it.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I agree. If you had the man in when you saw the doc, the doc I think safely assumed he could speak frankly in front of him.

I mean, its' your husband. You've swapped DNA with him. How much you weigh is not a deal breaking secret. ;)

And in my opinion, how much you, or anyone else weighs means nothing. It's a number. It does not reflect how you look. When you add in height, bone density, build, muscle, fat, etc. It's an approximation. And one I bet your husband doesn't care much about.

Telling him the big bad number is not going to make him suddenly notice you weigh more than you would like. He has noticed how you look. And he loves you. So apparently, it's not the big deal to him that it is for you.

Don't worry about this. :)

[Anthony K. S.]

Originally Posted by Misanthropical :

I thought he would say something like "your weight is fine" or "your a bit over weight" or "you shouldn't eat so much chocolate"


Well . . . I can only speak for myself, of course, but I were to ask my doctor about my weight, I would probably want her to tell me something a little more specific than "Your weight is fine."

I'm thinking that when you asked him about your weight, your doctor thought that you were expecting a specific answer. And like other people said, the doctor thought it would be safe to speak frankly about the matter in front of your husband, especially since you allowed him to be in the room with you at the time.

Now, having said that . . . If I was in your doctor's place, and my patient told me that she was upset that I mentioned her weight in front of her husband . . . I would probably say something like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that would upset you."

I would tell her that I thought she was asking what her weight was, specifically, and that I thought it would be okay to say it in front of her husband, since she allowed him to be in the room. (However, I would also tell her, as gently as I could, that I need to be able to speak frankly with her about such matters in order to provide the best care I can.)

Even if I did feel she was overreacting, I wouldn't say so. I would view this as one of those times when you should go by the rule "Think it, don't say it." It's far more important, I think, that the patient feels comfortable with her doctor even if the doctor doesn't always agree with her on what is or isn't "a big deal."

I don't think that the doctor did anything wrong by telling you your specific weight in response to your question. But as for the way he handled the situation after you made your discomfort clear . . . I wouldn't go so far as to say that that was actually wrong, either, but I do think there were better ways he could have handled it.


EDIT :

After I wrote this post, it occurred to me that there might be one exception to what I said above, and that would be if the doctor has been close friends with the patient, or the patient's family, for a long time.

In my own case, for example . . . My doctor was friends with my mother for a very long time (until my mother passed away a few years ago). In fact, my doctor and her husband are actually my godparents, and their children were my childhood friends.

So if I were to express any discomfort similar to yours, Misanthropical, and my doctor were to brush it aside, saying, "Oh, come on, it's not a big deal" . . . I would probably be okay with her doing that, because of her longstanding relationship with me and the rest of my family.

In my opinion, then, if the doctor has had a long, close friendship with the patient, then such situations would be a very different matter than if the doctor has only known the patient for a relatively short time or if their relationship had been a more formal one.

[Rahmota]

Well I think you kinda over reacted like others have said. If your husband is in the room then the doctor figured he was cleared for that info. I know hippa aside and all that.

My wife and I go to the same doctor and she knows that we are each cleared to know what is going on with the other because if she didnt tell us we would tell each other before we even go to the car. SO sometimes I'll wind up sitting through an in depth discussion of some of the wifes femenine issues and the wife has sat through a prostate exam with me.

[draftermatt]

Well, if he said that last one I'd say it's time to get a new doctor :eek:
-ams-

Ha ha. My doc told me flat out I was too fat.

I gained 25 lbs in 6 months (don't ask) and he mentioned checking my thyroid. I said "you just did that a few months ago"

"Well that we did, okay you're just too fat, lose some weight.:roll:

[Tanasi]

OK now tell me why when I go to the doctor my wife has to come with like I'm one of the kids, but when she goes if I'm in the same county I get cussed? She'll take her mother, my mother, her sisters, our daughters, heck she ever took her dad one time but I'm not welcome. That is until the kids are due to be born and then you gotta be there for the miracle.
My answer to myself is: Her coming to the doctor with me gives her more nagging ammo and her health isn't any of my business until the bill comes in. You wimmins are driving me out of my nuts.
Sorry to thread jack Mis
My answer to you is that your husband has seen you in all you nekkid glory, for better and for worse and richer and poorer. I'm sure he's seen you in worse situations.

[Primer]

I actually prefer to have hubby in with me, as he tends to remember stuff better than I do. I doesn't help that my short term memory is shot to heck from the head injury from the wreck.

[Greenday]

Apparently, I have to sign a slip for my mom to get any test results or for the doctor to even talk to my mom about me. He's really cool guy though. When I saw him for the first time which was last month, he asked me the general questions: smoking, drugs, drinking (at which he laughed as he asked it). I told him I drink a little and then he said he's been to my college a few times and asked me if I knew of a couple different bars. Nice guy.

If I was the doctor, and you brought your husband in the room and asked about your weight, I'd figure you wouldn't care if he knew. But that's just how I'd look at it.

[Kiwi]

Well I can see why the doctor would assume that if your husband was in the room with you, he was free to speak. I dont think he would have purposely said it to upset you, most husbands know their wifes weight (however my boyfriend doesnt know my weight and neither do I for that matter hahaha!). I had alot of issues with my weight during my teen years, I would frequently starve myself to make the numbers go down and down and down which is why I wont weigh myself now or ever again. I know how it feels to be embarressed about how you look (or think you look).

However, if you got upset about it and he blew your concerns off, that would worry and annoy me. I hate to be patronized and told Im worrying over nothing (if im worrying, its not nothing!). Once you told him that you were upset he should have apologuised and moved on.

So I think you need to chalk it up to experiance, and if you are bringing in someone to the doctors office, you should let them know whats off limits and whats not.

[Arachne]

Your doctor's not a mind-reader. Your husband was there, and you asked about your weight. Hence, it's reasonable to assume that you didn't mind him knowing what your weight was. Especially since most people don't mind their husbands (or wives) knowing what their weight is. If it was that big of an issue, you either shouldn't have asked around your husband, or made it clear when you asked that you didn't want your doctor to mention what your weight was, specifically.

IOW, yes. Overreacting a lot.

I tend towards being very anxious about a lot of things, and I know all too well that it's impossible to just stop feeling bad/hurt/nervous about something even though you know it's silly, but I've also discovered that the more I remind myself that something isn't worth getting worked up about it, the less I get worked up when it comes up again. There are limits, of course, and I don't think I'm ever going to be what any reasonable person would describe as laid back, but it helps to keep me from crossing the line from 'eccentric' to 'crazy'. :D

EDIT: I wanted to add that I have seen doctors be pretty insensitive about weight, though, so I hardly think the medical degree makes them above that. My fiance is overweight enough that it's caused him a few problems in the past. Recently, he's been trying to get a doctor, any doctor, to address some stomach problems he's been having, and they keep telling him that he has to lose weight first. It worries the hell out of me, and it's gotten so that he won't go anymore. I want to go track these people down, and taunt them mercilessly about anything that I suspect they might be sensitive about until they cry, then laugh at them. In front of lots and lots of people. Who would also be laughing. Then I want to get their licenses taken away.

Seriously, who does that? 'Oh, we're gonna ignore a medical problem you have because you're too fat.' Extremely uncool.

(And no, he's not morbidly obese or otherwise heavy enough to prevent whatever tests that might diagnose the problem. He's not even THAT overweight.)