Plaidman

[Trokanis]

My name is John C. Hill. I am one of Plaidman's best friends. I was just told by his mother, that he passed away this morning. I'm sorry to have to bring the news, but I know that many if not all of you were close to him and you deserve to know. I love him very much and he's a great person. I'm so sorry!

May he have found peace he deserved more than most!

[Rapscallion]

I woke to a confusing set of messages this morning, but it appears Plaidman is no longer with us.

RIP.

We have no more details and no proper confirmation, so I would ask that everyone keeps speculation to other arenas, please.

Rapscallion

[JoitheArtist]

I just...don't have any words. He will be missed. http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l242/Joitheartist/candle.gif

[Cazzi]

I don't know what to say either. May he RIP
:hug: Plaid

[Mishi]

Wow! Rest in Peace, Plaidman. May the afterlife be kinder to you than this earthly existence was. :hug:

[TruthHurts]

R.I.P Plaidman, you will be missed.

[Pagan]

A close friend of his messaged me on Facebook and asked me to let everyone here know.

Our dear friend Plaid has been having a rough go of it and, sadly, took his own life Monday morning.

She also said that he loved this sight, talked about it all the time, and considered us all good friends.

I'm sure his beautiful spirit is now enjoying the Summerlands....

[tropicsgoddess]

RIP Plaidman. We miss you, man. http://www.frostknights.org/Forums/Emotes/candle.gif

[iradney]

My avatar is for you Plaid. I know you were a big fan of Batman. I will miss you :(

[Sarah Valentine]

When I went on facebook earlier the first post I saw was Ree's then I saw the rest and started to cry, I might not have known him face to face, but anyone could tell he was a good person and a good friend. Rest in peace Plaid, you will be missed. :(

[kokopuff3]

RIP Plaidman :(

[telecom_goddess]

OH my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

I saw it on FB and I just don't know what to say.

[Abby_Normal]

One of the few friends I had from CS on FB.

I was sorry to hear he passed, may he find peace with the next life.

[gaspode]

Just read about It on Facebook,RIP Plaid you will be missed.

[morgana]

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear . . . :(

May the next life treat you better, Plaid. We'll miss you.

[dalesys]

Songs To Aging Children Come - Tigger Outlaw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvXZcwxJ7V0). From "Alice's Restaurant". Why I got into Joni Mitchell.

I sang this acapella at my other-father's graveside.

[Jester]

Ah, fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Damn it.

[orcprincess]

:( RIP Plaidman

[Giggle Goose]

:( I am so upset I just can't even think right now. I will sorely miss his wit, wisdom, and thought-provoking posts. RIP Plaidman...

[Lvl_9_Gazebo]

From what I remember of his posts, all he ever wanted was to be loved. I hope he knew how much we cared.

[monolayth]

I am shocked. WOW. he will be missed.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Oh man, oh man.... I ain't got any words.

Bye, Plaid-Kitty. We'll miss ya, love.

[blas]

Aww, Plaid...

I am honored to have spent these past few years being your online friend.

RIP, dear Plaid.

[Dave1982]

RIP Plaidman :cry:

[Lady Legira]

I don't know what to say, he sent me PMs after my husband died that brightened my day.

I'll help you cry. :cry:

[FormerCallingCardRep]

Plaid only wanted what everyone else wanted, someone to accept him for what was on the inside and not what was on the outside.

He struggled with acceptance of what the Neurofibromatosis was doing to his body.

He is no longer in the pain that he lived with on a daily basis.

RIP Plaid

[drunkenwildmage]

RIP Plaidman

[SG15Z]

I can't believe my first post on this site in a long time will be for this.Thanks to those on FB who let me know. I will miss you Plaid! RIP :(

[Jay 2K Winger]

RIP Plaidman. :(

[Sandman]

rip fellow nf patient. i'l be donating money to the CTF in your memory. hopefully they will find a cure soon.

[telecom_goddess]

Does anyone have contact with anyone in his family? I think it would be nice to send our condolences in some way...I don't have any other contact info other than his cell number.

I really can't believe this happened.

[Kara]

I'm bawling as I type this.

I've known Plaidman here for a long time. He was one of the very first people to offer me support and encouragement back when my world collapsed in December, and had continued to do so throughout everything that happened after. I only ever knew him here, and I wish I could have returned the favor. I'm sorry, my friend. I'm so sorry. Your pain is over now. May you finally find the peace this world couldn't give you.

[Lil Bunny]

I don't even know what to say, this is one heck of a shock! RIP man!

[Becks]

I'm too upset to post much, but I'll miss him a lot. He's was a great guy and a sweetheart.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Damn.....

That's all I have for now. Just...damn

[AdminAssistant]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYecLvwOiVA

RIP, Plaid.

[draggar]

Almost nothing would make me take the risk of circumventing work firewalls and blacklists, except this. :cry:

rip fellow nf patient. i'l be donating money to the CTF in your memory. hopefully they will find a cure soon.

Link please? I think some of us would like to make a donation in his name. Maybe someone can talk to his family to see if they'd like that in his memory.

He was always there offering support for anyone who needed it. We are lucky he spent as much time here as he did.

He will be missed.

[Elspeth]

oh wow. I can't believe he is gone. He always had a kind word for people here. May he find peace.

*cry*

[Pagan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6H1AjTRU3A&feature=related

[The Last to Know]

I just don't understand. :( I'm so very sad. I hope he is totally at peace now.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

For those on the Easr Coast, contact www.nfnetwork.org They help to rais money for research and they do a summer camp for children who has NF so they can meet other children who have NF. The NF organization the Plaid always mentioned to me is www.ctf.org

[Kara]

I remembered this was in my pm box. Plaidman sent it to me in early March, when everything was still fresh with my court case and my ex had just filed for divorce and things just kept looking worse and worse.

Subject: Meow!
You are loved. *hugs*.

Ditto.

[Eisa]

Found out on FB. :( Sorta...shocked right now...RIP, Plaid. <3

[Amina516]

I also just found out via FB... :(

I hope he now can find the peace he never found on Earth. R.I.P

[SteverinoNY]

I know Plaid and I did not get along, but I am very saddened to hear about what happened. No person deserves this and his family definitely does not.

Wherever you are buddy, I hope you are pain free and can somehow feel the love and support that is being shared now. I regret not taking the opportunity to talk to you and get over the petty bullshit between us.

Much support for anyone who knew him more personally than I.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Lupo let me know this morning. I just stared at my phone for a minute. I hope he is at peace now. :(

[monolayth]

Just an aside to everyone. If you are feeling even remotely like this is a possibility for you please talk to someone. Please.

[Mikkel]

I hope he is at peace now. :(

That's the only thing we can hope.
Oh hell.
:cry:

[42_42_42]

Oh no no no no no no no no no! :cry:

I am sorry I only knew him on this site. Would have loved to know him in person.

May you now have the peace and love you have always deserved, dear Plaidman.

You are sorely missed. :cry:

[MoonCat]

I didn't know him well, but that doesn't matter. I wish him peace. Blessed be.

[Animae]

That is so very very sad.

I hope he is at peace now.

He will be missed.

[Kara]

Just an aside to everyone. If you are feeling even remotely like this is a possibility for you please talk to someone. Please.

Agreed. I just put something similar on my FB, but if it hadn't been for my friends (all of you), including Plaidman, back in December it would have been me. I was able to keep from acting on it, mostly due to lack of motivation to do ANYTHING, but I wanted to die. I would lie down and pray to God that I wouldn't wake up. Since I was living with my parents for the first month after my arrest, I had a 50 mile drive to get to work. There were a few days I called in because I knew that if I got on the highway I would steer my car into the concrete dividers, the hillsides, or the lake it goes over at one point. No matter how bad it looks, you will always have friends who love you and support you. As I put on FB: If you don't think you're worth something, that you haven't made a difference, or that it will never get better, talk to your friends. You might be surprised.

You might not see it for yourself, but you might be everything to someone. Just caring about someone you have never and maybe will never meet in person can be enough. He helped me to learn that.

[Evil Queen]

I read about his passing on Facebook (He was on my friendlist) and I returned to CS to give my sympathies. Plaid was a wonderful, strong young man and I'm going to miss him dearly. He was a good friend and I wish I'd taken the opportunity to get to know him better and be more friendly.

I'll miss you buddy. I hope that, in the afterlife, he learns how much we all loved him.

-EQ
aka Anna

[Mikkel]

Agreed.

That's what scares me most just now.
So many members here are depressed or have difficulties which could make anybody suicidal.
Please don't let there be another. Seek help if you need it!

[Taboo]

=( I have no words, beyond that he will be dearly missed...

[ArcticChicken]

I hope he gets the happiness he so very much deserves.

[Retail's Bitch]

I hope they have facebook and customerssuck where he's gone and he sees how much everyone cares about him. Im sure they have sucky customers in heaven and he'll straighten 'em out right quick. Xoxo we'll miss you mister....

[Thatgirl71]

I didn't know him very well, just from his posts here on CS, but I just have to say may he RIP and may he find all the happiness and love that he so deserves.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Just checking in to find this . . . . :jawdrop:

There are just so many things I can say on this that I really can't get them all organized in my head.

Shit. Damn. Hell. Fuck.:cry:

[NotSoInnocent]

My family made a trip down to the Portland Zoo for a meet-up... Plaid was the only other CSer to come. My kids loved him at first sight. He was a good friend and a wonderful person. I wish he had called me....

dammit...:cry:

[Lachrymose]

RIP Plaid. Even if I didn't agree with a lot of what you had to say, you had a great heart.

ETA: This is all too strange. He is the third person who I "knew" online who has passed away within the past year. All of them have made me incredibly sad.

[Midnight12]

http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p313/LexiaFira/PlaidmanDriver.jpg

because...i can't give an exact reason. if its bad then mod please delete my post
it means something to me, and i guess the rest of us as his friends

[NateTheChops]

I don't know how to quite say this, so I guess the simplest way is the best. I hope to see you again when I finally log off.

[draggar]

For those on the Easr Coast, contact www.nfnetwork.org They help to rais money for research and they do a summer camp for children who has NF so they can meet other children who have NF. The NF organization the Plaid always mentioned to me is www.ctf.org

Maybe someone can check with his family (Trokanis?) to see if it is OK if we make donations in his name (and what name to use - Plaidman?).

[Dasota]

I didn't know Plaid personally, just from what I gleaned from the boards. Already put up a post on Facebook telling folks on there that they can talk to me at anytime. Same goes for all you fine folks here.

http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/International_Suicide_Prevention_Directory

[MaggieTheCat]

I didn't know Plaid very well, not as well as many of you, but this is still very shocking and heartbreaking. :( My condolences to his family, and to those of you who were close to him. If anyone would like to talk, my PM box is open.

RIP, Plaidman.

[CaroPhoenix]

I think I can finally post something without crying. He will definitely be missed. I knew him from the boards, but he was a good man. I pray he has found the peace and live he wanted here on this earth wherever he is now. RIP Plaid.

[Kogarashi]

RIP Plaidman.

[Midnight12]

I apologize. I didn't want to believe...all day I've been in denial. still am

uhm i guess for those of you who don't have his FB account here is the update. as quoted. wanted those that live in his area or are close enough that CAN go, and WANT to go to please do? or at least know

Thank you for the impressive outpouring of love, respect and compassion. We find your words very comforting. Driver's memorial will likely be this Saturday in Portland. We'll post the specifics as we get them. --Driver's family

[DeltaSierra]

RIP Plaidman. You will be missed.

[KiaKat]

Sometimes, life isn't fair.

Sometimes, life overwhelms us and we falter.

RIP, Plaid. I'm sure you've got a lot of love, human and feline, wherever you are.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Okay, I think I can say more now.

Plaid, I'm sorry you may never have known what it truly was like to be loved.

I'm sorry you were in so much pain that you felt you had to end it this way.

I'm sorry things weren't quite the same between us for a while.

I'm sorry the last thing I ever said to you was don't eat at White Castle because it made me sick. :lol:

I hope you found peace wherever you are.

I hope I don't have to this again for a very long time--or ever.

I've been listening to "Calamity Song" by the Decemberists a lot today. I don't know the meaning of the song, but I find it comforting and appropriate for some reason.

[shadowpanda]

Rest in Peace Plaidman, you will be sorely missed.

This community has kept me going on days I didn't want to see the sun go down. There is always someone to listen and joke with or cry with. Thank you for telling us about Plaid.

May Plaid find the peace he never quite found here x

[RayvenQ]

I don't really have words enough at the moment, but if anyone needs to talk, even just to distract themselves a little bit, I'm here.

[stephenr]

Rest in peace, Plaidman. I only seen his posts on the board and hopefully, he is at peace now and no longer in pain.

[lupo pazzesco]

I heard this morning, was at work all day and I still don't have any words.

Plaidy, we love you. We all love you, and we're going to miss you. Everyday.

[Victory Sabre]

Holy cow!

I didn't know Plaid, except from his posts here at CS. I offer my condolences to his friends, and family. May he rest in peace.

[ExRetailDrone]

I only knew Plaidman from his posts here and over at Fratching, but he always came across to me as a really wonderful person with a very big heart and lots of love to give. I only wish he had felt he had as much love in return...he more than deserved it.

I hope that he is at peace and surrounded by love wherever he is, and that the next life will be easier on him than this one was.

:cry:

Healing energy and thoughts to his family and friends that knew him better than I.

[Sandman]

CTF is an excellent organization. i have donated to it in the past and you can be absolutely safe in knowing that your donations go to research into cure/treatment for those who have NF related diseases.

[ShootMePlease]

I was just thinking the other day "I wonder what happened to Plaidman ?. I know I don't know any of you personally, but we are a family and I feel horrible about his death. No one should have to bear so much pain. RIP Plaidman. I will miss you.

[joe hx]

I really don't know what to say. I think he was the first CSer to friend me on facebook. I never really talked to him much, but I always hoped to meet him one day...

[XCashier]

Just an aside to everyone. If you are feeling even remotely like this is a possibility for you please talk to someone. Please.
Yes, please do. Life can be such a bitch, can make you want to just stop it all. Did make one of us stop it all. If you think you may be headed that way, please, please talk to someone. Parent, trusted relative, friend, counselor, clergyperson, anyone you can trust. Everyone needs help sometimes, and there is no shame in seeking it.

Plaidman, I'm sorry we never got to meet. I'm sorry life was so rough for you. You did not deserve the crap that was heaped upon you. I hope you are at peace now. :cry:

[Dave1982]

We have no more details and no proper confirmation, so I would ask that everyone keeps speculation to other arenas, please.

Rapscallion

This is a very tragic situation for all of us. We [the mods] know how much Plaidman meant to all of us.

But I'd like to remind everyone that we do not yet have all of the details and do NOT know what happened for sure. Until we do, it would be best to refrain from speculation or drawing conclusions based on Google searches or comments from Facebook.

Raps has already spoken on this. Please respect that.

[MsCrankypants]

I'm not very active in this forum, but I do lurk quite a bit, and I was very saddened to read about Plaidman's passing. I have a feeling he and I would have understood each other very well, and I regret now that I never got to know him.

I do hope he finds in the afterlife the peace he could not find in this life.

[Grape The Cat]

Well, this sucks.
FUCK! Plaid seemed to me a good person, and I send my condolences to his family. I'm sorry I just can't say any more.:cry::cry:

[Gibbo]

RIP Plaidman. I hope that somehow you can see how so many people on here cared for you.

[Ree]

I loved you, Plaid.

You were a beautiful person, but you never knew that.

All you wanted was to have a woman look at you with love instead of repulsion.
If prayers and wishes were guaranteed answers, I can tell you that you would have been swarming with women.

I'm sorry you were so scarred by your NF and by the narrow-minded people who never took the time to know you.

All I ever wanted to do was make it better for you, and I couldn't.

[Trokanis]

He was a great man, and he was a kind man. My name is John I was his best friend here in town. I can try and help those who want to get a hold of his family. At the moment his mom is overwhelmed but I'm sure she will appreciate your thoughts.

[Shpepper]

Maybe it would be best to set up a place where everyone here can leave their thoughts and memories of Plaid and then perhaps someone can print them and take them to his family. It might be less overwhelming for his family and still give everyone a chance to say what they need or want to share with the family. This thread is a start to that. It's just my idea, thinking that his mom might have way too much else to handle right now.

I have been trying to think of what to say, and I just can't. I am so saddened by this news. All I can try to do is think of ways to make it easier and that just won't happen.

[hinakiba777]

I really don't know what to say. Except I will really miss you Plaidy. You were a wonderful man who knew just what to say to cheer me up when I was sad. I really wish I would have had a real chance to say good bye to you. You were awesome. And I will miss all our silly conversations on YIM, and all the nice texts you used to send.

I hope you find peace and happiness in whatever the universe gives you next. I love you Driver, you really were an amazing friend.

[JoitheArtist]

Finally home from work and able to post more fully. Reading everyone else's posts, both here and on Facebook, keeps making me cry, but that's ok: it's appropriate. I can't help but think of the times he made me smile when I was feeling low and I'm sorry that I couldn't make him feel better. I have no idea how to process all of this, but I also know that time can bring healing. More than anything, I hope that Plaid is not in pain anymore, and happy. I will miss him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS23Eauc7HA

[dispatch]

Bunny told me this morning...I still have no words

I mean no disrespect by this, but I've been listening to Streetlight Manifesto all day, this line has brought me some comfort.

"When as you close your eyes for the big sleep I hope you think of me."

RIP Plaidman. I'll raise a glass in memory

[crazyofficeclerk]

I hope you found the peace, love and acceptance that you craved. RIP Plaidman

[Shroo]

You sent me a text Sunday afternoon asking how my "stormy nap" was. I wish I wasn't so wrapped up in my friend's bbq and my own petty crap to send you one quick response...I'm so sorry.
My love to your family. You already know I love you, and always will.

[kibbles]

RIP Plaid, I didn't really know you and we never really chatted, but you were one of the posters whose posts I would always click on as soon as I seen your name. Hope you find peace xoxox

[LadyMage]

I remember Plaidman from years ago, but have gone a-lurk since.

RIP.

He will be missed. :(

[Der Cute]

Holy...something. Plaidy, I'm sorry to see you go. I remember your posts, insightful, compassionate, human.

I've been at that edge before, and can totally relate. Plaidy, you will be missed, so so much. Rest in peace, dear.

[ralerin]

I have no words to say. Plaidman, rest in peace, love. I wish I could've known you in real life.

[MadMike]

Since the announcement came from a new member who was still under moderation, I was probably the first person to see it. The first thing I did was report to the rest of the team, wondering aloud if it was for real, and asking if anyone else knew anything. We held off approving it until we could verify that it was for real, and not someone's idea of a sick prank. Sadly, it was for real. :(

I saw it right after it was posted, around 10:00 EDT last night. Ironically, I saw it because I saw the name of the "newest member", and suspected it was a spammer. As much as I hate spammers, I wish it had been one instead of this. After I sent out the report, I checked Plaid's profile. He had been on CS around 7:00 that morning, and on Fratching about three hours later, so whatever happened must have happened sometime after that.

As I posted on his Facebook page, I wish that when he was still with us, he could have seen into the future somehow and seen the outpouring of emotion from our members. Like all of us, he just wanted to be loved, and I don't think he realized just how much he was loved.

One thing I like about our little dysfunctional family is that we support each other. I know many of us, regular members and mods alike, were there to pick him up when he was feeling down, and to have a friendly chat with him when he wasn't. Raps even went as far as to create a private forum just for him, so he could vent to the mod team whenever he felt uncomfortable sharing something with the public.

Rest in peace, my friend. I hope you find the joy in your next life that you weren't able to find in this one.

[TawnyMyst]

RIP Plaidman, you will be missed among the greater community of us. I hope wherever you are now, you are free of the pain that so often plagued you. :cry::cry::cry:

[dragon_wings]

Plaidman,
I didn't know you but I hope you are at peace now. :cry:
Dragon_Wings

[telecom_goddess]

Wow I just wish he could see this outpouring of love it's amazing to see and watch grow. Eventually I really think this thread needs to be printed out and sent to his family. I think they would like it.

Love ya man.....

[Peppergirl]

Recent FB update from his family:

Thank you everyone for your continued support and kind words. We are deeply moved by the outpouring. Please join us for a memorial for Driver on Saturday, July 2 at 1pm at Mt. Scott Funeral Home. 4205 SE 59th, at the corner of 59th & SE Foster, Portland, Oregon. Everyone is welcome.

[NotSoInnocent]

Recent FB update from his family:

Thank you everyone for your continued support and kind words. We are deeply moved by the outpouring. Please join us for a memorial for Driver on Saturday, July 2 at 1pm at Mt. Scott Funeral Home. 4205 SE 59th, at the corner of 59th & SE Foster, Portland, Oregon. Everyone is welcome.

If I can find a sitter, I will be there...

[Mytical]

I wish I could go, oh how I wish I could go. Fair winds traveler, and clear skies.

[RavenStarr]

RIP Plaidman.:(

[Peppergirl]

Here's another FB update from his family, when someone asked where to send condolences and flowers - just for anyone who is interested:

A donation in his name to Children's Tumor Foundation would always be welcomed.

[purplecat41877]

RIP Plaidman. Condolences to his family, friends, and cat.:(

[trailerparkmedic]

Lupo told me about this this morning and I still don't have words. Here's to hoping that he found the peace he always wanted.

[Kiwi]

I am shocked to hear this. I am so sorry he was suffering and didn't feel that he could reach out. I hope he is in a happier place, my heart goes out to his family.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

So terribly sad. I didn't know Plaidman but he obviously had a big impact on a lot of people. My deepest condolences go out to all his family and friends. Rest in peace, Plaidman :(

[Food Lady]

I'm devastated. I've been crying every time I picture his face, since I found out this afternoon. He looked different than others, but his face was a sweet sight to me. He was my friend. He was a precious soul to me. And I am more heartbroken than I have ever been.

[Kheldarson]

I didn't know him very well, but I'm sorry to hear of his passing. RIP Plaidman, may your soul find rest.

[Sonoma]

I've been trying to digest this all day. While we never met in person, I do think of Plaidman as a friend. I hope he has finally found the peace he was looking for.

RIP, Plaidman. You are already missed.

[Marmalady]

I just feel so sad. He cared for others and had so much love in him.

RIP Plaidman. Fly high, be free.

[Kara]

Gonna weigh in one more time. I was hit very hard by this, and I never even got to meet him in person. But he was always there for me over the years. I used to be so absorbed in my problems that I dragged everyone around me down with me. I've since learned there are better ways to deal with things, and I've found how wonderful it can make you feel to reach out to someone in need, even if it's just a few kind words or a shoulder to cry on. He contributed to that, and I will continue to reach out to others in honor of his memory.

When I got to work, a few coworkers who saw my update on FB offered me their condolences. When I got to my post, thankfully isolated from everyone else in a tower, I broke down and cried. I bawled. I sobbed. I cried until it hurt and then I cried some more. I think it was almost a solid hour, and kept getting choked up for a few hours after that. And that's when I could think of the pictures I'd seen of him and the kind words he'd shared with me, and smile instead of cry.

I know I mentioned it before, but I've been coming back to this in my mind all day. A selfless, kind, and wonderful man once told me, "You are loved." He was right. You mean something to someone out there. Never forget that fact.

[wagegoth]

He had such a huge heart and kind soul.

I pray his journey is easy and that his soul returns to a kinder world.

[JoitheArtist]

A toast for an absent friend: To all the posts we shared, and to all the ones we thought of posting and didn't. To the instant messages bringing cheer, and to the times we didn't want to bother anyone. To the times we had, and the times we didn't: I wish there had been more of the first. You are missed.

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l242/Joitheartist/toast-1.jpg

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Dear lord...

I didn't know him at all, just through the occasional conversation here.

I just knew that he was a kind person who tried to make others here feel welcome.

I didn't know him, but I will miss him.

I'm sad he's gone, but I hope he's found peace.

[Jester]

And again, fuck. I am burying far too many friends, and I am sick of this.

I don't know what happened, but sadly, when I saw a friend post about this on facebook without naming names, I immediately thought of Plaid. I was sad, upset, and downright mad as a hornet when I got here and found out I was all too correct.

Damn it. This makes me want to smack Plaid upside the head. Again.

Dude. Fuck.

Well this is a rarity. *I* have no words.

I do know I'll miss his occasional random texts appearing on my phone. I never knew what he was going to be saying or asking about, but it almost always gave me a chuckle or a smile, or made me think. He asked me for advice a lot, and I was always happy to give it. Just wish I could have given more, or he could have asked more. Or whatever. I'm just rambling at this point. Sue me.

Cue The Doors: "Can you picture what will be....so limitless and free. Desperately in need....of some....stranger's hand. In a....desperate land."

First musical passage that came to mind. Somehow to me, it's very fitting.

Okay, I think I'll stop rambling now. Except for this:

If you are feeling even remotely like this is a possibility for you please talk to someone.
That's what scares me most just now.
So many members here are depressed or have difficulties which could make anybody suicidal.
I wish he had called me....

I'd like to remind everyone that we do not yet have all of the details and do NOT know what happened for sure. Until we do, it would be best to refrain from speculation or drawing conclusions based on Google searches or comments from Facebook.

I am not going to speculate on what happened with Plaid. I'll wait for the details as and if they become available.

But whether or not the rumors and speculation are true or completely unfounded does not change what I'm about to say. Which is this:

I have lost more than one friend to suicide. I am sick to fucking death of it. And I don't want to see any more good people check out just because they feel there is no other way. There is always another way.

If any of our members ever feel like this, EVER, please call me. Many members have my number (just ask around), and I will gladly PM it to anyone who feels they may need it one day, or anyone who is feeling low. I check CS.com daily, sometimes many times daily, and I WILL get back to anyone who wants someone to talk to.

Yes, I can be an opinionated asshole. I also have more of an understanding of depression than a lot of people know, as well as an ability to listen and counsel. I do work, of course, but I will get back to anyone who needs to talk as soon as possible. Just PM me with your number and when is a good time to call, and I will call you. Or if you just want my number for later or another time or whatever, just ask for it.

I am here for all of you. Always. Even if it's just for you to yell at me for being such an asshole, if that makes you feel better.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

I lurked for about two years before joining this site. I learned a lot about the members here, and about general human nature.
Plaidman was a good man. I don't make value judgements on people as a thing unless it's fairly obvious and fairly consistent. Name-calling I can toss off... value judgments are a lot touchier-- and even then... .
Good men deserve better than what he got; I will pray that his soul has found peace.

[Dips]

My heart goes out to Driver's family and friends. Anything I can say would be inadequate in the face the loss of a son, a brother...

My faith believes that prayer can speed a soul to paradise. Driver's soul was beautiful and good. He was of comfort to me during time of distress as he was for so many others. Doubtless the journey home for him will be short but I am praying for him.

May the angels guide you and bring you into paradise;
And may the saints come forth to welcome you home.
May the angel chorus sing to welcome you;
And may you have everlasting rest.

[Greenday]

I think what hurts me the most is that in the past couple weeks, he seemed more...I don't know, happy? Jovial? Maybe I was just misreading things and I wish I had noticed something.

[Cat]

Damn....I didnt know Plaid well, but he was such a kind soul. May he find peace.

My heart goes out to his friends and family

[jnd4rusty]

I have been a member of this site for quite sometime and although I do not post often, I do come on here everyday to read posts so i have become familiar with everyone here. I have read every post by Plaidman and he was such a nice person yet troubled, I know that he just wanted love and acceptance and I know he was well loved by many members here. We are a community who accepts people for who they are as a person, and for that I am grateful. I am saddened that Plaidman felt this was the only way for him but he will never be forgotten in the hearts and minds of this community! RIP

[Kanalah]

I will always regret that I didn't get to know him better.

He was always trying to help people, and I looked up to him for that. I know what it's like to feel all alone. To me he will always be a beautiful, kind and loving person.

RIP Plaidman, you will be missed.

[Laund-o-rama Mama]

RIP Plaidman. I wish I had gotten the chance to know you. :(

[cewfa]

RIP Plaidman, I'm sorry you felt this was the only way :(

[draggar]

Just a heads up - his family said it was OK to make donations to NFNetwrk.org in his name (Driver Liles). I posted it on my FB wall, if you're friends with me feel free to report / share / whatever.

I think what hurts me the most is that in the past couple weeks, he seemed more...I don't know, happy? Jovial? Maybe I was just misreading things and I wish I had noticed something.

When I saw the news I thought the same exact thing.

[Andara Bledin]

I've been trying to figure out what to post for a while, now, but it's so very hard to gather up my thoughts and put them together into something worth committing to the ether, and both Ree and Jester have covered the gist of how this makes me feel.

It's just so terribly heartbreaking that this came to pass. My thoughts and prayers go out to him and all of those he left behind who loved him more than he ever realized.

Would someone who can be at the service take him a yellow rose for me?

^-.-^

[monolayth]

It is a common thing that people who are contemplating suicide tend to seem happier right before they go.

here is a link to the webmd's list of suicide warning behaviors. http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-recognizing-signs-of-suicide

Wanted to add....

Please don't beat yourself up over not helping like you wish you could. It is hard to deal with and recognize that someone needs help or that they are contemplating this unless they tell you. Go hug a friend or loved one.

[Betweenshades]

Well, crap. :(

I didn't know him well enough to know he was suffering from anything. I hope his passing means he's happy and peaceful now <3

[AyreBiskits]

RIP Plaidman :(

[Food Lady]

It is a common thing that people who are contemplating suicide tend to seem happier right before they go. here is a link to the webmd's list of suicide warning behaviors. http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-recognizing-signs-of-suicide Wanted to add.... Please don't beat yourself up over not helping like you wish you could. It is hard to deal with and recognize that someone needs help or that they are contemplating this unless they tell you. Go hug a friend or loved one. Thank you for posting this. I have kept saying, "He seemed fine last I talked to him. Things were going well." That was a couple of weeks ago.

[Nyoibo]

The first I saw about this was Dave's sig and I got a little confused, then I did a search on the board thinking "nah, can't be" and then I found this, my reaction was pretty much

"Aw FUCK"

Not sure what to say but you'll be missed mate.

[underemployeed]

RIP Plaidman.
I think he will have fun haunting the SCs

[dalesys]

Strange coincidence: The songs posted between when Plaid left & we found out here:


06-27-2011, 12:03 PM MDT
The Isle of the Dead - Rachmaninov
06-27-2011, 01:41 PM MDT
Isle Of Eternal Despair (Upon The Boiling Sea Pt. 3) - 3 Inches Of Blood
06-27-2011, 02:31 PM MDT
Gloom Despair And Agony On Me - Roy Clark, Grandpa Jones, Gordon Tapp & Archie Campbell
06-27-2011, 07:04 PM MDT
You Belong To Me - Jason Wade
06-27-2011, 08:13 PM MDT
First You Cry - Maura O'Connell

[taxguykarl]

:jawdrop:
Rest in peace, Plaidman. May you find the love and happiness that eluded you when you walked the earth.

[Kiwi]

I was reading a thread on fratching and saw his replies, it doesn't seem real yet. So sad to see his posts :(

[Akasa]

RIP Plaidman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCokhCqK9rw

[Panacea]

He was a great man, and he was a kind man. My name is John I was his best friend here in town. I can try and help those who want to get a hold of his family. At the moment his mom is overwhelmed but I'm sure she will appreciate your thoughts.

John, thank you so much for letting us know about Driver's passing. I think I can dare speak for everyone when I say we all greatly appreciate the thoughtfulness you showed him and us by doing so. I can't say I knew him well, but I always enjoyed his posts, and clearly many others here had deeper relationships with him.

Please add my deepest condolences to those of my friends here for Driver's family.

Requiescat In Pace, Driver. God Bless you and may He welcome you into His Loving arms.

I think that depression is the cruelest disease anyone can suffer. It convinces us that no one around us sees or understands our suffering, and isolates us from those who love us the most.

I hope that anyone who suffers from depression, or knows someone who does, will seek help. It is out there for the asking.

[Boozy]

There was no member quicker to reach out to someone who was hurting than Plaidman. I found his compassion to be all the more remarkable given the extraordinary challenges he faced in his own life.

This community is poorer for having lost such a loving and generous soul.

For those of you, like me, who are feeling helpless and hopeless in the face of this loss, I can only ask that we all strive to be the kind of person he was.

[Jester]

Hasta luego, Plaid. Via con Deos, mi amigo.

[Raveni]

For those on the Easr Coast, contact www.nfnetwork.org They help to rais money for research and they do a summer camp for children who has NF so they can meet other children who have NF. The NF organization the Plaid always mentioned to me is www.ctf.org

If any good can come out of this, please educate your friends and family about this disorder. Nfnetwork has packets of information that can be mailed for free or downloaded and printed from their site.

[Teskeria]

RIP Plaidman. You will be sorely missed.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

Hubby and I have been educating as many as we can for the last 20 years. Hubby for as long as he can remember.

Hubby and Driver spoke many time about their mutual struggle. He was there for support when Hubby had a fibroma removed from the C2 area of his spine two years ago. I just wish he would have reached out to us.

[Midnight12]

was digging through my albums on fb and the external hard drive and found some of the avatars i made for Plaid when i started doing avatars under my old screen name.
hesitated because i knew posting them would bring on another wave but i asked mods to make sure. so here they are.

http://s131.photobucket.com/albums/p313/LexiaFira/Plaidman/
there are many in there and too many to post. if you have more to share please feel free? not sure how to change this to a public view or if its better to make a new profile for cs


Found his myspace, under his email or here
http://www.myspace.com/draconsnighthawk
as far as i know its not private as everyone is mostly on facebook its already known i guess
these are all the pics i have gotten from him posting on here, some of his avie pictures, and pics from his hip replacement. its all out of order.

[Peppergirl]

Awwww. Now I'm crying all over again. They are so cute, Midnight!

May I have permission to post the last one (about the in memory of an awesome friend) on my FB page as a tribute?

[Midnight12]

uhm...yes? it gonna be added. please let me know if access to photobucket album is wonky/not working

[powerboy]

RIP my online buddy. RIP.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I know I mentioned it before, but I've been coming back to this in my mind all day. A selfless, kind, and wonderful man once told me, "You are loved." He was right. You mean something to someone out there. Never forget that fact.

He certainaly was :hug:

I think one thing we can learn from this tragedy is that we're a family . . . we're near, far but all of us here are a family.

We're here for each other when things are rough and when things are good. That's the one special thing about this site that makes us what we are.

We care about humanity. We care about each other. We laugh together and we cry together.

We are one. And we will carry on in memory of our fallen Plaidman.

And I hope I'm not babbling too much . . . the full realization has hit now and I've been between bawling and trying to read the posts.:cry:

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs everyone and bawls with everyone*

[AnaKhouri]

I didn't know him as well as a lot of people here, but I'd always hoped to get to Portland some day so we could hang out.

It's nice but weird to put a name to this kind, helpful guy. Farewell, Driver Liles. Maybe we can still hang out someday.

I like to think that when someone dies, everything they're not is stripped away. Anger, sorrow, pain, illness...all of it gone, leaving just the person, who they really are. Looking at this thread, I feel like I can see who is really is now, who I always suspected him to be.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Just a heads up - his family said it was OK to make donations to NFNetwrk.org in his name (Driver Liles). I posted it on my FB wall, if you're friends with me feel free to report / share / whatever.

Just made a donation. I also sent an e-mail to the NFNetwork because the donation paypal page didn't allow me to leave a message. I wanted his family to know that even though I only "knew" Driver through his posts, I can relate to their pain as a fellow bereaved parent/family member and it's not something I would wish on my worst enemy. :cry:

[Peppergirl]

I can't help thinking that if Plaidy could text from the great beyond, he'd be sending out a mass text right now, comforting all of us.

This thought is both sad and weirdly happy at the same time....thought I'd share.

[Pagan]

He was such a fiercely loyal friend, even though a lot of us never got a chance to meet him in person.

For some reason, "The Rose" makes me think of him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D1OuVAUYf4

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I can't help thinking that if Plaidy could text from the great beyond, he'd be sending out a mass text right now, comforting all of us.

This thought is both sad and weirdly happy at the same time....thought I'd share.

I can see that, strange at it may seem.

[Cookie]

I just saw all of this.

Plaid, I didn't know you very well, but you were the first person here to send me a friend request. I've always had a lot of respect for you. Your kindness and thoughtfulness were amazing. You were proof that chivalry still exists. I'm having a drink for you right now and wishing I could tell you this for real. I had hoped one day we would meet and hang out.

[telecom_goddess]

reading all these posts, it's...making me cry but it's kinda comforting too. This has hit me hard. He was like no one else I ever knew.

[Midnight12]

to those that are having a drink for him...it reminded me that about a week or two or three before this, i forget my sense of time is bad he had a week where he had the house to himself and oh man he enjoyed it, i don't know who else was aware but he got drunk and had a good old time staying at home and still managing to get school work done and play on his console.

and i got drunk texts but it was more fun. what hurts is that i can't seem to cry and i want to because i know it will help, so instead i turn to the good memories

Miss you fiercely Plaid. rest in peace

EDIT: got together with a friend to make a donation in his name, feel that i am helping by doing even though it just brings more tears

[Der Cute]

I was thinking today about this, I was sad that someone had committed suicide. And realized that it ALWAYS touches more people than you might think.

when reading threads/posts, I enjoyed the stories he brought in. Yeah, he was sad/frustrated at times, but we all helped him, cared, and showed it. We do that for each other.

Plaidy, I hope you're up there with non sucky people, no pain and a comfortable chair, waving hi at us.

[Melxb]

I haven't been on site for a long time--almost 3 months by the last count. However, I've been on CS since 2002 and Plaidman has always been a constant here.

For whatever it's worth, he will be missed by me. I hope he knows that wherever he is.

[fma_fanatic]

I'm sorry to see this. I didn't know Plaidman on a personal level, just by his postings.

My condolences for his family in this trying time.

[fireheart]

RIP Plaid, I wish I had gotten to know you better.

I think it may be beneficial as well, that we have some crisis numbers put up on the website if anyone else is planning to commit suicide. While it's too late for Plaid, we are all a supportive community (as evidenced by the messages here) and this is one way of providing the support.

[Marmalady]

This keeps running through my head - it was read out at the funeral of another friend, I don't know where it comes from.

Thou goest this night to thy home of winter,
To thy home of autumn, of spring and of summer.
Thou goest this night to thy perpetual home,
To thine eternal bed, to thine eternal slumber.
Sleep, my love, and away with thy sorrow,
Sleep, love, sleep, and away with thy sorrow.

[Mike Taylor]

I'm sorry to hear that. :(

[Jester]

I think it may be beneficial as well, that we have some crisis numbers put up on the website if anyone else is planning to commit suicide. While it's too late for Plaid, we are all a supportive community (as evidenced by the messages here) and this is one way of providing the support.

And I repeat my earlier statement that anyone wanting my number to talk merely has to ask. And several other CSers have it, including at least one of the mods. And yes, mods, I have no problem with any of you giving out my number to anyone who feels they need it for such a talk.

[fireheart]

And I repeat my earlier statement that anyone wanting my number to talk merely has to ask. And several other CSers have it, including at least one of the mods. And yes, mods, I have no problem with any of you giving out my number to anyone who feels they need it for such a talk.

Jester, that is a good idea, but I was referring to people who can't call your number (i.e. those of us not in the US) or who don't feel comfortable calling you because they don't know you well enough etc.

[Eireann]

I'll post in more detail later - but for now, this song came to mind:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBqCpd31JPA

[Kara]

I'll second what Jester said. A lot of you have me on Facebook already, and that's got my email, my cell #, and my Skype info. Send me a PM here if you want. Some of my contact info is in my public profile, just click on my name. I have unlimited data and texts, so don't hesitate to blow up my phone if you need to. And while I don't have unlimited minutes (except nights and weekends, check local listings), I won't object to being called if you need someone to talk to. And as I said already, I've got Skype so you can ring me there when I'm on. I'll gladly give my # if you need it. Just PM me if you don't have FB.

For those of you who don't know, I've been through a LOT of pain and suffering in my personal life. I've been through emergencies with my children, had a debilitating health problem that almost killed me (which was fixed but I literally was in constant pain every single day for 15 months in between surgeries), I've been through emotional hell time and time again, I've been an abused spouse (mostly emotional abuse, but I was hit a few times too), had legal trouble, money trouble, I've been arrested twice, I'm going through a divorce, and I hated my body and myself for far too long. I've contemplated suicide more times than I care to think about, and had one serious attempt when I was 15. I walked away from a car wreck that should have killed me, and for that matter, I've nearly died/been killed a few too many times than I want to count. I worked retail and customer service jobs for 10 years, I literally got paid to be screamed at when I was a customer care rep. Now I work in a prison where I not only continue to deal with unbalanced people, but they can, and have, gotten physically violent with me. I haven't been through everything and I don't have all the answers, but I'm here for anyone who needs me. I've been told all my life I'm a great listener. I don't have internet access at work and I can't have my mobile phone at work, but I will get back to you when I can. I became something of a celebrity on this site (totally by accident, mind you), and I've always tried to do my best to respond to everyone, and it won't be hard to keep doing it.

Plaidman helped a lot of us through some really tough times, even if it was just to be there to listen or to randomly send someone a kind and/or funny message. He showed me how much that can make a difference to someone who's going through a dark time. I'm not going to even try to take his place, but I'd like to honor his memory and return the kindness and comfort he showed me by being able to do the same thing for others. It's not much, but it's the least I can do.

I'm here.

[Dasota]

RIP Plaid, I wish I had gotten to know you better.

I think it may be beneficial as well, that we have some crisis numbers put up on the website if anyone else is planning to commit suicide. While it's too late for Plaid, we are all a supportive community (as evidenced by the messages here) and this is one way of providing the support.

I made sure when I made my first post in this thread, I posted a link for many different suicide prevention links and numbers. I got it off of the post secret site.

I know I'm not close to many on the boards, but if anyone needs to chat, or feel like in the future they could need to chat, drop me a line, and I will have no problems giving out my contact info.

Sometimes the best person to vent to is one who doesn't know you at all. No previous judgement then. :o

[Amina516]

Reading all these posts are making me tear up. I really hope people realize the support and love that can be found amongst these ranks before its too late.

Is there an obit to read? Ive been googling to no avail.

[Teysa]

I'm having a hard time knowing what to say. I feel sad that Plaid felt the only way to escape his pain was to take his own life. I feel even sadder for his family and the friends he left behind.
He struck me as a decent person. I only hope he was able to find peace.

[Jangles the Moon Monkey]

I hope you're at peace now Plaid. I'm thinking of your family and loved ones on here and outwith the internet. I didn't know you, but I'll miss you.

[Jester]

Jester, that is a good idea, but I was referring to people who can't call your number (i.e. those of us not in the US) or who don't feel comfortable calling you because they don't know you well enough etc.

Oh, I was not at all saying that I am or should be the only number anyone calls. I may be arrogant, but I'm not THAT full of myself. I think it's great that we have several numbers available for CS members that may feel they need them, whether it be the various very awesome hotlines, Kara's, mine, whoever's. I just wanted to make sure people knew I was absolutely serious about this.

I have unlimited data and texts, so don't hesitate to blow up my phone if you need to. And while I don't have unlimited minutes...

I don't have internet access at work and I can't have my mobile phone at work, but I will get back to you when I can.

In this same vein, I have unlimited everything, so if you need to talk for a while, or send a text or texts, by all means, it won't inconvenience me at all, but like Kara, when I am at work, I am basically not really reachable, as we are not supposed to answer our cells, and being a bartender, not exactly online while working. I can get texts while at work, though I'm not supposed to, but I can't always get right back to someone texting me if I'm busy or have stuff going on at work. So be aware of that.

[Cookie]

Woke up thinking of a beautiful Irish prayer I used to sing.

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind blow at your back.
My the sun shine warmly on your face.
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.


We didn't "meet", per se, but my wish is that all is easy and happy for him now.

[Jester]

This is one of my personal favorite Irish toasts. And with the friendship Plaid and I had, it's pretty much appropriate in its inappropriateness.

"May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead."

No way the devil noticed Plaid's passing, as he was too busy being distracted by my dumb ass. :D

[Mishi]

No way the devil noticed Plaid's passing, as he was too busy being distracted by my dumb ass. :D

Naked table dancing?

Edited to add: Anyone that needs/wants to talk or be cheered up is welcome to PM me as well.

[Jester]

Oh, the possibilities are endless. That is merely one of them.

[Nurian]

Plaid...you will be missed.

This world is too fucking cruel to have you.

[fireheart]

I did a little searching and I managed to come up with three numbers for the three most common areas where our members are from (US, UK and Australia). For the US and UK, I was only able to find hotlines, for Australia I know a TON of information.

For the US I got two separate phone numbers:

1-800-784-2433 (This one links to the Kristin Brooks Hope Center)

1-800-273-7255 (National Suicide PRevention Service)

For the UK, I could only find one number:

08457 90 90 90

If you're in Ireland, it's 1850 60 90 90

That's the Samaritan service.


And for Australia, the number for Lifeline is 13 11 14 and they can also give you details for services.
If you're under 25, you can also call Kids Help Line, which is 1800 55 1800.

I was going to mention the Mental Health Triage Service, but I realised they were state-linked, not federal.

[dragon_wings]

I wanted to add myself to the list of people you could PM if you want to talk to someone. I'm not as well known as some and I didn't know Plaid but I'm here to listen. I have only unlimited texts but that doesn't mean I won't talk if you need someone to listen.

[SongsOfDragons]

Oh no...

I...I don't know what to say...

Sadface. :(

[Librarian]

Plaid,
i was a longtime lurker before finally joining the boards. I always thought of you as one of the nicest people on here, even though i never talked to you personally.

I'll miss your posts, fare thee well where ever you are. I hope you found peace.

[Victoria J]

I am sorry anyone had to go through anything that would make them take their own life, and so sorry for all the people who loved him and will miss him. I've enjoyed his posts but didn't know him personally but have been very touched by the stories of some of the people here he clearly made a real difference for.

For the US and UK, I was only able to find hotlines

[....]

For the UK, I could only find one number:

08457 90 90 90

If you're in Ireland, it's 1850 60 90 90

That's the Samaritan service.


I'd just like to add that while that may be described as a hotline anyone can call for any reason. It isn't an emergency line for people in terrible crisis it's for anyone who needs to talk for any reason. I've met a couple of people running Samaritan services (and been on training courses run by them) and they were very kind people who just wanted to provide acceptance and support for people in need. It is absolutely fine to phone up and chat about nothing much, just because you want to hear a voice - and that is a use of the service they acknowledge. It's also fine to call up and tell them any thing on your mind that may seem terrible and difficult to share.

If in doubt call, don't ever think that your problem isn't important enough.

There may also be local numbers available, and even drop in centres, but people would have to look those up locally.

Also for serious depression reach out to your doctor - some depression can have physical causes and where it doesn't in the UK your doctor can refer you to free counselling (which sadly takes a while), and make suggestions for other local services. Free counselling may be limited but it is still some level of support - I've been there and done that and it was helpful at the time.

Victoria J

[Dilorenzo]

I didn't know you Plaid, not well enough to call a friend. But I knew that I enjoyed reading what you had to say, and from reading the above, can only say I'm sorry I didn't know you better.

I'll raise a glass to you tonight, and tomorrow too. Probably more than one. Someone so respected, so well loved, deserves no less.

[Andara Bledin]

Add me to the list of people with an ear always available.

If I'm awake, I will respond. Skype for when I'm home at my computer (which is most of the time I'm not at work or sleeping), and texting whenever. But I can text at work if there's a need. Though not enough people have my number.

^-.-^

[Barefootgirl]

I've just heard. What a horrible reason to come back, but, i feel like I want to be with you guys at this point. Oh Plaid, why didn't you talk when you could? I don't know what to say.

RIP dear daft friend.

[lordlundar]

RIP Plaid. You will be missed.:cry:

"May God stand between you and harm, in all the empty places that you must walk." - Old Egyptian Blessing.

[CaroPhoenix]

I'm here too if anyone wants to talk. My cell phone number is attached to my FB page (I have unlimited texting). Also, I have put down my Skype name, my yahoo messenger name, and my AIM name. So please, feel free to contact me.

The only time I won't text back is when I'm either driving (duh), cooking, or sleeping (either at night or when taking a nap during the day).

ETA: I also don't text back when Child Rum has my phone and is using it to watch videos or listen to the iPod feature on it and she won't give up the phone so I can check it out. So if ya'll text me and get the words "Animal Jam" back that's Child Rum texting you accidentally! :roll:

[42_42_42]

I'm here, too, for anyone that needs me. I don't text, but I'm available to talk on the phone or by email. Just PM me for my info. I'm on facebook, too.

This makes the third person I've known in some way that has ended his/her own life. When I was in 8th grade my cousin who was just a few years older than me, this August it'll be 4 years since my husband's cousin and best friend, and now Plaidman. Even though I didn't know Plaidman as much as I would've like to, each one has left a scar on my heart.

[Eisa]

I wanted to add myself to the list of people you could PM if you want to talk to someone. I'm not as well known as some and I didn't know Plaid but I'm here to listen. I have only unlimited texts but that doesn't mean I won't talk if you need someone to listen.


Same. Anyone can PM me if they like...and I'm willing to give out my phone number. I just only have unlimited text at this point--my regular phone plan blows. But I'm fast with the texting and right now, I don't really have a job...so I'm available pretty much whenever.

[ShootMePlease]

I think what you're all doing here is great.

What a wonderful way to honor Plaid's memory by passing along your kindness and friendship to others. I don't know any of you personally, and that's a shame.

I would be happy to friend any of you on Facebook, or talk to you if you needed to vent. Feel free to PM me for info. I have unlimited texting, and a fair amount of airtime.

There's no shame in admitting you need help.

[Rapscallion]

We've had some confirmation. We know that it was suicide. The details are something I don't want to discuss, but some of you already know them. If you do, I'll trust you to not share them openly.

The memorial for Driver will be on Saturday, July 2 at 1pm at Mt. Scott Funeral Home. 4205 SE 59th, at the corner of 59th & SE Foster, Portland, Oregon. Everyone is welcome. (posted by his family on his facebook)

If you're in the region and able to attend, I think they'd like the company. If you're not, please remember him in your own way.

Rapscallion

[jnd4rusty]

I would like to extend my friendship and willingness to listen for anyone who feels the need to let it out or a shoulder to cry on. I mentioned before that I do not post very often but I am on here several times a day reading posts, so just PM me for a phone number, you can also friend me on FB again PM me for my name. I have gone through depression and many other horrible things in my life and that has really helped me to help others, I used to counsel teens at job corps. Again, if you ever feel the need to talk to someone, I am here! This is to everyone, remember that no matter what you are loved and cherished in this community and we stand together to help each other in unity!!

[MaggieTheCat]

My husband and I don't live anywhere near Oregon, so we won't be attending the memorial. But at the time that it's being held, we will be role playing with some friends of ours. I think Plaid was an avid role player, so I'll ask our group to share a moment of silence for him.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I will be getting my oil changed around that time. If I lived in the area I would go but I will be thinking of him as I wait for my car.

[Nurian]

I just found out before work and now have time to reflect. I want to scream. I want to rage. I want to demand "WHY?!!"

But I can't.

As hard as life is, he had it worse. As bad as people made this world, they made it worse for him.
I wish I knew him in person. I wish I could stand and be strong for him when the world caved in on him. I wish...

God damnit....I just wish......

[Food Lady]

Nurian, I know exactly how you feel. I did know him. I got to sympathize with the pain first-hand, and while that was hard, this is harder.

[Supermarket Slave Girl]

RIP Plaidy

I remember having conversations on fb from time to time and how he always incorporated meow into our chats :)

Gonna miss you mate.

[Panacea]

This keeps running through my head - it was read out at the funeral of another friend, I don't know where it comes from.

Thou goest this night to thy home of winter,
To thy home of autumn, of spring and of summer.
Thou goest this night to thy perpetual home,
To thine eternal bed, to thine eternal slumber.
Sleep, my love, and away with thy sorrow,
Sleep, love, sleep, and away with thy sorrow.

What a beautiful poem. I just had to Google it. I found it here: http://www.sacred-texts.com/wmn/bog/bog12.htm.

I don't know if it is a real sacred text, or a poem written in that style, but it is a beautiful poem.1`

We've had some confirmation. We know that it was suicide. The details are something I don't want to discuss, but some of you already know them. If you do, I'll trust you to not share them openly.

I don't know the details and I don't want to know. If Plaid had felt comfortable enough before hand to contact me, then I would have wanted to know so I could try to help.

Not now. Not after the fact. I hope those details remain confidential. I don't need or want to know them.

[Midnight12]

RIP Plaidy

I remember having conversations on fb from time to time and how he always incorporated meow into our chats :)

Gonna miss you mate.

He had a habit of doing that.
meow was his catch phrase after a while, and his nick-nick name Plaid-Kitty...because of the meowing
I'd swear he really would do it in actual conversations too. I hope Themla and new kitty are ok

[Becks]

I'm mourning Plaid in my own way.

(On St. Patrick's Day, I used this for my facebook status -- Well raise a glass and think of me -- from Drink the Night Away by Gaelic Storm and I've been listening to it and thinking of Plaid. Now to get some drinkables in a glass...)

If anyone needs another person to talk to, I'm here a couple of times a day, and I'm on Facebook and I have unlimited texts. I'm (still) unemployed, so I'm available just about whenever.

PM me for info, if you'd like.

[BookstoreEscapee]

He had a habit of doing that.
meow was his catch phrase after a while, and his nick-nick name Plaid-Kitty...because of the meowing
I'd swear he really would do it in actual conversations too. I hope Themla and new kitty are ok

I remember when he posted about new kitty - his name is Louis. Thelma and Louis..I loved that.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Oh, I was not at all saying that I am or should be the only number anyone calls. I may be arrogant, but I'm not THAT full of myself. I think it's great that we have several numbers available for CS members that may feel they need them, whether it be the various very awesome hotlines, Kara's, mine, whoever's. I just wanted to make sure people knew I was absolutely serious about this.

Not a bad idea by a long shot, Jester.:)

Some of you have me on your FB page. If you'd like to keep up with me via FB, send a request and let me know you're from CS.

For those who'd like to chat by phone, I'm available via cell phone (just send me a PM with your contact info and I'll send you mine.)

I don't text though . . . can't seem to get the hang of it, so I don't have that on my plan (have plenty of rollover minutes that I haven't used up yet though.)

Just when I'm at work, I'm unavailable (my hours can sometimes vary due to retail life.) But you can leave a voicemail and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm able to.
;)

[telecom_goddess]

I'm trying to get in a more positive frame of mind.....today has been hell. But I thought I would list out a bunch of stuff I know he liked....

Cats
Bar food
Incense
Batman
Texting

[Midnight12]

I'm trying to get in a more positive frame of mind.....today has been hell. But I thought I would list out a bunch of stuff I know he liked....

Cats
Bar food
Incense
Batman
Texting

Superman
sometimes asian food?
D&D style gaming
RPG games
making kids smile
making others smile

[Ironclad Alibi]

I too offer my deepest and heartfelt condolences to Plaidman's family and friends.

Strange coincidence: The songs posted between when Plaid left & we found out here:


06-27-2011, 12:03 PM MDT
The Isle of the Dead - Rachmaninov
06-27-2011, 01:41 PM MDT
Isle Of Eternal Despair (Upon The Boiling Sea Pt. 3) - 3 Inches Of Blood
06-27-2011, 02:31 PM MDT
Gloom Despair And Agony On Me - Roy Clark, Grandpa Jones, Gordon Tapp & Archie Campbell
06-27-2011, 07:04 PM MDT
You Belong To Me - Jason Wade
06-27-2011, 08:13 PM MDT
First You Cry - Maura O'Connell

And I posted two of them. They were all posted in that order, one after the other.

I also offer my ear to any who need to talk. I'm just a PM away, and am in the Washington, DC, area.

[Ree]

As always, I am available to listen.

[MoonCat]

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgcoBKWTW14 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgcoBKWTW14)

I don't know if anyone has posted this previously, it's "Into the West" by Annie Lennox (from the LOTR films), one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. I listen to it every Samhain (Oct 31 for those who don't know) as a tribute to lost loved ones.

Anyway, this is for you Plaidman. “Rest, my brother, in the arms of the gods. You live on in my heart, loved, honored, remembered. Be at peace. Be at peace.”

[TawnyMyst]

I am on here often to read and kill dead time at work, I carry my phone with me there as well. I'm not on FB but am willing to give anyone who pm's me, my contact info. I am a willing ear to listen and someone to talk to if anyone needs. I am in Canada with unlimited everything and have an overseas plan on my home phone, if you're not in Canada. I am available anytime of the day or night if you need, I may not answer right away if I'm at work but will try to get back to anyone within an hour or two if that is the case. I just thought I would add my voice to those that will listen.

[HappyFun Ball]

Well Plaidman, I didn't know you but from your posts and FB page, I wish I had.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

The Swan
by Mary Oliver

Did you too see it, drifting, all night, on the black river?
Did you see it in the morning, rising into the silvery air -
An armful of white blossoms,
A perfect commotion of silk and linen as it leaned
into the bondage of its wings; a snowbank, a bank of lilies,
Biting the air with its black beak?
Did you hear it, fluting and whistling
A shrill dark music - like the rain pelting the trees - like a waterfall
Knifing down the black ledges?
And did you see it, finally, just under the clouds -
A white cross Streaming across the sky, its feet
Like black leaves, its wings Like the stretching light of the river?
And did you feel it, in your heart, how it pertained to everything?
And have you too finally figured out what beauty is for?
And have you changed your life?

[RetailWorkhorse]

The details are something I don't want to discuss, but some of you already know them.

I wish to know why. I always wish to know why.

At the same time, I don't want to know.

But I want to know.

[Jester]

I wish to know why. I always wish to know why.

At the same time, I don't want to know.

But I want to know.

I think I can explain this, as I have struggled with this myself, not just in this situation, but in others as well. And tonight, I think I figured out why.

When you know what happened, as horrible as it may be, as much as the details may give you nightmares and waking visions you wish you could erase, you know what the source is, and you can go about exorcising that demon.

When you don't know, when there are a myriad of possibilities, it is just not possible to exorcise all those demons, as there are just too many of them to focus on individually.

At least, that's the way I see it. And of course, not everyone is like you or I....not everyone needs or even wants to know.

[Taboo]

Throwing myself onto the list of people who are happy to listen if anyone needs it. I actually think it would be good to put a sticky somewhere with various crisis numbers and then a list of members who have offered here to be sounding boards for others; it would be good to have everyone in one place like that, especially for future board members who may not know about this thread.

I've been through mental health problems, abusive family, and at one point checked myself into a mental institute because I couldn't trust myself to be alone. I'm younger than many of the others offering to listen, but I do have some experience with this sort of thing and I am absolutely sincere. If you PM me on here, I will get it in my email and can pass along other contact info, or you can ask me to add you on Facebook. I work freelance and am often available even when 'at work'.

[Bandit]

R.I.P. Plaidman.

You deserve to be away from pain, and I hope you have found it.

A song for you. (http://zedhead.dyndns.org/Music/Forever%20Autumn.wma)

Godspeed


John

[RetailWorkhorse]

When you don't know, when there are a myriad of possibilities, it is just not possible to exorcise all those demons, as there are just too many of them to focus on individually.

Nail on the head right there, man, nail on the head.

[JoitheArtist]

Throwing myself onto the list of people who are happy to listen if anyone needs it. I actually think it would be good to put a sticky somewhere with various crisis numbers and then a list of members who have offered here to be sounding boards for others; it would be good to have everyone in one place like that, especially for future board members who may not know about this thread.

I second this idea! Goodness knows I've needed this kind of help a time or two in the past (as some of you can attest to) and likely will in the future. A reminder that help is available from people who care is always a good thing.

[Marmalady]

I've been reading all these offers of help, of a listening ear, and it strikes me that Plaidman's true legacy may be that the rest of us will always know we have someone caring for us... if that doesn't sound too hi-falutin'?... but I can't work out how to express it any better.

[Kara]

I'd be happy to endorse this idea. I will not name anyone, but today alone, I was communicating with people via cs chat (and private conversations in cs chat), cs.com (and PM's here), Facebook messaging, Skype messenger, and text messaging on my cell # (I got a call from a number I didn't recognize and wondered if someone was calling me to talk. It turned out to be a wrong number, but I wasn't opposed to the idea). At one point, all of these at the same time. I spent my day off by going to a 12:30 matinee and then volunteering my time to anyone who needed someone to talk to, for a wide variety of reasons.

To anyone who thinks I was swamped, understand that I enjoyed this. It's... I don't know, maybe a coincidence, maybe fate, who knows why, but last week I realized that I like to help others. That helping people makes me happy. I meant every word I said when I offered all my contact info to anyone who needs it. Seriously, if anyone lived anywhere near me (only 1 member does, as far as I know) I would be willing to meet for a cup of coffee (or tea) to talk. I didn't feel "bothered" at all to do any of this. Due to the hours of my shift (2-10 Central Standard Time), I may not be the most accessible all the time, but I stay up late so I've got plenty of time to catch up and respond.

What I'm trying to say is, that today I pretty much was a hotline. So if anyone wanted to make something "official," I'm in.

And the keyword in this is "volunteer." I expect nothing in return for this. It's enough that I can at least try to be there for others the way Plaidman was, that I can honor his memory by doing what he did for me so many times over the years.

[JoitheArtist]

I've been reading all these offers of help, of a listening ear, and it strikes me that Plaidman's true legacy may be that the rest of us will always know we have someone caring for us... if that doesn't sound too hi-falutin'?... but I can't work out how to express it any better.

It;s ok, that was expressed fine. :) Though I wish he hadn't had to leave a legacy yet (dammit Plaid, why???), it's been truly amazing to see the community pull together this week.

[RootedPhoenix]

It has been amazing.

I wish it was for happier reasons. :cry:

[Spork4pedro]

I didn't know Plaidman other than his posts on here. From those I could tell how kind and welcoming he was. I mean, I barely knew him at all and the instantI saw on someone's sig RIP PLAIDMAN I searched for the truth and began crying! My heart truly goes out to him and his friends/family both at home and online. I hope that he is in peace now.

I've never had to type and cry before. I've never realised how hard it is! :(

[Librarian]

When you know what happened, as horrible as it may be, as much as the details may give you nightmares and waking visions you wish you could erase, you know what the source is, and you can go about exorcising that demon.

When you don't know, when there are a myriad of possibilities, it is just not possible to exorcise all those demons, as there are just too many of them to focus on individually.

/Agree
*part whited out for a TMI warning - don't read if you're squeemish about suicidemethods*
When i know someone committed suicide and i don't know the method I see a generic body hanging from the ceiling in my mind. Because that's how someone i knew well ended his life.
This somehow makes it easier for me, what you said makes perfect sense, i tend to very strictly limit the way i think on it.

[patiokitty]

When I read about Plaid's passing on Tuesday I fell apart. Every time I have come back to this thread I have fallen apart. Why? Because death in all its forms upsets me, even when it is somebody I only know through their postings on a message board.

And it upsets me because it could have easily been me. The only things that has kept me going from day to day for so long are my son and my friends. It reminds me that even when we feel like we have nobody that there is at least one person who we mean so much too. The outpouring of support here astounds me like nothing else...I knew this community of people was amazing but this completely proves it.

Plaid, I wish you could be here to see how much you are loved by everybody, even those who only knew you through here. Your memory will live on for all the good things you have brought about despite the pain you felt in your own life. Rest in peace, and may your next trip around the wheel bring you all the joy you so richly deserve...you are a beautiful soul.

[Magpie]

I dropped in specifically to see this thread, idrinkarum told me. I might not be around here anymore, but I'm saddened by the loss of Plaidman. There's not a lot I can say about him that hasn't been mentioned by other people.

I did want to add though - in addition to calling suicide prevention lines if you are feeling like it might be an option for you, they are apparently willing to help if you call because you don't know how to help a friend. After a friend committed suicide last year, one of the guys explained that he used to call the suicide help line and explain what this friend had been doing, and how he had responded, was there a better way next time? And they were quite helpful. It's not something that you can be expected to prevent, but if you're feeling helpless because of a friend, it's a resource for you too.

[draggar]

If you're in the region and able to attend, I think they'd like the company. If you're not, please remember him in your own way.

Rapscallion

I know I sound like a broken record and a spammer but people can always make donation to the NFNetwork.org in his name ("Driver" Liles). I donated yesterday though their PayPal link, I emailed them asking them to put it in his name and memory.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

With having to deal with Neurofibromatosis (even though it is not me, but hubby) I understand some of what Plaidman was dealing with. Hubby and my hope is that with this happening and the other CSers reaching out to learn about and make donations in his memory, that more people can be accepting of those with NF and the money donated could finally find a cure.

The gene that causes NF was discovered 21 years ago. Medicines have been tried to control the fibroma growths. Treatments have been found to help to shrink the internal fibromas that they can not remove surgically. The researchers say that once a cure was NF is found a cure for cancer is not far behind.

HUBBY:

There is a couple of comments that I would like to make. For Plaidman I truly understand. Within a five month time period, I had 12 suicide attempts. I understand all the pain physically that has to be lived with, especially when a fibroma has its roots on a nerve. I can go into greater detail to anyone who want to have a conversation. Just ask. As for Plaidman, please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. I will look forward to talk when asked

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I just want to say that no matter how depressed you get, no matter how much you think nobody cares, no matter how awful everything seems, there is never a case where you can just check out and not hurt a whole bunch of people in the process.

Couple years ago, a good friend of mine, (another Kinkoid, in fact) killed himself in a rather messy way and was found by his best friend. He'd left a note on the door "call the police and don't go inside."

Well, dumbass, your buddy went inside. Who the fuck wouldn't?

So yeah. I was at that memorial service and I saw what kind of state his best friend was in. In fact, nobody was in a much better condition, including me. (I think I must have mentioned that Kinko's let the entire store go to a memorial service and got other Kinkoid's from neighboring cities to cover the shift. This was why.)

My friend's name was Jaimey, and I loved him. And I'd like to kick him right in the nuts.

I know there are a lot of depressed people on here. I have been there. I have had that dark night of the soul. I have thought about the pistol in my nightstand in that dark night. There, I said. Who hasn't had that night. Let's just be honest here.

It gets better. God is my witness, it gets better. Your problems are temporary. Someone cares. Probably more someones than you think. Call someone and give them a chance to talk you down so they don't hate you and worse, hate themselves. Don't cheat yourself out of something beautiful that is most likely in your future.

I am happy and have a wonderful life. What I have now was worth every drop of blood and pain and sweat I had to spend to get here. I think back to that night and have to sit down until the shaking stops.

[Sandman]

former's husband has a good point on the pain that follows having a fibroid which has it's roots on a nerve... it's even more painful when you have that removed. it takes a long time for it to heal. i had one removed and i still get twinges from the area.. but i know it's healing

[FormerCallingCardRep]

Sandman, Hubby is about to have one removed from his ankle that the roots have gone between the bones. I am not looking forward to the pain he will have while it heals.

I know I sound like a broken record and a spammer but people can always make donation to the NFNetwork.org in his name ("Driver" Liles). I donated yesterday though their PayPal link, I emailed them asking them to put it in his name and memory.

One of the services they provide is a summer camp for kids with NF so they can meet others their own age and adults that can guide them through problems. A friend of ours from our local support group serves as an adult mentor at the camp every year. I think Plaidman would get a kick knowing that some of the money donated in his name will go help children with NF

[Lvl_9_Gazebo]

I'm going to chime in and add my voice to those who are willing to talk to you and listen in return. I, too, have been in that same dark place that so many others here have been. I went so far as to figure out how I would do it... and then my boyfriend had a patient who attempted it using the method I had chosen, and he refused to tell me how he felt about that. That told me enough.

It also told me that you can't leave this place without hurting so many others.

So, please. If not the others who have volunteered, I'll listen. Send me a PM and I'll give you a way to reach me. I'm on here most every day so I'll get it soon.

I care here. We care here.

[ArcticChicken]

I'm also going to toss my hat in the ring as someone people can contact if they need to talk. I don't post that much but I'm on here all the time, and I check my email several times a day. I'm not much available over the weekends, but I have a lot of free time during the week. I have FB, skype, and while I don't have a chat program on my computer right now, I'd be happy to download one again. If anyone wants to talk, just send me a PM.

[telecom_goddess]

I've been in that dark place myself a few times in the past. Luckily I think I've gotten past that stuff. My life isn't perfect but it's pretty good and I can feel happy a good deal of the time.

I'm starting to feel myself heal a little bit from this. But it is true that when someone does something like this it leaves a lot of people hurt, more than you may ever know. Plaid accomplished something great ..he touched the lives of people around the world. And he wasn't aware of that.

I lost another dear friend to suicide many years ago...and it took me a long time to get over that one. It's going to take me a long time to get over this, if I ever do. But the key difference this time is that there is this big network of friends, something I didn't have before. So I'm glad about that.

[Boozy]

A floral arrangement has been ordered and will be delivered to the funeral home tomorrow morning, before the service.

The arrangement is on behalf of everyone here at CS. The card will read: "For Driver, who was much loved by so many at CS.com".

No financial contributions will be accepted towards the flowers. However, anyone who would like to contribute something is reminded that the family has requested donations to The Children's Tumor Foundation. (http://www.ctf.org/)

[Kara]

This is for the mods:

You are awesome. Forever.

[Nurian]

Thank you, Mods. It's good to have a way to say good bye.

[draggar]

Good job, Boozy (and other mods).

[Midnight12]

yes, thank you thank you thank you :cry:

earlier was looking around in the cs comic page with hubs and we found an old one
hope its not too soon for good memories and smiles

brain bleach! (http://www.customerssuck.com/?p=7363)

also added this comic, some of Thelma and Louis and some from his photo album here to the photobucket
EDIT: also thank you Miss Breeden

[telecom_goddess]

That's great......I'm sure his mom will really appreciate the flowers.

[Cookie]

Thank you thank you to you guys for sending the flower arrangement.

Midnight12, thanks for posting that. I forgot one of his stories was featured in the comic. I don't think it's ever too soon for good memories and smiles.

[aurelemsrealm]

I just want to extend my sympathies to Plaidman and his family. I didn't know him personally, but had read a number of his posts. I often sensed that he dealt with a lot of pain and sadness in his life. I even thought about sending him a message a few times, but wasn't sure how he'd receive it. Hopefully, he's in a better place now.

[shadowpanda]

The flowers and donations are an amzing idea

I would also like to throw my hat into the ring of resources for people to chat. I am willing to talk to anyone who wants a friendly ear, or a bit of verbal reality check or whatever people need. Please PM me for contact info. I live in the UK just to make people aware of time differences which may lead to a delay in responses xx

[JoitheArtist]

thanks, mods! Glad the CS community will be present at the memorial service in that way. Made my own donation to CTF this morning.

[blas]

Thank you Raps and Mod team.

[Rapscallion]

It wasn't me directly arranging that part, but a member of the moderating team. I will be donating, though.

Rapscallion

[telecom_goddess]

I just influenced the music being played at the memorial...I posted the lyrics to and the video for a song called My Stunning Mystery Companion by Jackson Browne and his mom said she is probably going to play that at the service.

:)

[draggar]

I just influenced the music being played at the memorial...I posted the lyrics to and the video for a song called My Stunning Mystery Companion by Jackson Browne and his mom said she is probably going to play that at the service.

:)

Me too, I posted Chicago's "Wishing You Were Here" which was dedicated to Terry Kath after he passed. Seemed fitting.

[Lindsey]

I've never had the time to be a more active member of this community, and because of that, I feel like I know Plaidman more than I actually did. I've read his posts and seen his interactions with others on this forum, but I didn't actually talk to him more than a couple of times.

But I'm still sad to hear about his passing, and like always, I'm a little disturbed and even more saddened to find out that it was suicide. And I'm sad that so many members are replying and saying they know, in some form, what he went through. So did I. I didn't have the physical pain he had because of his NF, but I was isolated and depressed for most of my childhood and I never really recovered until I went to college and found a support system. I'm having a bad summer and feeling some of the old feelings again. I know what it's like to want to die. I hate knowing that someone else felt this pain, and that he felt like he couldn't push through it anymore.

Rest in peace man, a lot of people are going to miss you. I hope you found what you were looking for.