MMATM
02-14-2007, 04:04 AM
This is a rant.
It may (read: will) be long and aggravated.
You have been warned.
I have a cough. It is permanently embedded in my genes. Until a cure is found, I will have this cough no matter what.
At present, the cough is worse due to a cold (runny nose) and having lost my voice (makes effective coughing impossible). What used to be a throat-clearing type of cough now can turn into a three-minute coughing fit that is as ineffective as it is painful (sore throat).
It wouldn't be all that bad if it weren't for other people. Some of these people I see every day (one lives in my suite, two doors away from me) while others are the ones who happen to be on the bus at the same time as you.
Most people are fine. They may glance at me when I cough (as expected) or offer a "bless you" because it sometimes sounds like a sneeze (19 years of practice will teach you to make coughing and sneezing sound nearly identical), none of which I mind. It's the super concerned types.
"Are you ok?" will come from SOMEWHERE every single time I cough. Ever. There's no escaping it. There are just too many helpful souls out there.
"Yes." Unless I am choking this is my response. I have had this cough for years, I know how to deal with it, I will not imminently die if you don't call 911. Trust me.
For the good ones, this is where it ends. I will keep coughing, they will keep looking up at me (it's always the self-proclaimed "good Samaritans" who keep staring at the one sick guy on the bus or wherever, just in case he dies and they have to use their miraculous powers to bring him back to life). This I put up with because they aren't really doing anything and it's a personal right to look at whatever you choose (in my opinion) unless it's something indecent and/or a violation of someone else's rights (like if someone is partially nude and trying to cover up).
For the bad ones, which is most, they will keep repeating:
"Are you sure you're ok?"/"That cough doesn't sound so good. Are you sure?"/"You're sure you're ok?"/"Are you positive?"/"You're sure? That cough sounds pretty bad."/"You're certain you're ok?" ad infinitum.
It is for these people (and others to be mentioned in a moment) that I wish to find an excuse to carry a hurley with me at all times.
"Yes, Mr/Mrs Just-Can't-Let-You-Leave-Without-Making-Sure-You-Aren't-In-Danger-Of-Dying-At-Any-Moment, I know. I have a cough. You aren't the first person to point this out to me, and you won't be the last. However, you don't need to distinguish yourself by being the most annoying, either. If I told you I was fine the first ten times, I am still fine on the eleventh time. If I wasn't I would ask or at least gesture for help. As I have done neither, please step away (out the door of the bus, ideally, and while it is still moving, even more ideally) from me and do not come back."
The one in my suite always says (and this is almost a daily occurrence) "Dude that cough sounds like shit." On Saturday, for example, I had my girlfriend over and we were watching her favorite movie. I coughed probably four times during the movie, all of which were heard by this particular suite-mate. He and his four-or-so inebriated friends were raising hell in his room. They also walked by the door of the common room (where I was) at least three times in each direction. All of them were extremely out-of-their-heads drunk. How do I know this? Every exchange with my suite-mate (there were about 10-12 exchanges) went as follows.
"Dude, your cough sounds like shit."
"I know. Sorry. I've got a cold and it's making me cough." (I varied my response a bit and dumbed it down over the course of the night, but that was the gist.)
"I can't really tell, though, cause I'm wicked drunk."
Wtf? You are proclaiming loudly enough for the whole suite (and the suite across the hall) to hear that my cough sounds like shit, but at the same time you can't really tell because you're drunk? Why do you keep saying it then? Is your short-term memory shot? How much have you had to drink to get yourself in this state?
I normally don't mind this guy. He's a little abrasive at times but generally even-tempered and not a problem. Add that to the fact that he lives nearby and goes home a lot, and so I don't really see him all that much except for the mandatory once-or-twice a day reminders that I still have a cough, in case I'd forgotten. Those are what really get to me.
Do these people want a medal? Should I up and give them their EMT certifications right there? Maybe a letter of recommendation to med school for their incredible deductive powers in diagnosing me with a cough?
PEOPLE! Pointing out someone else's cough repeatedly does not make you special! It just makes you more deserving of whatever misfortune might befall you later! Everyone else within a twenty-meter radius knows that I have a cough, ESPECIALLY ME! You do not need to be there to make sure everyone knows that it's me coughing and not you. Nobody cares other than you and me: the dickhead who has to point out the cough so everyone else knows about it and the poor guy who has a cough and now has to put up with your dumb ass reminding me about it. Every. Five. Seconds.
I wish I had a bum knee (a la Dr. House) so I could carry a sword-cane and nobody would notice. Until, of course, they asked me if I was ok for the umpteenth time... http://www.forumsextreme.com/imgs1/sFi_fish.gif
Sorry, everyone. That has been bothering me for months (especially since I've been at University) and while I thought the people asking me to change my gloves at work (food prep) despite me coughing into my shoulder as I have been taught and changing my gloves between everyone's orders (never know when someone who's lactose intolerant or religiously vegetarian or allergic to X will come in) was bad, these new blockheads simply take the cake. Which is unfair. I want the cake. Not to eat, more to smash in their book bags when they insist on badgering me about my cough.
P.S: The worst is when people will say something along the lines of "you have to cut back on your smoking" or the one lady who said "it's sad how young kids start these days." Start what? Coughing? Dying? Random acts of violence against old ladies? What? Oh, smoking? Good job genius. I'm sure nothing could cause me to cough besides smoking four packs a day.
P.P.S: I also hate it when people offer me cough drops especially if they start the "are you sure you don't want one?" along with making sure I'm not about to die. Cough drops don't help, but I thank them and say I've got my own (which I do, remember the sore throat thing?). It's not a throat cough, people. Learn to tell the difference.
If you read all the way through that, applaud yourself and please let me know you read it. You will be on my good side forever and ever and ever with ice cream and a cherry on top.
It may (read: will) be long and aggravated.
You have been warned.
I have a cough. It is permanently embedded in my genes. Until a cure is found, I will have this cough no matter what.
At present, the cough is worse due to a cold (runny nose) and having lost my voice (makes effective coughing impossible). What used to be a throat-clearing type of cough now can turn into a three-minute coughing fit that is as ineffective as it is painful (sore throat).
It wouldn't be all that bad if it weren't for other people. Some of these people I see every day (one lives in my suite, two doors away from me) while others are the ones who happen to be on the bus at the same time as you.
Most people are fine. They may glance at me when I cough (as expected) or offer a "bless you" because it sometimes sounds like a sneeze (19 years of practice will teach you to make coughing and sneezing sound nearly identical), none of which I mind. It's the super concerned types.
"Are you ok?" will come from SOMEWHERE every single time I cough. Ever. There's no escaping it. There are just too many helpful souls out there.
"Yes." Unless I am choking this is my response. I have had this cough for years, I know how to deal with it, I will not imminently die if you don't call 911. Trust me.
For the good ones, this is where it ends. I will keep coughing, they will keep looking up at me (it's always the self-proclaimed "good Samaritans" who keep staring at the one sick guy on the bus or wherever, just in case he dies and they have to use their miraculous powers to bring him back to life). This I put up with because they aren't really doing anything and it's a personal right to look at whatever you choose (in my opinion) unless it's something indecent and/or a violation of someone else's rights (like if someone is partially nude and trying to cover up).
For the bad ones, which is most, they will keep repeating:
"Are you sure you're ok?"/"That cough doesn't sound so good. Are you sure?"/"You're sure you're ok?"/"Are you positive?"/"You're sure? That cough sounds pretty bad."/"You're certain you're ok?" ad infinitum.
It is for these people (and others to be mentioned in a moment) that I wish to find an excuse to carry a hurley with me at all times.
"Yes, Mr/Mrs Just-Can't-Let-You-Leave-Without-Making-Sure-You-Aren't-In-Danger-Of-Dying-At-Any-Moment, I know. I have a cough. You aren't the first person to point this out to me, and you won't be the last. However, you don't need to distinguish yourself by being the most annoying, either. If I told you I was fine the first ten times, I am still fine on the eleventh time. If I wasn't I would ask or at least gesture for help. As I have done neither, please step away (out the door of the bus, ideally, and while it is still moving, even more ideally) from me and do not come back."
The one in my suite always says (and this is almost a daily occurrence) "Dude that cough sounds like shit." On Saturday, for example, I had my girlfriend over and we were watching her favorite movie. I coughed probably four times during the movie, all of which were heard by this particular suite-mate. He and his four-or-so inebriated friends were raising hell in his room. They also walked by the door of the common room (where I was) at least three times in each direction. All of them were extremely out-of-their-heads drunk. How do I know this? Every exchange with my suite-mate (there were about 10-12 exchanges) went as follows.
"Dude, your cough sounds like shit."
"I know. Sorry. I've got a cold and it's making me cough." (I varied my response a bit and dumbed it down over the course of the night, but that was the gist.)
"I can't really tell, though, cause I'm wicked drunk."
Wtf? You are proclaiming loudly enough for the whole suite (and the suite across the hall) to hear that my cough sounds like shit, but at the same time you can't really tell because you're drunk? Why do you keep saying it then? Is your short-term memory shot? How much have you had to drink to get yourself in this state?
I normally don't mind this guy. He's a little abrasive at times but generally even-tempered and not a problem. Add that to the fact that he lives nearby and goes home a lot, and so I don't really see him all that much except for the mandatory once-or-twice a day reminders that I still have a cough, in case I'd forgotten. Those are what really get to me.
Do these people want a medal? Should I up and give them their EMT certifications right there? Maybe a letter of recommendation to med school for their incredible deductive powers in diagnosing me with a cough?
PEOPLE! Pointing out someone else's cough repeatedly does not make you special! It just makes you more deserving of whatever misfortune might befall you later! Everyone else within a twenty-meter radius knows that I have a cough, ESPECIALLY ME! You do not need to be there to make sure everyone knows that it's me coughing and not you. Nobody cares other than you and me: the dickhead who has to point out the cough so everyone else knows about it and the poor guy who has a cough and now has to put up with your dumb ass reminding me about it. Every. Five. Seconds.
I wish I had a bum knee (a la Dr. House) so I could carry a sword-cane and nobody would notice. Until, of course, they asked me if I was ok for the umpteenth time... http://www.forumsextreme.com/imgs1/sFi_fish.gif
Sorry, everyone. That has been bothering me for months (especially since I've been at University) and while I thought the people asking me to change my gloves at work (food prep) despite me coughing into my shoulder as I have been taught and changing my gloves between everyone's orders (never know when someone who's lactose intolerant or religiously vegetarian or allergic to X will come in) was bad, these new blockheads simply take the cake. Which is unfair. I want the cake. Not to eat, more to smash in their book bags when they insist on badgering me about my cough.
P.S: The worst is when people will say something along the lines of "you have to cut back on your smoking" or the one lady who said "it's sad how young kids start these days." Start what? Coughing? Dying? Random acts of violence against old ladies? What? Oh, smoking? Good job genius. I'm sure nothing could cause me to cough besides smoking four packs a day.
P.P.S: I also hate it when people offer me cough drops especially if they start the "are you sure you don't want one?" along with making sure I'm not about to die. Cough drops don't help, but I thank them and say I've got my own (which I do, remember the sore throat thing?). It's not a throat cough, people. Learn to tell the difference.
If you read all the way through that, applaud yourself and please let me know you read it. You will be on my good side forever and ever and ever with ice cream and a cherry on top.