My Father, Still a Douchebag

[Greenday]

I'm sure there will be some bad language due to my utter hatred for this guy who claims to be my father. And by I'm sure, I mean don't read this if you don't want to see any, it's going to be pretty bad.

I'm sick of this crap from my dad. My parents got divorced when I was 6. My dad got remarried sometime. I can't really remember how long ago. Must have been like 5 or 6 years. He got married to some total bitch. I hate her. Before then, my dad was such a great guy. I enjoyed being with him, it was never complicated. Once he got married, his wife didn't want him to have anything to do with my family. He treats my mom like trash. When my sister turned 17 and got her license, he decided he wouldn't help her buy a car at all like he promised. Three years later when I was going to get my car, I asked him if he was going to help me with my car like he did for my sister. His answer? "We'll see." Blow me. He'd continue to get back at my mom through my sister and I.

When my dad and his family wanted to move, he took the money out of my sister's college fund and the money out of mine to help pay for it. He claimed it was his to take out and spend as he wished. My mom had to take him to court to get it back. He later on claimed that he and my mom agreed when we were kids that my sister would go to the local community college. That's not what my sister wanted and my mom NEVER said anything remotely near that. One time when my father and I were alone, he decided to tell me that my sister was too stupid for college and I was much smarter than her. I was 15 years old. What the fuck was he saying that for? Well guess what? My sister is in her last year of college and has been on the dean's list a few times. FUCK YOU! After dealing with all that shit, I decided he wasn't worth talking to anymore.

Well, I just graduated high school and you know what that means: more shit from my father. He's taking my mom to court so he won't have to pay child support for me. He claims that he's been a good, caring father. He "bought" me a brand new trumpet during higher school he claims. I've only owned one trumpet in my life and that was purchased by him AND my mom when I was going into the third grade. He says that I never tried to tell him when my graduation was and I didn't invite him. Yep, totally true. What's also totally true is that he didn't bother trying to find out. I talked to him ONCE in the past year. That was the last time he called me. He hasn't tried to contact me at all but the fact that neither do I try to talk to him that he shouldn't pay child support. The last time this shit was going on with my father and my sister, I ended up going through therapy because of the shit I was put through for defending my sister. He also says that I never talked to him about getting surgery done on my thumb. What the fuck do I need to consult him for about that? I had a fucking tumor, I wasn't going to leave that in my thumb. He didn't do anything to help with my high school experience, he wasn't supportive, why should I invite him to my graduation?

He also claims that my mom would never let us talk to him, and that she threatened us and such. Bullshit. My mom used to ENCOURAGE me to talk to him. I still refused. He says that she'd try to put fear in us. My mom is 5'4" and I'm 5'10". The only times I've EVER feared my mom was when I got my ticket for "racing" and whenever I got horrible test grades which was rare. My mom always pushed us to do the best we could. He said that we didn't let him in on the college decision for where I'd go. Uh, my mom and I are paying for it, not him, why should he get a say in where I go? Same thing for my "stupid" sister who is on the dean's list and is graduating in less than a year.

He seriously needs to go fuck himself. His wife too. They won't be at my college graduation, they won't be at my wedding, NOTHING! FUCK THEM!

On a side note, my mom just talked to her lawyer and he says it's a load of crap. It shouldn't be a problem in court for us. I just think it's really stupid that I'm not allowed to go and defend myself in court. They will actually physically remove the children from court if they show up. I'm 18, legally an adult, and they say I can't defend myself? Come on...If you managed to read this whole thing, thanks for letting me get this out. I have no where else to rant.

[PuckishOne]

Greenday, first of all I have to say that you're bearing your situation very, very well. My parents divorced when I was very young, and thankfully I was spared from what probably would have been a similar situation (from what I know of my father), so I can imagine what you've been through. The fact that you and your sister are pursuing education and getting on with your lives is something you should be very proud of.

It's sad that you've already had to learn the lesson that, just because someone is "family" doesn't mean that they won't be first in line to screw you over at any opportunity. My future brother-in-law may never learn that particular lesson, and because of it he's so far been unable to take control of his own life and do what he needs to do (stop using drugs, hold down a job, support his child, etc.). So I would say that you are definintely on the right track.

And as for venting, well...that's what this board is here for. ;) If all we had to bitch about were customers and work, we wouldn't need the "Off Topic" secton. :rolleyes: :D

Good luck to you, and keep us posted on how things go with the court case.

[Crosshair]

Holy crap, not much I can say to make you feel better. Just be sure that any wills make it very clear that he receives nothing. It would suck to have him start graverobbing if domething ever happened to your family. From the sounds of it, it isn't below him.

[Kiwi]

Oh Greenday Im so sorry :(

I know how it feels to hate your father (I sure hate mine, hes ruined alot of my life) I went through the visitation thing as well.... the court would set up dates, he wouldnt show up, my mum would have to break it to us, heat broken time and time again.

when he was arrested they wanted me and my bro to testify, mum wouldnt let me, i wish she would have, we could have easily doubled his sentance. bastard.

while my solution works for me, it most likely wouldnt for you (I moved to another country :P ) just cut him out of your life completely. can your family afford to live without his child support? my father paid a total of $800 in 18 years for me and zero for my brother, made us dirt poor growing up but I havent spoken to him in 11 years now. if you can live without it, then have yourself emancipated from him, then pretend he is dead. thats what I do.

I legally changed my name (no way in hell I will ever have that name associated with me) and have non-association orders and tresspass orders against him at all times (when they run out I renew them). If he ever comes near me again I wont have to kill him, my brother would.

just realise what he is Greenday, a sad pathetic old man who will dye painfully and alone. Then God will deal with him, and he can punish him far more than you ever could (that thought always brings me a small feeling of peace)

[Greenday]

Holy crap, not much I can say to make you feel better. Just be sure that any wills make it very clear that he receives nothing. It would suck to have him start graverobbing if domething ever happened to your family. From the sounds of it, it isn't below him.
Heh, graverobbing runs in his family. When his rich uncles died, the first thing they did was fight over the money. Half of his family won't even talk to eachother because of it.

And Kiwi, if we didn't need his money, we wouldn't be dealing with him, trust me. As it is my mom and my stepdad barely make ends meet. They live from paycheck to paycheck. Next Friday is payday and they are already borrowing money from me. I gave my mom 20 bucks for gas tonight since she was on empty. I chipped in a few bucks for ice cream. When my mom needs to pay big bills and doesn't have the money for all of them, I tell her to take it out of my bank account and just pay it back later, which she always does. The first thing I plan on doing when I get my extremely high paying job in forensics is to pay off her bills. I don't want to see my mom struggling. I want to see her able to go out and buy stuff for herself every now and then. Plus, as for your moving, look at it this way. Now you are on my continent and you are that much closer to me lol.

[Crosshair]

Wow, good thing my grandpa did what he did with his will. His health was in decline so he distributed much of his estate while leaving plenty left to care for my grandma. (Both are dead now.) My dad and uncle where made executors of the estate. Each child (My Aunts and Uncles) was given their share with the condition that anyone who complained about their share was given only $1. Have not heard anyone complain.:D

[Kiwi]

Now you are on my continent and you are that much closer to me lol.

and you have just made my day pointing that out

now I just have to get to the other coast and go down a bit and around the corner and off exit 224 then left, then right, then two lefts once your past the school

and im there :) with a big hug and some candy for you

aww what the hey I think you deserve one anyway :hug:

[Barefootgirl]

Greenday, I'm really sorry to hear about all this mess, and the waste of skin that is your sperm donor (he doesn't sound like he deserves the title of dad, frankly). Can your mum still get child support for you after you finish school, if you are going on to college? I know over here, child support payments finish either when the child is 18, or when he/she finishes higher education.

In the long run, your dad is the one losing out. He's got great kids, but he's turned his back on them for his new wife, and almost everyone who makes that decision regrets it in the end. His wife doesn't sound like a kind or caring person (if she was, she'd have encouraged him to stay in contact with his kids at the every least), so do you really think she's going to be there for him when he starts getting old and annoying?

[Greenday]

Barefootgirl, technically speaking, yes, he is supposed to keep paying child support if I stay in school, which I am. But we all know that the justice system doesn't always work the way it should. My uncle had to go to court yesterday because "he didn't pay his child support". My aunt had every receipt from when he paid and the other person's lawyers STILL tried to argue that he wasn't paying. Turns out, someone in the law offices had screwed up and was depositing the money in one of the kid's wrong accounts. What a load of BS! The ex-wife wanted him to pay double and get away with it.

And Kiwi, I'd kill for that. Just reading that makes me feel a whole lot better about going into work at 8:30 instead of 9:30. Thank you.

[protege]

Damn, Greenday. Family drama always sucks. Right now, there's quite a bit involving my dad's side the family. These people, mainly my grandmother (Grandpa died in 2001) and my aunt (his sister), act like they want nothing to do with us. I have no idea why, since my brothers and I are the only grandkids she'll ever have. Unless there's a problem, she never calls or visits. I could understand if she lived far away...but it's just across town, and she thinks phonecalls are "expensive." Yet, she talks with my aunt nearly every damn day :confused: Expensive, my ass.

The thing that's really messed up, is that my aunt comes up here maybe once a year (Christmas), and can't understand why we don't make a big fuss about her. Why should we? Sooner or later, Grandma won't be around anymore, and neither will my father. She'll be all alone, yet doesn't realize this.

While I'm at it, I should mention that she's never helped my family out. Never, not even when my dad was unemployed and cash was *very* tight. Yet, Grandma on Mom's side has been very helpful--she's helped with cash, food, etc. even though it was tight for her too.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I'm sorry, Greenday. You sound like a really good son, though, one your Mom is lucky to have in her court. I hope everything works out for you.

When I was about 15, I didnt' understand how anyone could hate their own parent. I had a friend who hated her dad. I really didn't believe she truly hated him. Then I met him and understood. I learned a little more about how life can be that day. :(

I'll be thinking about you. Let us know how it goes.

[Trishlovesdolphins]

I totally understand, you can aim me if you want. scoobydooonthego. i've had a very similar experience. but as i understand it, as long as you're in school a certain amount he HAS to pay child support until you are 21 or 23, or until you graduate college which ever is first

[April]

Ah, sounds very familiar. My mom divorced my dad when i was 2. He remarried some bitch and I rarely saw him again. He made LOADS of promises all though my life and never followed through with any of them. But they loved to talk about the flute they bought for me. The flute my step mother had for a million years, was leaking air, and basically my mom scrapped together the money and got me a good one from a pawn shop.

For a long time we talked by letters. Then, when I got pregnant before I was married, (4 months, been with the man for 3 years by that time and we were planning on getting married anyhow) he freaked out and "couldn't talk to" me at that moment. I sent an invite to the wedding, got an excuse from him, and then got a totally DIFFERENT excuse from the bitch (step mother)

The day I got back from my honey moon, the bitch called me and reamed me out, about how bad I hurt my father. She made me cry. She cussed and told me I wouldn't get "one red fucking cent" of thier money and neither would my "bastard"

My dad was in the room the entire time (I could hear him talking to my half brother) and never said a word.

I haven't spoken to them since. Since he won't live long enough for my half brother to have children, he is missing out on the ONLY grandchildren he would have ever known. I know he's had several strokes, a heart attack or two and parkinsons disease and he has too many health problems to live for much longer. I only hope he realizes what he missed.

Anyhow, i didn't mean to steal your thread, I just wanted to show you I know EXACTLY how you feel, down to the child support issue (he quit paying before he should have) Since I quit worrying bout him, I have felt better. (I found al ump under my arm, in a panic I called him and he didn't even bother to call back) No longer do I have him and the bitch hanging over me, I have cut them out of my life. I suggest that you do the same, to the extent that you possibly can and don't worry about him anymore

[Cia]

Since the court wont let you stay for the proceedings will the judge allow you to leave a letter that can be read into the court records?

[Greenday]

Since the court wont let you stay for the proceedings will the judge allow you to leave a letter that can be read into the court records?
That's what I wondered but my mom's lawyer said it's best just to avoid the situation. My mom talked to her today about the case. The lawyer said that she thinks it's a load of crap and that he has no case. We should do fine. I'm so glad my mom got a lawyer this time. It was so hard on her the last time she went to court against him. Now someone else can use extremely big and confusing words to get what we want.

[ArenaBoy]

I have never went through this but I have plenty of friends who have had a hard time with their parents.

A girl I've known my whole life has gone through this, her dad divorced her mom and left her 3 kids for a younger woman. The bastard now has a kid who he will probably ditch for someone else. My dad refuses to speak to him. He's not even helping his ex-wife who has cancer, is struggling and has two other kids to raise. My family is doing all that we can to help her and I just wish I could strangle their dad because he had a great family and ditched them for a younger woman.

Another girl I know, her mom cheated on her husband and they divorced. 3 kids too and it upsets me because she had a great family also. My friend moved away when her dad met someone else. I am happy for them but sad because that was my best friend. her mom never comes to visit her at all but promises all the time.

One of my cross-country teammates is joining the marines to get away from his dad and to piss off his dad. He's pissing him off by joining a military branch his dad doesn't want him to join. He does not get along well with his dad and the house always has bad vibes surrounding it.

I didn't mean to take this away from you, but it has an effect on me because I love the 2nd girl and we are best friends and she does not deserve it, no one does.

[Der Cute]

Greenday:

I want to say I'm proud of you. You're a kid who's had to deal w/ some seriously lame Adult abuse, and whos stood up for himself, figured out some goals, setting them and achieveing them.

A lot of kids would just throw hands in air, grab a joint and a 40, while playing on their video game consoles.

You obviously are not hiding your head in the sand.

I was cringing when I read your story, because...strangely enough my father sounds a bit like yours. He took money from me & my sis over 20 yrs ago, but he did pay it back. Just the principle, no interest...:(

And my dad doesnt contact me. I try to call him once or twice a year, but it is at the point where if my father needs something he will call me, otherwise, I'm alone. I tried for a couple years to poke, make effort to contact, but....never did get thru.

I'm now in the spot where I have to accept, "This is as good as it will ever get. If anything interesting /better happens between us, its a bloody f-kin miracle." I cant ask my dad to change himself, because, really, he's happy the way he is.

Is your father happy? If so, then, just remember if he's done bad things in his life, it will bite him later. My attitude (even towards family assh0les) is: If they're happy, let them be. I may not agree, or like it, but once I've said my piece, thats enough.

If your father is content, let him alone. If your father badgers you with "your mom was a @#$%#% ...Your sister is a Q##$%@#$%$" or things of that nature, just tell him: I dont want to hear that. I feel uncomfortable when you talk about people I care about that way (my mom disses my dad in front of me).

If you are unhappy w/ your dad: you have a possiblility of voicing your needs to your dad - if you see that he wants to change this relationship with you. Otherwise, find a counselor NOW (early life, fix the kinks b4 21yrs :) it helps a bunch) and start picking up your soul off the ground.

I wish you luck, and I hope you can find a note of help in this. Hugs from another abused kid..

Cute

[Greenday]

Is your father happy? If so, then, just remember if he's done bad things in his life, it will bite him later. My attitude (even towards family assh0les) is: If they're happy, let them be. I may not agree, or like it, but once I've said my piece, thats enough.

Is he happy? None of his family talks to him anymore. None of his friends talk to him anymore. Alls he has is his wife and stepkids. How happy can he be? I confronted him about what is going on and he just refuses to face reality and admit what he is doing is wrong. He'd better be happy with his new family to want to give all those people up.

[jedifarfy]

I'm so sorry for what he is putting you through GreenDay. Like many others, I'm a child of a broken marriage too. My dad's wife, who he married just months after the divorce, has two older daughters. I was pretty protected from most of that went on behind the scenes, but as I'm getting older, everything is becoming obvious: the other daughters got money, cars, college expensives... basically everything they wanted, and they're spoiled brats because if it. My dad never helped with any school expenses, medical expenses, nothing. Most recently, they decided to buy a retirement home in another state that they couldn't afford, while also dropping me from his insurance just before my wisdom tooth surgery and was deciding to drop out of school because of the cost.

Ah, fathers. :cry:

Oh, my dad tried to stop child support payments while I was in school too! My mom made sure they got copies of the settlement agreement, just in case they "forgot". My dad showed up for graduation (was surprised, despite me being his only child), but not my stepmom. She didn't care.

:hug:

JF