A canonical list of SCs [Archive] - Page 2

JoitheArtist

04-20-2008, 07:31 PM

The Too-Easily Amused:

Upon encountering a display full of singing, dancing toys that operate when you push some character's hand or foot, the Too-Easily Amused SC will activate as many of the toys as possible, or all of them, resulting in a cacophony of badly-sung songs not playing at the same time and the entire display seeming to shake its collective booty because of all the toys moving at once.

I get to put up with a lot of these SCs. Mainly because our buyer are freaking morons who think people actually want to buy these stupid toys.

Oh yes. Anyone remember Rock 'n' Roll Elmo? I worked in a small clothing store, that was forced to carry several of these abominations (we had RnR Ernie too, but his voice wasn't as annoying, and since he played Splish Splash and Rock Around the Clock, I didn't mind him too much). Elmo's voice annoys me anyway, and to hear that thing start to screech out "A, B, C, easy as 1, 2, 3..." AUGH!!!!!!!!!! And the adults who would set off every single one of them for the amusement of their bratty kids....GRRRRR.

And the time we were forced to carry the singing fish? We will not speak of it...

My own contributions:

The "You People" people: There's no phrase garunteed to make you a despised customer faster than calling the member services reps "You people." "You people overcharged me!" "You people are just out for money!" "You people keep taking things away from us!"

The Fixed Incomes:

SC: I want to join!
Me: I'll be happy to help you with that! Membership is $20 a year, and once you're signed up, we'll help you get in touch with a group in your area.
SC: You mean I have to pay to join? That's ridiculous! Just give me the phone number for someone in my area!
Me: I can't give out contact information for any of our members, but again, once you're signed up as a member I'll be happy to help you get in touch with someone.
SC: I used to be able to look for groups for free! (Yes, and so could hundreds of spammers and solicitors, which is why they can't do that anymore) I'm on a FIXED INCOME.

Me: (thinking) So is almost everyone else in the world, except Bill Gates. EVERYBODY has a budget. Either you want this and are willing to pay the very minimal fee, or you don't want it enough.

SC: This is terrible! You must not want people to join! *click*

Right. We don't want people to join, since the memberships help pay our salary. In fact, we got NOTHING from that call, since she just called the toll-free number. SIGH.

The Crimestoppers Wannabes. They call in to report on other members, insist that local group leaders are doing things "wrong," but won't give their own information, and insist on being anonymous.

SC: So-and-so is doing things that are against our rules!
Me: Well, we don't really have that many rules, what is she doing?
SC: She's doing blah (a minor thing that is in no way against our rules or even common decency)
Me: I'm sorry you feel hurt by that, but she has every right to do that.
SC: But it's not just that! She's breaking the rules!
Me: What else is going on?
SC: Repeats same complaint
Me: I've just explained, that's not against our rules.
SC: But aren't you going to stop her?

I think that call ended up with her crying and slamming the phone down. Sigh.

c0pperboom

05-05-2008, 09:36 PM

fish3k1

05-06-2008, 10:35 AM

The Too-Easily Amused:

I get to put up with a lot of these SCs. Mainly because our buyer are freaking morons who think people actually want to buy these stupid toys.

Alas, they're often right

The 'can you take a guess?'-er: When a SC will say "My son is about this tall and 50 lbs, what size do you think he is?" Me: "I'm really not sure, kids hold their weight differently." SC: "Can you take a guess?" Me(inside): "I can, but if it doesn't fit I'd rather you not come back tomorrow complaining about how the pants were too tight."

People do this all the time with bikes too. "What size bike would fit a 12-year-old?" Well, that sorta depends on the individual 12-year-old, seeing as we aren't yet making children to standard measurements (give the EU a few more years tho, I'm sure they're working on it :p )

Ghel

05-10-2008, 07:13 PM

Here's some of the SCs I see at the small-town midwestern bank where I work as a CSR:

The Happy Drunk: Comes in to the bank 4 or 5 times a day, always smelling like alcohol to make another withdrawal from his savings account (because we're not stupid enough to give him a checking account) before heading back to the bar.

The Southern Belle wannabe: Calls all the employees "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart."

The Rate Shopper: Calls every bank within an hour drive and expects us to match the best rate they found, even if the bank with the highest rate isn't in our market.

Free Samples: Asks the tellers if we're giving out free samples of money today. Thinks they're being clever.

Banking as a Replacement for a Social Life: Comes in for a transaction that should take less than a minute, but sits/stands there for the next hour talking to you about any old thing (often their latest medical ailment or slamming whoever recently died in town). This type frequently goes from employee to employee, often repeating the same boring story to each. I can usually get rid of these by asking, "is there anything else I can do for you?" Only the really bad ones don't get the hint.

The Amnesiac: This SC (techically, according to banking regulations, this person is a "consumer" - they're only a "customer" if they have an account relationship with us) comes in to open a checking account or apply for a loan, claiming to have a perfect financial record. But when you pull their credit bureau report, they've had an account closed by another bank (for a checking account) or they have multiple judgments and charged-off loans (for a loan). Responses to being told this usually fall into two categories: 1. disavows all knowledge of the events, or 2. they "thought that was taken care of."

The Commuter: Lives in a town 20 miles away, works in a town 35 miles away, but wants to open an account with us. Is this because you've already had accounts closed on you by every other bank within a 40-mile radius?

The Abrupt Retreat: This person (once again, not a customer according to banking regs) comes in at two minutes to close on a Friday afternoon to open an account with a questionable check and flimsy identification. When I explain the background check required and the hold I'll have to place on their funds, they make some lousy excuse not to open the account. These fraudsters are so transparent, it's almost funny.

tropicsgoddess

05-10-2008, 09:46 PM

Deal Or No Deal: This SC comes into the dealership expecting to get the best deals in financing a new car, despite their craptacular credit history. They insist on getting that deal and the car they want and refuse to accept a pre-owned/used car or any other deal that is offered to them because it's not to their terms. Some of these SC's go to multiple dealerships expecting to get that deal, despite numerous rejections.

I Want It All, But I Want To Pay Next To Nothing: This SC expects to get a new car with all the features and pay the same price they would for the same car with basic features.

The Faker: This SC claims how they have a great credit history, but once they walk in the dealership and have their credit history pulled, it is the complete opposite of what they claimed it to be.

Exodus212

05-25-2008, 03:10 AM

Captain-I-Know-Everything-So-Shut-Up: The person who obviously knows how to do whatever you are doing twelve times better than you, yet quietly says that you can keep doing it.

Logic Hater: The person who you are arguing with, who, when you obviously prove them wrong, either says something sarcastic, or yells at you to shut up.

Both come from experiences my dad has had.

MoonChild2007

06-02-2008, 07:58 PM

The "Hello? Hello?" customers- I could understand customers saying hello when I first introduce myself but I can't STAND those customers who will say hello
right after I explain something and have to repeat myself!

The wait until my bill is high to complain customers- I could understand customers who have been paying $124 a month who has been PAYING ON TIME but then it shoots up to $160 being upset but don't be calling us wondering why the bill is high if you haven't made PAYMENTS or you have been paying a measly $50. They automatically assume if they have a bill for $150 and pay only $60 that the other $90 will just disappear! Come on. My bill happens to be about $300.00 and even I know my bill is that because I missed a payment! :rolleyes: They even go out and blame cablevision for their bill being higher and higher.

Those people who wait until 5 months to a year later to complain about an order on the account

Yesterday, I had a person complain about a PPV order on her account. I looked
over the account and it was added LAST YEAR and she is just NOW complaining about it. Why can't customers look over their bill EVERY single month and question it if there is a strange order on the account.

My favorite customers of all time and I am sure everybody has dealt with it.

But I was told... customers.

I just can't stand those customers! Especially when the conversation wasn't even documented! I blame the rep more than I do the customer on that one, though.
Actually, what really bugs me is how the customers will ask ME why the OTHER rep said that. How the hell should I know? I WAS NOT THERE! I will probably tell them that its because maybe the rep was told that AT THE TIME. Things change, especially if its over a month ago!

Boy, I have a lot more but i will finish later.

Rayndel2

06-08-2008, 04:10 PM

The Forgetful: Forgets anything they said that could prove them wrong, that makes them seem stupid, or puts them at a disadvantage.

RetailActress

06-28-2008, 06:16 AM

This person has a shocking time-management problem.

She takes her sweet-ass time browsing in slo-mo around your store, then tries on 50 million different combinations of tops 'n' bottoms in both Misses and Petites sizes. None of them is quite right, so all this activity is conscientiously serviced by YOU .... running back & forth with different sizes and styles for her and pandering to her stupid questions ("Do you think anybody else on my Alaskan cruise will be wearing this same jacket?" "If I put this in the dryer and it shrinks, can I return it?" "If these pants don't match the toenail polish I choose for my next pedicure, can I get a cash refund even though I paid with Discover?")

You're thinking, wow, I sure wish I had the sheer volume of leisure time that this broad spends on selecting a few casual clothes.

BUTALLOFASUDDEN she has to go!!!!!! OMG!!! She has to immediately pick up her grandson from school! Or she has to immediately be at a medical center 12 miles away for her colonoscopy!! Or she has to immediately drive to the airport to pick up her hubby, except the airport is 30 minutes distant and it's now RUSH HOUR!!! HURRY!!!! Why does it take so long to check out??!! Your registers are SO STUPID AND SLOW!! No, no, I don't want to give you my name for your silly mailing list -- I don't have time - I HAVE TO GO -- NOW!!! WHAT - you actually have to SWIPE my CARD?? I don't have time!!!! NOW WHAT? You want me to actually SIGN - with a PEN??? I GOTTA GO!!!! Gimme that stuff - don't need wrapping or bagging --- I'M LATE!!!

She finally blows out of your store, and you just want to SHAKE OFF that experience HARD, like a dog.

MattW

06-29-2008, 08:22 AM

Sorry if this one has been mentioned already...

In the late 1990s I worked weekends at a DIY chain store. The corporate uniform was a bright orange 'apron', so we employees were easily identifiable.

It did not stop the endless opening question from customers: 'Do you work here?' Oh, the temptation to come back with a witty response was overwhelming -'No sir, the Doctors at the nearby mental hospital allow me to come here at weekends and prance around the store in the uniform' :banghead:

Rattslinger

06-30-2008, 05:56 PM

The Book Keepers The people who don't keep records of their activities with your company concerning anything monetary.

ie "Did I use a Visa or Mastercard to pay last time? What day was that on? What was the amount? How many times have I used that card to pay you? What days where those payments made on? What were the amounts of those payments on those days? Who made the payments with that card? What exactly where on each of those orders that were paid for?, etc., etc., etc.

The Checkers The people who call in to check on an order that was placed earlier that day or the day before. They want to know what's going on with the order, when it's being shipped, etc.

MoonChild2007

06-30-2008, 06:26 PM

The people who say "they always pay their bill" customers-

Except the fact that they have been disconnected for nonpay, interrupted for non-pay, has a $500+ bill (mostly due to not paying their whole balance every single month) and have the gall to say how their bill is too high and want me to lower it :rolleyes:

The Blame it on the other employee customers.-

I had a customer who could not get her remote to lower the volume (which was "working" before) . She told me that the volume on her box was not working but her remote worked so the employee before me told her to do something with her remote and now the volume on her remote is not working. I have no clue what happened so i basically helped her with her remote. still didn't work. i told her to exchange her remote. She was upset and went off blaming the company as well as the employee who helped her before. :rolleyes:

Here is what i should have said to her: "Look, if your remote was working before, why did you bother calling us to complain that the volume on the box was not working?" If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

KhirasHY

07-02-2008, 11:34 AM

I posted a bunch way back (page 13 or 14?), but I had one to add...

The Forlorn - You meet them at the bar, by your car, on the street, at your job, they're everywhere: the drunks. They have no purpose, they stumble absently (usually into stationary objects, and eventually into you) and wander the land. When you speak to them, they take the simplest of messages and convert it into a strange riddle, which they seem to think they can translate by squinting at you and giving you their best attempt at a look that says "What'd you say to me!?" Unfortunately, due to their mental state, the words sound off in their brain like "Whasha do me?" Even more unfortunately, when the same words leave their mouths, they come out as nothing more than "Shashabu da bee." Congratulations, you have now embarked upon the most confusing 5 minute conversation of your life.

Zarhirra

07-04-2008, 08:42 AM

30 Minutes Or It's Free: Unique to the delivery world, these are the customers who insist that they shouldn't have to pay for their pizza/chinese/etc. because it has been longer than expected. This can be the 45 minutes to an hour quoted by a CSR or the 30 minute guarantee that went out of style long ago but has been brought back into the moron's mind by Domino's "You've Got 30 Minutes" commercials. Never mind that those same commercials also say "-Only an estimate, you may get more." Bonus points if it's only been 20 minutes and the customer claims it's been over an hour.

But Surely You're Psychic (Delivery division): My worst experience as a delivery driver was because of one of these. My store's delivery area is roughly a 10-mile radius, with the farthest pocket of civilization being an 18-mile round trip. I took a delivery to this farthest pocket to what I can only think of as the Dream Trailer: a pre-fabbed single-wide built up on stilts against a cut-away face of a hill, complete with extremely expensive freight elevator and zig-zagging ramps. Thankfully the guy inside saw me coming and came out to talk to me and saved me the trip up because his brother Bubba (that was the name on the delivery tag, swear to the gods) had placed an order to his home address, which the CSR had verified with him as his address, assuming I would call him to verify it AGAIN, at which point he would tell me the address he was REALLY at, which was 5 minutes away from the next store over and a long drive away from my store's delivery area, rather than telling the CSR where he was so that the order could go to the right store. I understand that there are customers who know delivery folk are supposed to call and make sure we're not leaving to meet a burglar... But that rarely happens at all, much less during the dinner rush for an established customer who also apparently knew the delivery areas, as his brother said at one point "You're by Azle, she's from the Lake Worth store. ...Then why didn't you call Azle?" :cry: Very long drive for no good reason.

smileyeagle1021

07-08-2008, 01:08 AM

I have a SC to add to the list

the night crawler
these people only come out at night... they will call in and ask 20 million different useless and stupid questions before deciding that either they love the hotel but the rate is too high, or they love the hotel, the rate is ok, but they want to book online, or they had already made the reservation online and wanted to make sure they weren't going to have buyers remorse... these people will get extremely hostile when we in CRS don't know things about the area that probably the people at the hotel wouldn't necessarily know.

elysia

07-10-2008, 04:31 AM

The But I Just Need

For whatever reason, helping this type of SC is beyond your control because:
* you are closed
* you are not the correct department
* youare closed
* you are not the correct company
* you are clocked out
* you are closed
* you do not know how to answer their question
* you do not provide the service/product they are requesting/you are out
OR
* you are closed

No amount of explanation of any said reasons why you cannot help this SC will achieve any common understanding and communication will not be established via the use of verbal language. Their response will invariably counter your reasoning beginning with:

"But I just need...."

SweetMimura

07-11-2008, 02:57 PM

Has The Giggler been mentioned? Usually found in groups of two or more, Gigglers usually hang around various departments giggling at items on display and making stupid comments. They're a pain in the arse when you're trying to tidy up.

Jay 2K Winger

07-12-2008, 03:56 AM

The "Special" Individual: This is usually middle aged slightly mentally challenged individual who is not employed, gets a monthly disability check, and has nothing else to do but take the bus to the mall everyday and wander through your store. He insists on applying for a credit card or cell phone contract during every visit, which is always turned down. But mostly he just follows you around the store, talking and trying to get you to demonstrate every product for him. He is also oblivious to the fact that you have duties other than entertaining him. He will continue to talk as you are attempting to help real customers and will even try to follow you to the stock room/bathroom/lunch.

We have someone like this at our store. She's actually quite advanced in the years, and I believe she's probably suffering from Alzheimer's. She comes in just about every day with her past-middle-age son, and is actually quite, quite friendly, but you can't stop her from rambling on about whatever. If she sees someone buying Product X, she'll stop them and ramble in her quiet old lady mumble about how it's a really good purchase, really it is, you're going to be so happy with it, I saw it on TV, etc.

She's also claimed to be, variously, "the boss' mistress" (which turned out to be hilarious in and of itself later, when I found out he was gay), "I'm your grandmother" (really? So you're living proof of life after death? 'Cuz both my grandmothers have died), whatever.

She also thinks she's friends with a coworker of mine, who now will actually try to HIDE from her when she sees her come in the store. Little Old Lady will stand at my coworker's demo station for almost an hour, trying to chat with her, while my friend will try to humor her, while secretly wishing she would go away. Little Old Lady will also SEARCH THE ENTIRE STORE to find my friend, including going upstairs to the management offices (despite numerous employees and managers telling her she's not allowed up there) or into the employee break room (despite being told she's not allowed in there).

I was quite nice to her for a while until one day, as we were joking as I was totalling up her order, I said -- in a clearly joking tone of voice -- that she was a "crazy old lady." She suddenly got quite upset and angry, and even tried to hit me in the head. A week later, however, she was back to her cheerful self, and had no memory of the incident at all.

Jay 2K Winger

07-12-2008, 04:19 AM

The Bleeding Heart - The customer who has apparently travelled 500 miles to get to your store, only to find that you don't have an item in stock/don't have yesterday's free Daily Mail DVD and proceeds to pile guilt upon you for it.

Ooh, ooh! I have a story about this kind of customer!

Our store had apparently "failed" our yearly inventory (details about this escape me) which we do in the summer, but whatever the case, we had to do another one in January, after the holiday season was finished.

We close the store an hour early on Sundays, when we normally closed at 6pm. So on Inventory Day, we closed at 5pm. We would have signs up about this for a few weeks prior to Inventory.

You always get douchebags who will complain about the fact that we're closing early, which is why we always station my coworker who doesn't take **** from anyone at the door on Inventory Day to keep people out.

Well, this Bleeding Heart had apparently called the store's number before leaving his home, more than an hour away, to check our club hours, and the recording hadn't mentioned we were closing early! (He arrives at 5:30PM.) He proceeded to chew out my coworker, the supervisor called to handle the situation, and the manager called to finally tell the man to leave.

All well and good, except that summer, when Inventory Day rolled around again, guess who turned up at 5:30PM? THE SAME GUY. And we go through the whole mess AGAIN.

Oh, but it gets better. In November, on a Sunday a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, we have Employee Shopping Night, when we close the store early, allowing the employees to do some of their shopping, bring in their family, have a "catered" dinner for them (I use quotes because I'm somewhat dubious about the quality of the food), etc. Sort of a way to let the employees shop at the store without the hassle of the regular customers.

But, of course, we close at 5PM on Employee Shopping Night, a fact we have signs advertising for a couple weeks before, and guess who shows up at ~5:30PM? Yup, Mr. I DROVE AN HOUR TO GET HERE Bleeding Heart.

I was willing to accept that it was tragic circumstance for the first two times, but when the same problem happens a third time, I knew that Mr. Bleeding Heart was just trying to be difficult.

Jay 2K Winger

07-12-2008, 04:47 AM

The Entitled Diplomat
At the wholesale club where I work, we have numerous members who are members of a foreign embassy, and as such, do not pay taxes on their purchases. Some of these "diplomats" then decide that because of this, they can do whatever they like and make demands of the employees.

Example of this: In the state where I live, it is illegal to sell tobacco or alcohol without sales tax, unless the purchase is being made through a distributor. Nothing I can do about it, it's state law.

Entitled Diplomat: You rang up my beer with tax! I no pay tax! I'm diplomat!
Me: Sir, I can't ring up your beer tax-exempt.
ED: You take tax off! I no pay tax!
Me: Sir, I can't take the tax off the beer, it's state law.
ED: You no take tax off my beer?
Me: No, sir, because if I do, I will be breaking the law, and will lose my job.
ED: I'm diplomat!
Me: Yes, sir, but if you want to purchase beer without paying tax in this state, you need to do so through a distributor.

Eventually, the Entitled Diplomat got the idea, but I was still half-afraid the guy was going to start screaming about discrimination or something.

jadedpets

07-17-2008, 11:56 PM

3. The 'You must know everything, you work here' customer: These are the type who pull you out of your clothing department and expect you to have expert knowledge on gas grills, auto care products, or the inner workings of microwaves. They seem to be appaled that, as an employee of a big box retail store, you aren't thoroughly trained on EVERY product you sell, regardless of the department, and think it is depressing that you can only read off the product's boxes when they ask how it works, etc.

Varrient of the you must know everything

The 'do you know where this is....' customer i get this alot, and best part is, it happened today at a STORE I DON'T work at
sc: excuse me, do you know where stationary is?
me: no sorry i don't work here (clearly wearing work shirt from work which is clearly not the colour of the ones that the STAFF are wearing)
sc: oh you don't work here, sorry i didn't mean to ask, thank you
me: what ever. (continue on my shopping spree)

i must have a personal Neon sign above my head that says "SALES CLERK ASK FOR INFO" when clearly there is nothing there

i got asked in walmart wearing pure black, where's the womens clothing, and i was standing infront of womens clothing, and i said 'sorry i don't work here' they said 'oh i thought you did your wearing the work uniform' i looked down at my clothes and said 'really now', pointed to a wally staff and said 'am i wearing that?' they said 'no' and i said 'there is your answer now buzz off i'm busy' then they said 'i'm gonna tell the manager that you were rude' i said 'go for it, names "brittney", tell them also that you asked a COMPLETE stranger who doesn't work at WALMART where something was, oh wait never mind lets go together, i can tell him or her myself that your an idiot' they said 'don't have to be rude' and i said finally 'you need to open your damn eyes and reliase that when someone says they don't work somewhere to actually believe them'

boy that was a bothersome hour :p

i have another one
[b]it's a petstore with no pets, customers[b/]
i work in a canadian major pet store and it's in a large mall, and i have people walking in every day saying "they have no animals" i say very loudly (standing by the till/door) "why of course we have no animals, after all we are a PET STORE with no PETS," they look at me and get a rude look on their face, one said to her kids 'ok kids they have no pets' when IN plain sight we have 3 cages of small animals up front for them to see, (rabbits, guinea pigs and either a chin or hedgehog) 'oh wait what's this a rabbit' i said to the lady. she looked at me funny and continued on in the store 'why yes we have pets what kind of petstore wouldn't have pets, let alone stuff to house and feed them'

enough of my run-ons
:P:wave:

Samaliel

07-18-2008, 12:07 PM

The 'do you know where this is....' customer i get this alot, and best part is, it happened today at a STORE I DON'T work at
sc: excuse me, do you know where stationary is?
me: no sorry i don't work here (clearly wearing work shirt from work which is clearly not the colour of the ones that the STAFF are wearing)
sc: oh you don't work here, sorry i didn't mean to ask, thank you
me: what ever. (continue on my shopping spree)

I don't quite see the suck here. I think s/he might be one of the rare people that ask where stuff is because they genuinely don't know where it is. Plus, s/he was apologetic.

But of course, most of those who ask "Do you know where [stuff] is ?" really mean "I'm too lazy/important to look for this myself and I want you to hold my hand for the next three hours, during which I'll be a complete bitch/bastard."

elysia

07-23-2008, 05:40 PM

I love the ones that come in with 1 min to closing all cheerful and bustling and talk too loudly as they proclaim "Ho ho, I caught you! Guess I'm just in time!" and then proceed to keep you 15 mins after you would normally be otw home.

Tuxian

07-25-2008, 06:47 AM

Are you SERIOUS?

This is pervasive in my casino, and I can't quite figure it out. Whenever the dealer will turn over a good hand, such as an 18, 19, 20, or blackjack, at least half the time someone on the table will ask "Are you SERIOUS?" I always pause for a moment, look at them, and reply "Sorry, I left my clown nose at home tonight."

Really, do they expect us to go "Oops, no, just joking, you really won that hand."?

zigcat

07-25-2008, 08:48 AM

This particular type of SC will not have their (lack of) wit and /or (lack of) humor upstaged by a lowly CSR. They will say something thinking it is the most funny or witty thing ever to befall the ears of anyone within hearing distance, but when it's countered with an equal or even more witty or funny remark they go all SC on your ass!

Automan Empire

08-01-2008, 06:11 AM

The Do Something Illegal customer nonchalantly asks you to do something illegal, like add refrigerant to an air conditioner with a known leak, ignore missing/tampered equipment in a smog check, dispense gas into an unapproved container... :whistle:

No Allen Greenspan wastes time explaining his pet theory of why you shouldn't be struggling like you just said you were, in answer to his question, "how is business?" I've been through several economic boom and bust cycles in my career, and when times get tough, not only do people not buy the new car, they stop spending money on the existing one as well. So, will YOU be spending a lot of money today, sir? I thought not. STFU now. :headscratch:

ESY or Ever Since You Mr. Eversincyu tries to tie any new problem with the last work performed by you, no matter how patently illogical or downright stupid. "Ever since you fixed my flat spare tire, the car stalls in the morning." "Ever since you fixed my rear license plate light, the horn hasn't worked." Longer-winded or advanced ESY customers finish with, "...and it wasn't like that before." Mechanics have a (sometimes earned) reputation as rip-off artists, but damn why is it that people don't bat an eye at trying to blatantly scam, lie to, and insult their workmanship and very intelligence? :punch:

Do The Math customer Tries to arithmetic his way into a full schedule. "Can I come in for an oil change this evening?" Sorry, we're not a quick lube, and we're booked up into tomorrow afternoon, you can drop it off tonight or by 9 tomorrow and pick it up by 6. (pause while mental gears creak.) "How long does it take?" X time. "So if I get there at (Closing time minus X).... (trails off expectantly)" Then you'll be in line for tomorrow, and it will be ready after 5 tomorrow. "(condescending tone)You're not understanding me." :banghead:

I'm a _______ Claims some authority completely outside the situation at hand. "(long-winded description of problem that is clearly not the battery which is fine but under warranty)... and I KNOW it's the battery, 'cause I'm a FIREMAN!" Well, I'm a mechanic and it is NOT a battery problem! "You need to fix this free, I'm a preacher." Then why are you lying to my face about whether you approved this repair work, like any common entitlement moo? :rolleyes:

Lookie-Loo Poses as a buyer of an expensive, complex item- just for recreation, with no intent (or usually means) to actually buy. Be it a house, car, or whatever for sale, they'll ask hours of questions, touch and muss up everywhere they can on it, tie up staff from helping actual paying customers, only to leave glibly saying, "Now I just need the money" or "I'll talk to my spouse" or "I really want something obviously totally different." :wave:

Do All My Thinking, But... Often whiny sounding customer who doesn't know, or can't make up their mind and asks you what they should buy. Whatever the answer, they immediately start arguing the opposite, or suddenly passionately want the other thing. Then if you agree, they start whinily wondering if the first thing you suggested was best. :confused:

I've got many more... [fun thread, everyone!]

Automan Empire

08-02-2008, 05:13 AM

Not Even A Customer Sucky Customer People who aren't even customers, they come in and ask a question or 50, usually stuff you don't even do (I'm from another shop, can you rent me a special expensive tool? How much is your trailer parked down the street? Well how much would you sell it for if it WAS for sale?) Then ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" NO. :ot:

Cigar Man Reeks of cigars, or worse, stands outside SMOKING ONE but upwind so the place gets contaminated with the smell. Bringing a lit one indoors justifies a glass of water in the face, IMO. There are places where cigars are welcome, people. :jawdrop:

The high maintenance, low spend customer. Car hasn't been touched in over a year, is dropped off for just an oil change. Naturally much deferred maintenance is discovered. Tech is left nearly idle holding car in bay waiting for customer approval of some urgent repairs, knowing customer wanted the car early but will soon lose its place in our busy line of cars. Customer says a slow WOWWWWWWWWW or OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDDD! at each line item's price. Must hear everything twice, each item taking N time to explain and 2N for them to get through the WOWWWWWWWWW response. Customer has to call back before approving even the most urgent stuff. Car unracked, pulled out, next job started which will tie up technician and bay for hours. Customer calls back to approve only the three cheapest things, one of which was the tranny drain and fill that we held it on the rack for, having recommended it a year ago too. Customer then says that won't take long right because I can get a ride down there RIGHT NOW. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! !!!!! :baby:

The cheapness masquerading as amnesia customer. Old snaggle-toothed man has called 2 or three times asking how much for injector seals for his old car that few other places have parts for. I have to stop what I'm doing and look at the exact price to the penny each time. Then my manager has to come back out and interrupt me again to ask how much. We're talking $1.58 and $4.23 times four each here, and he insists he can do it himself.

He came in during the morning rush today to ask how much. Had to look it up again and told him. Went back to the difficult diagnosis I was trying to do, which requires deep concentration. Less than a minute later, Manager comes out, making a face, saying how much are they again, he forgot and I wasn't listening. So I said loudly, they are EIGHT dollars for the big ones and FOUR FIFTY for the little ones. Suddenly the guy remembered the exact price I already quoted. Then he asks how much to put them in. I tell him that. Then he says but I only need two. I fled the office at that point, suspecting he's trying a Jedi mind trick to get me to say a cheaper price on accident, not really forgetting what I quoted repeatedly. Later, Manager told me he spent a great deal of time getting the less-than-ten dollars out, complaining all the while about mechanics always jacking the prices up, and how he once got some of these seals somewhere for 88 cents each.
Every job at the shop was pushed 20 minutes later thanks to this one guy. :cry:

elysia

08-05-2008, 05:49 PM

The Hater of Music
Coldplay is inappropriate? Really? Really. Really? ? ... ?

Ooooooohhhh I see, you are from Oppositeland. Where good = bad and normal conversation = bitching about background music that is playing at near sub-level hearing decibels and is pretty much for the WIN in that little place we call the real world.

crazylegs

08-05-2008, 11:18 PM

Coldplay is inappropriate? Really? Really. Really? ? ... ?

I'd kinda agree with them, coldplay isn't really music :p

bigpedaler

08-06-2008, 12:31 AM

The Comparison Shopper-keeps saying things like "Well, STAPLES is cheaper."

Love that one -- I usually find a discreet way to tell them, "Go there, then."

elysia

08-06-2008, 04:14 PM

I'd kinda agree with them, coldplay isn't really music :p

Heehee, to each his own. But I'm willing to bet you wouldnt go into a store and complain about something that mild being inappropriate especially when its barely audible.

crazylegs

08-06-2008, 04:43 PM

Heehee, to each his own. But I'm willing to bet you wouldnt go into a store and complain about something that mild being inappropriate especially when its barely audible.

Of course not, I'd let it fade into the background and concentrate on another sound instead.

elysia

08-06-2008, 06:27 PM

Alright, looks like I'm wrong and coldplay is atrociously offensive to the ear, lol. I'll work on that apparantly shitty taste in music I've got. My bad. Maybe customers will be happier if I start blasting hate music.

dmcglu82

08-06-2008, 09:12 PM

Mapquester: Customer who comes in to your store asking for directions to your competitor.

Snotty: Customer who leaves used tissues behind.

Automan Empire

08-10-2008, 06:19 AM

The P.T. Barnham customer. Keeps going back, and going back to the dealer (or whatever known-crooked competition) for their $25 oil change special (a loss leader price, ours is more than double but worth it) and "free" car wash, and every time comes STRAIGHT from the dealer to our shop with a scary long list of recommendations, all of which are priced higher than us, and most of which we find he doesn't actually need! This dealership does not have a sterling history of honest selling. I have more than one inside channel indicating that the pressure to SELL SELL SELL is unremitting from upper management there. Every time, we openly wonder how many more times he is going to trust them, and he keeps going back and going back, like a dog who keeps wagging his tail after getting sucker-kicked again and again. He actually spends juuuuuuust enough, often enough, to not blow him out, but same as at the dealer. Sometimes we've proven that they charged him for work they didn't even do! Proves P.T. Barnham correct, in the "There's a sucker born every minute!" (sigh!)

The Blow Sunshine Up My Ass customer. Guy's got a broken down 1990 car. He has obviously been talking to shops, and a consensus has been reached by people who haven't examined the vehicle that the main fuel pump is bad. He has a few questions about what we charge, but kept hitting on if the diagnostic fee goes toward the work. I said probably partially IF nobody has started working on the car (which they have ) but finding the right thing to fix the first time IS the work. Then he justifies his repeat questions with a chuckled sentence or five about having to pay to get it towed. There was an uncomfortable (for him) silence when I didn't offer to tow it here for free. We'll see, but I've probably already quoted him for an original type pump (expensive but lasts so a good value) that we don't even know he needs yet, and he's been getting quotes on the cheap substitute that tends to fail within a year.

The thing that really galls me about it all is, the guy wasn't even that earnest about bringing it here, pretty much because he's already talked to several service managers at DEAD shops, who have kissed his ass, promised the moon for free, and chatted him up and made him feel special. It is a competition to see which shop blows the most sunshine up the customer's ass when they call, a competition that is easily won by the shop with the fewest repeat customers. Stop and think about it, if you choose a shop because they have lots of time to dote attention on you; good mechanics are always busy, but the unbusy ones are like that because they have few repeat customers, so they charge each one a lot and deliver little... but are nice while they do it.

Recreational Shopper Subtype of Lookie-Loo. Simply enjoys shopping, minus the part about buying something. Seems to really enjoy the sound of their own voice. Will talk as long as anyone in the store will listen. Attracted to outlet malls and toll-free numbers.

Any port in a storm attention seeker Often older. Seems more interested in getting attention than the actual acquisition of goods. Talks a lot in proportion to the amount spent... finally. Apt to change the subject and launch into long-winded stories and anecdotes. Answers questions deftly asked to be yes or no with a paragraph-length filibuster. There is an old expression that says, "Some people go to a doctor, when what they want is an audience." People do this to car doctors, too.

Hyper Puppies at opening time This morning was like four hyper puppies trying to get in the doggie door at the same time, when I opened the front gate. Literally, all of them tried to pull their cars in the gate at once, despite rush hour traffic and young pedestrians. Yeah people, you still have to watch for other cars, and park legally on the street, if the gate you intended to enter is not yet open. I hate when they say, in essence, "I had NO CHOICE but to park across the sidewalk, nosed hard into your gate, causing group after group of elementary school students to have to walk out into the traffic lane in rush hour." As you're whipping your head back and forth in uncertain birdlike movements, wondering when the gate is magically going to open for you 20 minutes early, can't you see that happening, and all the empty legal spaces along the curb nearby? Jeez.
I've seen this type of rush at various stores, before employee coffee has kicked in.

Automan Empire

08-10-2008, 06:51 AM

Ignorant jargon talker Customers that want to talk technical with me, but lose me at calling a module a modulator, or uttering the phrase, "relay switch." Anyone who tries to ingratiate themselves, or impress with their malaprop vocabulary of jargon that they embarassingly misuse. Winds up annoying instead, and reducing the quality of service they receive. :confused:

Elderly time-waster type 741 Be very old and slow and show up at the end of a long line, to wait for a long list of penny-ante cosmetic and comfort s#$%, which tends to go, antenna non-op. Turn on switch. Check light on dash that customer cannot describe but really, really worries her. Replace $2.00 bulb so light with a picture of a light bulb with an X through it goes out. Smell bad yourself, and bring a bowl of smelly oatmeal and take an hour to not eat it all, while you down pills like Jordan Almonds, occasionally dropping them to roll about the office floor. Never stop talking about nothing, except mid sentence when beending way over for a pill. Keep assuring us that you don't mind waiting, when all the other customers hand us the keys and leave for the day. :popcorn:

J'Accuse! customer. Sets the tone for the transaction by beginning with an accusation that something (patently absurd) went wrong last visit. "My windshield washer cap disappeared after you guys worked on the car last." :cry:

Oh yeah, that brittle plastic thing that always breaks, so often that I order them 5 at a time from the dealer. We have a strong incentive to steal or break or lose these @2.95 things that always seem to take 60 times longer to sell than to install, the customer all the while feeling it is owed to him for us having worked on the car in the past... keeping $1500 jobs on hold while you carp about us breaking your $2.95 cap that we make less than 50 cents profit on. STFU now, please, sir, before our respect slides the rest of the way. "I dunno, it just seems awfully strange, about that washer cap. " Yeah, that is strange Mister. Did I say $2.95? I meant $3.49. Oh, you closed the ticket and paid by credit card and have no cash, not even a $5? (I already spotted a wad of money... he's still plying for a freebie) Well, I'm suddenly out of stock. We're done. Just drive away now, puh-lease. :wave:

Boggle Me Elmo Asks technical questions that they themselves realize upfront they will never (want to-the key) understand, but they insist on taking up the time to feel well-served. This type will ask what spring seats are, what they do, where they are, and what happens when they go bad, how long they take to replace, and how long you have till they're, uh, REALLY bad, and often go full circle and start repeating questions. Or will be like the old couple that just left after a long unprofitable encounter, and pull back in for a ten minute explanation that the shiftlock override button is not in fact the overdrive, and that the overdrive works if you just put it in Drive and just freaking DRIVE. Go through every permutation of what to do if you're going up a hill, down a hill, on your way to Victorville, till I think of you as a Seussian character, Dumb-I-am, or maybe boggle-me-elmo. :baby:

Groundhog Day Customer Comes in repeatedly asking about the same product or service in great detail, but for some reason cannot complete the transaction. So.... almost every day, this broke customer lady requesting an out-of-warranty, warranty repair to which we sympathetically agreed but now regret, calls or arrives, asking in a simpering voice if we can do it today. YES if you LEAVE it. I have to wait. Well there's a line. What about tomorrow? Its going to be busy tomorrow, same as yesterday; if you put it in line we can do it. Well I have to work. So does everyone else. Well why did they go bad. (explain again) Can my ex husband do it? I don't have a problem with that- here are the nuts. How busy are you going to be tomorrow? About the same as today most likely- drop it off and we can do it; wait and we can't. Well what about the next day? SAME THING!!!!!!! Okay, I'll call you. AND HAVE THE EXACT SAME CONVERSATION AGAIN LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY, AND LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY ONE DAY I MAY TRY HAULING OFF AND PUNCHING YOU!!!!!! [disclaimer, in the realm of movie-like fantasy] :mad:

Meanwhile, new customer arrivals are milling about with declining patience, with hundreds of dollars work to carry over into tomorrow, their rides waiting..... Lady, at what point does it sink in that this is NOT a jiffy lube? :banghead:

Automan Empire

08-10-2008, 07:08 AM

Murphy's law of parking. Regardless of the layout of the parking lot and distribution of cars already parked there, each arriving sucky customer must park diagonally in the middle of wherever it is you most need them to NOT park, such as in the driveway or across several bay doors. Then they must act pissy about having to move, and take an unbelievably long time to kind of move the car to a slightly less in-the-way place, and if at all possible must include a mincing, 31-point U-turn in the worst part of the lot to do so, and come dangerously near every expensive car there, and the cheaper their car, the closer. Something about auto shops makes people park all retarded, every time!

The god wannabe. I am a vain and jealous customer, and thou shalt put no other customer before me.

The loop-de-loop conversationalist Often not very bright, but amazingly adept at throwing the most professional employee off-track at every sentence. Answers any pertinent question with an unrelated question, or requires 25 sentences, mostly questions, to get to "I'll take the cheapest thing you sell."

The act-all-knowlegable ignoramus The type that has an ENTIRE conversation about some particular repair, then says, "Because what it's doing is..... [something totally unrelated.]"

Wow, I've met a LOT of SC archetypes in 23+ years, serving the public!

Automan Empire

08-10-2008, 07:28 AM

Just To Get A Rise Out Of You customer When they ask you the same question several different times and ways in a row, and when they finally detect your rising exasperation and comprehend the simple answer, patronizingly say, "Sorry to bother you." Probably the only sense of superiority they achieve in life.

Everything but what's relevant customer In a transaction where timely phone contact is critical to meeting their time expectations, they busily fill out all 3 phone number spaces on the work order, blather on endlessly about irrelevant crap, then as you start to finally do the next thing as they're finally leaving, and after putting their work order away, they turn around and say brightly, "Oohhhh... let me give you the number where I'll actually beeeeeeeee." Liable to be an elementary school teacher, bureaucrat, or 15-year, entry level secretary.

Scope Creep Customer Claims they want ONE simple thing, so you cram them into a busy schedule instead of turn them away outright, and they sit there and say OH while you're looking at (simple quick thing) could you also (do a complex, lengthy task in a similar, pull-it-out-of-your-ass flash)?

Smart_Aussie12

08-10-2008, 07:30 AM

I don't think anyone said these...but I worked in a supermarket for a year and then a clothing store's kids section.

The reciept checker: The SC who will stand at the end of the line after checking out and look through every single item on their reciept attemping to find something wrong. They might even ask you about a few items and are continiously proved wrong.

The 'I'll go get the sign'-ers: When a item rings up 'wrong' the SC will say "I'll go get the sign, be right back", and leave the line. The rest of the line will then proceed to complain about how they need to "get outta here" or "I have better things to do". Usually, the SC returns with the sign, not reading the fine print saying you need to by the 16 ounce Fruit Loops, not the 26 ounce.

The 'but I only have one item' guy: Not only is closing your line difficult enough, but when you finally turn off your light there is always that one SC who will ask "are you open?", when I reply "No," they say "But I only have one thing." Or, they just point to the one or two items they have with a sympathetic face until you agree to ring them up, or they walk away speaking under their breath.

For each of these I have the following stories related to them:

Receipt people: these people piss me off to no end. If you haven't noticed BEFORE I rang up the transaction, then you clearly have no brain cells.

Sign People: Usually it's the groceries staff who bring these back for my benefit/customers benefit. Funniest one I can recall was a special with soft drink. Customer complains because they weren't scanning correctly. I page groceries guy and explain problem. He goes off, comes back with sign and shows it to me. Took me a while but I figured out that they had the wrong size bottles. Both groceries guy and customer gave me a very weird look. Thankfully all my customers after that had the correct size.

'I have one item person'-I have a slight variation on this one the "dirty look because you're closing" person. My store gets these a lot and people do not seem to comprehend that checkout staff have a life and are entitled to eat/drink/go to the loo/run off because they're crying etc. My rule used to be that if the customer had only a few items, I would put them through but NOBODY after that.

Having said that, my contributions are:

The People Who Have No Concept Of Time/The Movie Stars: Basically those people who come in 2 minutes before you close and spend a good ten minutes browsing the store AFTER we have closed and all the other customers are already at the checkouts. Then they get pissed when you tell them "we're closing." I call them movie stars because they basically think they get the store to themselves.

The Sleazy Idiots-seem to think that checkout chicks are to be hit on.

Bike_Wrench

08-11-2008, 08:31 AM

These are copied from my posts in a bicycle industry only subforum, so forgive me if some descriptions are redundant.

The X-Mart Shopper: "Whut? Bahks come in sizes??? I cain't jes' buy one fer mah wahf off'n the shelf??" "Better make it one with a wiiiiide saddle for her wiiiiide aiss"...Hyuk hyuk...:rolleyes:

The Houdini: Comes in every day to pester you while you're waiting for parts to come in, then when they do arrive....disappears for weeks.

The Engineer: Has the most technologically advanced recumbent available (purchased online after extensive analysis, of course), but lacks the forethought to stock up on the rare special-order-only tubes it requires, and expects you to have the exact brand, size, gram weight and stem length sitting on the shelf for whenever they randomly appear.

The "Five-Tiller": Comes in at five til closing with their kid's stripped-out BMX wheel with all the bearings missing (requires research, digging through bins and trial-and-error fitting) and expects you to keep the store open while you fix it on the spot. The Five-Tiller may also show up five minutes before you open and will stand in the doorway while you are still trying to roll out bikes, never cluing in that by impeding your opening procedures, their service will be even slower.

The Luddite: "I don't want any of those fancy-schmancy gears or brakes...but why do I have such a hard time getting up these hills?".

The Effete: Already knows everything and isn't here to buy anything. Is just here to interrogate you to determine if you really are half as hardcore as he/she is, and to see if this is a "real" shop meeting their high standards.

The Random Mechanic: Is fixing a machine totally unrelated to bicycles but figures you will have the parts/knowledge. It is really cool when you can creatively help these folks and makes you feel smart, but don't expect to make any money. They are there because they're too cheap to buy the correct parts.

The Globetrotter: Has the money to travel extensively, and although one might think this would gain them some sort of wisdom of regional economics...they still argue about the market price of a flat repair. "Well, in Paraguay...." No, our shop isn't anywhere near Paraguay.

The Prince/Princess: Waits impatiently to have an expensive bicycle purchased for them by their patron, who will always haggle over the price and question your mechanical competence/ability to run a business...all while Princey rolls their eyes and can't be bothered to get off the cell phone to answer pertinent questions.

The Trustafarian: Rarely seen in the shop as most of their parts are purchased through pro deals from industry friends. They are however a great source of barely used gear for cheap....and dope.

The Trade-In: Expects you to place a high value on their bike that was neglected even before it was left out in the rain for 5 years, gets insulted when you won't accept it at the same value they paid 20 years ago.

The Sticker-Shocker: Has their own firm opinions about the relative worth of a bicycle based on some other economy that doesn't exist in our present time continuum or location...and perhaps never did.

The Weight-Weenie: I tried to explain to this one guy that although the SRAM 991 hollowpin chain is a mere 21g lighter, it's also weaker and more expensive than many other good chains, and that he might be better served going with something cheaper but changing it out more frequently. He still ended up demanding the hollowpin.

I thought about buying a twice as expensive Wipperman chain and setting it on a gram scale just to torture him when he came in. Two can play that game. ;)

The Oblivious Parents: Bring their larvae into the store and set them loose to hop onto each and every bike, rip off all the pricetags (which coincidentally will be the very next bike someone asks the price of, leaving you to look stupid and scramble through product catalogs), shift all the gears on immobile bikes, ride around on all the loose kid's bikes, rip out all the hang card holes, put their grimy mitts on every piece of glass and leave their food trash in the middle of the floor...all while the 'rents tell you how ridiculous your prices are compared to X-Mart

The Sneaky Liar: Pleads with you to fit his bike in ahead of everyone else in the queue because he's heading to Moab tonight and "all it needs is cables"....then once you begrudgingly agree (sucker), brings in a basket case that had sat out in the yard for years, had been torn down and spraypainted (without masking anything not easily removed) and then couldn't figure out how to put it all back together. Oh, it's also an ancient bike forcing you to dig through parts bins for hours trying to find all the missing pieces...far more than "just a few cables".

The Pigeonholing Grandma: Gets your attention in the shop because you're an old softie, but once you're sucked in, proceeds to tell stories that trail off into what she had for breakfast, the bowel movements of her grandchildren, how to prevent urinary tract disease in housecats...relentlessly, and having nothing to do with bicycles. God how I was hoping for a coded call from "Bob on line two"...our rescue signal for customers that are taking up too much of our time.

The Clueseeker: "Hey, since I can see you have both hands busy, a wrench in your teeth and a phone at your shoulder...could you tell me how to adjust a front derailleur from beginning to end so I don't have to pay you to do it for me?"

The Borrowers: A couple come in to rent bikes for themselves and their boy of 10. When told all we have are bikes with gears and handbrakes, they state that their boy only knows coaster brakes. Since I left my wand at home and can't produce what we don't have, the mother has a brilliant epiphany and states, "Hey, we could just let him try it out in the parking lot, see if he can handle it...then decide if we want to rent."

Me thinking to myself, "Hmmm...you want me to let you take a bike out to the parking lot before signing any agreement to be solely responsible for damages, piloted by someone you have already stated is an inexperienced rider, and all for a potential $9 profit on a rental. Does anyone but you think this is a good idea?"

The Groupie: Thinks bike mechanics are sexy, cute as a button and makes one think infidelitous thoughts...(God, why won't she come back?)

RetailActress

08-20-2008, 02:13 AM

This is about a womens' apparel company which runs three channels: retail, online, and catalog mail-order. I'm in one of the retail stores. Our phone rings constantly with cranky complaints from elderly women:

"Why doesn't your catalog offer free shipping for SENIOR CITIZENS? We're on fixed incomes, you know!!" (Yeah .... let's compare that to our own retail slave wages. Cry me a river.)

"Why do you send me a discount coupon THE DAY AFTER I buy a lot of things in your store?! That's not fair! I want a price adjustment!" (Our corporate spies were watching your buying habits and then sending you that coupon JUST TO MALICIOUSLY TAUNT YOU.)

"Why do you have PETITE sizes in your store, but not WOMEN'S [i.e., LARGE] sizes?? That's DISCRIMINATION!" (Oh, geez, go take it up with our allocation people ... because I personally have no idea why we get the size ranges we do.)

"Have I bought this from you before? Do I already have this?? Because I don't want to buy it again and then have to return it!" (Yes, your highness, we maintain a painstakingly correct file of each and every garment your highness has ever purchased from us, in case your highness has a memory lapse, so that we may correct your highness' memory, that is why we are constantly standing by to serve your highness.)

........and you wonder why I drink heavily at the end of my retail shift.

lastofthesummerwine

08-20-2008, 07:42 AM

Piffany

08-30-2008, 03:11 AM

My personal favorites:

Little Johnny Wants to Pay: Those loving moms who allow their rugrats to buy the $27.99 (insert popular toy here)...all in change. Oh and lets also let him COUNT IT OUT...

Price Vultures: Those beady eyes glued to the display as you ring things up...waiting, just waiting for the kill. "The sign said that was 2.99 not 3.24!"

Bag it MY Way: They who HAVE to have things bagged in the most inane, anal retentive and wasteful way "Bag that in 6 seperate double bagged bags and then put the heaviest ones in the bottom of a bigger bag and tie the top into a double knot"

Seperate Orderitis: Those with a phobia of making just one payment and having to *gasp* figure out who-owes-what later...no this will be 5 seperate transactions....

Oh there are so many more and so many that others have posted that are so spot on...

Lone Wolf

09-08-2008, 09:22 PM

"The Magic Manager" SC

I got to be very familiar with this type working in a few call centers. Basically they would call, and you would tell them something they didn't want to hear ie; their delivery is running late and it's the fault of the couriers company not ours, or that we couldn't give him/her a partial refund because even though he/she thought she was buying something at a discount price, they (unknowingly) purchased it after the offer had expired. These were instances where we really couldn't do anything about it. But yet "magic manager" types don't accept this as an answer. So then they ask (or demand) to speak to a manager, not realizing it won't make a difference; that the manager wouldn't be any more able to help them than I would(hence the nickname).

In fact this was one of the most frustrating things about the CCs I worked at. If the customer wanted to know something and we couldn't answer, we were encouraged to ask our supervisors/team leaders. And they would tell us what to tell the customer, but they would (almost) never take over the call themselves. And this was something the SCs could never seem to get through their thick skulls, no matter how clearly and politely I tried to explain it to them. One time, I just was just so fed up with the whole stituation and not being able to do anything about it, that when a MM type asked for a supervisor, I lied and said "I'm sorry but there isn't one available right now"
MM: "You mean there's no manager right now?"
Me "Not currently, I'm really sorry."
MM "Three o'clock on a Wednesday afternoon and you expect me to believe there's no manger around whatsover?"

I don't remember how I got out of this one exactly. But in fairness, I didn't blame her for being skeptical. But it was the only way I could think of to deal with the reality of the situation without getting a few more gray hairs.

RetailActress

09-15-2008, 02:21 AM

I have actually encountered these in my mature-women's clothing store in the last month:

GOLLUM - An elderly female customer uncannily similar to the Tolkien character, and possessing the same NASTY, HISSY, NOT-NICE attitude.

JACK SPRAT'S WIFE - Could eat no lean. Hard time fitting her, since we don't carry plus sizes.

MOTHER GOOSE - Plump-ish, can't stop yammering on & on about the GRANDCHYLLDRRUNN.

FAIRY GODMOTHER - Accompanies, and pumps up, a low-esteem female companion.

CINDERELLA - So used to serving others, cannot appreciate/celebrate her own femininity & fashion sense.

RetailActress

09-24-2008, 11:48 PM

Surprisingly, these are all mature women. You would expect that they should have had plenty of clothing-care experience in their lives of at least 50-plus years.

Yet --- over and over again ---- despite detailed laundering instructions woven into the tags of each and every garment for sale in our women's apparel store --- they pester and beseech me:

"Will this shrink?"

"Do I have to iron this?"

"Should I put this in the dryer?"

"Is this dry clean only?"

JUST READ WHAT IT SAYS , IDIOT!!!

MoonChild2007

09-25-2008, 09:59 PM

Mr. Security

10-09-2008, 03:53 AM

Aging hippie music fan: These are the guys who hang around all the time and talk to you about how such and such band or singer were so great and that he once saw *insert 30+ old big name band* at some run down bar back when they were known as *insert unknown weird name* and how they were so much better back then. Also thanks to Youtube they are always coming to you telling you that you just have to watch *insert aging rocker/band* do a 30min version of one of there songs and how it's the greatest thing ever!

Mr Hero

10-17-2008, 08:28 AM

The Follow-Up Questioner When asking about information of a product (usually the price, but not always) and you give them an answer they don't like to hear, they follow up with a question. "Are you [optional obscenity] serious/joking/kidding?"

The rising intonation? Not so much rude? But every statement has that rising inflection? For best example, see the Family Guy episode where Brian gets a cute, but incredibly dumb girlfriend. Stewie mocks this behavior later in the episode.

The Angry Haggler Related to the wannabe haggler, but won't counter offer. Instead, when quoted a price they're unwilling to pay, will get overly angry and storm out of the establishment. Seen most often in hotels where many patrons don't know that haggling is commonplace in hotels.

tropicsgoddess

10-17-2008, 04:57 PM

The Armchair Computer Technician: Calls technical support, goes ahead of the technician, talks out of their asses with their suggestions on troubleshooting and on their supposed computer knowledge when they in fact don't know jack shit . Sometimes might do stuff they're not supposed to while on hold and when told they need to replace a part, they shout at you that you're full of it and that it makes no sense.

Frotz

10-19-2008, 10:33 PM

These are from a pizza-delivery perspective

Food Poisoned Slob: This idiot describes in detail how she got food poisoning from the last pizza and how she'll have the store's guts for garters. Meanwhile cockroaches can be seen crawling all over the kitchen.

Grateful Customer (no, not really): Says "Oh, you got here so fast! Wow! Thanks!", then stiffs the driver.

Stinky Guy: He and his apartment smell of a mixture of vomit, urine, feces, and decayed food. One driver refuses to go there after throwing up on the doorstep.

elysia

11-01-2008, 04:08 AM

the holiday fan fanatic:

The (usually female) psychopath who is apalled that you don't have christmas merchandise on display on October 31st, is disappointed you dont feature halloween cards on the card rack, and that your thanksgiving decor is disappointingly slim pickins, even though your business is a shipping company and has (virtually) nothing whatever to do with superflouous future landfill.

Dave1982

11-01-2008, 04:17 AM

I have a special circumstance customers-

Look, everybody has a death in their family, some people have problems, some people are disabled, etc. I don't care about your special "problem". We will treat ALL our customers the same. You don't pay your bill, we will interrupt it, that's how our system works. We don't turn off service base on your stupid family situation. :rolleyes:

In my experience, 99% of these so-called "special circumstances" are in fact not special but entirely common. For instance, people think that software not working on their machine is a special circumstance, when in fact I see that on a semi-regular basis and it's usually the result of them not doing sufficient research before buying it.

Another is the "but it is/was a gift!" excuse for wanting some part of the return policy waived. Trust me, you aren't he only person in the world to gives/receives gifts they don't like.

Elevator

11-19-2008, 03:40 AM

The Elderly Computer Adventurer: The old guy who before calling tech support spends at least 2-5 hours unplugging cables, deleting things from his computer, downloading un-needed and horribly annoying anti-viruses and the like, only to finally discover at the end of his complex and useless adventure that not only is his computer screwed, but he has multiplied the problems ten-fold. Then when he finally caves and calls TS, not only is he SOL because he trampled his PC into the ground, but that we don't troubleshoot Windows 95.

RetailActress

11-24-2008, 12:30 AM

In our mature women's clothing store, when we politely approach an elderly customer with a generic offer of assistance, she may turn out to be a U. Q. who responds in a baffling manner:

"What should I get my daughter-in-law for Christmas?"

"What do I need?"

"What can you show me that I'd like?"

"Do I already have this?"

It's like .... I dunno .... do I live with you and have intimate knowledge of your lifestyle??

You may suppose that it would be easy to foist the most expensive items off on these U.Q.s, but, NO. They possess the cheap-ass gene, making them even more annoying.

Anticipating plenty of 'em during the helliday season,

R.A.

RetailActress

11-26-2008, 01:52 AM

Everything's always wrong. She's got that bitter expression, downturned mouth, won't make eye contact.

She's never satisfied with the fit and quality of our store's clothing, and disgustedly brings back catalog orders for us to send back to the Distribution Center. She is our number one most frequent "returner."

Why, then, does she continue to shop with us?

Because we're always consistently polite to her, and maybe she likes that attention??

No good deed goes unpunished.

<sigh>

R.A.

trinnyg

12-02-2008, 09:46 PM

[no handle for this one]. - A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.

That would be the <Be My Friend> Type customer

RetailActress

12-05-2008, 12:56 AM

Has accompanied his wife shopping, WHY?? Can't he do some useful volunteer work somewhere?

Stands around store holding her pocketbook. Attempts lame comedy monologue about how heavy it is; what's she got in it??!!

When politely invited to relax in comfy armchair next to table full of magazines, declines, saying he sits too much anyway.

Follows female sales associates around, interrupting their work, talkin' about the good old days.

His wife never buys much because HE'S there.

Ledomar

12-06-2008, 05:55 AM

Got a couple SC archetypes, mainly applies to grocery customers

HangOnASec -- These are the SC's who walk up to the counter to get -item- but can't be bothered to get off the phone long enough to actually order said -item-. Okay, i got stuff to do so take that farking cell phone and shove it where the solar rays never reach.

OhWaitNeedMore -- SC orders amount of -item- (s)he believes that (s)he needs. After you have weighed up said -item- and are beginning to wrap in butcher paper, (s)he decides "I need -random number- more."

PleaseShaddup -- SC orders certain amount of -item-, then proceeds to talk my ear off as i attempt to get the amount of -item-, causing me to lose count of those -items-. Mainly works with amounts over 10.

Automan Empire

12-10-2008, 09:42 AM

The Accusing Delayer has ordered expensive stuff, which is now completed and ready for pickup and (ahem) payment. This already late SC blames something on you soley to finagle a further delay.

In my biz, it is auto repairs. The car was finished Friday, and messages were duly left at both numbers. It is now Wednesday.

SC on phone: (urgent yet whiny tone) How's my car???
Me: (taking a moment to find it on the computer because it's so far down the list by now you have to scroll) It's still finished, Maam.
SC: (in a whine fluting up and down the octaves) But you never caAAAALLLllled me!
Me: Well, [service manager] called both numbers and left messages Friday.
SC: But I never got a messSSSAGGGggge! (BS! I was in the office when SM left both messages. )
Me: Well, the car's ready.
SC: (I'm disappointed and it's your fault voice): Okay. Well, I won't be able to pick it up until at least Friday.
Me: :banghead:

Knowing this customer, it will be the following week. Also knowing this customer, money is the root problem. ;)

MoonChild2007

12-13-2008, 05:05 PM

In my experience, 99% of these so-called "special circumstances" are in fact not special but entirely common

Exactly. Some customers will pull that sob story aka special circumstances just to get their services restored when in fact, these are things that happen every single day. In other words, people think they are so "special" they deserve MORE than everybody else.

Nurian

12-15-2008, 10:09 PM

Here's some I can remember:

The Groveler
One of the strangest SC's I've ever seen. This guy will meekly come up to you and request your assistance in the smallest voice possible. He may slouch, keep his weight on his back foot (ready to flee), and apologize profusely for interrupting you. This guy doesn't understand that your paycheck is paid by his need for help. He expects you at any moment to yell and scream at him.

But why...?
Ugh, I hate these guys. These guys get information from you that they don't like and proceed to ask why this is so ad nauseum. They find it incredulous that you are not the font of all knowledge relating to all things suck. They then get pissy when all you can do is shrug and tell them to talk to corporate.

MoonChild2007

12-15-2008, 11:35 PM

But why...?
Ugh, I hate these guys. These guys get information from you that they don't like and proceed to ask why this is so ad nauseum. They find it incredulous that you are not the font of all knowledge relating to all things suck. They then get pissy when all you can do is shrug and tell them to talk to corporate.

I can't stand those customers myself.

I_Hate_SCs

12-17-2008, 02:20 AM

Yeah, I've repeated this one on this site ad nauseam: Don't open the fucking sealed packages of bed clothes. See the label that says "KING" (or "FULL" or whatever) and is affixed to the cellophane? Believe it! "Shrink wrap" is just a name! Opening the package will not bring about a miraculous shift in the size of the product. And you'll be the very gummy bummed twit who'll mention, sometime in the future, how the cost of linens seems a tad exorbitant.

After you snatch those tidy packages of sheets apart, we have to roll, spin, tuck and squeeze the product into a form that doesn't even remotely resemble its former incarnation. We also have to market it at a significantly lower price, you bit of suspended sphincter caramel.

This brings me to two types of related SCs:

The Opener/Replacer - This is a dangerous form of SC that does what was mentioned above, but after opening the bedspreads they take a nicely never-opened package and put it in their cart, leaving the opened item either stuffed behind other unopened packages, or more often, on the floor. This type of SC also frequently visits the toy department and electronics where small pieces are hidden in the boxes and MUST be seen before purchase!

The Opened Package Complainer - This SC is in dire need of bed linens or sheets and finds only one item left: the item that was repackaged after the Opener/Replacer has their way with it. This SC gets extremely mad even though the sheets are 50% off on markdown. The worst variant of this type of SC is the kind that will purposely find a repackaged item, either in its regular shelf location or in a clearance rack, and get extremely angry over the mere fact that it has been opened and isn't "pure" anymore.

I_Hate_SCs

12-18-2008, 07:08 PM

One more type of SC:

The Morsel-At-A-Time Explainer: This extremely annoying form of SC decides to give you as little information as humanly possible whenever they call you, or see you in the store. It takes a lot of time to get the full information out of the SC, and as you can imagine, the bigger the problem, the longer it'll take to pull it out of them. Example of a conversation with a Morsel-At-A-Time SC:

Me: How can I help you?
SC: I have a problem.
Me: What kind of problem?
SC: I have a problem with my computer.
Me: What is wrong with it?
SC: I have a problem with my computer's DVD drive.
Me: What is wrong with the DVD drive?
SC: I have a problem with my computer's DVD drive, it doesn't work.
Me: How does it not work?
SC: I have a problem with my computer's DVD drive, it cannot play movies.
Me: How long has this happened?
SC: I have a problem with my computer's DVD drive, it cannot play movies after I spilled water into it.

And, as you know, the last thing said by the SC could've easily been said after I first asked "How can I help you."

Automan Empire

12-19-2008, 06:52 AM

Y. Kanchoo Just. A variant of the write-your-own-store-policies SC. Y. Kanchoo Just is sometimes devious, but usually an ugly combination of clueless and inventive in a reductionistic manner. A mere whisper of this SC's name has the magical power to wipe away carefully crafted procedures, rules, policies, norms, and even values.

Me: Sorry, in order to process your car battery warranty claim, our company policy is to charge it for at least a half hour before testing.

SC: Why can't you just give me another?

Me: (thinking: Because more than half the time, there is a problem with the CAR, such as a bad charging system or parasitic load like a glovebox light staying on, and the battery tests perfectly fine after proper charging. It gets expensive handing out $100 batteries just to make you happy until the new one goes dead too!) That's our policy.

****************************

Me: Sorry, we can't do an oil change right now while you wait. We've already made commitments to others to finish THEIR cars today; your best bet is to bring the vehicle in the morning like they did, and get it in line before we book up.

SC: Why can't you just do it now, while I wait?

*****************************

Sorry, your car won't be ready to go to the smog station right after these repairs. The car is built to have to drive a certain amount of time and run some self-tests called Monitors, before it can be smogged, and that sometimes takes 200 miles on this year and model. They design cars like this so people can't clear the trouble codes and take a malfunctioning car around the corner for a smog check.

SC: Well, why can't you just reset the computer or something?

********************************

Sorry, there's no way to make this better without replacing the $600 part. That is the main thing that tells the fuel injection, how much fuel to inject, and when it goes bad, the car barely runs, if at all.

SC: Why can't you just bypass it so I can drive? :banghead:

Boredom

12-24-2008, 04:44 PM

People who come in line, a very long one, just to ask how much someting is.

And

People who fold all singles into little shapes and stuff, and try to pay with that, not even trying to unfold it.

:pissed::pissed::pissed::pissed::pissed:

Ravendjinn

01-07-2009, 01:48 PM

the non-english speaker - always comes in and points at our menu panel, and stares rudely then nods, but when asked for money shakes her head and we start again, and again and again. everytime she growls angrily upon hearing the price.
In the end i said please come in with someone who can translate for you and i then called for next customer

Conduit

01-16-2009, 05:36 AM

Apologize if this one has already been discussed.

The Echo- Best defined by the following examples:

1) SC - "How much are the PS3 controllers?"
Me - "$54.99"
SC - "$54.99?"
Me - "Mmmhmm"

This is especially aggravating when I know that I've spoken clearly and distinctly.

2) SC - "What time do you close?"
Me - "9:00pm"
SC - "So you close at 9?"

Not anymore, dipshit. We close nowwww. -_-

DGoddessChardonnay

01-19-2009, 01:35 AM

Has anyone mentioned this type yet:

The Why-ners.

These are the folks who just have to ask 50 gazillion questions whenever you explain why this can't be done right at the present time/don't have said item in stock at the moment/raincheck availability/etc. And invariably their 50 gazillion questions will start out with "Why not/Why can't you/Why . . . ad nauseam.

It's enough to make one want to scream :runaway:

Digitalpotato

01-25-2009, 12:29 AM

(Apologies if these have been discussed)

Mumblers - A very common Speech disorder is called "Chronic Mumbling Disorder". Chronic Mumbling Disorder is characterized by the inability to speak over background chatter and clearly. Everything that escapes their mouth emerges as a series of unintelligible grunts and garbled speech. They assume that they speak perfect speech to you, even though you clearly can't understand a word that escapes their mouth.

They think they are saying something like "I'll have a $5 footlong", but it will come across, to everybody else, as something like "I'llhaaaaaaa feeeee*Grunt*-ong."

Mumblers also get angry when you have to ask them to repeat their orders. Or if youcan't even hear them over the background chatters.

Squeakers - Squeakers are customers, who, usually women, answer with a squeak instead of an unintelligible grunt or series of garbled words. When you ask if they want a copy of the receipt, they will answer with a squeak. They do not know what you heard was a squeak.

Little Miss Timid - Little Miss Timids are customers who are perpetually clinging to their boyfriends. Usually much smaller than their boyfriends, they are unable to speak to you for one reason or another. Maybe their moral code of Little Ms. Timid prevents them from speaking to unrelated people, so they have to use their boyfriend to communicate what they want from you. Maybe the KGB or the secret police will arrest them if they find out that they ordered a Ham Sandwich.

But in a lot of cases, Little Miss Timid is actually a Mumbler or a squeaker, who in fact has to speak through her boyfriend because he is a trained Mumbler/Squeaker Translator.

Midnight_Angel

01-27-2009, 03:17 PM

- Ms. Play-Hide-and-seek. Will suddenly decide that she got items in her cart she actually doesn't like to buy, putting them back on the shelf. Any shelf she might be standing at at the moment. After all, the bottle of household cleaner ain't that different from the bottles in the rack of soft drinks, is it?

Bonus points for putting perishable goods, expecially frozen food, in non-cooled areas.
Double bonus for placing frozen food (in this case, ice cream bars)into the shelf that carries books and magazines.
Jackpot awards for creative positioning, like dropping of the bottle of liquor into the frozen meat cabinet.

Edit: Seems this one has been posted much earlier already. *hangs head in shame*

Digitalpotato

01-29-2009, 06:12 AM

^Nonono, for putting the ice cream inside the chicken heaters.

Gummers - Gummers are people who try to gum the line up as much as possible. You can tell they are doing it on purpose when they repeatedly say they're done with the sandwich, then say "WAITWAITWAIT I wanted more!".

Midnight_Angel

01-30-2009, 10:55 AM

The express lane expert - checks out with a single item for about 0.69, then unerringly proceeds to write a cheque. (Extinct by now, as Eurocheques are no longer accepted)

The express lane expert, reloaded - checks out at the express lane with about 1 or two items over the limit, only to realize 'Huh, wait! This is not what I wanted to buy. Lemme run back and fetch the correct item'... twice.[/B]

The express lane expert, with all the bells and whistles -
Will push their cart unerringly towards the express lane, even if said cart is loaded to the rim.
Becomes abusive (in a below-the belt way) when asked to adhere to the '12 items or less' policy.
Will place her items on the belt considerably slower than the cashier is ringing her through.
Usually only capable of concentrating on a single task at once, thus suspending the process of unloading her cart whenever talking to someone.
Will hand her purse over to the cashier 'to take out the correct amount ', because SC has left her glasses at home and cannot tell one note or coin from the other without them.
Does, of course, not have sufficient funds with her, so starts arguing that the prices are too steep, the cashier didn't look right, the cashier didn't ring her up correctly, the cashier tried to steal from her purse, or any combination of the above.

Bonus points for snarling sonething like 'Fuck you, I don't wanna shop here anymore' and storming off, leaving all her stuff in place.

Double Bonus for storming off before getting her purse back :lol:

Digitalpotato

02-03-2009, 03:58 AM

The Walk-in-Party order.
These types of SCs prey on catering companies or restaurants that also do catering orders. These SCs will walk up and make a large catering request and expect it to be done in an unrealistic amount of time. This ranges from on the spot to a couple of hours. Of course, they can't see your schedule, so they don't know, but they also obviously don't even bother to either look at the catering menu or look at the policies that state you have to either book in advance or give at least 24 hours notice.

Here's an example...

Customer: I'd like to order a party sub.
Me: Alright. When will this be?
Customer: I need....
Me: ...okay. *Fills it out anyways, wrongly assuming he knows the rules* And when did you say you need this?
Customer: at 10 o clock.
Me: What date?
Customer: ...TODAY. (probably looking at the phone like "thank you, captain obvious.")
Me: Sir wait-
*click*
(This happened at around 8:45 AM, meaning it would be physically impossible to even have the bread in the oven by the time the person arrived)

Sure enough, at 10 AM, there he is.

Customer: I'm here to pick up my party order.
Manager: Sir, you have to call in at least 24 hours in advance to make a party order.
Customer: But I CALLED IN!
Manager: You called an HOUR in advance! That's not enough time to prepare it!
Customer: listen, I called in, so where's the party order!
Manager: We can't make a party order within an hour! We have to set aside dough to even make the bread! So I'm sorry, but we can't make your party order today.
Customer: BUT I NEED IT NOW!
Manager: I'm sorry, policy.
Customer: Well can I just get....

Which leads to our next type of SC....

The Army-feeder

Now while any place that does catering is prone to these types of SCs, these types of SCs go to a place that does NOT do catering and then makes a MASSIVE order that can probably give lunch to the entire Nigerian Military + Their families. These types of people rarely call in so you can get it ready when they come, they walk in and say "HI I'll have 60 happy meals...." or "Hi, I need to order about 35 large pizzas and 20 family orders of breadsticks...".

Usually, they walk up in the middle of the lunch rush and slow everything down to feed their extended family and friends. Rarely you'll see a tip from them. (Although this is never the correct percentage...because that would probably be enough to buy your entire staff a footlong meal deal considering the size of these orders)

Bonus points for arriving at a Subway with 15+ people in line behind him and then MASSIVELY gumming up the line for about half an hour to feed his family with a $250 purchase and completely depleting our supply of Italian Herbs and Cheese, Parmesan Oregano, and White bread. (The particular one I mention is in the Summer. Only about 4 people work at a time during lunch, and we don't bake any more bread since we close at 4 PM.)

Digitalpotato

02-10-2009, 04:29 PM

Time to add a few more....

The Chin Pointer (Believed to be exinct)
The Chin pointer usually preys on Donut shops or in general places where you see what you can have in front of you. They were believed to have evolved around the same time as the regular pointers who happen to not know of "perspective". When you ask what kinds of Donuts they want they say "oh Some of that, some of that, one of those..." and just twitch their head, poitning with their chins.

This type of SC is believed to be extinct. They had been all over New England in the 1970s and 1980s but have not been spotted either at all or very little.

McDonalds have it so you MUST have it!
Please don't walk into something like a Taco Bell or Subway and ask for a Big Mac or a Happy Meal since we do not have those. We also do not have ketchup or even hamburgers.

More...More...can you put more on that?
These people are usually found at places like Subway. They will ask for olives and when you put corporate regulations (See, Olives are expensive) they ask for more. Then continuously ask for more and more until their sandwich is covered in Olives, Pickles, Lettuce, or peppers.

I'll have some Chipotle Mayo...NO NO NO I DO NOT WANT MAYONNAISE PUT THAT BACK!
This is somseone who thinks Chipotle is mayonnaise-based. They do not know to expect mayonnaise, so they say so VERY VERY Loudly that they do not like mayonnaise destie that they had asked for it.

I'll have *Gibberish*
They randomly order something in gibberish and expect you to know that means.

werewolffan98

02-17-2009, 05:03 AM

The Virtual Affilliate store harrasser Will actually tell the store owner to lower the price or that there are virtual goods that are better priced.(please i'm only a reseller,if you want support please speak to the actual person who designed the goods.):mad:

Digitalpotato

02-17-2009, 06:11 AM

Beavis and Butthead

These are types of SCs who resemble the animated duo. They may sometimes be found in pairs or just a Beavis or just a Butthead. They giggle at little immature things, like if someone does a price check on an antifungal cream they giggle. If someone says stuff like Tampon, Weinerschnitzel, or Chicken breast they giggle like said duo. They may also pull stunts like try to steal coins out of the fountains, moon people from the bus, sing with music, just make a mess. They may sometimes be 15 years of age or even as young as 11.

Butthead will also order his food like this:
"Uhh...I'll like, have a chicken bacon ranch or...somethin'. Yeah. That was cool!"

Beavis is more often known for sometimes lighting fires in the stores. Examples include:
-Garbage
-Empty bags of stolen food
-Paper Bags
-Cigarettes
-Stuffed animals (I saw a Beavis light a 'My Buddy and Me' doll on fire when I was a little boy)
-The Toilet
-The Urinal

Yes, some Beavises have actually mnaged to light the toilet and urinal on fire. Last year at school, my friend walked into the bathroom to find that he had somehow managed to light a toilet on fire. A beavis has also been reported to have lit the Urinal on fire in a San Antonio Subway.

CosmicPossum

02-17-2009, 03:42 PM

My son is a semi-prof magician. His stock answer to "How did you do that?" is "Very well, thank you."

Digitalpotato

02-17-2009, 08:19 PM

The people who expect you to be Telepathic

I'm pretty sure this was mentioned early on but I'm gonna define them ANYWAY!

These people are very vague about their orders or just word-substitute and expect you to know what it is they want. Sometimes they will also leave out crucial parts of their orders.

"I'll have a footlong on white."

"Alright what kind of sandwich?"

"Footlong"

"...what's in the sandwich?"

"White."

"...What kind of MEAT is in the sandwich?"

"It's a footlong on white."

or when you're at the register, they assume you saw the sandwich being made and think that you can see it. Never mind that there are 5 people working on the line and you have about 20-30 people IN line and can't see it since you're on the register.

"What kind of sandich did you have today?"

"The 6 inch."

"...but what KIND of sandwich?"

"Small."

"What is INSIDE The sandwich?"

"It's a 6 inch on white."

"What kind of MEAT is in the sandwich?"

"Ham."

elysia

02-20-2009, 08:41 PM

The Right-handed Supremist jokester.

I'm left handed. I'm a notary too. On a daily basis, without fail, I hear one or more of the following witticisms:

*"Oh you're a lefty! I didn't know they let you people be notaries! Ho ho!"

*"Oh a lefty eh? Wheres my ruler! Ho ho!"

*"Oh! A lefty! FREAK! Just kidding, ha ha ha."

*"Oh, a lefty! Say hi to the devil for me!" (or some variant).

Le Sigh.
Fun fact: 44% of all US presidents have been left-handed, including Barack Obama. 33% of world leaders are left handed. Only 10% of the world population is left handed. This percentage is also seen in most species of primates and has stayed consistant since prehistoric times. It is not known was causes left-handedness. Probably Satan, though.

Red_Dazes

02-21-2009, 07:16 AM

Not sure if it has been mentioned but I'm gonna throw it out there...

Mr/Mrs. OH Free Babysitter!~ The people who think that just because you are not allowed to leave the vicinity of the fitting room and the toy aisle just happens to be there, that they can leave their little terrors there to run rampant while you watch them.

Too Lazy to Hang This is the customer who has the ever present urge to pull every single item of clothing they look at off the hanger and then toss it over the top of the rack... or...more conveniently... on the floor.

The Inside Outer This is the customer we love and hate. They bring you their items from the fitting room, and they are all hung up. Which is amazing! However... every single item of clothing is inside out.... which is... not so amazing.

However this is extremely preferable to

Too Busy to Care these people bring you their garments inside out and in a giant pile... with out hangers and usually with out the number tag they were given upon entering...

And Last but not least...

Signs are Beneath Me The customer who never reads any of the posted signs, and becomes angry and belligerent when you tell them they are breaking a posted rule... because, of course, if they didn't see the sign it obviously was NOT posted.

------------
I don't make the rules... I just follow them. Because it makes you angry.

RED.

Hobbs

02-23-2009, 04:39 PM

OMG! Ross shoppers are the same everywhere!!

I've seen every single one!!

Digitalpotato

02-25-2009, 12:57 AM

The Man who mistook the fitting room for a toilet - I don't need to say anymore....

Midnight_Angel

02-25-2009, 11:54 AM

The Man who mistook the fitting room for a toilet - I don't need to say anymore....

Didn't encounter that one, yet. So far, the discovery of a huge brown lump in one of the store elevators has pretty much sifficed for me.

RootedPhoenix

02-26-2009, 10:02 AM

The Man who mistook the fitting room for a toilet - I don't need to say anymore....

I've gotten that one. >.< Sosososo gross.

Bagboy

02-26-2009, 04:13 PM

Largeth Man- Is about 20 of me put together. Uses his daughters as crutches
Unbuttoned shirt guy-Walks around in the store with a buttoned down shirt that is open with no undershirt, thus exposing his gut to the world.
The beer lady- Needs beer and fast.
Ass Flexer- She is a very large woman. She ran into me, and almost knocked me over. Has a habit of flexing her ass cheeks:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
The magazine lady-Gets a scooter and just sits there cruising the store for hours.
The large family-enough said
Satans mother-Lets her kid climb, yes climb the shelves. She's been banned.
The corseted one-tells us the wonders of corsets, last time I checked it wasn't 1880, although in my calendar it is 1909.
The jar thrower- throws glass jars and expects us to clean them up.
The soldier- Expects us to be like bootcamp
The royal family-O! do I have problems with them. They have no respect for anything, even the children don't.

Digitalpotato

02-27-2009, 11:50 PM

The Bikers - The kids who mistook the Wal-Mart superstore for the Tour de France and start riding bikes around the store.

Red_Dazes

03-01-2009, 05:56 PM

The Man who mistook the fitting room for a toilet - I don't need to say anymore....

yeah.....had that one a few times..... Also had the lady who mistook the fitting room as the bathroom..... tried to do her business in a plastic bag.... missed.... ruined a bunch of clothes...and hid them under the dress rack.... so when we cleaned up that night.... not only did we find the bag.... but all the clothes that were......well..... you know....ick...

Red_Dazes

03-01-2009, 06:02 PM

People who fold all singles into little shapes and stuff, and try to pay with that, not even trying to unfold it.

...I'll admit I've been guilty of this myself.... not too often...but for christmas and such my family always gives out origami money...I'm just too lazy to unfold it.... ^_^ sorry!

Digitalpotato

03-06-2009, 01:05 AM

The Penny Pincher - Pays for large orders with small coins and counts them out loud.

The Self-Server - Someone who thinks that they can just walk behind the counter and pour their own coffee or make their own food. Or reach behind the counter to grab a cookie at Subway.

Boredom

03-07-2009, 07:10 PM

...I'll admit I've been guilty of this myself.... not too often...but for christmas and such my family always gives out origami money...I'm just too lazy to unfold it.... ^_^ sorry!

I do it too, even though I hate it :o

tropicsgoddess

04-01-2009, 05:34 PM

It's All ISP's Fault: This SC tends to have obvious problems with THEIR computer but when they're told it's their computer, they refuse to believe you and in turn blame the ISP you work for. This kind tends to keep disagreeing with you even though they don't have the technological expertise to solve the problem themselves no matter what you tell them ad-nauseum.

Mr. Security

04-03-2009, 09:33 PM

The Butt-in: These are the people who when your dealing with a problem will come along and butt-in and tell you what you should be doing and what your doing wrong. Almost every time they do this they have no connection to the situation and are butting in well into the problem and have absolutely no clue of what had been happening before they came along. Bonus points if a butt-in complains to your company about you handling a situation that they had no involvement in and that they saw all of 10 seconds of in passing

crazylegs

04-03-2009, 09:47 PM

The Magnet

When dealing with two groups of people and you ask one group to remain seperate from the other The Magnet will cling to your side like a leech on steriods making it impossible to go from group to group, The Magnet will normally also be The Butt-In.

MoonChild2007

04-04-2009, 04:50 PM

The asshole

The one who attacks you for asking a simple question.

Digitalpotato

04-07-2009, 04:27 AM

The Tip Thieves
Steal money from the Tip Jar. Usually pay for food with it.

Those who are too important to park
Stay in their car in front of a supermarket and block the entrance while their wife does the shopping.

The woman who was too important to find a bathroom
Changes diapers on a table.

The Woman with no sense of hear or smell
Doesn't change her baby's diaper at all.

Wordsworth

04-14-2009, 11:54 AM

Your Fault, Wrong Number: If you misdial or are given the wrong number, you quickly apologize and move on, right? Not the YF, WN guy...he gives you a lecture for being the wrong number. After all, he could not possibly have hit the wrong button on the phone or written it down incorrectly or been provided this number by mistake! It has to be your fault.

Lyger

04-15-2009, 10:19 AM

The Abandonment Issue - This brand of SC wants something put on hold, regardless of whether or not you can actually put an item on hold for anyone. Either way, if said item is put on hold, the customer insists they will be in "bright and early" to pick it up. But "bright and early" does not mean the same thing to The Abandonment Issue as everyone else, as TAI will disappear after said item is put on hold. Or, if they actually do manage to show up, said item will be:

A. Not on hold.
B. Taken off hold.
C. Still on hold, but not the item they wanted all along.

The Endorsement - Similar to The Abandonment Issue, but this SC will have paid for their item that is definitely on hold... and then, never return to claim it. One wonders how someone could forget where they spend their money.

The Locked-On Target - We all know SCs don't read signs. But this SC will actually read signs... just all the wrong ones. Mistaken in believing that advertisements that litter the shelves are price tags, The Locked-On Target will blame the associate (who, of course, had nothing to do with the sign being posted) of false advertising, claiming he would never treat customers in such a way. God forbid suggesting that this SC might have, somehow, made a mistake, lest you subject yourself to even further ranting.

The Name Gamer - This SC knows what they need. They just don't know the name of what they need. Endlessly describing the product with increasingly bizarre or obscure methods is the tool of the trade for the Name Gamer, until both the associate and the Name Gamer themselves are confused. Any suggestions or guesses to what the product might be are quickly debunked, as well. Frustrated, the SC will finally tell the associate to just go away.

hawksoob

04-20-2009, 03:55 PM

The "I failed remedial physics" customer:

#1
SC: I need a camera bag to fit 3 DSLR bodies, 2 telephoto lenses, a full-sized tripod, 3 flashes, and a dozen or so filters.
Me: (After a while of looking) This one would do. It's just big enough to fit all that stuff.
SC: That's too big. I want something small I can carry around my waist.

#2
SC: I need this film developed in 15 minutes.
Me: Sorry, it takes an hour.
SC: Can I get it faster if I pay extra?
Me (to self): Sure. I'll tell the machine to wrinkle the fabric of space and time because you paid extra.

The unclear on the concept SC:

#1
SC: Yes, I came in to pick up that stuff I asked for yesterday.
Me: It's not here, yet.
SC: Why NOT! I asked for it yesterday!
Me: Well, I recall telling you that we'd call you when it came in. Did someone call you?
SC: Well, no. But I expect it here now. I'm a good customer. I order this stuff from you all the time and it's usually here the next day.
Me: That's because we usually have it in our warehouse, and we can get it delivered here the next day, no problem. But, as I told you yesterday, we don't have any in stock anywhere at the moment, so we'll have to order it from the manufacturer, and it will take 5-7 days. That's why I told you that we would call you when it comes in.
SC: Do you have any idea how to do your job?!?!?! Did you go to class for this or something, because if you did, you obviously failed. I'm calling your boss!
Me: Please do. Have a nice day.

#2

SC: I would like to buy this telescope, but do you have one new in the box? I don't want this one that's already assembled and on display.
Me: Sure. I'll have to get it from the main store, though. It being Friday, I won't be able to get it until Monday. Unless you want to go there to get it.
SC: No, that's ok. That's too far to drive. (It's 7 miles down the interstate).
Me: That's fine. I'll have it here on Monday.
----fastforward to Monday----
Me: Here's your telescope. Brand new in an unopened box.
SC: Great! Can you assemble for me?
:hairpull:

It's interesting that people want a discount for the one on display because it's already assembled, but will offer to pay you extra to assemble the new on out of the box.

Lyger

04-21-2009, 08:54 PM

The No-Tow Truck - This customer has bought something big and heavy. Nothing wrong with that. The problem becomes when the No-Tow Truck customer cannot fit the item into their car. The evidence for utter lack of any form of planning is readily apparent to all but the SC, and every ounce of patience must be maintained at all costs. It may be understandable if the large item just barely won't fit, but if the item is twice the size of the trunk, there's no excuse. Bonus fail points if the SC blames the store or the associate.

The Weatherman - Two varieties of this kind of SC exist. One is the Weatherman that will ramble on about the weather, the most pertinent thing they can find to talk about. This type is not particularly bad (in fact, he may even be good), but repeated discussions on the weather get old quickly.

The second version is the SC who will loudly decry as sin the store being wet, dirty or out of stock on an item relating to the weather (sunscreen for sun, umbrellas for rain, cold clothing for snow, etc). This especially comes into play when a disaster (or perceived disaster) is coming, and vital items are out of stock, casting the blame on the associates for putting their family "in danger."

The Nostalgia Critic - He remembers it because you don't want to.

Warped into the present from at least ten years ago, the Nostalgia Critic has no concept of changing store layouts, inflation, evolving store policy, or products being clearanced or simply thrown out. No matter what things were like in the 20th century, though, they were always better, and the store should immediately go back to the way things used to be to placate their delicate-as-thin-ice sensibility.

And who does the Nostalgia Critic choose to blame? You guessed it - the lowly associate. Instead of going to the management or corporate, this SC will loudly voice his berating opinions on someone who not only cannot control whatever it is that fuels his anger, but could, in all likelihood, not care less. After seeing how little his ranting is doing to change the store layout, the Nostalgia Critic will find what he came for, muttering under his breath.

The Non-Parent - The parent of a child who refuses to act like a parent.

Most common is the parent with a newborn baby, with said baby crying with the volume up to 11. The parent could drown out the cries of the infant (and likely, is) while anyone else cannot.

Secondly is the Non-Parent who will simply not watch their child. Prevalent in tech stores, the child will run around freely while the SC discusses the finer points of something with an associate. While one cannot expect a parent to keep their eyes on their kids the entire time, at least some form of discipline or instruction would be necessary. At least, to all but this SC.

Least common, but most dangerous, is the Non-Parent who will leave their child unattended in an area that the child would like (toys, video games, etc). Elsewhere on the board are horror stories of this kind of parent, and for good reason. The Non-Parent is either very naive, very ignorant, very apathetic or very self-absorbed, likely some concoction of all four. They assume the associates and the other customers will watch out for their children for them. Sadly, this does hold some credence, as the store can be sued if a child is injured in the store. That said, calling Child Services on the Non-Parent for abandoning their child sends the message very clearly. Whether or not the Non-Parent learns varies, case-by-case.

In all three cases, the SC will be horrified or enraged that anyone would DARE question their skill as a parent.

zigcat

04-22-2009, 04:11 AM

[B]The Non-Parent - The parent of a child who refuses to act like a parent.

Most common is the parent with a newborn baby, with said baby crying with the volume up to 11. The parent could drown out the cries of the infant (and likely, is) while anyone else cannot.

Secondly is the Non-Parent who will simply not watch their child. Prevalent in tech stores, the child will run around freely while the SC discusses the finer points of something with an associate. While one cannot expect a parent to keep their eyes on their kids the entire time, at least some form of discipline or instruction would be necessary. At least, to all but this SC.

Least common, but most dangerous, is the Non-Parent who will leave their child unattended in an area that the child would like (toys, video games, etc). Elsewhere on the board are horror stories of this kind of parent, and for good reason. The Non-Parent is either very naive, very ignorant, very apathetic or very self-absorbed, likely some concoction of all four. They assume the associates and the other customers will watch out for their children for them. Sadly, this does hold some credence, as the store can be sued if a child is injured in the store. That said, calling Child Services on the Non-Parent for abandoning their child sends the message very clearly. Whether or not the Non-Parent learns varies, case-by-case.

In all three cases, the SC will be horrified or enraged that anyone would DARE question their skill as a parent.
I think you should post this as a reply to this: http://www.planetfeedback.com/barnes++noble/staff+attitude/knowledge/my+son+is+also+a+customer+barnes+amp+noble/317054

TroubleShot

04-22-2009, 05:08 PM

Some of my favorites:

I run a business!!! - This customer, with residential service commonly starts calling in at about 10pm, and somehow expects us to be able to repair things remotely over the phone, or, to dispatch a technician this second (often, it's a couple days wait). Oh, but, our terms of service do allow us to cancel accounts for being for commercial use, but, not on a commercial account. Sometimes dropping this hint makes the wait until tomorrow more palatable. :devil:

<s>Your service</s> My computer is utter crap! - My absolute favorite, nothing like someone calling in screaming at the top of their lungs about how much we suck, to find out that their circa-1985 80286 may have finally fried, or, that $10 walmart USB ethernet adapter crapped out. Generally won't believe the first person they speak to, and will call back a few more times 'just to be sure', sometimes try to pretend that they haven't called in on the same issue 10 mins ago.

YOU OWE ME!!!! - Customers that expect a free X/Y/Z for not having service for a day. Usually multiply the time they were out by 5, and that's what they want. Can be more, especially if it was their own equipment that died, and they had to pay us to fix it.

I know what the problem is! - Then why call me? Seriously, if you are so sure what the issue is, then fix it! Usually someone that can't get online, demanding high-level settings in things they *really* shouldn't be messing with, unwilling to follow directions, and it turns out to be a splitter, or, better yet, a bad ethernet cable :)

Help me with X/Y/Z! - Noting that X/Y/Z have nothing to do with us. Sadly, 1/10 of calls seem to be this way... Everything from "Help me (un)install norton!" to "Um how do I fix my monitor?", or "Why won't my computer (sometimes phrased 'internet' so it sounds relevant) turn on?!" none of these have anything to do with your internet, at least as far as we care.

Digitalpotato

04-22-2009, 10:41 PM

The Economy Whiner aka "in this economy"
A type of SC who whines about the economy every possible opportunity and uses the economy as an excuse to demand discounts.

MoonChild2007

04-25-2009, 12:10 AM

StraxusD

04-25-2009, 05:51 AM

The Stand-Up Comedian: The customer who busts out with a product/sale/store/industry-related wisecrack that you hear at least once an hour. They are usually mildly offended when you don't laugh hysterically. Example: "Would you like to pay those late fees today?" "Well, I wouldn't like to!" They think they are very witty and original. It is vital that you leave this delusion intact, lest the firm, icy grip of reality crush their fragile spirit.

The Scanner Police: A subcategory of "The Stand-Up Comedian," the Scanner Police like to jokingly suggest that an item that you are unable to scan (or an item that scans improperly) must be free of charge. How very droll.

LMAO, I get at least ten of these people a day. The most common is the "Partial Payer." This person sees the "Is this amount okay?" or "Partial Pay" button on the credit card screen as an opportunity for humor. They usually respond with the ever-so-witty "No this amount is not okay, ha ha," or "Can I pay half, ha ha." Just because we give the customer the option to pay for their stuff with multiple forms of payments, shouldn't cause me to suffer.

Also, my favorite customers:

Mr./Mrs. I don't care if you are talking The customer that sees you talking/helping other customers and insists on interrupting and trying to take you away from the customer you are helping.

Mr./Mrs. I need to be checked out now The customer that doesn't feel that they should have to wait to be checked out if they are done and you are helping another customer before they ever walked up to the register. One time, an endcap display got turned over and I was picking it up so people wouldn't fall/trip and a customer had the balls to come over and tell me they needed to be checked out even though he saw what happened and the mess on the floor. I wanted to punt them in the head.

The Whistler/Clapper If I wanted you to treat me like a dog, I would hop into a kennel. You have legs and a mouth. Walk to me and ask your question, otherwise I will ignore you.

The I need a game system to babysit my kids person Will ask a number of incredibly dumb questions leaving you to wonder why the person would have children if they don't want to have anything to do with them. Usually they ask, "What types of DS/Wii/Xbox/PS3 games do they make for a three year old?" "Do you have any games that don't have any reading in them? My five year old isn't too good at that, yet." "I just need a game to keep them busy, so I can sleep tonight." (This person purchased Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars for a six year old). I don't want to be snooty, but I could read fairly proficiently when I was four. It drives me crazy when people tell me their five/six year still has trouble reading. I have come close to telling customers to purchase books for their children instead of DS games. Also, if your kid is only three, maybe you should spend some time with them or go outside instead of handing them video games.

As a sidenote to above type of SC, when I tell you that the game is fairly advanced and the child may have problems with the game or just not like it, I do not need the whole story about how much of a genius your child is and is much more advanced than other kids. Some games are just complicated and children don't have the best of attention spans.

tropicsgoddess

04-25-2009, 09:48 PM

The ungrateful customer- A customer who was out of service for one day and honestly expects us to give them all this credit (I gave a customer credit for 5.72 and she was not happy with that. she expected more credit :rolleyes:

I used to get those but on a slightly different level. This online pet medication company I worked for would match the price of the competitor's with free shipping (except for anything that had to be chilled and/or overnighted and also was not a US based competitor company). We agents were able to do price matching up to a certain point, if it got to the point it was lower than the company's purchasing costs for the product(s), a manager had to override it and a manager going that far for a price match was very very rare. These were the kind of SC's that I would get in this sort of situation with price matching.

The Deep Discount Digger: Calls in to have the prices matched for whatever product(s) they want at a ridiculously obscene amount with EWish demands no matter how low you go, same with if a manager does it. They throw hissy fits if they can't get whatever EW demands they want to have done due to policy and scream how it's "false advertising" etc.

Mr. Security

04-29-2009, 08:27 AM

Now these aren't SC's per say but they fit best in here :)

The Childess Widow: This is an older man/woman(60+) who lost there spouse a while back and have no kids or family, who are always hanging around and talking to employee's. Now these people are generally just loney and are even known to enroll in college course's just to keep themselves busy and there generally nice but they have tendency of just walking up and talking to you about random things for long periods of time and are generally blind to the fact that your busy dealing with something which often times means they get in the way

The strange Starer: Now these are weird one's. This is the person who will come by on a daily basis sometimes coming and going muilple times during who will find a spot and littlery stand around and just stare at people going by. They will never talk to anybody, aprroch anybody or do anything. they will stand around with a coffee and sometimes has headphones on and just look around and stare. Often times they don't even come fully into the building they will just stare from a distance. There generally harmless just real weird

Automan Empire

05-01-2009, 09:07 PM

The microfiche writer. Has severe obsessive-compulsive disorder or something, along with the uncanny ability to write copious notes in the tiniest imaginable handwriting. With a pen and paper, they can rival the information density of state-of-the-art X-ray lithography used to make computer chip parts at the sub-micron scale. This customer must spread such notes across the counter and consult them repeatedly while writing up a work order. Usually also a high-maintenance, low-spend customer, too.

MoonChild2007

05-09-2009, 11:27 AM

Why did somebody tell me that then! customers.

For pete's sake, I don't have any control what some moron employee told you and stop asking me why! Also, what world do you live in where people are ALWAYS right? Look, some people, including me, don't know everything and sometimes some people have more info than me so back the hell off!

I am sure the same customers are the people who think they are always right!

moogie

05-20-2009, 03:16 AM

The "This is the smallest thing I have."
Buys an 83 cent fountain drink with 20, 50 or 100 dollars bills, thinking that 10's and 5's are magically restored to registers via the change fairy.

The "But, everybody here knows me!"
When asked for ID balks at the request insisting that they are there everyday and that everyone there knows them to be of legal age, when I am obviously new and do not, in fact, know them.

The "Are you serious?"
When asked for ID seems outraged that I don't take their word that they are of age and when ID is checked they are 21 at the oldest.

The "I'm lonely"
Stands at the register for about a half an hour telling me about their interests, which I am completely uninterested in, while picking out 2 lottery tickets and holding up a line of 10 people. Every. Single. Day.

Automan Empire

05-21-2009, 07:45 PM

LOL @ Moonchild.

Nobody told me.... You're over 30 and you're whining that nobody told you there'd be sales tax, or that you might have to wait your turn in a line, or that the red curb means don't park there because it's in the way and you'll likely get a ticket.

Straight Answer Steven (By Chris on my mechanic forum) - couldn't give you one if his life depended on it. No matter what question you ask he inevitably gives the answer to a different question. Examples:

When can you bring it in? Answer: Well, I talked to ___ last week and he said ___ so I just want to see how much it is for ____....

What is your last name? Answer: Its a red volvo, we've been in there before...

So you say the car doesn't start, does it do this regularly? Only when Cold? Answer: I dunno, its like its starved for fuel, maybe the fuel filter is bad, how much are those...

What kind of maintence history do you have with the car? Answer: Its been a great car. My aunt used to drive it, then I bought it off her a few years ago. I think I'm gunna give it to my son next year. :confused:

Annie Ancient is a very elderly woman who is pleasant but is a total time bandit. One can't help but feel for her, making the leap from the halcyon tranquility of the retirement village, to the hustle and bustle of a busy auto shop. Still, she's a regular Straight Answer Steve with every sentence, but unlike Steve it is not born of an incipient malevolence, but rather the fact that she's been retired since way before you had training wheels.

I'm turning around cars for two customers in the office picking up, and Annie pulls in RIGHT IN THE WAY and rolls down her window and starts talking to me 10 feet away in a rolling car with the window up. Have to get out of the car and tell her to please park right there behind that blue car, and walk away while she's talking because both customers that paid are now milling about the lot staring. Annie parks behind a beige car and a black car, one of which I'm about to deliver to waiting finished customer #2. Ask her to move again and she starts saying "Remember me? I came in, oh I don't know, it was some time last year... do you have that part that I needed?" Ask her to please park behind the blue car and she starts with, "Well, how long is this going to take, because I have a doctor's appointment and blah bllah blah." Tell her to please go see the manager at the desk and swift-walk across lot to chat with waiting customer #2 as Annie takes 5 full minutes to get her purse out, shuffle coupons and stuff them in said purse, re-lay the blanket and pillow across the driver seat just so. Finish talking to customer and go find that Annie has locked the car and taken the key. Run, get key, no just give me ALL the keys, you're waiting for the repair and I have to move NOW, run back, get young frustrated late customer down the road.

Head back to office, Annie wants "the thermostat" we recommended "by spring." You mean the airbox thermostat? "No, the thermostat. Well, I don't know..." Do you have your receipt from then, Maam, because we just recovered from a serious computer crash that wiped out electronic records since late December. Annie says it was last year some time, but cannot be found with name, license, etc. Leaf through hard copies of ROs while she blathers on. Find out it was in January, and it was the airbox thermostat. She launches into a run-on sentence about how another customer came in to the office and pointed to somthing in the display case that made her think of Christmas, when there's nothing remotely Christmasy in said display case.

Now Manager is trying to write the RO and I need to ask her a question about a different job. She asks what color the car is. "Well, I don't know what Volvo's fancy name for it was, let's see, I bought the car in '96 when my daughter was..." Me: RED!!!! Annie: "... her kids... my grandkids, of course... They're...." Office door: SLAM!

Finally, Annie is leaving, having waited for a single .2 job but she's engaged us for over .75 person-hours by this point. Now she has to sit in the way, disgorging her purse and f#$%ing with the contents for an interminable time.

Okay, Annie, can I please work on some other cars before I'm as ancient as you are?

Automan Empire

05-28-2009, 07:35 PM

Pastor Bedtime identifies himself as Pastor every time he calls or comes. Also, every time he comes, he would unabashedly and unskillfully flirt with the 19yo service writer, to her great disgust because he's pushing 60. He would also ask for unethical repairs, like trying to cheat a failed smog. What a bastion was he! :devil:

Swinger Sam is a married dude who unabashedly but semi-skillfully tries to flirt with the service writer, who must also talk to the wife. Swinger Sam once came to pick up the car with his wife, after a day of trying to get service writer to go to a bar with him. He opened the office door and says loudly, "I brought my WIFE with me to pick up the car!" as if to signal, don't take me up on the offer right now. Yeah, whatever, PUTZ! We talk about you a lot now, not kindly.
:roll:

tropicsgoddess

05-28-2009, 09:30 PM

The "Fix My Computer For Free" Customer: Also known as the Technical Support Deadbeat (Thank you, sld72382 for the term). This SC calls or goes to tech support with issues on their computer(s) and flips out and/or demands that you fix their computer(s) for free after you tell them that they have to pay for tech support. They also rabble about how they can't afford it,blah blah blah (cue the world's smallest violin) and may spew out the ever so popular "IN THIS ECONOMY..." and/or "This is a rip off!" type of rants,when they're really too cheap to pay up to get their computer(s) fixed.

MercenaryMuffin

05-29-2009, 10:53 AM

The Life Story Customer - Usually comes out at night. This guest will start the conversation with a simple "hello"...an hour later, he/she has told you about their entire life, including, but not limited to: spouses, kids, jobs, rants about being your age, what they had for breakfast, their favorite TV shows, pets, and every inane detail of their life you could care less about.

The Cat Lady - Most likely old, but some of them are in their late 20s or early 30s. This person (usually female) will go on and on about their cats, how cute they are, what they like to do, their feeding habits, what their favorite toy is, etc.
This usually involves many, many pictures of said cats. At some point, Cat Lady must be told that you're busy and can't talk right now. Because, at some point, I don't care how cute your cats are, I don't want to hear about your :censored: cat any more.

Mustang Sally - Walks around the store carrying an arm full of items, spends an hour browsing the shelves, then simply leaves everything she's carrying in one pile in a random part of the store and walks out.

The Moocher - This person loves to browse the Produce section, and will eat as many grapes, bananas, apples, and berries as possible before leaving again.

The "Let me ruin your morning" Reservation - This person has the uncanny ability to know, down to the microsecond, when you're about to go clock out and head home. Said person will immediately call and want to place the longest, most contrived reservation you've had all week, thus making you spend another 15 minutes in hell. Almost always happens before your weekend, too.

The FES - Aka "the guy who knows two words of English". Impossible to understand, gets upset when you can't decipher what he's saying.

ThisIsXYZ

06-13-2009, 10:36 PM

Why did somebody tell me that then! customers.

For pete's sake, I don't have any control what some moron employee told you and stop asking me why!

My usual response to this (over the phone) was to say that I don't know why someone was advertising it for 50% of the actual price, but that's not correct. In fact, if you can find where that was being advertised, please let us know, we don't want people out there quoting the wrong price!

It doesn't insult anyone who's genuinely misinformed or misremembering, shows that our company is trying to uphold our integrity, and convinces the scammers to knock it off . Also, I never once had a customer come up with proof of where they'd been offered a lower price. Funny, that...

My own least favorite type: The double-dipper. This person emails, online chats, and calls you all at the same time. Bonus points if multiple agents try to resolve the problem at once, leading to much more complicated and time consuming problems than the customer had originally.

Dips

06-15-2009, 11:07 AM

It doesn't insult anyone who's genuinely misinformed or misremembering, shows that our company is trying to uphold our integrity, and convinces the scammers to knock it off . Also, I never once had a customer come up with proof of where they'd been offered a lower price. Funny, that...

Absolutely. I am very fond of that approach.

My own least favorite type: The double-dipper. This person emails, online chats, and calls you all at the same time. Bonus points if multiple agents try to resolve the problem at once, leading to much more complicated and time consuming problems than the customer had originally.

I don't know why they do this. They probably think blasting us with multiple requests speeds things up. I bet they also push the elevator call button multiple times thinking it makes the elevator come faster. :rolleyes:

Bonus bonus points if they tell different stories to different reps and, thus, get different, sometimes conflicting, answers to their questions.

Bonus bonus bonus points if they start quoting one rep's answers to another rep:

"Rep A never said I needed to restart my computer, why are YOU saying that?"

Automan Empire

06-24-2009, 07:45 PM

I didn't know where to park Mark. One of my BIGGEST pet peeves EVER!

Every auto repair shop I've ever worked at, regardless of parking lot layout, how crowded, how many clearly empty spaces evident, how every other car is parked...

Every day at least once, someone disregards all convention, common sense, courtesy, and available cues, and parks diagonally, in the most in-the-way way possible!

They always give you this simpering, "I didn't know where to parrrrrk!" Right, you freaking window licker... give me your keys (and be glad I actually give them back, given my opinion of your qualification to be driving in public at all) and watch carefully the way I do it. There, see? Crisply oriented East-West, even with the rows and rows of other cars already parked here. Plenty of room for you to get in and out of the car, for the staff to still drive in and out of the shop, and most importantly, still room for the next person to pull in and park not-in-the-way. You think I was gruff about it this time? I was less gruff the first time you did it, and will be more gruff the next.

Whether it is born of a sense of entitlement, or just cluelessness... I don't care, you're in the way in a painstakingly obvious way, give me the keys, no ALL OF THEM, NOW!, and let me park it for you. There's something seriously wrong with you, to park totally in the way, when better options are clearly available.

I learned at age 3, not to leave my tricycle in the sidewalk when finished playing... I mean, come on!

My own least favorite type: The double-dipper.
Yeah, in my biz, we have
The Power Calling Family. Only one person makes the financial decisions. If you're the timid wife who's not allowed to decide which way to hang the toilet paper, why oh why do you have the service manager go through the whole description of what the vehicle needs, ask questions about it, then say, "Okay, you need to call my husband; he is the one who decides." Then, the teens in the family. Yeah, I know 5 minutes is an eternity to wait, but when you keep calling to ask how much longer we think it's going to be, and we brusquely say whenever this phone stops ringing so we can do the actual work, we are talking about YOU! You'll know, because we'll call and tell you! AFTER it is finished. You're really not getting it, are you? It will be however long the work takes, PLUS however long you have us on the phone... and yeah, other people bring their cars here too, so we will bump your car out of line and finish one for a good customer who left us alone to finish the work like a smart cookie. You don't even have a JOB, kid, much less are paying for this, so we REALLY resent you having us go through the entire list of things the car needs, only to say, well, my dad will decide what we're going to do on the car. We know, having already talked to him, and having him approve only ONE repair out of a dozen. You're nowhere near as high on the hierarchy of importance to us, as you think you are.
Ring ring, <spiel> Oh, it's YOU again, kiddo? Look, from now on, only the one PAYING for the work is to call here. Don't you call again today. Understand? No? Okay, the car won't be finished today after all, bye.

Automan Empire

06-24-2009, 07:54 PM

Horn Honking Hank Nothing says Entitlement Whore like honking your horn all the way up the driveway when you arrive, and just sitting there with the window up and the radio on.

Nohbody

07-05-2009, 05:14 PM

The Barnum: So-called because of the infamous quote by P.T. Barnum: "There's a sucker born every minute." Attempts to act like they know what they want, when in reality, can be talked into just about anything. Wouldn't be such a problem if this meant that they could decide after seeing more than one option...

Personally, I think this should be called "Barnum's Proof." Just saying. :wave:

The P.T. Barnham customer. [...] Proves P.T. Barnham correct, in the "There's a sucker born every minute!" (sigh!)

Nitpick: Barnum never said that. The quote is from one of his competitors at the time, in regards to the Cardiff Giant hoax (google it, too long to get into here).

(And, yes, I quoted posts from years ago just for that. :p )

Oh yes. Anyone remember Rock 'n' Roll Elmo? I worked in a small clothing store, that was forced to carry several of these abominations (we had RnR Ernie too, but his voice wasn't as annoying, and since he played Splish Splash and Rock Around the Clock, I didn't mind him too much). Elmo's voice annoys me anyway, and to hear that thing start to screech out "A, B, C, easy as 1, 2, 3..." AUGH!!!!!!!!!! And the adults who would set off every single one of them for the amusement of their bratty kids....GRRRRR.

Not Rock 'n' Roll, but someone I know (if not well, as he lives like 1500 miles away) let out some frustration with the Tickle Me Elmo version, here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B14_qvPrD00).

The kicker? The doll was the last one at the K-Mart, and a pushy SC bitch was basically acting like it was hers just because she forced her way to the front of the crowd.

The Southern Belle wannabe: Calls all the employees "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart."

Living in the south, that's not exactly uncommon, though perhaps not as common as it used to be. :)

Are you SERIOUS?

This is pervasive in my casino, and I can't quite figure it out. Whenever the dealer will turn over a good hand, such as an 18, 19, 20, or blackjack, at least half the time someone on the table will ask "Are you SERIOUS?" I always pause for a moment, look at them, and reply "Sorry, I left my clown nose at home tonight."

*snrk* :worship:

These are from a pizza-delivery perspective

Food Poisoned Slob: This idiot describes in detail how she got food poisoning from the last pizza and how she'll have the store's guts for garters. Meanwhile cockroaches can be seen crawling all over the kitchen.

Grateful Customer (no, not really): Says "Oh, you got here so fast! Wow! Thanks!", then stiffs the driver.

Stinky Guy: He and his apartment smell of a mixture of vomit, urine, feces, and decayed food. One driver refuses to go there after throwing up on the doorstep.

Ugh, don't get me started on pizza delivery stuff... I'll be here all day.

-----

As for contributions of my own, pretty much everything I can think of has been covered (usually multiple times) by other posters, so I'll just STFU now. :D

MoonChild2007

07-06-2009, 02:22 PM

The economy made me do it! customers

You know the customers who don't pay their bills on time and get interrupted and pull the economy card. Yeah, what does the economy have to do with paying your bills on time?

hicktowndweller

07-10-2009, 05:18 AM

THE PUNK TEENAGER

Easily identified by their dyed black hair and baggy clothing. They have a habit of stealing large amounts of merchandise and actually believing that none of the staff on duty is going to notice. (they actually stole frozen pizzas...... we found the boxes shortly after they left.)

The specimens that i dealt with recently had a horrible tendency to leave when asked if they needed any assistance.

shawanabang89

08-12-2009, 07:34 AM

THE LONE SOLDIER: compliments you on service, shows up once in a blue moon and asks for one thing politely

appreciated on a terrible day

iron2004

08-23-2009, 06:00 AM

The Come from Behind-ers

This customer enters a retail establishment, sees a line at the register, and stands behind the cashier, if they can (they can in my store), or to the side of the line expecting the cashier to stop taking care of the customers in line to deal with them.

plumbersrule

08-30-2009, 12:18 PM

Well here are a few of my not so favorite customers of the in-home service type

The YOU CHARGE WHAT????:jawdrop: Well sir I'm gonna have to carry a 250lb machine down your steps and into your basement and wade in YOUR sewage waste up past my ankles and work:shitfan:. I think my price is actually wayyy to low for this crap.

The CAN YOU DO ANY BETTER THAN THAT:headscratch:? Unless you have a coupon or a Golden Buckeye card (for Ohio seniors only) no I can't do any better than that the price is what it is. Tell me yes, no or STFU and let me go on my way ya douche!

The NO LEATHER IN MY HOUSE! Weather it be a religious conviction or your a hippie of sorts.....I will wear some shoe covers, not good enough take them off!!!
I refuse to take them off, call my mgr I dont care he will tell them to piss off, it's about safety not a personal thing you assmonkey:wave:

Mna I love these damn smileys on here they are great!!!!!! haha

MrPibbsRevenge

09-04-2009, 05:17 AM

The Wired: A customer who,after asking you questions for about half an hour, proclaims rather loudly that they'll purchase it off the internet instead.
+Variations may include: "Well,I buy all my games off the internet anyways"

The Midnight Toker: A customer who comes in reeking of certain...substances so badly that being in their vicinity gives you a contact high.

The Informant: A customer who breaks into a conversation with information that your already attempting to give another customer the same information.While at times not necessarily infuriating, certain species will butt you out of the conversation entirely, or "shush" you when you attempt to contribute.

The Banshee: Any small child under the age of 10 who is told the frightening and forbidden word of "No." Some variants can lead to a 10 minute open performance when said parent attempts to drag them from the store.

The Trap: What seems to be a normal customer, "Traps" are masters at blending into human society until something sets off the spring and one can only hope to gnaw their limbs off in time.

The Passive Agressive Parent: A customer who's offspring destroy the store while they attempt to cease their activity by using such calls as "No,stop you guys..you shouldn't do that.." or "I'm soo..sorry" usually followed by a various crashing noises.

The Cologonac Wearer: A customer whose particular fragrance is so powerful,it can strip paint off of walls.
+Bonus points if you can taste it the rest of your work week.

The Ninja: A cu- wait, what the!? Where did you come from!?The ninja stealthily sneaks in to invade personal space while the employee is engaged with another customer,wedging itself between the two and leaving mere millimeters between bodies.

Mr. Security

09-10-2009, 08:58 PM

Handicap Entitlement Whore: These are the people have some sort of physical handi-cap usually in a wheel chair who feel the rules don't apply to them because there handi-cap. They will cut straight to the front of the line and if anybody says anything they scream "I'M HANDI-CAP, I NEED TO GO FIRST!" They will also interrupt you if you are dealing with some one else demanding help and if you don't help them or they don't get there way they immediately will scream that your just being discriminating to them because there handi-cap, Yet if anybody trys to assist them in getting something they will scream that "They can get it themselfs and to stop discriminating against them just because there handi-cap"

and 2 variations on this

"George Costanza" Handicap EW: These are the people who use those motorized scooters who are really overweight but don't really need them or those who extremely over-exaggerate or even down right fake an handi-cap or injury just to try and get attention and special treatment

"My child is" Handicap EW: These are the people that have a child with some sort of physical/mental handi-cap. They will cut straight to the front of the line and if anybody says anything they scream "MY CHILD IS HANDI-CAP, I NEED TO GO FIRST!" They will also interrupt you if you are dealing with some one else demanding help and if you don't help them or they don't get there way they immediately will scream that your just being discriminating to them because there child is handi-cap,

Digitalpotato

09-14-2009, 11:49 PM

tropicsgoddess

09-27-2009, 04:19 AM

Tech Hopper: This SC will call to try and have you fix a non-supported issue and will hang up and then call again more than once to try and get a newbie tech or some sucker tech to give 'em the rope a dope into helping them with that very same issue they were told earlier by the first tech they spoke with to call their manufacturer or computer guy for their non-supported issue. They spout out (the same bullshit claim) "But the other tech helped me out last time!" or other bullshit claims like "Nonsense! <name of company> always supported this!!" or think that when you tell them no that you're either being a big ol' meanie that refuses to help them or that you're incompetent because they believe that there's other techs willing and/or able to help them. (Thank you, Hyndis for the term).

iron2004

09-28-2009, 01:42 AM

The Jump Starter
At a restaurant, any member of a party (of 2 or more) that starts ordering their food before the others at their table are ready. Bonus points if they order before the server asks if they are ready; extra bonus points if they start ordering before all the drink orders are taken.

The Human Abacus
Any member of a party that feels the need to tell the waiter that more are coming, especially if they are at a large table and only half the chairs are filled, and the server has bought enough silverware for the entire party, and the server acknowledges the fact by asking if they want drinks while waiting.

MoonChild2007

10-11-2009, 08:48 PM

The arrogant and stubborn customer- the ones who call the company, saying all 3 of their services are not working. I tell them we can trouble shoot over the phone or have a tech out SAME DAY.

They say "over the phone". I tell them to unplug their cable box and then they say, "that's not going to do much good". Then i tell them a tech can come out today and then they whine yet again about how they can't do that (one asshole told me, "not happening, DAH-LIN" in that asshole-arrogant tone)

Getpowned

10-12-2009, 01:14 AM

this is for all the repesentatives that work for convergys call centers or regular phone centers that have been working this same type of job for a while.

1. the shouter- it doesnt matter to this person that you are not the cause of his problems but they pretty much think shouting will make there problems get fixed and also get a reduced bill. WRONG even though i cant hang up on them all i do is crank the volume to low and remove my headset and wait until he runs out of breath and than do my job. usually the females tend to get so worked up that with in 3 min in the call they start to cry like babies so we can pretend to feel sorry and say sure ill go head and magically fix your services.::cry:

2. the angry heavily accented- these people beleive that we purposely disconnect there service and they speak really fast and sometimes loud enough to be abnoxious. none of these people are overly educated to know whats going on half of the time there only concern is that there is a "button" that we press to turn there services back on. A-FREAKEN-MAZING! on top of that you can never understand a freakin word they say.

3.the bucket -o- threats- these people start the call off with your service sucks blah blah i hate it i wanna switch so bad and i think i am today but can you fix it really quick for me. LMAO :roll: they also say things like if you dont fix your service i wanna talk to your supervisor about your poor service bullcrap.

4.the mad silencer- these people are usually so mad they they dont want to talk which in essence makes our job easier and your required to make conversation so that there is no dead air well these people dont help in that situation unless they say they dont want to talk.

5.the hogger- these people usually get there services restored or fixed and are not fully satisfied until they take up about 30 minutes of your time or more of your time asking stupid questions like " why did that happen" gee let me see into the magic crystal ball i see now it happend because your......dumb

6. the bad area cell phone caller- these people know they have bad service and they regardless still try to expect there problems to get fixed when everytime they speak you here either half a word or the first letter of the word.

7. the drunkers or stoners- these people are usually the best they dont care what happends the call is usually real short they just want to know if "you can fixxx the problem mannnn"16178845660 ext#8171

Mr Hero

10-13-2009, 12:20 PM

For number 2, since you seem to be able to change everyone's service with a press of a button, can you go ahead and activate me?

bammertheblue

11-08-2009, 12:17 PM

The Clairvoyance Projector
I get this type often in my work as a concierge/front desk attendant. because I answer the phones and take messages for the "higher-ups". A Clairvoyance Projector will call and it will go something like this:
CP: "I left a message for Jane yesterday/last Thursday/in March and she never called me back! Why didn't she call me back?"
Me: "I'm very sorry, I don't know. If you'd like, I can take your message again and make sure that she gets it and knows you need a call back ASAP."
CP: "But I already LEFT a message! Did she get it? Was it lost? I haven't received a call back!"
Me: "Unfortunately, I don't know exactly why she didn't call you, but what I can do is make absolutely sure she gets your message this time."
CP: "Will she call me back? She has to call me back!"
Me: "I will give her the message as soon as she gets out of her meeting."

I AM NOT PSYCHIC! I don't know why other people do, or don't do, things. I don't know if she's not calling you back because she lost the message, or forgot, or because you're horrid and she really doesn't want to talk to you, or because a callback is unneccesary except in your wretched little mind. I DO NOT KNOW. I cannot force her to call you, or divine the reason that she has not done so. I am a receptionist, not a clairvoyant.

tropicsgoddess

11-12-2009, 12:17 AM

The "Yes I Understand But....": Once you tell this SC to either go to another department and/or the manufacturer for their issue, they argue with you until the cows come home and will say that they understand but still press you to fix an issue you have no means/authority to so.

Dorken_Vader

11-24-2009, 11:32 AM

Dorken_Vader

11-24-2009, 11:56 PM

petite

11-30-2009, 04:53 AM

The Comparison Shopper-keeps saying things like "Well, STAPLES is cheaper."

Ugh. I get these ALL the time. "Why does this item cost so much? I can buy it at the dollar store. And your shipping & handling charges are outrageous!" You don't think I know all this already? But guess what, you're ordering from a mail-order company. If you didn't already figure out that shipping and handling is a necessity for us to, you know, SHIP the order to you, perhaps you should have actually read the order form that explains it in detail. And if you can buy it at the dollar store, why the hell don't you?! I know our items are overpriced junk, but that's not going to change, and complaining about prices isn't going to make (or allow) me to give you a discount. Get off my phone!

The economy made me do it! customers

You know the customers who don't pay their bills on time and get interrupted and pull the economy card. Yeah, what does the economy have to do with paying your bills on time?

These are just terrible. Especially the ones that literally throw a crying fit when you won't just "cancel" their $700 balance. It's not that I'm not sympathetic, I've definitely been broke and I know it sucks. But maybe you should have been more careful before you ordered all this crap. Also, if they knew how many other people had thrown similar fits, they might stop doing this, because guess what... as awkward as you're making this for me, there is simply NO way I can do what you're asking me to without getting fired.

This wouldn't even be so bad if the things they are ordering from our company are totally unnecessary. As in, $50 cakes and $30 dishrags. Maybe you should meet with the Comparison Shopper.

Digitalpotato

12-14-2009, 11:31 PM

The Ne'er Do Wells: Customers who act up in the store, shoplift, try to scam the store by returning stolen goods etc. When you kick them out or take appropriate action, they scream that they were not doing anything wrong and that you are being draconian for doing it. Especially common in stuff with ToS, in which the SC will violate the terms of service and then ask why their product is not being replaced or fixed for free. (See: People petitioning Blizzard for their server back because their private server was CaD'd, customers who modded their xboxes asking to be unbanned from XBL)

Arwyn Q

01-05-2010, 02:26 AM

"Be my eyes!"

This kind of SC is looking for a particular product or section of the store, usually something pretty simple and obvious. They'll figure out where they're going and know what they need. Then, as soon as they are two steps away from the product they want, within plain sight of it and only need to look up, will come over and ask you to guide them to said product. Extra points if they get insulted when you point at what they wanted because they "could have found that".

This also applies to SCs who know exactly where something would be located, but before they go check, they ask you where said product is even though they're right near it. They might be right next to the hockey equipment, but they're going to ask you where the pucks are, even though you both know that the only logical place would be there. They don't want to waste their valuable time looking for something on their own, and must waste yours instead.

Sunsetsky

01-07-2010, 08:17 AM

Where's Mah Meds:
This client will walk into the clinic during the busiest part of the day to pick up medicine. When you ask her/him if he/she called in for it they just huff and ask "Why? Did I have to?". They usually don't like to wait either, especially if their pet hasn't been on their anti-seizure medication for a week.

Booth Bouncer:
This client likes to bounce from booth to booth while they wait to see the vet. They usually can't keep still in one spot for more then two minutes.

The Hoverer:
This client (even after being helped) likes to hover above you while you try to work. When you ask if they have been helped they usually respond with a "Oh yes...I'm just waiting". They are usually the cause of minor discomforts and the reason why some employees hide in the back until they go away.

The Lingerer:
These clients like to make sure they talk to every other client in the lobby. Very difficult to get their attention especially when they are sucked deeply into conversations about doggy training classes or kittens. Impossible to get their attention when you have their bill ready.

Jamesroe

01-29-2010, 08:22 PM

The intro offer... erm...person

Takes up the introductory offers than cancels the subscription. Alll well and good and does me not harm, UNTILL they receive their next purschase when they forgot to cancel it.

SC "you didn't notify me it was coming"
ME "we don't tend to because anyone who took up the subscription should want to receive their next purchase, rather than need us to prompt them to cancel it".

SC "Nobody ever told me there would be more sent to me..."
ME "Great, before refunding you we need to verify that, good news; we record every call!"
SC "erm... never mind"

And then after losing so much money in discounted products, refunds, collections etc... the computer just black lists them unless they want to pay full price for something.

SC "What do you mean I can't buy this, I'm a good customer I always buy from you!"
ME "Sir you have taken up 12 introductory offers, cancelled 10 and had all the repeat orders you did receive collected at our cost, we've lost money doing business with you."

Cheap people cause the most problems.

tropicsgoddess

02-04-2010, 02:45 PM

The "Hold My Hand!!11" : This SC wants you to stay with them and only them, doesn't want to be put on hold no matter the circumstance. They waste so much time and cause a queue or drive up your handle time and make you do all the little things for them like showing them every little place to click on, where their precious item is in the store or in stock.

The 3 Stages of Grief (Tech Support Module) SC: There's Denial, Anger and Bargaining. The Denial stage SC's tend to say things like "But it was working fiiiine yesterday/ for the past <insert number> years!!!11!!" " It can't be!!" " I don't think that's it!". Then there's the Bargaining SC's the ones that say things like "Well you think we can reset the modem or reboot the computer and it'll work again?" and finally the Anger stage SC's "No, you're wrong! I just got this computer! Its all <company>'s fault!!!!11!!! "

BoredOp

02-10-2010, 04:28 AM

King/Queen Fat-Arse: these SCs absolutely will not lift a finger when it comes to shopping. They sit on their throne(s) and expect you (the employee) to do almost everything for them. If they have to do something for themselves, they whine and moan and throw a tantrum. I once had to deal with a King and Queen Fat-Arse during my call center days, working the phones for a major multichannel retailer and its dot-com operation. Here's roughly how it played out:

BO = yours truly, BoredOp
KF = King Fat-Arse

KF: We want to return this DVD we ordered from you.

[BO and KF go through the usual verification stuff - order number, name, phone number, yadda yadda yadda]

BO: Well, the quickest way to return the DVD is at your nearest store. I see there's one about two miles down the road from you.
KF: But we don't want to do that.
BO: Okay... you can also mail it back to us using the return label that was included in the box with your DVD.
KF: But we don't want to do that.
[BO does a facepalm]
KF: We want you to come down here, pick up the DVD and refund our money right away.
BO: Ummm, your DVD was mailed to you, so you will need to either mail it back to us or bring it back to your local store.
KF: But this DVD came from you, so we expect you to return it for us. It's your DVD, so you're coming down here and taking it back.
[BO starts banging head against monitor]

They'll pick up the phone (or, knowing them, use a speakerphone & voice dialing), call us up, sit in a queue for who knows how long, then argue with me, all in the same amount of time that it would have taken to a) go to the store and return the DVD, or b) put it back in the box and drop it in the mail. I don't even want to know what it takes for these people to do their grocery shopping... or get the local supermarket's peons to do it for them - and prepare the food, AND serve it to King & Queen Fat-Arse on a silver platter.

Makes me glad I'm back in radio... then again, I have some "sort of SC" stories coming soon...

kateri87

02-25-2010, 02:22 AM

The But I Work Here's - The fellow employee who assumes that you will break rules and company policy for them just because they work at that store... Um... Doesn't that mean that you know all the rules and have absolutely no reason to think that I would be willing to do that?
-Bonus points if they throw a hissy fit so big that they start crying
-Extra Bonus points if all 3 of the store managers are there as is the regional manager
-Extra Extra Bonus points if several of the other customers clap and tell you that you did a good job

The I can't see the liner's - I work in a fabric store at the cutting station... We have one line in front of the cutting area to go to all 5 cutting stations (only 3 of which are usually used) which are "U" shaped. We frequently get customers that will go put their things down on the back 2 cutting stations, which we can't even see with our peripheral vision, and which other customers will frequently use to lay out their fabrics to decide how much they want of which ones, and then throw HUGE hissy fits if we keep taking people from the (usually very long) line in front of us, rather than knowing that they came up to the table before X customer got to the head of the line.
-Bonus points if you're by yourself at the front right side of the station, and they're at the back left side :doh:

Mr. Security

03-08-2010, 03:15 AM

The "This is broken, you need to fix this now!" SC: These are the SC's who will come in almost daily and complain that something is wrong or broken in the place you work. Be it the elevator is not working right, a railing is lose, a shelf looks crooked or about to fall etc. Name it and they will say something is wrong with it and that you "Need to call head office right now to fix it!" They are almost always imagining things and just looking for something to complain about

The "Gift giver who never gives":This is the person who comes in on a regular basis and befriends you and tells you that "oh hey I got some extra tickets to *insert random concert or show* do you want them or says "hey when I was on vacation I grabbed you something" but then every time they come in after that they will make excuses on why they don't have them like Oh I left them in the car, I left them at home, my wife accidentally took my car that has them in it etc. they will keep making excuses for something you never asked or expected them to give you in the first place

coolbeanie

03-20-2010, 01:33 PM

The "I'm Impatient But I Don't Know What I Want" customer.

Right now, I work in a deli in a supermarket. These people drive me nuts. These people walk right up to the case, say "Excuse me!" or "Hello!!!" and when I walk up to the case they have no idea what they want! What is so damn important that I have to drop what I'm doing but you have no idea what you want, and then take 10 minutes to decide? Nothing!

leesyITFC

03-26-2010, 04:23 PM

What would you call a customer who expects you to help them after your shift despite you telling them that you have to catch a train in 10 minutes?

Marmalady

04-05-2010, 07:23 AM

When they say 'I know your manager' - is 'Really? So do I!' an appropriate response?

sweetj82

04-05-2010, 02:11 PM

i had but i know your manager customer on friday.

complete ownage b/c he was standing right behind me and she didnt even know it

Marmalady

04-07-2010, 09:29 AM

how about 'disappointed' ?

Marmalady

04-07-2010, 11:32 AM

oh yes, another one...
Ebenezer Scrooge - Follows his browbeaten wife around taking things out of her basket as fast as she puts them in. He's not here to help her do the shopping, just to make sure she spends as little as possible. Never buys branded products if there's a store's own 'value' equivalent. Frivolous things like Jaffa cakes are forbidden. Receipts scrutinized with terrifying closeness in case a special offer has been missed off. Finally succumbs to a seizure brought on by apoplectic rage at milk going up by 2 pence per litre.
Two weeks after the funeral, wife appears in shop, unrecognizable due to new clothes, hairstyle, make up etc, beams as she unloads her basket of salmon, asparagus, champagne and so on and chats happily to you about the cruise she's planning.

Saphire089

05-08-2010, 11:52 PM

Price Tellers-People who feel the need to tell you an items price before you actually ring it through. For some reason it annoys me. Please don't tell me "here's the chips that are on sale for x.xx" It annoys me, why it does, I will never know.

Kristev

05-15-2010, 09:00 PM

Because if something's on sale, we want to make sure we get the right price for it. Wal-Mart's registers tend to play "One day late."

Arwyn Q

05-31-2010, 04:57 PM

The Harpy:

A female customer, usually around her late forties or fifties. She's past her prime but trying hard to still look young, and has child (never more than two) between two and ten. The harpy is easily detected by her shrill, angry cry as she attempts to force her children to decide on a toy to buy. Not buying them a toy is not an option for her, but making them buy one seems to enrage her.

The harpy's children are usually pretty well behaved, if only because they're terrified of their mother, though they might seem a little spoiled.

Gypsy Queen

06-02-2010, 05:12 AM

The Cell Phone talker: Walks up to the counter/register, while talking on his/her cell phone. When you greet them, puts up one finger, all the while, holding up the line for customers in behind. :respect:

The Asshole High-Schooler: pays in pennies after racking up a good $10 or more order-just to be a pain. Then, sarcastically smiles at you as you count all the change out.:punch:

The Idiot: This person expects you to know exactly what they're ordering, even though they do not specify what they really want in the food. Then, gets bitchy when their order's incorrect. What's even worse, is, to be polite, you have to apologize for "your" mistake to these people, because they're never, ever wrong.:rolleyes:

The King/Queen: All but knocks other people over when approaching the register to place their order. Doesn't even wait for you to greet them, and just starts with what they want, as if what they want is more important than anything in the world.:headdesk:

tropicsgoddess

06-03-2010, 01:50 AM

The My Computer/Internet's Not Working And I'm Not At Home SC: Calls Tech Support for troubleshooting their computer/modem/router/internet connection problems with their ISP but they're not at home. :headdesk:

Gypsy Queen

06-06-2010, 08:14 AM

To explain this archetype, I have to explain what my job entails. I work at a call center, but I'm not on the phone, at all. I respond to customer written correspondences. In order to help them, customers must give us their account numbers.

Mr./Ms. Paranoia: This oh-so-wonderful customer refuses to give you their account number on the letter/form they've sent,because they think that you're going to steal their identity, even though doing so would cost you your job.Since they're paranoid, you have to search for it,which slows down your productivity, pretty badly.

Mr./Ms. Super-Paranoia: A variant of the-above referenced customer, but this SC has had an account that was lost/stolen previously. Because of his/her paranoia, he/she will give you the previously lost/stolen account number, instead, which slows down productivity even more. Here's why: you pull up the account number they gave you on the form/letter, thinking that they've given you the right one. Then you get to the account, and realize that it's been lost/stolen. If the account was reported lost/stolen only a week or two ago, you can excuse it-that's not an SC. The SC is the one who's had their current account number for at least two or three months. As stated above, you steal a customer's identity, you lose your job. Hello, Mr./Ms. Super-Paranoia! :rant:

JohnR

06-11-2010, 03:52 AM

The Throw This Away: Asks you to throw their garbage away like you're their personal garbage man. Bonus pts if inside and the garbage is right behind them.

I can't Count: Asks for x amount of an item and when told you don't have it, they ask for the same item but a smaller amount that you just told them you don't have.
example:
customer: "I'll have 3 corn on the cob."
employee: "I'm sorry sir, we currently only have one left"
customer: "OK, can I get 2 then?"

bonus points if they ask for more than they previously asked for

meltdownlemon

06-15-2010, 12:58 AM

Rapscallion

06-16-2010, 11:20 AM

I found this site a while ago and work in retail and I am in love with this list of SC. I would really love to make an animation video using some of these and was wondering if that would be okay with you guys?

I think you'd have to seek out permission from each of the posters whose postings you'd like to use.

If they're happy, I'm happy.

Rapscallion

tropicsgoddess

06-23-2010, 05:05 AM

DemoDiva

06-30-2010, 05:36 AM

The Tempest: Blast into the store, furious. Irate as they explain their beef. Enraged as you explain their options. Outraged when they demand a manager. Livid when they can't get what they want. Blast out of the store, furious.

The Eye of the Hurricane: Blast into the store, furious. Irate as they explain their beef. Pleased when you explain their options. Giddy when you suggest a perfect solution. Livid when they hear the prices. Blast out of the store, furious.

The Surprise Strike:Calmly enter the store. Patiently explain their beef. Pleased when you explain their options. Giddy when you suggest a perfect solution. MIND-BOGGLINGLY OUTRAGED WHEN THEY HEAR THE PRICES! Blast out of the store, furious.

ravevolution

07-06-2010, 06:54 AM

The I got it here! - the SC that comes in complaining they had purchased an item from your store and it is defective/messed up/etc. But when you see it you see it's an item not carried or even sold by us, yet they claim they had purchased it from your place of business. . . would be like going into Mc'D's and saying the Burrito they bought from Taco Bell made them sick.

SiobhanCecilia

07-10-2010, 11:16 AM

The I Don't Quite Get How This Shopping Thing Works Yet: Someone who gets to the registers, and, on realising that their purchase comes to a total of $40, exclaims "But I only have $25!"

The Don't You Know Who I Am?!: Someone usually of little to moderate importance within a particular area, ie: a council member, who believes they are entitled to preferential treatment over all other customers.

The Maybe Next Time Wait Til I'm Out of Earshot: Someone who says to their kids "Make sure you do well at school. You don't want to end up stuck in a job like hers." while they're still standing in front of me.

The Get Me Your Manager: The customer who believes everything can be solved by demanding to see a manager, and who (wrongly) assumes the manager will automatically be on their side, no matter what.

The White Rabbits: Customers who are always running late and let you know via foot-tapping, watch-checking, etc. More extreme instances are those who actually tell you to hurry up while slamming their hands on the desk.

Mr/Ms

Shay

09-22-2010, 10:09 PM

I work as an assistant manager in a convenience store, here's some names I've come up with, and explanation.

The Animal SC that no matter which area of the store they've been in is always a disaster when they leave it. (ie. coffee area, sugar everywhere, spilt coffee, etc)

The Lazy Check out SC that always asks you to throw away their garbage even though there are literally 6 posted garbage cans around the store (and are most likely 2 ft from them)

The "I want what I can't have" SC This customer always wants the one item the store has run out of or the lottery tickets that are assigned to another register. Also, most likely wants items the store doesn't even carry then curses at you for not having access to these items.

Money bags SC insists to pay with $100 bill for a .35 cent pack of gum when its clearly stated on the door we don't carry that much change in our drawer for safety reasons.

The Loud Greeter While I would say most sc's have the ability to be loud and obnoxious, this SC upon immediately stepping into the store screams "HELLO!!!???" at the top of his/her lungs to find out why no one has magically teleported to the counter with in the last millisecond . ((We are usually in the back room making coffee, or cleaning..the back room does have cameras but I cannot travel at the speed of light!!))

No Name Lottery Lady/Guy The SC that wants lottery tickets but the only communication he/she is willing to give is pointing...and possibly saying "that one" while staring at a wall of 50 different tickets.

"Why don't I win" gambler/B] Similiar to above, except constantly states that there's something wrong with our lottery tickets because they've lost all their money. There's nothing wrong with the tickets, there's something wrong with THEM for thinking they're ever going to make their money back.

[B]The Hypocrite This one complains super loud about everything, and talks to the clerk like its entirely their fault but then adds at the end "I'm not blaming it on you, i know its not your fault"... ((uhh then why are you punishing me by continuing to rant about it??))

....theres alot more, but most of you guys already covered it.. maybe even covered some of these too, there are so many!

Irving Patrick Freleigh

09-24-2010, 08:32 PM

Ivana C. Mychoices

Those wonderful, wonderful people coming in inquiring about an item you carry that comes in multiple varieties, except you don't have all the varieties out on the salesfloor, so would you mind going in the back and digging out the ones that aren't on the floor so they can see them all?

Most of the time these people don't buy the stuff you bring out for them, or anything else for that matter.

superhotelworker

09-28-2010, 02:03 PM

Buddy Boy: People who come in overly friendly, thinking if they kiss enough bum, they'll get a discount.

Big Baby: The adults who throw fits when they don't get what they want, when they want it. They wanted this fixed, like NOW!

Bi-Polar Bear This person is either constantly grumpy, or just constantly looks grumpy, but they're the sweetest, til they aren't getting something they want. Then it's back to being a bear.

Grossout: The people who chew nails while you're checking them in.. or sneeze and then want to shake your hand.. or cough on you..

Antrogod80

10-11-2010, 09:17 PM

The Nasty Meat People- I've seen a lot of these where I work they get a really nasty meat that is leaking blood and just throw it on your counter making it look like a murder scene. They don't even attempt to tell you that their meat is leaking like a sliced artery.

Gateau

11-09-2010, 12:01 PM

since i work in a college town c-store 3rd shift i get a some related archetypes i thought id contribute:

Super Frat Boy Bros: Calls you "bro" or "dude" and wears his hat crooked and collar popped. travels in groups and the most common word you hear from them is "fag." always buys multiple blunts/cigs for their buddies. usually drunk. usually under 21.

Homey the Clown: practically drags his pants behind him they are so low, giant clashing sneakers and odd jewelry. hobbles over to the counter reciting hip hop lyrics or their phone is blasting it in glorious monaureal. usually black (but not always) doesn't buy much and pays in change....

Prank Stealer: they steal signage from the store because it "would look so great in their dorm room." we've lost lot of life-sized athlete coke signage to these guys. sometimes they will steal other things like a bunch of lighters right in front of you for the lulz

Dude Watch This: they will do something really stupid like smash a store window with a headbutt (actually happened at my store) because "it seemed like a good idea at the time." usually drunk. usually ends up in emergency room...

Snob Townies: some older guys from town who are connected to the university in some way. talks/sneers down his nose at you. thinks he is saving the world by driving his Prius to work. always buys NY Times and has a coffee refill mug covered with obama '08 stickers.

Out of Townies/Scum Bags: attracted to the college area to sell drugs, crash parties, have sex w/ drunk girls ect. these guys are real bad news. they solicit drug sales while standing in line and hit on anything with tits. about 95% of the shoplifting is done by these guys, too. unfortunately they are mostly black and confrontations with them usually result in being called a racist. (never take up their offer to "fight them outside", away from cameras!!)
not to be confused with homey the clowns, which are mostly harmless

The Ditched Kid : someone from another school who came to party with their friends here. got ditched and became lost for one reason or another and found their way to my store. since their cell phone is dead they want to use my phone to tearfully ask mom+dad for a ride home. hangs around for about 30min-1hour waiting for a ride and crying.

lordmidnight

11-15-2010, 09:27 AM

I actually read the whole thing--all 43 pages! Great stuff. I would like to add one:

The Incorrect Prioritizer: This is someone who has nothing but righteous indignation for me because she couldn't pay her bill on time. She calls in, and we agree to extend her due date. She misses this, too, because she was out of the country, on a cruise ship. Wish I could afford to put off my bills to take a cruise.

Kitten in the box

11-19-2010, 09:11 PM

Stinky: The customer that comes in smelling like month old crap and INSISTS on getting close to talk to you blissfully unaware of his/her horrendus odor.

Shrieker: Normally a child but can be an adult that gives off a loud banshee wail that destroys your soul as well as your hearing.

Illiterate one: customer that comes in that cannot and will not read the sale signs instead grabs item off shelf asking if it is the one on sale. also known for getting entire WIC orders WRONG ( they have been to classes and for those who don't know english they even have pictures so you know what you are supposed to get) they still manage to get it WRONG and turn into Shriekers if you call them on it repeaditly.

Denture Breath: With breath so foul that it burns your nose hairs off they insist on getting up close and personal with you when speaking. When you back up a bit they either A) get closer or B) take offence and demand to speak to your manager

Kristev

11-20-2010, 06:11 PM

We should start a D&D game where the object to go hunt and destroy all these SC's, and save "Retailland." Lol.

Kitten in the box

11-20-2010, 11:50 PM

Lazy Louts: Customers come in in groups of 3 or more and get about $200-$400 worth of groceries and then say they need help out to their car. When you get out there there are normally 2 more people waiting in the car. Have a tendicy to wait until you are on your last bag to be put in when they decide to ask if you need help.

No want: Customers that tend to get way over $500 worth of groceries and then decide they only want $10 of it thus leaving you with tons of crap to put back. Likes to hold up line when deciding and will turn nasty if called on it.

I forgot wallet: They get tons of groceries only to forget their wallet. They say not to put it back and will be back in 10 min top to get items. They never show up and if you call them they will scream into the phone on a 'how dare the fuck do you call me and ask me if I am going to come back for my groceries' rant. (happened to my friend once when the customer left his phone number on a piece of paper coz he didn't want to punch it on the key pad we have.

jerseyguy

12-04-2010, 08:56 PM

The Broken Window Shopper: Often traveling in packs, the Broken Window Shopper buys nothing but handles everything. They often arrive late at night well after basic store straightening has been finished and proceed to destroy two hours' hard work in exchange for no benefit to the store whatsoever. A pack-traveling subspecies is The Giggly Shopper, who make loud and crude jokes about every item they see regardless of propriety or common sense, and leave the store without making a purchase after insulting everyone and everything they see.

Field Identification: Broken Window Shoppers will refuse help and move very slowly through the store, bashing into displays with their overlarge bags, picking up random items and placing those items on shelves far away from home locations. They will only rarely take a basket or cart. Giggly Shoppers are easy to identify from their faux-outrage and shock at apparently never having seen a feminine hygiene product before ("Ohmigod! Look at these! Tee-hee-hee!") and are more likely to take a shopping cart so their friends can ride in it.

If Contact Is Unavoidable: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to murder either subspecies with your bare hands. You might get in trouble. If you can spare the help, have an associate follow The Broken Window Shopper to repair the damage as it happens. As for the Gigglies, stern looks and a repeated "Can I help you find anything?" in a threatening voice have been shown to shut 'em up and move 'em along in fully 67% of cases.

Good luck. You have been warned...

jerseyguy

12-04-2010, 09:11 PM

In 30+ years of playing D&D, I have never exposed my players to such eeeeeeevillll... Maybe I should. "You are standing in the market square at the height of the morning rush, just trying to spend your hard-won gold on a couple of melons. The customer in front of you wants to pay with exact change and is scrounging around inside a portable hole the size of the Grand Canyon looking for that last copper piece. What do you do?"

Lawful Good paladin: "I toss the merchant a silver piece and tell him to keep the change."
Good ranger: "Give the customer a copper of my own and so move the line along."
Unaligned wizard: "I charm the merchant with a wave of my hand into thinking he's been paid in full. And who carries copper pieces?"
Evil rogue: "I use my blackjack on the customer, appropriate his [I]portable hole[I], and cut in front of the rest of you in line."
Chaotic evil barbarian(Covered in blood and standing over what was once the sucky customer, the shopkeeper, three innocent bystanders, and one of your own horses): "What?"

Gamegirl

12-05-2010, 05:40 PM

The Big Spender: Comes into the store the very second we open and wants to buy a $4 item with a hundred dollar bill. We only get around $50 in our tills to start with. Said customer always acts like it is a huge burden to give us a smaller bill or wait for the manager to make change for them. How much money do they think we start out with in the mornings?
Hold My Hand:Acts as if they have never set foot in a store before. They want you to take them to every department and read to them what it says on every box or bag, because they either can't read or they are just too lazy to look at. I think they're just lazy. I had woman do this to me last week. Pissed me right off.

Mondestrucken

12-07-2010, 01:46 PM

Nobody Else has Caught/Stopped Me

You point out to the customer that you cannot do or give them what they want: No driver license renewal because they are in this country illegally, or no plate renewal because they are under registration denial.

They are here illegally, and therefore do not qualify for a license? Well, they let me off the plane! If I am here illegally, why hasn't someone arrested me?

If my plates have been cancelled and I am not allowed to renew them, then why didn't the police officer arrest me last week when he ran the plates?

If my license has been suspended, then why didn't you people send me a letter? You can't suspend me without a letter, can you?

To all and sundry like questions, my answer is simple: I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't care. Bottom line: you get nothing from me. And no, it is not my responsibility to prove to you that I am right. I say your license is suspended for an unpaid ticket, I do not call that city to double check. It is your record, you call them to clear your record.

Kristev

12-09-2010, 05:38 AM

Can you call the police?

Digitalpotato

12-13-2010, 03:32 PM

They'd have vacated way before they even show up.

tropicsgoddess

02-21-2011, 05:02 AM

The "I didn't read the bold print, got screwed and I'm so pissed I'll call my lawyer!!!11!! SC" : Didn't read the requirements that are boldly on the product and/or website prompts and pop ups because they were too lazy and stupid and want to pull the irate and gonna call a lawyer card for "false advertising".

My way or the highway SC: Wants the works but expects and demands to buy and/or pay rock bottom unrealistic prices and won't buy a thing unless they get their way.

The You're Not Answering My Question!!!11!! SC: This SC keeps on shouting that you're not answering their questions right despite the fact that you are .Those types of SCs say that because they're just plain dumb, being a jerk or all of the above.

Slynka

03-18-2011, 07:12 PM

The YouCanReadMyMindRight? Customer
*Answers phone and give opening shpeal*
SC: Hi....
Rep: Hi.... Can I help you?
SC: I have a question..........
Rep: (after about 5 seconds) ...Ok? What's your question?
SC: Umm.... *Proceeds to ask silly question that they could have answered themselves if they would read for 2 seconds)

Yarnil

03-21-2011, 01:05 PM

I believe I didnt see this one:

The "I allready done that"

I do telephonic support on money counting machines. I try to troubleshoot the problems with the xustomer so the machine is operational again asap.

A lot of customers interrupt my attempt of getting the machine back online with the phrase: "I allready done/tried that, send an engineer out" When the engineer gets there, they almost every time prove that the customer didnt do squat. The machine might be offline for 6-8 hours for a 2 second swap of a coinrail.

MyNameIsn'tSweetie

04-14-2011, 11:17 AM

Not sure if this one has made it...

The Fount of Information: When asking a required question, this customer refuses it, and gives several ... factual ... reasons why they won't. Such as "If you use a loyalty card, the court will pull all the records to see if you ever bought beer during your divorce!! :headscratch:

Meatdeptguy

04-15-2011, 02:30 PM

The second opinioner(my made up word)-The person who doesn't like your answer and walks around the store asking every other employee who either says the same thing, or referrs them to you

I really dislike 2nd opinioners. Never heard the term before

Mr. Security

04-25-2011, 03:22 AM

The "You Lie!!!111!!!" SC: When you tell the SC something they don't want to hear, they think you're lying to them, argue with you and rant about how you don't know what you're doing and they either demand a: another rep or b: a supervisor.

I have a small variation on this

The "Racist You Lie!!!111!!!" SC: When you tell the SC something they don't want to hear or tell them they can't do something, they will argue with you and rant about how you don't know what you're doing and if you are a different ethnicity they tell you you don't belong in the country among other racist comments and then demand a supervisor and when the racist comments are brought up they will flat out deny that they said them and say that the employee was lying and making up things

tropicsgoddess

04-28-2011, 03:20 AM

The Beating The Dead Horse For Merchandise Not In Stock SC: This SC will keep asking you the same question (s) over and over again expecting that their beloved merchandise will be in stock or launched today (and OMFG can't wait 11!!) but you can't answer because of no information on when something will be in stock or launched and that you have no control over it because they are too damn impatient or stupid to understand the words: launch date, out of stock or discontinued.

The Kiss My Ass SC: This SC demands you to grovel at their feet, kiss their ass, beg for them to stay with <Company Name> by matching their unreasonable EWish demands and if nothing can be done they will keep beating the dead horse about how <Competing Company> is better than <Company Name> until they can get what they want through you, management or in some cases: Retention despite the fact that more than 50% of the time they can't get what they want and 100% of the time big companies could give two shits since they could get more new customers anyway.

Automan Empire

05-07-2011, 06:17 PM

Quoth April
The second opinioner(my made up word)-The person who doesn't like your answer and walks around the store asking every other employee who either says the same thing, or referrs them to you /quoth

I really dislike 2nd opinioners. Never heard the term before

I call these the Mom Says No So Go Ask Dad SC. You can bet, though, that they are outraged when their own kids pull the stunt.

tropicsgoddess

05-09-2011, 12:03 AM

You're Not Helping Me!!!!111!! SC: This SC spouts off that you're not helping them and keeps on ranting and raving at you about the company and how "unhelpful you are!!!1111!!" despite the fact that you exhausted all options within your policy and procedures of the company because A: They're being stubborn and/or stupid when you try and tell and/or show them what they can do. B: They expect you to just magically do or give them what they want like some Genie and get pissed when you can't meet their demand (s). C: All of the above.

Bagboy

05-21-2011, 06:51 PM

Dog- An old guy who has done some drugs in the past and is a raging alcoholic. Has warranted a call to the hospital's psych ward in the past. A typical thing Dog says:

"Oh you can push by me, because I'm the dog!"

guitardude1987

07-12-2011, 05:54 AM

Drunk Driver
This sub-species of SC always shows up in the drive through reeking of booze and cigarettes. He's cranky, hard to understand, and likes to play games of "keep away" with his money. Hopefully, should you encounter this specimen, you will be in an area where the police actually give two shits and once given Drunk Driver's license plate number will do their job and arrest this guy once you call the police station.

TheITGuy

07-12-2011, 06:13 PM

Too Dumb For Unemployment: this (not technically) a customer, but someone who was in the shop, requested an employment application which was happily provided along with the factual notice: 'I can take your application, but I don't think we're hiring right now.' This person's delightful response: 'That's OK, I just need to turn it in to keep my unemployment.' So, you want to keep sucking up my tax money to sit on your backside while I'm working a :censored::censored::censored: job? :chipper:

Kitten in the box

08-03-2011, 09:42 PM

The what time do you open customer: the person that stands outside the door and does this amazing dance to get your attention. when you do notice them they ask what time you open when the time is posted on a sign at BOTH enterance doors at eye level.

The shop for me: This customer asks you to shop with them; in reality they want you to shop FOR them. Happened to me several times

The non believer: This person does not believe you on the price of said items even though it comes up on register or if you take them to the product and show them the price. Nor do they believe you if you do not have it in stock.

Clover

08-08-2011, 10:32 PM

I have had this happen on more than one occasion:

SC: "I'll have a margarita."
ME: "May I see your ID please sire?
SC: "Are you serious? "Man, I'm a cop!"
ME: "Then you should KNOW I have to do this!"

And yes, I DO say that last line when cops question me when I am doing something that the law requires me to do.

If you look 30 or under, I am required by STATE LAW to ask for your ID. If you don't have it, you aren't getting any alcoholic drinks. And I don't care if you are a cop, with the liquor board, in city government, someone famous, a parent with kids (you don't have to be 21 to have kids, people!), or that your parents who are with you will "vouch" for you. The STATE LAW does not allow me to take those things into consideration, and frankly, your inconvenience/surprise is not a higher priority to me than my job/a fine/a court date.

Any questions? :D

Hah, I should use that last line-I once carded a uniformed cop who came in with his much older partner to buy cigarettes. He stared at me in disbelief when I asked him for ID while his partner was laughing his head off.

Cop1: Wha...but I'm a cop.
Me: Yes, I can see that, and that's nice. May I see your ID?
Cop1: Are you serious?
Me: Yes.
Cop1: No, really.
Me: Sir, if you don't show me your ID I can't sell you these cigarettes.
Cop2: *snickering*

He finally showed me his ID, which if he'd just had it ready in the first place then we wouldn't have had that problem. As law enforcement, shouldn't he, I dunno, KNOW the law?!

Jay 2K Winger

08-09-2011, 01:55 PM

He finally showed me his ID, which if he'd just had it ready in the first place then we wouldn't have had that problem. As law enforcement, shouldn't he, I dunno, KNOW the law?!

He may KNOW the law, but he clearly thinks "I am a cop, therefore I AM the law," while forgetting that he is not Judge Dredd and still has to OBEY the law.

tropicsgoddess

10-29-2011, 05:00 AM

The "Ya Darn Kids! Git Off Mah Lawn!!" SC: This SC is the stereotypical crotchety senior citizen that rants and raves about how people are always out to take advantage of the elderly, how the "newfangled" technology is stupid and that the good ol' days were better, longing that we revert back to the good ol' days and talks your ear off for lengthy periods of time with their lengthy rants.

heyheadmaster

11-13-2011, 08:03 PM

The Overly-Compensated: This SC has a problem with their account and asks if they can be compensated. You check their account and see £60 of credit and a line rental discount for 6 months on there already, but they insist on more and get rude when you decline.

EnigmaticNinja3

01-12-2012, 09:15 PM

How about this one...

The "Can I See YOUR ID" Guy: The guy who tries to flip the script to avoid showing ID for an alcoholic beverage.

The exchange usually goes like this...

Me: A pack of beer? May I see your ID please?
SC: I'm clearly over 21... What about you? Are you old enough to sell me this in the first place?
Me: *Pulls out ID (Just to humor the guy)* I'm 21 years old... But It's mandatory for us to card ALL customers who buy alcohol regardless of how old they look. May I see your ID please?
SC: Oh... Well I was just making sure... Could you hold on while I go to the car to get my ID?
Me::doh:

Jay 2K Winger

01-12-2012, 11:16 PM

How about this one...

The "Can I See YOUR ID" Guy: The guy who tries to flip the script to avoid showing ID for an alcoholic beverage.

How I wish it could go:

J2K: "That's not how this works. We have the booze you want to buy, therefore you have to abide by our rules. If you want your booze, you show your ID."
SC: "If you want my money, you show me YOUR ID."
J2K: "I don't have to. If I don't sell this booze to you, I'll sell it to the next guy to walk in the door, and you know what? I'll bet he'll show his ID without complaint. Want to take that chance?"
SC: "You're a real smart-ass aren't you?"
J2K: "Yup! Thanks for noticing!"

ihatestupidppl

03-08-2012, 04:11 AM

The Suspiciously Schizophrenic: Patient (or customer) enters pharmacy (any store) vibrating with potential hostile energy, shakily moves through social transactions with complaint after complaint after complaint until: ERUPTION!!! A Catastrophic Schizophrenic-like tirade of all of the ways you (personally), and the store (especially) are stupid, mean, rude, offensive, dishonest, slow, etc., despite meeting all of her needs, and placating her negative attitude & hostility. *Side note* Patient has no history of antipsychotic or antidepressant, sedative prescriptions; hence, the "suspicious schizophrenic".

Divra

04-16-2012, 08:18 PM

The Walkthrougher: Tells you, step for step, what you're supposed to be doing. It doesn't matter if you didn't ask for it, it doesn't matter how long you've worked here, you are on the other side of the register and need to be told how to do your job.

Related: The I'lltellyouwhat'swrong: Will begin to tell you how you screwed up her (and in my experience, it is always a her) order BEFORE YOU FINISHED MAKING IT. I didn't forget the whipped cream on your Irish Coffee, I had just finished pouring the coffee and was getting the cream from the fridge!!!

Dreamstalker

07-11-2012, 01:28 PM

Best Buddy: At my store, this guy is in a mobility scooter so he's more or less easy to spot. Thinks that because you drew the short straw to help him once that you're now bestest friends. Will seek you out no matter what you happen to be doing at the time, and plans out his journey through the store to take up the most time possible. When faced with a BB, cashiering is a very good defense but be careful if you get off register when he's still in the store. If you try to get away by telling him "I really need to do XYZ" he says "Oh that's OK, I'll talk to SM and tell him you were helping me"

Will fish for information on anything if given an opening (religion, why I'm wearing a piece of jewelry, etc). At one point I was tempted to wear a collar to work to scare him off, but he might see it as a challenge :eek:

Price Vulture: The PV always has a circular from at least one week ago (and might have multiples if they like a number of different sale prices) and expects to get those prices. Thinks that a cashier can just type in the little number under an item and that's how rainchecks work--no, you need the blue piece of paper and it has to be issued during the initial sale period.

"Customer Is Always Right": Knows the store's "Price Accuracy Guarantee" policy and will abuse it as much as s/he can, and knows which manager to go to to get their way. Has even switched shelf tags to do it; even though this has been witnessed firsthand, they're still not banned.

crazylegs

07-11-2012, 03:00 PM

Has even switched shelf tags to do it; even though this has been witnessed firsthand, they're still not banned.

Heh, I used to be a security guard & when people pulled crap like this I would have them arrested for fraud. Very quickly knocked that shit off! :D

Dreamstalker

07-11-2012, 05:20 PM

Our sale tags are only attached to the shelf rail at the top; they're very easy to pull off by accident and if you know how you can reposition them to look 'right' for a few minutes. The regular tags are slid in, and extremely difficult to replace without taking the endcaps off (which basically means taking the whole shelf down) or being really obvious.

Evamarie41

07-17-2012, 03:45 AM

I've been skimming through most of this thread and I haven't seen this one yet:

I don't have a cute name - but the people who don't know how to use their credit/debit cards - especially if they have a chip. I also enjoy the ones who will yell at me when the machine asks for their pin and they claim they don't have one and blame me somehow.

Syriilord

07-17-2012, 10:49 PM

Starman

11-30-2012, 01:24 PM

The Deny-er: Their card is declined. They insist I try it again. Of course it declines again since no money has been put into the account between the time I swiped it the first time and the second time. They ask me if I'm running it as credit (or debit, depending on the result of a mental coin-flip). I humor them and try running it as the other. Still declined. "Does that card not work??" They ask. "Oh it works, you just have no money. Actually, you have LESS than no money. In fact, you have so much less-than-no-money that apparently you have been CUT OFF." ---Is what I want to say. But since I'm such a nice guy >_> I just say, "It's just declined".

Starman

11-30-2012, 03:40 PM

The Illiterate : I hand them a Diet Pepsi with the tab pressed first, then the regular Pepsi. "Which one's which??" "The one marked diet, is diet." Apparently that's not the right answer since they got all kinds of pissed at me when I said that. I'm calling entrapment on that one.

Not to be outdone by: The Colorblind : Hands them two drinks. "Which one's which??" "The clear one is Sierra Mist, and the yellow one is Mountain Dew."

The Procrastinator : Puts clothes on, leaves the house, drives all the way to my drive-thru, and THEN decides what he wants, while every car in the tri-county area lines up behind them.

Stevie Wonder : "I can't read the menuboard!!"

The Too Cool to Acknowledge You : Customer orders at the speaker, then pays you and takes the food without talking to you or even turning his head. I know you can talk fool, I heard you at the speaker.

The Thinks I Was Born Yesterday : "We're not drunk!! We're just really tirrrrrrred."

The Paranoid : "Please don't spit in our food." "Don't worry, we only do that when people ask us not to." I got so sick of people saying that that I now say that every time, just to mess with them.

Happy go Pukey : Passenger opens the car door and vomits in the lane. I'm so looking forward to having that in my field of vision for the rest of the night.

The Pied Piper : Attracts ants to our store by dumping out a soda at the window, and sometimes they even have the nerve to ask me to throw the can/bottle away for them.

The Pedestrian : Customer's car won't start either at the speaker or at the window, which means us employees have to push their car out of the way.

The Fugitive : Customer gets arrested while in the drive-thru. The employees eat his meal. This has only happened to me once.

The Math Whiz : Takes a number two where most people take a number one.

The Math Whiz 2 : "I said I want no lettuce on that!!" "See that little horizontal line?? That means minus." Didn't actually say that of course.

The Prioritizer : Customer's sound system is worth more than the car itself.

The Addict : Comes in every day for his "fix".

The Junkie : Scrambles and scrounges in every nook and cranny of his car until he somehow materializes enough change for one burrito. Oftentimes the contents of their car, as well as the condition of the car itself, reflects their junkie status.

catcul

12-19-2012, 11:37 PM

The Singer:
S/he may or may not be your average SC. They may even be totally polite, prepared and wonderful overall.

You think that sucks? I had a co-worker like that.

merchant of venom

01-05-2013, 12:45 AM

The only a manager can help me person- They ask the manager things like where is the bathroom? Because only a manager would know this. Guess other employees were telling them to crap in the fitting room.

mjr

01-25-2013, 09:38 PM

How about these (don't know if they've been covered yet or not):

The "Do You Know Who I Am!?" customer.
No, and frankly, I don't care. And they always claim to be someone very IMPORTANT. So important, in fact, that you should bow before them.

The "I know the Owner/Manager" customer.
Claims they personally know the owner/manager.

I've heard of both of these being used when a customer tries to get their way.

Most of the time they fail.

starsinthesky

01-31-2013, 08:09 PM

The Repeater

Procedes to tell you why they want to buy something, and then for some ungodly reason, repearting the very long story of why they want to buy something after every followup question you ask related to the order.

Starman

02-19-2013, 11:54 AM

The are you open - "Good evening, how are you tonight??"

"Are you open??"

"NOPE!! I just greeted you to get your hopes up. Here's your sign."

Lovecats

02-19-2013, 03:08 PM

The are you open - "Good evening, how are you tonight??"

"Are you open??"

"NOPE!! I just greeted you to get your hopes up. Here's your sign."

I need a Like Button!!! This is usually when your light is on and you're standing there. Then if your light is off because (oh, I don't know, it's time to go home) and they will pass by the lanes with lights on to go to yours.:confused:

wolfie

02-20-2013, 02:39 AM

Not to be outdone by: The Colorblind : Hands them two drinks. "Which one's which??" "The clear one is Sierra Mist, and the yellow one is Mountain Dew."

Read about this one in a book about the airline industry by a couple flight attendants.

P = passenger
FA = flight attendant

FA: (with tray of plastic cups of soda) Would you like Coke or Sprite?
P: Which is which?:confused:
FA: I don't know - I wasn't there when they were poured.:eek:

Dreamstalker

02-25-2013, 02:38 PM

I need a Like Button!!! This is usually when your light is on and you're standing there. Then if your light is off because (oh, I don't know, it's time to go home) and they will pass by the lanes with lights on to go to yours :confused:
I can even have my Closed sign up and glance up from signing off to see an SC has managed to load most of their crap on the belt. Usually, this happens when I'm physically blocked from leaving the register because of a customer at the next register who is too oblivious/self-important to let me sneak past them. For some reason, even if a cashier is already signed off they are not allowed to refuse a customer who already has items on the belt....although depending on who's running the front end I'm allowed to ignore them if I've been told to do something else/FEM knows that I have a last-minute schedule change and need to be somewhere else five minutes ago.

Grendus

03-26-2013, 05:15 AM

Brief BG: I worked night shift in a Mal-Wart that was criminally understaffed. In order to keep from falling behind, we only ran the Self Check machines after about midnight and only opened regular registers for the rare orders that required full cashier powers, such as WIC or Tax Exempt purchases. Otherwise, we were pretty much forbidden to open a register.

Can only find employees at the front: This person needs help in a department in the back of the store, but can't find (or be bothered to find) an employee who works in that area. Instead, they opt to go all the way up to the front of the store and try to drag a cashier across the store into a department they are unfamiliar with for help. Bonus points if what they need requires extra tools like keys or a ladder that have to be retrieved from the proper employee in the first place.

Pacers: The people who would rather walk uuuuuup and dooooown the front aisle looking for an open register than ring themselves out or ask for help.

Optimists: These are the kind of people who will always ask "when" something will happen, rather than "if". For example, if there are lines 40 customers deep, these are the people who will ask "when" you're going to be opening more registers. They'll ask "where" the manned registers are, not if there are any regular registers open at this hour. Seems to believe that by assuming what they want is going to happen anyways they can circumvent the laws of reality.

Do you know how much I spend here (on food stamps): A variant of the more typical do-you-know-how-much-I-spend-here, this suptype is even more infuriating because they're waving around money from government programs like it makes them special.

Why aren't all the registers open: Slightly deluded customer who believes that, since there are 30-ish registers in the store, all of them should be open at 3:00 AM with smiling cashiers just waiting to process their transaction. Bonus points if he rants about it at length while being the only customer in the store.

Why isn't [specialist department] open at night: Customer wants something from a department that doesn't run third shift (pharmacy, jewelry, etc). Typically demands that a manager open the department for them. We usually told them that the day shift hid the keys from us, which worked pretty well.

Late night stoners: Easy to spot, just look for the group of 4 guys with 15 sandwiches, four giant bags of chips, and half a dozen 2 liters. Probably some of the easiest (and most entertaining) customers you'll ever meet on night shift.

Can't swipe a card: Everybody knows how to swipe a card through the card machine. Hold the card firmly, push it into the slot so the back edge of the card is laid flat against the back of the machine, swipe quickly down/up. Not this person, who will put their card in at an angle so the machine can't see half the magnetic strip, or swipe too slowly/too quickly, or put their card in backwards. Tends to blame the reader.

Check borrowers: Used to be, you could write a check on Tuesday for money that'd go in your account on Thursday and the check wouldn't clear til Friday, so you'd be clear. Nowadays, writing a check at a chain store is just like a slow debit purchase, they take the money right out of your account. Typically anybody under 40 writing a check will be either check borrowing or just writing a bad check.

Clubber who failed to plan ahead: Almost always male, comes sprinting in about 15 minutes after the clubs close and asks where the condoms are, then goes sprinting off in search of the pharmacy department. Wonder if the morning shift gets a morning-after variant...

Strippers-off-shift: Very tired women, typically in their 20's who just got off from the strip clubs. Some are easier to spot than others, depending on how much effort they put clothing and makeup after the club closes, but they tend to pay with the tell-tale stacks of singles. Can range from hot to pitiful, depending on what they're buying, but typically not troublesome at all, probably because they're exhausted.

Hookers-off-shift: Very tired women, typically older than the strippers though there's a fair amount of overlap. Harder to spot due to the lack of the telltale stack of singles. Typically either no trouble or major shoplifters, few in between.

I really hope that's a transvestite: "Woman" who is far, far beyond ugly but tries to dress sexy anyways. Think the Ugly Stepsister from Shrek 2. Complains to get attention. Truly horrifying.

And that only scratches the surface of the night shift customers who shop at MalWart in the ghetto at night. That was an... interesting job.