Workday Phrases of Lore and Legend

[KabeRinnaul]

Coworker: *walks up with a Gabriel Iglecias DVD* "Man, whoever sponsors this guy should kill themselves."
Me: "Why? I kind of like him."
Coworker: "What? Dee de dee! That's all he says. Dee de dee!"
Me: "Are you sure you're not confusing him with Carlos Mencia?"
Coworker: "S***, man, they all look the same. Oh, wait. That sounded really racist."

------------
Next day, same coworker.

(After I dealt with a particularly irritating (and condescending) Middle Eastern customer who kept opening boxes.)
Me: "Not to be racist, but I swear any time I deal with a Middle Eastern woman, she has to open the box and check on the contents."
Coworker: "Maybe she's checking it for bombs."
Me: "Okay, that's way more racist than what I said."

[dragon_wings]

CW: I'm basically a girl with balls.

[Skeen]

My boss: "Don't make lunch plans for Friday because you're going out to buy me an iPad."

[HawaiianShirts]

"There are certain people's boobs I'll pluck and others I won't."
"Yeah, please don't pluck my boobs."

[Rapscallion]

"So, when you did your Wonder Woman job, did it involve bullet-deflecting wristbands?"

Rapscallion

[Solacelawlz]

"If you smack it, does it not moan?"

[thatcrazyredhead]

CW: "That is one big churro!"

Me: "That's more than one churro. That's more like two churros in a compromising position!"

[Marmalady]

"Sip it my backside, I'm in a bloody hurry here!"

[Rapscallion]

"I was going to tell a funny story, but I only had an hour."

Rapscallion

[bhskittykatt]

"...and I know really shouldn't be driving on it, because it's soooo dangerous, but I mean, the ticking sound goes away once I'm over 50mph...."

[Rapscallion]

"The Fox is a really nice pub. Shame we can't go back there."

Rapscallion

[Rapscallion]

"So, what you're saying is that the beer ambushed you and outnumbered you as it came in a gang of six cans, and thus you had to drink it?"

Rapscallion

[crazylegs]

Hi Bob, any chance you can give me a hand with a screw?

[Solacelawlz]

"Sheesh... man fuck this economy....! I need a better job..."
"Hrm.. well I got one right here you can blow...?"

[Solacelawlz]

"So you just gonna walk in here with a cup of coffee for yourself...? Where's my cup?"
"Hopefully being used by those 2 girls that had that one cup"