Would like objective male feedback - Page 3

Aethian · #21 07-31-2012, 02:33 AM

My ex...whom I still love...has a long term friend. I was jealous of this friend and I admit that I was jealous. He remembered her for Christmas and for birthdays...and then it was hit into my head that he knew her long before me. Of course he's going to remember that more then me. Did it lesson the sting? A little until my jealousy just kinda dissapered one day.

But sadly I hadn't mentioned it to him and that was one of the things that made me loose him. So take this carefully.

Shangri-laschild · #22 07-31-2012, 05:06 PM

I am a female who's best friend is a guy. We've been best friends for almost 8 years now. We even dated for 4 months near the beginning of our friendship. Neither of us want to get back together even as a casual friends thing. He recently moved in with a woman who he is more serious with than he's ever been. I honestly see them lasting long term and hope like hell they do. Before they moved in together I would crash on his couch if we watched movies late and I was too tired to drive home. We even made tons of overnight plans of cooking project plans.

None of this means that she has good intentions. Every situation is different. My best friend works overnights. Us hanging out late at night wasn't that weird because for us, we were both going to be up anyway. Is her invitation for him out of the ordinary? Is it something they've done in the past and if so, with what results? Maybe this person has no intentions and maybe she does, but until you get to know her, all you're going to be able to do is worry and wonder, no matter how well your boyfriend handles things. I am slowly getting to know the woman my best friend is involved in and I love it. She and I are becoming friends outside of him even. I like the fact that she doesn't just know him well enough to know he wouldn't cheat and trust him but she also knows me well enough to know that I'm not interested and wouldn't go there. If you don't get along with her, then the two of you can go back to knowing each other through him but giving it a shot could help a lot even if it just means you are more comfortable around her.

rose_metal_nz · #23 08-01-2012, 10:54 PM

I don't know if it's too late to add my 2cents to this, but what really sticks out for me is - they've been friends for that many years, and clearly him (or her) staying overnight is not ordinary. The whole plan; dinner, movie, breakfast, whatever, is clearly out of the ordinary. Even HE is saying that this is not normal for them. If his radar is pinging, and yours is going full alert, then my advice is: Do. Not. Engage.

Jester · #24 08-02-2012, 01:06 AM

I will agree that if he says this is not ordinary for them, something is off. For me and Neets, this would be absolutely normal, but if for your bf and this girl it isn't, then it is likely that my analogy to myself and Neets is off target.

snugglegirl05 · #25 08-02-2012, 08:52 PM

My boyfriend called me today & asked me if I would like to go with him to look for an engagement ring for me soon. I asked him if he has told his long-term female friend. He said "not yet".

scary cary · #26 08-07-2012, 01:46 PM

Did you guys end up going ring shopping?

snugglegirl05 · #27 08-10-2012, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Quoth scary cary

Did you guys end up going ring shopping?

Well...considering the fact that the same week he asked me to go shopping for an engagement ring at some point his boss called him to let him know that he needs him to work every Sunday morning...not yet.

Plus the store he would like the 2 of us to go to is near where I live. There is not a store location near him. So at some point he will have to ask for a weekend off.

Hopefully in October or November

snugglegirl05 · #28 09-20-2012, 05:02 PM

The link below pertains to this post. My response to Raps on page 2 to be exact... the day I worked from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m.

http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...t=92926&page=2

Turns out that Cassie, my boyfriends female friend who wanted him to come over to her place on a Friday night to hang stuff from her ceiling, have dinner with her, talk about the incident regarding the argument between her, Daniel *the mutual male friend of theirs & my boyfriend/fiance*, spend the night, & go out to breakfast with her the following morning, is mad at my boyfriend because she thinks that I would not have wanted him to to her place for that reason. Apparently my boyfriend has not spoken to Cassie because she was upset that he backed out. He wanted to give her some room to deal with her feelings. My boyfriend called Daniel last night to see if he could pick me up & take me back to his place, but he was at Cassie's place. My boyfriend told me that he heard Cassie tell Daniel that he was not picking me up & that I had to find a way home to his place. He & I both depend on the bus for transportation. When I got to my boyfriend's place, I asked him why was Cassie mad at him. That was when he told me she thinks that I would not have wanted him to go to her place on a Friday night to hang stuff from her ceiling, have dinner with her, spend the night, & go out to breakfast the following morning. I told him she was correct & that I would not have been comfortable with the entire situation.

auntiem · #29 09-20-2012, 06:15 PM

I've been the "Cassie" in this situation (minus the Daniel and the drama llama behavior).
You are uncomfortable with that senario and your boyfriend is respecting that. Cassie has every right to be upset however, they have been friends for 20 years.* I don't see how a compromise couldn't have been made - go over hang stuff from the ceiling, discuss the Daniel situation over dinner and then catch the last bus home. In my situation, the thought of sleeping with my friend would get the reation of *shudder* ewwwww * shudder* because as much as I like him as a person we knew far too much about each other and it would be like asking if I was attracted to my brother in "that way".
Did my friend have girlfriends that didn't like him even seeing me? Yes, but guess which one he married - the one that didn't. Just my 2 cents from the other side.

*I may be overly sensitive about this right now since we just lost our mutal friend (also for 20 years) very recently.

snugglegirl05 · #30 09-20-2012, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Quoth auntiem

I've been the "Cassie" in this situation (minus the Daniel and the drama llama behavior).
You are uncomfortable with that senario and your boyfriend is respecting that. Cassie has every right to be upset however, they have been friends for 20 years.* I don't see how a compromise couldn't have been made - go over hang stuff from the ceiling, discuss the Daniel situation over dinner and then catch the last bus home.

*I may be overly sensitive about this right now since we just lost our mutal friend (also for 20 years) very recently.

I see where you are coming from. I went back to my original posting, & I noticed that forgot to include that Cassie does not work. She gets disability, & so it is possible that my boyfriend can go over to her place on a weekend. He does not work on the weekend.