This may be the end

[Rapscallion]

Sorry to hear of your loss. There's nothing more I can say that hasn't been said better by others.

Rapscallion

[Nurian]

It's hard to lose a pet. They share every part of our lives and ask for so little in return. I'm so sorry

[Eireann]

It took so little time. The vet told me how he was going to do it. I stood outside the building and cried and leaned against the wall as happy pet owners, people whose animals were going to live, walked past me. Then the head vet came out and said, "It's over." He continued on his way out of the gate as I reentered the building.

She was in the carrier, on the blanket, and I could see her ears. That's when I asked them to wrap her up so I couldn't see her.

When I left the room, she was alive. When I came back, she was gone. Just a few minutes made all the difference.

I remember the first time I saw her. The shelters here have regular "shows" of the animals in the hopes that they'll find homes. I had already adopted one kitty, and I was looking for a second. She was one of the kitties at the show. She was huddled in the cage, with her head in the corner. I noticed what beautiful markings she had. I looked around a little more, then noticed that another woman was looking at her, and I was afraid that woman would take her.

So I adopted her. That's when I was given the cushion (by the shelter; some pet-food company donates them). I was given her little vaccination card. The woman from the shelter drove us home, and Kitty meowed all the way.

She took to my first kitty immediately; they knew each other from the shelter. They were inseparable until he died.

They're together again. She'll never have to make another trip to the vet, or take another pill, or experience any pain or fear. I wish I could see into the next world and watch what she and my other loved ones are doing there.

[Cat]

My eyes watered up reading this....I am so sorry for your Kitty. She knew she was loved, cats always know.

[Food Lady]

I'm so sorry, Eireann. ;(

[BookstoreEscapee]

I didn't comment at first cuz I was in tears. I'm sorry for your loss.

[MoonCat]

She's gone.

My little sweetheart went to the vet's, a place she hated. She meowed and complained all the way, which made it that much worse.

The vet examined her and weighed her. She weighed less than five pounds. I could feel all of her bones. She resisted when we took her out of the carrier, just as she always did.

The vet kept talking about money and my financial situation and what he would do if he were in my situation and had money. Maybe he meant well, but I could have done without it. Even if I'd had endless money to spend treating her, she hated the vet, she hated being in the carrier, she hated all of it.

The vet could have done bloodwork, but he admitted that it might have shown an incurable condition. And it would have caused her more stress.

I want to go too. I have lost too many loved ones. I can't stand to lose more.

Please don't. I know how much it hurts, I really do. I've had to do it many times. It tears out a piece of your soul. It's hard to say goodbye, but there will come a time when someone else needs you, and you'll need that someone. Those connections are all we have in life, because life can be so brief--we have to make every moment count. Love your dear ones as hard as you can, it's the only thing that matters. You are creating a chain of love that connects you to their spirits forever. Hold their memories in your heart and don't let go. Life is not done with you yet Eireann. You are a loving, compassionate person, and somewhere there is another little one who needs you. Yes, you will eventually lose that one, too. And it sucks. But how beautiful and sweet it is to love someone--animal or human, it makes no difference!

I wish you peace and healing. Blessed be.

[Der Cute]

I'm sorry to hear that she's gone. Do remember you gave her lots of love and compassion, and she is thankful for that.

[Eireann]

I was talking to my therapist on Sunday about her, and about my dread of taking her to the vet. He gave me a lecture about death being a part of life, and animals have short life spans, and so on. That wasn't the point - the point is, I've had far too much death lately, and I want a break from it. I want at least whole year where no tragedies occur.

I don't remember what we were discussing, exactly, when I broke down and cried during the session. I couldn't stop. I thought he had tried to provoke it, but he claimed he didn't. Maybe it surprised him, too. I don't know. Our sessions are largely about him telling me this, that, and the other thing. As he put it, it's not talk therapy, it's listen therapy. It's not based on his patients talking about what has happened to them in their lives (and reliving it), but on him telling his patients how to break free of the cycle of negative thinking.

So, yes, I have the tools. I'm just too tired to use them right now.

I went to bed at around 1:30 a.m. I woke up twice during the night and remembered what had happened. Now, it's 7:28 a.m. and I'm awake once again. I'm going to go back to bed in a little while, and I know that when I wake up, the realization will hit one more time.

God, I hate this.

[Marmalady]

Eireann, I'm so sorry for your loss. I sat here reading and I was crying myself, thinking of my dog and how I felt (and still feel).
Let yourself grieve, hun. Don't deny her your tears. You were so close, you gave each other love and affection and both your lives will have been better for it.
People have asked me if I will have another dog. I think I will, but not yet. When the time is right, I'll know. And somewhere, as MoonCat says, there will be another little one who needs you.
You and your kitty are both in my thoughts.

[Antisocial_Worker]

I went to bed at around 1:30 a.m. I woke up twice during the night and remembered what had happened. Now, it's 7:28 a.m. and I'm awake once again. I'm going to go back to bed in a little while, and I know that when I wake up, the realization will hit one more time.

God, I hate this.

I'm up too and thinking about you. I came here specifically to see if you'd posted anything new. In the dark of a night, remember that there are people who care about you. Remember also that for however much it hurts now, it will hurt less in time, and one day you will be able to look back on good memories and smile. One day it won't hurt hardly at all.

And always remember also that something will come that needs your love. Hold on to that and wait.

[Eireann]

Maybe I'm also crying for the other loved ones I've lost. When my mother left, it was shock, rage, blind anger, and all sorts of negativity. One day, the neighbor started blaring his stereo again and I stood in the middle of the room and screamed uncontrollably at the top of my lungs. I look back on the years with my little baby, and I remember all the cute things she used to do, how she used to jump out at her boyfriend and scare him, how she always met me at the door when I came home, and what an integral part of my life she was, right from the first.

Last winter, I was literally on the knife-edge of suicide. Then I looked at her, and I thought, "What would happen to her?" She was my kitty. If I'd died, she would have been taken by a shelter, no doubt, not knowing why. She would have been miserable and frightened and alone. She might have remained there for the rest of her life. I couldn't do that to her. Even if one of my friends had taken her, and I can think of one who might have, she would have wanted me. I'm sure of that.

I went to pet Other Kitty yesterday, and she ran away from me because I was crying. Maybe she thought I was yelling at her. She's getting lots of attention now, which she loves. When I came to the computer a few minutes ago, I saw her looking around the room; I think she was looking for my little baby.

My grandmother was her father's favorite child, along with one of her sisters. A few months after he died, they had the same dream on the same night. Each of them dreamed that she was walking through a beautiful, green field. The field was fenced, and on the other side was a road. Across the road was another fenced green field with a hill.

Each woman walked to the fence bordering her field, and saw a figure coming down the hill on the other side. As the figure came closer, she saw that it was her father. He walked up to the fence on his side, smiled, and said, "There's nothing to it. Don't ever be afraid."

I don't know what awaits me on the other side, when my time comes, but it can't be worse than what I've had here. This experience, these past few years - I've read that when a loss occurs, so does a gain. Where the FUCK is my gain? When I was hired at the warehouse, I went in there with high hopes of impressing everybody and being promoted. Instead, I got fired.

At least it gave me time to spend with my baby these past few weeks. But now - what? What do I do? What can I do?

[Mikkel]

It's hard to lose a friend. It's the last sad duty we have to do when we take a pet into our lives. I'm so sorry it had to happen now.
Hold on, next year will be better.

[Eireann]

When I made the decision yesterday, the vet gave me this little gem:

"You can't take it back, you know."

Oh, really now. Here I thought you could put her to sleep and then resuscitate her if I changed my mind!

At least he told me that, in his opinion, it was the right decision.

[MadMike]

I'm sorry I missed this before. At least you caught me on Facebook to tell me what happened. I remember you telling me several times in the past that Kitty was having some ups and downs. I'm sorry that she had to go.

A year ago, I had six kitties. Now it's only four. And I'm not ashamed to say I cried every time I lost one. They're not just animals to people like us, they're family members. And while it may not seem like it now, it will get better. Just keep your dear departed kitty in your heart, and give lots of love to the one that's still with you.