This may be the end

[Eireann]

That's what amazed me when the vet told me. "I can put her to sleep," he said, casually.

What?

He also said, "It could be one year, it could be two."

That was about eight years ago. Maybe seven. Anyway, more than one or two years, that's for damn sure.

[Pixilated]

*snip*

You didn't give up on her when you got the test results - you have no idea how many people do. Or just have them put to sleep when they find out. You stuck by her side through thick and thin, and there's nothing more that she could have asked for. I know it's a small solace, being she should have gotten much longer on this world. But she didn't know that, all she knew was that her whole life after you adopted her was full of love. And that, that is what matters.

Just noticed this thread and I'd like to say I am so very sorry for your loss, especially coming at this time as it did.

Kyree is right: you stuck by her until the end and that is no small thing. You gave her a chance at life that she might not otherwise have had, especially once her illness became known. So many people give up on their pets for the slightest reason, or none at all. You are obviously a wonderful and caring pet owner and your pets sense that.

[Sonoma]

I am so sorry for your loss. Words can't even convey how I feel for you right now. I had to put my Siamese down 6 years ago, and it still hurts. You did the right thing by her. She had a loving home until the end.

I think I mentioned this on the board before, but I'll tell it again. My Siamese LOVED drinking out of the bathroom sink. He would get mad & lecture me if I dared turn off the water. He didn't need it on much, just a little trickle. When I had to put him down due to heart failure, I turned off the bathroom sink.

A month later, a friend's Himilayan cat had kittens. When Alex had first come down sick, she told me that if anything happened to him, I'd get a kitten. Sure enough, when the kittens were old enough, I brought home my pick of the litter. Casey would jump up on the counter in the bathroom on occasion, and he liked to sleep in the bathroom sink, but had no desire to have the water running. He'd run if I even reached toward the faucet.

One night, when Casey was about 2 or so, I got that 'kitty walking on the bed' sensation. No big deal, except, Casey was laying on the floor, and there was no physical kitty on the bed. I said "Hi" to Alex (the Siamese), then went back to sleep.

The very next morning, as I was in the bathroom getting ready for work, Casey jumped up on the counter, looked at the sink, and started meowing at the faucet. He wouldn't shut up until I turned the faucet on. He's now 6, and the bathroom faucet is running right now.

In time, the pain diminishes, and you'll focus on the good memories. When the time is right, she'll send a new kitty to you.

[Eireann]

I keep waking up in the middle of the night, remembering what happened, and being unable to get back to sleep.

Other Kitty has been spending a great deal of time on my baby's former chair, which she hardly ever used before. She's there now, curled up on the left side of the chair. Which makes me wonder if she sees my baby there, and is giving her room. Earlier, she jumped up there, sniffed at one area of the chair, then went over to the left side.

My baby was the one who always let me know when they had no food and were hungry. She'd come over and give me the most pitiful meows, and then they'd both make a beeline for the kitchen when I stood up. Other Kitty doesn't do that, so I have to make sure that she has food. I'm used to putting out enough food for two kitties, and since it's wet food, if Other Kitty doesn't it eat all at once, it gets hard and then she doesn't want it.

We just shared a little quality time on the chair. I still can't believe what an enormous emptiness there is in this place.

[Dreamstalker]

It's been 3 years since McGriff died, and this apartment still seems emptier than it should be.

What did you gain? You gained making sure that a cat who needed a home, a cat most people would never have adopted because of her illness, had the best possible last years she ever could have. You are an angel, a saint for taking in a FLV positive kitty.

This. You gave her another chance and all the love and care she could want.

[Mikkel]

Maybe my little girl can come back to me, in a healthy body. I would love that.

One of my friends had the same dog three times, or so he believe.
I'll admit to some scepticism, but the dog has had the same behaviour, looked the same and has seemed to know me when he met me for the first time in his new life.

[Eireann]

Mikkel, that's one of the best things I could hear. Thank you.

[MoonCat]

Animals don't think the way we do. They live in the present. And with them, what matters more than the number of years, is the quality of their life. That's another thing to remember. You gave her the best damn last years of her life she could have asked for. That for her meant more to her than another 15 years in someone else's house who didn't give her the love and attention she deserved.

You didn't give up on her when you got the test results - you have no idea how many people do. Or just have them put to sleep when they find out. You stuck by her side through thick and thin, and there's nothing more that she could have asked for. I know it's a small solace, being she should have gotten much longer on this world. But she didn't know that, all she knew was that her whole life after you adopted her was full of love. And that, that is what matters.

This. Let me quote one of my wonderful vets: "To a cat, every nap is a treasure, every meal is a feast."

Every moment you spent with your baby was also a treasure. There is no feeling that tops the love you feel when you care for someone and yes, that includes animals! I have never had much money, but the nights when I had my little ones snoozing on my bed made me feel richer than any billionaire you care to name.

No one can take your memories from you. They will settle into your heart and be there to comfort you. It takes time, don't let anyone rush you...but it will happen.

[Eireann]

My baby was never afraid to ask for another feast. She would come to me, make little whining noises, rub against my hand, and just bother me until I got up to feed them. Since Other Kitty doesn't do that, I have to keep an eye on the food in her bowl. I've been trained too well.

Paul Klusman (of "An Engineer's Guide to Cats" video fame) just put up another video on YouTube. His friend TJ finally adopted his own kitty, and they made a video of it; driving to the shelter, interacting with loads of adorable kitties, and TJ bringing his very own kitty home. It's rather therapeutic.

[retailworker7]

Eireann,

I am a cat owner too. Your love for your baby shows through in your posts. I am new here but I wish I could reach through my computer and give you a real live hug. I understand how hard it is to have to put a beloved member of your family to sleep too. I had to put my Claude kitty to sleep unexpectedly when he was 15 because he had a stroke back in August 2010. This happened while I was unemployed and I had taken a day trip with another friend to give visit a mutual friend. I was home all the time while I was unemployed except for the day Claude had his stroke. He could not walk around on his own without falling over, go to the bathroom or eat. When my hubby and I had to make the decision to put him to sleep it was awful.

Claude had been in my life since the day he was born. He was also very bonded to my hubby. Claude was a shower kitty. He would sit on the side of the tub so he was in the shower mist and would drink the drops of water. He used to get soaking wet and also enjoyed having warm water drizzled on him as he was drinking it. It took quite a while for us to not be in tears taking a shower. We referred to Claude as our shower buddy.

Even though we have other cats and they are our babies too. Losing Claude was the hardest loss for us to face. He was a true companion. He would greet you at the door when you got home from work and demand you turn on the shower every time you went in the bathroom. He used to run around soaking wet purring his little head off and demanding to be pet to be dried off.

You will never forget your baby but over time the heartache will hopefully be replaced with all the memories of the time you spent together. Take as much time as you need to grieve for your baby and if anyone tells you to get it over it because she was just a cat it because they do not understand the love and companionship our furkids provide.

[Eireann]

I did get a big hug from my friend at the restaurant the other night.

I went there again tonight, and his waiter did a Tarot reading for me. I can only imagine how that looked to the woman who came in for a take-out order; me sitting at the bar, him standing on the other side, and a Tarot spread on the counter.

It wasn't a Tarot reading about my baby, but about my life in general. And it was a positive reading.

Other Kitty has been wonderful. This evening, I was washing my hands in the bathroom, and when I turned around, she was crouched in the doorway. This is exactly what my baby used to do. Other Kitty was even in the same spot.

I know my baby is still here, because I've been able to smell her every day for the past three days. Which means that she wants to be here. Love really is that strong.

[Sapphire Silk]

My eyes watered up reading this....I am so sorry for your Kitty. She knew she was loved, cats always know.

Mine, too.

At least it gave me time to spend with my baby these past few weeks. But now - what? What do I do? What can I do?

For now, grieve. Process. Sounds like that is what you are doing at this point anyway.

When you're ready another cat will come your way.

I hope this attachment works.
She ruled the place. She kept her boyfriend in line, and me. You can see it in her face.

I sure can! She reminds me of my kitty Jasmine. She used to give me that very same look.

Eireann, I am so very sorry for Kitty.

[Eireann]

Other Kitty has been staying close to me. When I close the bedroom door, she mews outside. When I come home, I can hear her inside, mewing for me. She's loving all this attention - but then, when I leave, she's alone.

Months ago, I decided to move back home. One of the things that prevented me (finances aside) was the fact that my baby would go through so much stress in the move. I also discovered that the CDC can, for no reason, refuse to allow an animal to enter the country. That was it; I wasn't going anywhere if she couldn't come with me.

Now that she's not here, things are no better than before. I keep thinking that there must have been a reason why. Why did things happen the way they did? Why am I still in this country? Is there something else I'm meant to do? To go anywhere, I need money - and for some months, with the therapy and all, I had happy thoughts of making it big and being able to live in both countries, home and here (or somewhere else in Europe). I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing.

[Eireann]

What a day.

(Those of you who are squeamish may want to skip the next part.)

I had cramps today that had me dry-heaving. I took three pain pills (not all at once). And they just kept going on and on. My hands, feet, and face were freezing. I may have been in mild shock.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my little baby left us a week ago today.

Kitty needs a new friend, I think. She's still sticking close to me, still mewing outside my bedroom door when I'm in there. What an enormous difference it makes, having my little baby gone. Such a hole in my life (and in Kitty's, too).

[MoonCat]

What a day.

(Those of you who are squeamish may want to skip the next part.)

I had cramps today that had me dry-heaving. I took three pain pills (not all at once). And they just kept going on and on. My hands, feet, and face were freezing. I may have been in mild shock.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my little baby left us a week ago today.

Kitty needs a new friend, I think. She's still sticking close to me, still mewing outside my bedroom door when I'm in there. What an enormous difference it makes, having my little baby gone. Such a hole in my life (and in Kitty's, too).

Your body just caught up with your emotional upheaval. Stress can do things like that to you, but if this goes on for more than a day, you may want to see your doctor just to make sure that's all it is.

And if there is nothing else physically wrong, then I think you need a little pampering. A trip to a day spa, or even just a massage. If that's not possible, maybe just a day sitting around doing nothing, cuddling kitty and drinking hot chocolate, or hot tea, a good book or a movie...you get the idea.

Hope you feel better soon.