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Old 08-23-2007, 11:38 PM
Der Cute's Avatar
Der Cute Der Cute is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,261

Fine fine....

Get up, look at clock, sigh.

go sit at computer for an hour and read email

Look at clock on desktop and realize OH CRAP gotta get going.

Run into bathroom and turn on heatlight & fan, turn off normal light.

Turn on water to slightly warm not hot (it's 100F around here!)

Hop in and use a dime sized dribble to wash hair (it used to be so long too!)

Think to self, hmm need more shampoo

Grab Poufy thing and pour on some good smelling body wash

Scrub all scrubbable parts

Inspect shaveable areas - tune up or not? Tune up.

Realize drain isnt draining, use foot to move hair from drain. Stupid drain.

Rinse body and turn off water.

Look at self in full length mirror and say Hmm That area needs a bit of work, but damn your face is lookin good today

Dry off and get going for whatever it is I'm doing.

In my heart, in my soul, I'm a woman for rock & roll.
She's as fast as slugs on barbituates.

Old 08-24-2007, 06:12 AM
Mr. Rager! Mr. Rager! is offline
Down from a daydream high
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 250

Ahh... showering.

1. Plug iPod into stereo and decide on what I want to listen to
2. Turn on water
3. Get undressed and hop in the shower
4. Scrub down with loofa and body wash
5. Exfoliate face
6. Clean face with a moisturizing cleanser
7. Shampoo with a lather mohawk
8. Get out of shower
9. Admire my clean self in the mirror and ponder on whether or not I want to shave
10. Typically decide against shaving
11. Enjoy my day
When will the fantasy end? When will the heaven begin?

Old 08-24-2007, 10:26 PM
Irving Patrick Freleigh's Avatar
Irving Patrick Freleigh Irving Patrick Freleigh is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: burning pink camo dumpster
Posts: 14,079

Showering the I.P Freleigh way:
  1. Turn on water
  2. Get undressed and jump in shower
  3. Shampoo hair
  4. Condition hair and leave in
  5. Scrub down with body wash on washcloth
  6. If I feel like it, shave while in the shower; otherwise attack the stubble with electric razor later
  7. Turn off water and get out of shower
  8. Towel off
  9. Get dressed
  10. "Style" hair
  11. Begin day much earlier than I'd like
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

"I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

Old 08-26-2007, 02:32 PM
Kara's Avatar
Kara Kara is offline
From the ashes, born anew...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 934

Haha. Someone made a movie out of this joke (yes, there was a joke at the beginning before it became everyone's shower habits).
"You are loved" - Plaidman.

Old 08-28-2007, 03:12 PM
draftermatt's Avatar
draftermatt draftermatt is offline
Area Manager
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,820

Quoth Kara_CS View Post
Aw, heck, might as well join in.

How to shower, the Kara way

You will need: 2 towels, washcloths/poufs, 1 caged animal, and another woman...
Wow, save for the other woman (1 man, 1 woman) and the caged animal that sounds like mine for the most part. Ha.

Old 08-28-2007, 03:22 PM
draftermatt's Avatar
draftermatt draftermatt is offline
Area Manager
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,820

Since all the cool kids are doing it. My showering habits for showering in the morning alone.

Awake at 5:25 AM
Take off shorts, walk naked to bathroom, leave light off use night light for when we have to pee at night
Close door so as to not allow cat in
Brush teeth, take medicine while doing "have to pee" dance
Pee and turn on water.
Hop in
Wash face with hands.
Wash hair
Lather wash cloth, wash body
Turn water off, grab towel
Dry off
Shave (if I feel like it)
Walk naked to bedroom, look at wife sleeping
put on underwear and socks
walk into closet, shut door behind me, turn on light
put on pants, pick out shirt.
Finish dressing, kiss wife goodbye, let dog out and back in, watch news, leave for work at 6:10

Old 08-29-2007, 01:32 AM
Calud Calud is offline
Online God!
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 441

Quoth NightAngel View Post
Flash husband only if there are definately no children around.
Addendum: Defend against inevitable boob squeeze as direct result of flashing.

Put on pjs, brush teeth, go to bed.
Addendum: Defend against inevitable boob squeeze as direct result of earlier flashing still being fresh in hubby's mind.
You win at the internets

Old 08-29-2007, 02:32 AM
hecubus hecubus is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 220

Okay, I'll play:

Showering the Hecubus Way

- Undress in bedroom

- Put towel on seat of wheelchair so my naked butt doesn't touch the pad I sit on

- Remove left footrest and side panel from wheelchair

- Roll into bathroom

- Pull into shower, transfer onto built in shower seat

- Make sure the handheld showerhead is in the off position, turn on water

- Wait a moment, turn on handheld showerhead and carefully test water temp on my arm

- Realize water is too hot, turn water temp dial about a millimeter to the right

- Test on my arm again, realize water is too cold, adjust dial another millimeter or so to the left

- Repeat until water temp is just right, not too hot, not too cold

- Shampoo hair, rinse, shampoo again

- Try to keep water from my hair out of my eyes as I use a washcloth to wash my body

- Turn off water, pull wheelchair back into stall, transfer back into wheelchair

- Go to my room, dry body and hair. Get dressed for either bed or my day, depending on morning or night

Old 10-12-2007, 06:48 PM
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bigjimaz bigjimaz is offline
Store Manager
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 670

Wow, maybe I've been doing it wrong for over 50 years.

1. Wake up and go to bathroom.
2. If it's Sunday I shave. (By beard is very sparse and doesn't grow very fast. I shave on Sunday and I get my 5 o'clock shadow on Friday)
3. After doing the obvious I start the shower and place a towel on the top of the toilet tank.
4. Get in and use dandruff shampoo.
5. Leave shampoo in while I wash the rest.
6. Rinse everything
7. Squeegee most of the water off, open shower door, grab towel and dry myself.
8. If I have to go somewhere that day, I put clothes on.
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Old 10-13-2007, 12:17 AM
South Texan's Avatar
South Texan South Texan is offline
Jaded. But fun at parties!
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: South Texas (duh)
Posts: 1,086

1. Wake up at 5:00 to screaming alarm clock

2. Slam hand on clock.

3. Fumble to find clock where it landed on floor and put it back on night stand.

4. Move sleeping child who climbed into my bed during the night.

5. Hobble around bed due to bone spurs on heels.

6. Trip over small, black dog that decided to sleep in the bedroom/bathroom door way.

7. Close bathroom door and turn on light.

8. Slam eyes shut due to blindingly bright lights flooding fully opened pupils.

9. Attempt not to look at huge mirror over sink so as to avoid seeing how fat I am.

10. Grab can of shaving crème and lather up.

11. Shave with the grain of my beard.

12. Notice the stubble all over my face.

13. Shave again without crème and against grain (Queer Eye grooming “expert” advisor who screams this is wrong be damned).

14. Brush teeth.

15. Do “business.”

16. Flush

17. Hang shorts on doorknob.

18. Step into bathtub.

19. Pull shower curtain closed.

20. Wonder why my wife insisted on a dark floral pattern for the shower curtain that lets no light into the tub area when closed.

21. Take Shower Massage head off its cradle and aim it at bottom of shower to avoid cold water spraying all over me.

22. Turn on water to right temperature.

23. Put Shower Massage hear back in cradle.

24. Note how the build up of lime is causing odd water spray from head.

25. Promise to remove the lime this weekend just like I have intended to do for the last five weeks.

26. Grab Dial soap and lather up.

27. Grab freaky back brush wife bought.

28. Lather freaky back brush.

29. Attempt to use freaky back brush without breaking its handle like I did to the last three.

30. Try to rinse freaky bath brush.

31. Curse when all cold water stops when daughter flushes toilet in upstairs bathroom.

32. Grab whatever discount shampoo I bought that is hidden somewhere amongst my wife’s fifteen bottles of stuff she uses.

33. Lather once.

34. Rinse.

35. Turn off water.

36. Note if water is draining properly or if another dose of Liquid Plumber is needed.

37. Push open curtain.

38. Reach around corner to get towel hanging on door.

39. Towel off in tub to keep shower mat dry (I hate wet mats.)

40. Jiggle toilet handle because the tank is still running.

41. Grab hair dryer from basket by toilet and plug it in.

42. Using fingers for a brush, dry what is left of my hair.

43. Put dryer back in basket.

44. Put shorts back on.

45. Turn off light.

46. Open bedroom door.

47. Trip over small, black dog that still is in doorway.

48. Get dressed in dark. (Later realize I am wearing a blue and brown sock with black slacks because I could not see.)
"Ignorance is no excuse for a law."
.................................................. ..................- Alfred E. Newman
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