Dumbest thing an ex ever said

[Gizmo]

One which happened to a friend: His girlfriend had a huge credit card bill which her parents offered to pay off for her as she just couldn't afford it on her benefits.

She turns round to him and says "When my parents pay off my credit card I can book tickets to (way overpriced event)!" Event was over £1000 each for something that really should be in the level of £200 max.

No thanks to her parents, no guilt or note that she got herself in too deep before and needed to be careful. Just a clear intention to run the card up all over again!

I told him to run. Luckily he did!

[Victory Sabre]

My crazy one is with this one gal. We had an awesome time together. The next day she called and said she just wants to be friends. OK, fine. Then the next day she says she wants to date me again. I'm tired of being jerked around, so I (in a very nice way) say no. She removes her profile from the online dating site. She creates a new one, and stalks my profile. I contact her, and she tells me she's got a boyfriend now, yet she's stalking my profile.

Yeah, I dogged a bullet there.

[Sapphire Silk]

What the ever loving fuck?! If that were me I'd rip up his list and tell him to get fucked with a cactus, that is absolute bullshit. That son of a bitch will never find a wife, according to that list he doesn't want a wife he wants a servant who will sleep with him. He probably also expects her to do all the housework and take care of the kids while he watches tv, she does all the work and he doesn't do shit.

Sounds similar to a good friend of mine who openly admits he wants a "trophy wife" who will look good on his arm and keep the house up, but other wise stay out of his life unless HE wants something.

He's otherwise a nice guy: funny, generous, decent. But he really deep down doesn't trust (or like) women, and certainly doesn't respect them. Oddly, he can't keep a girlfriend and will likely spend his entire life as a bachelor.

But at least he's honest about his expectations so the girls know to look elsewhere.

Not an ex g/f but an ex friends with benifits type of situation:
She kept begging me to take off the condom so I could give her babies.
Shen she started that, I started being busy when she wanted to come over and warm the bed.

Ugh. I'd have run like a bullet from that.

Am I the only one who's wondering just why a Pentecostal preacher would not be able to explain why he was late coming home?

NO.

I like the bleeding dry thing part. Literally.

There IS one good thing about turdmonkeys like this: at least he had the courtesy to give warning of his dicketry up front, so she had plenty of time to run in the opposite direction *before* she got trapped on the USS Failboat!

Scary thing is, he might wise up and NOT tell some chick, who ends up marrying him.

Or, meet some dumbbunny who thinks she can "fix" him.

[blas]

Mr Maturity again.

One night, we were forced to work together. Me, trying to be as mature and professional as possible (because I knew what I'd gotten into dating a coworker and damn if I was going to let this man-infant ruin my work ethic), just attempted idle chit chat and did what I always had to do while we were dating anyways, which was attempt to force words out of him so that I could figure out what was going on, in any sort of way or form.

We had gotten on the subject of another coworker, afraid to go a concert or music fest because of the possibility of running into an ex. I said that was silly to be afraid of running into one person out of thousands that would be there.

The Whiney Man Infant got his usual pouty Look going and said, "You just don't understand what it's like."

I'm thinking "Excuse me?"

And, with his utmost maturity, he said "Remember, you shit all over me!"

[Seshat]

And as I said, you can call it stupid, paying for someone else's abortion when you are not the responsible party, but I didn't regret it then and I never have since. And if you think it IS stupid, remember....I AM the guy that often refers to himself as a blithering idiot.

No. I think it's a kindness you chose, freely, to do for a friend.

You're not the sort of person who easily falls for a sob story; you tend to be a cynic in most circumstances. Given that, I suspect it's a case of you discovering that a worthwhile person was in a bad situation which you could help her get out of. You've mentioned doing that sort of thing before, I'm sure you'll do it again. And you only do it when you judge that the person will be making effort to be independant afterwards.


Back to the main topic.

On my birthday. (Yes, on my fucking birthday!)

If <X> was available, I'd leave you for her.

(An hour later, X and her boyfriend told us they'd broken up. And yes, he left me. I was too insecure to do what I should have done, and kick him to the curb.)

[Jester]

- Wife is allowed to bop husband on the head if she knows that he is wrong.
- Wife is allowed to have her lawyer's number on the speed-dial.
- He is also not to buy anything without HER permission; and he may not buy anything that HE wants for HIMSELF.
- Husband home no later than 12PM, or he finds himself locked out of the house.
- In the event of a divorce, wife is allowed to keep everything and bleed husband dry.

Trying to figure out how any of the above are different than the typical marriage....

(running and ducking for cover)

[Jester]

You're not the sort of person who easily falls for a sob story; you tend to be a cynic in most circumstances. Given that, I suspect it's a case of you discovering that a worthwhile person was in a bad situation which you could help her get out of.

All of the above is true. However, the factors you may have missed are that
--I was 17,
--I was not nearly as experienced in the ways of the world as I am now, which means
--I was not nearly as cynical and jaded as I am now.
--I was desperately, hopelessly, head over heels in love with this woman.

Do I think that the last factor contributed to me paying for it? Absolutely. Would I have done it today, regardless? Probably. Do I think she gave me a sob story that I fell for? In retrospect....no. No I don't.

I was too insecure to do what I should have done, and kick him to the curb.)

I disagree. I don't think you should have kicked him to the curb.

I think you should have kicked him in the nuts, and THEN kicked him to the curb. Or, more accurately, rolled his writing-and-moaning-in-pain-curled-up-in-the-fetal-position-on-the-ground dumb ass to the curb.

[violiavampyr]

"I know you're unhappy now... but if we break up I'll be unhappy!"

This was after I'd spent about a year trying to break up with him, and being reduced to doing it by text and then switching my phone off. Normally I'd think that was a pretty sh*tty thing to do, but I'd tried in person and then on the phone and been forced to take it back and stay when he started screaming "if you leave me I'll kill myself" at me every time.
)

That is my ex-husband in a nut shell. Co-dependent and emotionally abusive.

My boyfriend has had some winners over the years. His girlfriend before started dating his ex-wife apparently became pregnant at some point and decided to tell people that it was his. It wasn't. How could people tell that? Well the baby was black, and my boyfriends ancestry is German and Chinese (she was white).
His ex-wife is a whole other barrel of crazy. Apparently she has issues with his dating even though she wasnt faithful for the bulk of their marriage.

[Redbeard]

The Whiney Man Infant got his usual pouty Look going and said, "You just don't understand what it's like."

I'm thinking "Excuse me?"

And, with his utmost maturity, he said "Remember, you shit all over me!"

"Only because you begged me to! I told you I wasn't in to that!"
Remember, say that as loudly as possible and make sure there are plenty of witnesses.

Oh! I was reminded of a story that the lovely Mrs Redbeard told me of her ex husband!
"You know, you should get yourself a boyfriend, date a bit. I wouldn't mind"
That statement was what confirmed her suspicians of his infidelity. UA bit later she found out that he
a. Had been fired from his job 2 months earlier
b. Had been stealing money from her to buy his smokes and
c. Go on dates
d. With various men that he met.
Soon after she changed the locks and her sisters moved in with her.

[DeltaSierra]

I've enough to write my own book too, but this one stands out:

BG: was in an very abusive relationship (mentally/emotionally) for 5 years. We were married, I finally got the heck out of Dodge in 2000. No divorce - I live in Canada - he was in the USA, and refused to sign divorce papers and I didn't have the $$ for a contested international divorce. He died in 2010, I didn't find out until 2 months after the fact (on a Friday the 13th no less!) when on a whim I googled up his name and found his obituary. His daughter thought we had gotten divorced and didn't realize that he wouldn't sign papers - his death certificate that she sent me a copy of, lists him as divorced but that's not true.

Anyway - he had a horrible habit of having cybersex/phonesex with women he met online, regardless of the fact we were married. After one argument when I told him that if it didn't stop I was leaving, he said "Why are you so angry - its not like I sleep with them! In fact you should be GLAD - you get the benefits when I get turned on!"

Yes - he honestly thought I should feel HAPPY that he'd spend hours texting/phonesexing these women and be glad that he'd then be "in the mood," as if it were some bonus.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Crazy ex-friend due to a break up with bf, which actually didn't go down too bad. We both decided that it wasn't working out, and that we should step back and go back to being just friends.

Cool right?

No, crazy "friend" - who had been apparently complaining that I was stealing all her friends - decided to take his side.

Everyone else in the scenario (me, ex-bf, friends, brothers/sisters): there are no sides!

Her: I'm on his side she was <insert bunch of things that I'm not and everyone else proceeded to roflmao right in her face as she tried to convince them I was a manipulative bitch who should be ditched ASAP>

[Marmalady]

*sighs* My ex suddenly developed an interest in learning how to use the computer, which he'd never bothered about before. The reason he gave me was that he was starting to get sent to sites (he's a security guard) that were much more computerised than the previous ones. OK, fair enough.

He didn't realise there's such a thing as browser history, though. Which is why, when I was looking for a site I'd recently been on, I found a whole load of sites for.... well, I guess 'hooking up' is the term I'd use. Men, women, couples, all looking for the one thing (and countless variations thereof)

To say I was startled is putting it mildly.. however, I though maybe he was just curious and having a look. Then I found out that he had paid subscriptions to join some of these sites.

He tried to say "I was only looking! I wasn't going to actually do anything!"

Yeah, right. If you only wanted to look - and could do that for free - why would you pay to join? And why did your profile state that you could 'travel, but not accommodate' ?

[hinakiba777]

"Baby, you know I love you right? Well last night I accidentally slept with my ex-girlfriend."

This was from a guy I dated when I was 13. We dated for two months before he called me up to tell me he had "accidentally" made out with his ex the night before. She was crashing at his house for some reason, and it "just happened". I promptly dumped his ass.

Now the next morning I go the new that one of my best friend's mother had died the night before suddently. I was really distraught when the asshole decided to call me up begging me to take him back. Then a month later he calls to confess about the "accidental screwing."

I don't remember much of the conversation as it was about ten and a half years ago, but I do remember that before I dumped him for the second time I asked "So what, you just tripped and your dick fell in her?"

My dad overheard the conversation and told me that if I hadn't been dumping a cheating arsehole at the time, he would have grounded me for using that kind of language.