Dumbest thing an ex ever said

[Ghel]

I'm lucky enough that I've never really had an ex. But hubby's ex is something else entirely! I could write pages of stupid and/or vindictive things she's done over the years, but since we're mostly talking about breakup stuff, I'll just give you two, in reverse chronological order:

When hubby and I got together, he and his ex were still technically married, although they'd been separated for years. Hubby didn't even know what state she lived in, so he filed for divorce locally. The attorney sent notices to major newspapers in cities where she and her parents had lived. (Although I doubt any of them bothered to read the legal notices, if they read the newspaper at all.) Fast forward about five years, and hubby gets a call from his ex saying she needs his address so she can send him divorce papers. "We're already divorced," was his response. So she asked him to send her a copy so she could marry the father of her fourth child.

Now for the earlier story. Hubby was working two full-time jobs to support his ex and their 3 kids. Found out that while he was working, ex was bringing guys to their house for sex. When hubby called her out on cheating, she told him, "the only reason I was giving Gary a blowjob was so I could learn to do it better for you!"

[wraiths_crono]

Raps: Well once in a while he tries to text me with some 'good finds on CraigsList' so I reply with: You still dating my ex? If yes: Leave me alone, K bye! (Nothing more, nothing less I know I could ignore it but, eh im petty at some times.)

[Tanasi]

My wife and I had only be married about a year when we had the misfortune to get my ex-wife as a server. My ex said in a very loud voice that she was going to kick my wife's butt. She was wrong, my wife drug her outside and kicked up one side and down the other.

My ex is truly a vile woman and I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.

[Redbeard]

My wife and I had only be married about a year when we had the misfortune to get my ex-wife as a server. My ex said in a very loud voice that she was going to kick my wife's butt. She was wrong, my wife drug her outside and kicked up one side and down the other.

My ex is truly a vile woman and I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.

BRAVO! Lady after my own heart

[Sapphire Silk]

Wow. Some of these stories are unbelievable.

Well, I'll grant my ex this. We had our problems (which is why we're no longer together), but nothing like, like . . . this.

[Zellie Crescent]

-His wife was expected to wear her hair pinned up when out in public.
-She was never to cut her hair for any reason.
-Always to walk behind him by at least 3 feet.
-She was never to say "no" when he wanted sex.
-Sleep naked until they had children then she could wear a nightgown to bed.
-He was always right on everything.
-He was the only one allowed to deal with financial matters.
-She was not to buy anything without his permission.
-She was not to question him on anything including if he was late coming home.
-Dinner done and on the table by no later than 6 PM.

What the ever loving fuck?! If that were me I'd rip up his list and tell him to get fucked with a cactus, that is absolute bullshit. That son of a bitch will never find a wife, according to that list he doesn't want a wife he wants a servant who will sleep with him. He probably also expects her to do all the housework and take care of the kids while he watches tv, she does all the work and he doesn't do shit.

[telecom_goddess]

Sounds like he's looking for a wife who's also going to be a slave in the BDSM world. If it's mutual consent then that arrangement works great. But that needs to be laid out in the beginning.

If that's not the case then yeah he can go get fucked.

[RayvenQ]

Sounds like he's looking for a wife who's also going to be a slave in the BDSM world. If it's mutual consent then that arrangement works great. But that needs to be laid out in the beginning.

If that's not the case then yeah he can go get fucked.

I think he's pretty much just looking for a slave myself.

[Redbeard]

Not an ex g/f but an ex friends with benifits type of situation:
She kept begging me to take off the condom so I could give her babies.
Shen she started that, I started being busy when she wanted to come over and warm the bed.

[cindybubbles]

It wasn't what the asshole said, it was the list he handed he handed me on our one and only date. It was a list of what he demanded from his future wife. It was the one and only time I dated a Pentecostal preacher.

-His wife was expected to wear her hair pinned up when out in public.
-She was never to cut her hair for any reason.
-Always to walk behind him by at least 3 feet.
-She was never to say "no" when he wanted sex.
-Sleep naked until they had children then she could wear a nightgown to bed.
-He was always right on everything.
-He was the only one allowed to deal with financial matters.
-She was not to buy anything without his permission.
-She was not to question him on anything including if he was late coming home.
-Dinner done and on the table by no later than 6 PM.

There were other things listed that I don't remember off the top of my head and I only stayed on that date because he drove me there. Last I heard he was still looking for a wife.

Here's my list for people like this male chauvinist pig:

- He is never to wear his robes in public unless he is ministering at a church.
- He is shave his head and have it tattooed with a big red target on the top.
- He is to allow his wife to carry a gun whenever they walk.
- He is to never say "no" whenever SHE wanted sex.
- He is also to sleep naked, especially when they have children. That way, when she leaves, this will be evidence against him.
- Wife is allowed to bop husband on the head if she knows that he is wrong.
- Wife is allowed to have her lawyer's number on the speed-dial.
- He is also not to buy anything without HER permission; and he may not buy anything that HE wants for HIMSELF.
- He is not to question her or comment on anything, especially about how many men enter their matrimonial home or end up on their matrimonial bed.
- Husband home no later than 12PM, or he finds himself locked out of the house.
- In the event of a divorce, wife is allowed to keep everything and bleed husband dry.

[Marmalady]

-She was not to question him on anything including if he was late coming home.

Am I the only one who's wondering just why a Pentecostal preacher would not be able to explain why he was late coming home?

[Amethyst Hunter]

bleed husband dry.

I like the bleeding dry thing part. Literally.

There IS one good thing about turdmonkeys like this: at least he had the courtesy to give warning of his dicketry up front, so she had plenty of time to run in the opposite direction *before* she got trapped on the USS Failboat!

[TruthHurts]

I just remembered another one. When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend who accused me of giving him crabs. He accused me of cheating on him and told me how horrible I was. I had no such thing and even went to a doctor for an examination and a note stating that I was clean.

I forced him to read that note and he admitted that I wasn't the one to give it to him. He "must've caught it from sleeping on a friend's couch." He later got his butt kicked by the husband of the woman he had actually gotten it from.

[Phantasmagoria]

"I know you're unhappy now... but if we break up I'll be unhappy!"

This was after I'd spent about a year trying to break up with him, and being reduced to doing it by text and then switching my phone off. Normally I'd think that was a pretty sh*tty thing to do, but I'd tried in person and then on the phone and been forced to take it back and stay when he started screaming "if you leave me I'll kill myself" at me every time.

That and:
"you can stay with me now, I'm a lot better, I've stopped hurting myself, I'm a lot calmer, I won't threaten you any more"
"No. You've already gone too far. I don't want to be with you any more"
"You can't leave me! Look what you made me do!" *pulling up sleeve to show bloody cut marks*

That kind of crap really messed me up for a long time, and I ended up doing a lot of stupid things I regret because I could no longer see any value in myself. I screwed up my A levels. But I've now been with the lovely bf for nearly four years. He made me see a counsellor, and things are going well again. I've just graduated from a Masters degree with distinction, and the lovely bf has supported me every step of the way. Still wish there were some things which could just be wiped from my memory though!

(Bonus previous ex stupid quote: "Do you really want to throw away SIX MONTHS?" ....ummm... yes? I've had Sims that lasted me longer!)

[Gizmo]

This was after I'd spent about a year trying to break up with him, and being reduced to doing it by text and then switching my phone off.

My first BF was like this. I'd broken up with him half a dozen times and he'd wormed his way back in again each time.

Eventually I told him to get lost and he responded saying to "have a good life" as he only had "2 months left to live".

I was upset for a while until I thought to text his best friend (who almost dated me at one point) and confirmed he was just being an ass.

Took 2 years before he finally stopped sending me "please" messages trying to get back together!