What do you do when there is literally no hope left?

[Barracuda]

Ok, first of all, me giving up on myself FOLLOWED my family giving up on me. It didn't happen first. Second, I get that I'm a grown adult, one who has struggled constantly because my parents DIDN'T get me the help I needed when I was younger or even listen to me. And now they want to try the "tough love" approach when I'm willing to pay rent (as I can, anyway) work hard at finding a job and work around the house? I get they don't owe me free room and board, I'm willing to work for it. But that rejection, that "we love you but we don't care if you're homeless" is really hard to take. I'm pretty confused right now about how that qualifies as love. I'm not just some lazy shit who doesn't want to work, ok? In the past, I've worked crappy jobs until I literally had a nervous breakdown and HAD to quit or basically would have committed suicide. I have panic attacks and anxiety attacks now; I didn't used to. If you can't turn to family at times like this, who can you turn to? And why the hell SHOULD I care about myself when no one else ever seems to, even when I've sympathized with them and helped them and WOULD help THEM if our positions were reversed? I mean, what is the goddamn point? If life is misery, better to END it. Better to die quick and peaceful than slow and agonizingly. Not ready to take that step yet, but that's what I've pretty much made up my mind about.

[Barracuda]

By the way, haven't given up hope yet. I'm going to keep fighting as long as I can. It just seems like no one in my life who SHOULD care gives a damn. And that's a hard thing to understand or accept. Part of me still can't believe my parents really are that way, that they actually meant it. I'm kind of in shock, I guess. And thanks for saying you guys don't want to lose me. I don't want to lose me either. I just need to see some way out of this. Right now I feel totally backed into a corner.

[Greenday]

I don't even know if I can work anymore, my diabetes is getting worse

If it's bad enough, what about disability?

[cleorose]

Real world advice and you are probably not gonna like it.

Life is not fair. Its never easy. The older you get, the harder it is. No one, not even your parents owe you anything once you become an adult.

Yes you are angry they don't want to be your support system. I get that. But move on.

However from their point of view from what you have said. Is that you work, for a short time, and then something happens. And you are out of work because you either quit or you get fired.

My husband in the first FIVE years of our marriage had FORTY SEVEN jobs. FORTY SEVEN. Because he had that same issue. Some boss would rail on him, and he would snap. quit or get fired.
My guess is your work history while probably NOT quite as fun as that, I am sure your parents see the constant work, quit, work, get fired and that plays into their tough love mentality. If you have no where else to go. Maybe just maybe you will keep your job, do what it takes to stay employed instead of giving up when it starts to get tough.

I have been homeless, I have been completely on the street with a kid in tow. I am not without sympathy. I have no family of my own except my kids. When I went into foster care at the age of 8, no one in my biological family wanted anything to do with me. My grandmother, mother, father, aunts and uncles, all told me at the age of 9, they no longer considered me part of the family and would not continue to visit me. My mom committed suicide herself when I was 12 and she was just 36. I had not seen her in 3 years and while I attended her funeral I did not cry and I stood apart from my whole family. That was the last time I saw any of my extended family.

When I was 24 I had a one year old child, and was separated from my hubby. My foster parents had allowed me to stay there. What little I was making I was giving to them except what I needed for my son. The night my foster mom was buried, her grown CHRISTIAN children who had been my family for 15+ years cornered me in a back room and told me to GET OUT and Grow up, and make my own life elsewhere. I would not even call that tough love. I was out before the week was over. That should have been the last time I spoke to any of their children. I maintained contact with my foster father but became a bit more distant.

You need to put it in your head, this is YOUR fight. No one is gonna help you if you are not gonna help yourself. And if you are content to sit and sulk in a corner of your room because you are too proud and stubborn to act to better yourself then thats what you deserve.

Given that it sounds like you might have a history of depression, maybe you need to get treated for manic depression. Or maybe you need a job like the army. Where you don't have to worry about a roof over your head or a steady paycheck. Yeah its not for everyone. But if you have no where else. Why not? If you don't like it, its not terribly hard to get out. Especially if you aren't stupid.

Aside from that start talking to everyone you can. Welfare office . Find out about section 8. Food stamps, cash assistance, Bill assistance. Depending on where you live you can go to any amount of chairities or churches and get help with your bills and utilities.

My sister in law and brother in law in Indiana, when he broke his foot, was laid off and without work for six weeks. She was able to get help from local churches to help pay for lights, gas, water etc.

No one is gonna stand beside you and give you a free pass. Pay your landlord what you can and talk to them about section 8 etc. Some will work with you.

It may seem easier to just throw your hands up and say I give up. But that does not invoke sympathy. IF anything it tells people you aren't worth it if you don't believe in yourself.

Fight every battle til you can't stand or breathe any more. If its hard now, I promise you it gets worse. And the longer you wait to pick up and fight, the harder that fight is gonna be.

Good luck.

[Barracuda]

You know what, that's it. Never mind. I should never have opened up about this. All it has led to is more attacks and more judgement at a time when I am already at a very low ebb emotionally. I could explain more of the background, but I could write a short novel about how things got to where they are, my life up to this point and the challenges I face, and all the rest. But you know what? I don't care to anymore. Anything I say is going to be dismissed as whining, and no one will listen. All I will say is I HAVE acted to better myself. How? I don't care to say now. I have no interest in being judged again. Consider me a sulky whiny brat who is acting up if you must. I was insane to try and unburden myself here in the first place.

[cleorose]

I don't think its whining to want hope. But you dismiss even that when its given to you. There are people who have been where you are, been worse off than you. I have read everything you wrote.

You have very very severe depression. You need to see a therapist. Walk into the er, the clinic wherever and get it. Not tomorrow. Now tonight. That is the first step. You have to get your mental health in order.

You are hung up on what you want and not what you need. Its summer in most parts of the world. gonna assume it is for you too. A shelter sucks, but its not the end of the world. Its a roof. You are in a position where you have to swallow your pride. And do what it is necessary. If that means giving up material items, when you do come back around to owning those things again it will mean that much more.

I am sorry if I offended you. But your plea went from being lost and hopeless to which I have the upmost sympathy to you being angry about not getting what you want because you felt entitled.
That is how I read it when you say you are angry with your parents.

Your parents are being jerks. I have no argument there. But dwelling only aggravates your situation. Some day luck will find you. And you can give your parents the same "tough love" they gave you. Take it as a life lesson. A sucky one albeit. But you can prevail. But you have to make that choice.

[Seshat]

Re your parents being jerks: I agree with cleorose. They are. But point 3 of my sig is "Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred."

It's a truth I had to learn the hard way. Please don't need to learn it the hard way.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I did have more thoughts about this, but you said to let it go so I will. If you do want to hear any feel free to PM me.

The only thing I will say is if you want to vent, I think that this is a safe place to do it, but posting in life advice, with a question about what to do in the thread title is probably not the right place. If you post something in off topic maybe, and just say needing to vent, you may find a sympathetic ear without all the 'judgement'. (And I'm sorry it came off as judgement, I think everyone here is honestly trying to help you.)

[Jester]

I don't think anyone here was judging you or dismissing your problems. I think that is what you read into it. What I saw is several people offering their advice and insight into your current issue, and some of it was stuff you may not have wanted to hear, but that they thought they had to say in order to best help you.

People here, myself included, have offered to talk with you and help you in many ways. If you choose to refuse all such offers, and to see some of the sterner advice as attacks and negative judgments about you, that is your choice.

But you could also choose to see it as people from all over coming together to try to help you. That also would be your choice.

No one here can tell you what to do. We can only offer advice, insight, counseling, and suggestions. In the end, the only person that can decide what you do, with that advice, with your parents, in your life...is you. You can choose to take the help offered or not. You can choose to deal with your current situation, or you can give up. You can choose to hold on to hope and fight for your life, or you can choose to let life happen to you without taking any control of it, or you can completely give up and find a way to die. And one way or another, it will be your choice. Not to be too trite or cliched here, Rush had a line in one of their songs that I've always found rather profound and insightful: "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." (The whole song, Freewill, is very impressive and rather appropriate for this discussion. If you want, you can read the full lyrics here, or listen to the song here.)

It's your life. It's your choice.

I think I speak for a lot of people here when I say I hope you choose wisely.

[Jester]

Any chance of getting an update? Concerned and worried....

[NorthernZel]

Any chance of getting an update? Concerned and worried....

OP has been watching this site last night (or, at least, his profile page says so), so I hope he is in good health and ready to provide an update as soon as he feels ready for it.

[Barracuda]

I'm here. I've been hanging in there. Still hurting and confused at times, but got extended another couple weeks at my temp position, so still have some time (one week left now). Been looking for work and gotten a few nibbles. I'm just sick of starting over again and again. I'm getting older, you know? In my 30s now and not feeling as young as I used to, although not like I'm an old geezer yet either. My point is I need to start a career, get a real job, move forward in life, and I'm running out of time to build a nest egg for retirement and start a family. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm ever going to achieve anything or my hopes will forever remain out of reach. Not giving up yet, though.

[MoonCat]

Good for you! Don't give up! You're still young. It may not feel like it from your point of view, but from mine, well...yeah Besides, some of us are just late bloomers, you know? I have (well, had) friends whose son didn't get a perm job until almost 40, and didn't marry until several years after that.