What do you do when there is literally no hope left?

[Barracuda]

So, yeah. I probably won't be able to work tomorrow because right now I'm more upset than I think I've ever been. My parents just informed me last night that they won't take me in if I can't find another job, even temporarily. My one decent job prospect just called to say I'm no longer under consideration. My current job ends next week, and I run out of money soon after that. So I have no job future, no prospects, nowhere to turn, and no hope. I'm facing losing everything I have and it's just too much after the struggle of the past few years. I truly just am ready to give up. Just lie in bed until I die from starvation or they throw me out onto the street and then lie on the grass and do it there. Why God has chosen to bless people who don't even believe in Him and ignore the pleas of someone who does and has been trying hard for years to make it is something I just cannot and will not understand.

Just like I cannot understand my parents actions or why they think this is somehow "helping" me. No one understands the struggles I've undergone since I was a little kid and I just have nothing left to fight with anymore. And now I probably can't work one of the few days I have left because I'm so upset I'd probably spend the whole day fighting off tears. I hate myself, I'm furious at my parents, angry at my friends for not being there in a supportive sense (they claim they "don't know what to say" when I'm upset. Like that excuses them not even trying? Just avoiding me altogether?) To top it all off my parents gave me a guilt trip about all the money they spent because of me and how they're still paying off my college debt. Yeah, and? I've been struggling for years to find a good job with no luck. And now I've got nothing left. I don't even know if I can work anymore, my diabetes is getting worse, and I'm so stressed all the time it takes very little to get me despondent.

[Kheldarson]

Go to your local churches. They're sure to know people and places that can help. Plus they can help on a therapeutic and spiritual level.

It can get better. :hugs:

[Tama]

I know how you feel. I'm still battling my way through depression that gets worse with little encouragement...

Start looking at churches, and also get down to an SS office to see what they can do for you, they usually have job hunting help or training or SOMETHING AVAILABLE. Look for shelters in your area also.

Job was tested, and it appears that you are as well, unfortunately.

[Barracuda]

I have to say, at this point I'm not much interested in shelters. Maybe I'm being stubborn. But part of me shrivels inside at the thought of having to leave my place and go to a shelter. Not to mention I would lose most of my belongings, I wouldn't have any place to put them. It's...deeper than just that, too. Part of me really doesn't want to put forth the EFFORT to keep going (ok, a really big part right now.) I feel like I've fought as long and as hard as I can, and I just don't have it in me to keep going with the struggle. I almost WANT to lay down and die, it would be easier than going on at this point. I hate myself for saying it, I sound pathetic, but it's honestly how I feel at this point.

[Seshat]

Barracuda: I truly understand.

Some years ago, I had anhedonic depression (ie, nothing brought me up anywhere near 'neutral', much less 'cheerful'. Pictures of cute puppies? Meh. Kittens? Meh. Baby elephant trying to learn to use its trunk? Meh.). In addition, I was in severe pain all the time, mostly unable to walk, unable to do anything useful, etc etc.

I was convinced that I was a burden to society, a burden to the people I cared about, a burden to my friends, completely useless, and completely hopeless.

Toth and Bast (my husband and my best friend) made a deal with me: I would continue attempting medical things to improve my quality of life until both they and my doctor said there was nothing further medical to try. Then I was allowed to give up.

Now I'm okay three seasons of the year, but winters are still misery city. At least I have three seasons when I can do something, right?



Now, the reason I bring this up is this: depression lies. Depression tells you there is absolutely no hope, even if other people can see hope.

Part of me really doesn't want to put forth the EFFORT to keep going (ok, a really big part right now.) I feel like I've fought as long and as hard as I can, and I just don't have it in me to keep going with the struggle. I almost WANT to lay down and die, it would be easier than going on at this point. I hate myself for saying it, I sound pathetic, but it's honestly how I feel at this point.

This sounds classically like depression to me.

I've researched suiciding. Sadly, none of the methods are as nice and neat as 'lay down and die': they're all damned hard in one way or another.

It's actually likely to be easier to put your belongings in storage, couch surf or use shelters, and get help from churches, social security/welfare, or anyone other community organisations.

Depression is hell.

But please, please remember: depression lies.

I wish you well in your struggle with it. I hope you are one of those for whom it is a passing condition, and never recurs.

[telecom_goddess]

couchsurfing.org is a website dedicated to crashing on couches in all areas...try that.

[KiaKat]

Depression definitely lies. But, when in the throes of an attack, that tidbit becomes irrelevant in the face of the darkness.

Focus on yourself for a moment. What is your end goal for today? For this hour? For this week? It doesn't have to be life-changing, it can be as simple as going for a walk.

My goal for today was to go running, do a single load of laundry, and rehearse a song that may never be performed. So far, I've been running.

That counts as a win.

http://youtu.be/dg3PberzvXo

[cleorose]

First off, despite whatever attachment you have to stuff, it can be replaced.

Second Call around for free mental help therapy. I have lived in several states and they all have it. I am sure yours does to.

Third Start calling the welfare, unemployment and local churches. etc If you are under the poverty guidelines you can qualify for help. there is no shame in asking for help. If you pay your taxes you are entitled to the help.

Fourth have a serious conversation with your parents. I understand them not wanting to take you back cause sometimes its hard to get rid of our kids once they move in. I have a sister in law that still has her 23 year old daughter who moves out and then in again. Hubby for awhile was that way. He would move in with them and become the couch pillow that would not go away. Sometimes if you can set a guideline. Say you agree to be out in 180 days max. Thats about six months. And that you agree to xyz around the house while you are working for work, you will show them your job searches etc to show you are trying. And then promise to give them 20% income of whatever you make to help with expenses. And then tell them you will no less than 30% into savings to help you move out. Have a plan and be confident.

[Barracuda]

I have tried all that with my parents. They refuse to let me move home under any conditions. And I'll be blunt. Part of me would rather be dead than in a shelter or couchsurfing, ok? I've been stressed out for years about money and living situations, and right now I'm in no mood to settle. Not as in I'm not willing to, I don't know if I am able to. I could end up committing suicide just looking at the future if that were the case. I get anxiety attacks thinking about it. I don't know what the solution is other than finally finding a damn job that pays the bills that I can do without going mega stress ball (or winning the lottery, like THAT will happen.) I can't take the up and down anymore of things working out, then things not working out, then things looking up, then down again. Is there a solution? I don't know. I only know I needed badly to share with someone and hear their ideas. I would be willing to live under more drastic rules at home, but....I'm already doing what I can to find work. To me, that's the most frustrating thing--I can't give myself a job that works for me, I have to rely on someone else to decide if I can have it or not. And that's just been insufferable. No matter how hard I try, how hard I work, it never gets noticed or rewarded. And that 'what is the point of even trying?' feeling has been pounded into me by circumstances over and over again in the last few years.

[Jester]

You've tried all that with your parents. They've said no. So that street is closed. Move on.

As for everything else, you need to take one day at a time. Keep looking for work. Keep trying to find a place to live. With friends, temporarily, if you can. Couch surfing or in a shelter if you must.

Will it suck? Sure. Things are going to get bad before they get better, based on what you've said about your current situation. Life can suck. It's a painful truth a lot of people don't want to tell you, but it is a truth.

Life can also be awesome. But only if you let it. If you open up your heart, mind, and soul to the possibilities and potential that is out there. Yes, even for you.

I say give it a chance. Do what you have to do, even if it sucks, as a means to an end. You can and will bounce back, if you allow yourself the possibility to do so. Right now you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there. I know, I've been there. Others have been there as well, and know it's true. I hope some of them pipe up here. Remember, as Seshat said, depression is a liar.

For now, if you need to talk, message me. If you'd rather talk on the phone, that can be arranged as well.

Don't give up. I once wanted to, and am grateful every day now that I didn't then.

[Seshat]

Part of me would rather be dead than in a shelter or couchsurfing, ok? I've been stressed out for years about money and living situations, and right now I'm in no mood to settle. Not as in I'm not willing to, I don't know if I am able to. I could end up committing suicide just looking at the future if that were the case.
<snip>
And that 'what is the point of even trying?' feeling has been pounded into me by circumstances over and over again in the last few years.

Barracuda: I do understand. <snip tale of woe> - the relevant part of the tale of woe I've just snipped is that I, too, have had to take life with a whopping handful of salt. Periods of relatively better times (which are oh, so much worse than my family's worst times), interspersed with periods of time when we were literally homeless, or >< close to being homeless, or thank-god-we-scraped-through-this-month...


Here's WHY I don't just give up, curl up in bed and try to starve/dehydrate myself to death:

1. The human body just doesn't work that way. It's got a stronger will to live than you or I have a will to die. I'm so confident of this that I'm happy to say 'go try it'... I have, and I failed.

2. A good suicide takes planning. Suicide failure is too awful to risk: the absolute best is that you're caught early enough to not suffer permanent damage, but then you'll probably be involuntarily committed and put under suicide watch. NOT FUN. And that's the best option. If you're lucky, and you're in a hospital that's not overcrowded, underfunded and understaffed, you'll get counselling and psych help. If you're lucky. They'll probably let you out (read, kick you out) after three days.
2a. A failed suicide attempt will usually cause permanent damage. And probably be agonisingly painful.
2b. The few methods which have a high success chance cause trauma to whoever finds your body: they're not pretty, at all.
2c. Remember how badly we all took it here when we lost Plaidman? It really hurts friends and family - and you do have friends.
2d. You owe it to your friends and family, in your suicide planning, to ensure that it is very obviously suicide, and provably so. Otherwise your nearest and dearest become the top suspects in a murder investigation.

... all of the '2' series are why I ended up giving up on suicide as an option.

3. I could 'just give up'. Stop trying. Stop actively living, and just go passive. Check myself in to some government or charity run nursing home, and spend my days watching whatever's on the TV when they wheel me out to the common room.
Sounds like an awful existence, though.
You could probably try something similar. Still would be awful.

4. The only other option I'm aware of is to go on. Keep living, keep being active, not passive, in my life.
But there's no reason not to give yourself breaks from time to time. Even just a few hours can help. Even a half hour of meditation.

As for how to keep going on: sometimes I tell myself I'll just keep going for one more day, one more hour, one more minute, the next five seconds. If I only have to choose to keep striving for five seconds, it seems more possible than if I am trying to keep striving 'forever'.

[Barracuda]

I'm trying. I just....I must admit, right now, I am furious with my parents. And I feel more hurt and rejected by the fact they basically told me they'd rather I was on the street than home than I am by the thought of being homeless, at least to some extent. Am I wrong to feel angry at them? Are they right to treat me like this? They seem to think they're helping me with "tough love" since I have always had trouble holding jobs long term (get too stressed and depressed and quit or get fired,) up until a couple years ago. I'm trying as hard as I can to succeed right now, and they act like I haven't changed at all. I guess I just don't know if I should be angry at them or hate myself, or what. Pretty confused on top of everything.

[MoonCat]

I won't say you're wrong to be mad at your parents. They might think they're helping you, but maybe they don't really understand what's going on. Sometimes it's very hard for our families to understand things like depression and other problems caused by stress. It frightens them so they deny it, and go with an easier-to-handle explanation.

I wish I had more advice for you. I do agree with Seshat. Listen to her and try some of her suggestions if you possibly can: she's a very wise lady. And she's right, you do have friends here. We don't want to lose you.

[Seshat]

Part of my snipped tale of woe is exactly the same - 'tough love' from my parents.

They didn't understand/wouldn't understand that my problems were so severe that one day, Toth came home to discover that I was trapped on the floor. He tells me I looked up at him and said, in this horribly apologetic tone, "I can't get my legs to work."

Me, I was feeling guilty and despising myself and feeling weak and stupid and like I was a horrible person. Toth knew that it was a physical problem, and after that incident, he was quite literally too afraid for me to leave me at home unattended. So he couldn't work.

We tried to tell my parents. We told his parents. My parents? The same 'tough love' you're getting now. His parents gave us his old room, until we saved up enough for bond for an apartment we could afford on welfare.

Yes, I'm furious at my parents. How the hell could they believe I was making up this level of sickness? How the hell could they expect Toth to abandon me at home with noone to care for me, when I was that sick?



You have similar problems. Depression, anxiety and sensitivity to stress are usually problems in the hindbrain (they can also be neurochemical, endocrine, circumstantial, anatomical, a reaction to weather, a lack of some vitamin or other (D is common), some combination of the others, or one of a number of rarer issues).

Regardless: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Don't feel bad about yourself - scrap that. If you have depression, one of its lies is 'I'm a horrible person'. At least every depressed person I've talked to about it has that delusion.

So let me rephrase. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. When the Depression tells you that you're a horrible person - in whichever phrasing your own brain uses - try to remember to tell yourself 'it's the depression saying that. depression lies. I'm doing the best I can.'
That will be difficult, if you've never used this technique before. And you won't believe it, the first time, or the first ten, or a hundred times.
What you're trying to do is build a kind of 'brain-memory' - like building muscle memory when you learn to do a tennis serve, or play a Gb chord on a guitar. You're embedding a path in your nerves. The depression has had years and years to build the 'horrible person' path, have patience with yourself over learning the 'depression lies, I'm doing the best I can' path.

Get help for the depression.

In the short term, find yourself a basic, disability-level or welfare-level income, and a good-enough place to stay.

For the medium term, address the depression/anxiety, or whatever it is that's causing you to be unable to stick with jobs. Based on what you've said so far this thread, I suspect clinical depression, possibly with anxiety (they're often seen together), and perhaps with an unusual sensitivity to stressors.
All of these can be treated. Depending on the exact cause, they can often be cured.
If, like me, you have chronic and indefinite depression, you can still be treated to the point where your life is well worth living.

If you need/want help finding help for the depression, or help finding a place to live and an adequate income while you do this, tell us which part of which country you're in. I'm certain some of us will be happy to do the websearches, and if there's any locals, they may know specific charities or government programs.

A final note: if your parents believe that medical illness is a true illness (mine are very iffy on that subject), they might be willing to help pay for medications, counselling programs (aka physiotherapy-for-the-mind), or other treatments. Wait until you can demonstrate to them that you're genuinely trying, then ask.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

So I have no job future, no prospects, nowhere to turn, and no hope. I'm facing losing everything I have and it's just too much after the struggle of the past few years. I truly just am ready to give up. Just lie in bed until I die from starvation or they throw me out onto the street and then lie on the grass and do it there. Why God has chosen to bless people who don't even believe in Him and ignore the pleas of someone who does and has been trying hard for years to make it is something I just cannot and will not understand.

I'm furious at my parents, angry at my friends for not being there in a supportive sense (they claim they "don't know what to say" when I'm upset. Like that excuses them not even trying? Just avoiding me altogether?).

So you have given up on yourself, there is nothing you are willing to do to help yourself, but you furious and angry with your family, friends and God for giving up on you too? Why should they put forth the effort if you aren't willing to?

I have to say, at this point I'm not much interested in shelters. Maybe I'm being stubborn. But part of me shrivels inside at the thought of having to leave my place and go to a shelter. Not to mention I would lose most of my belongings, I wouldn't have any place to put them.

I don't know what the solution is other than finally finding a damn job that pays the bills that I can do without going mega stress ball (or winning the lottery, like THAT will happen.)

but....I'm already doing what I can to find work. To me, that's the most frustrating thing--I can't give myself a job that works for me, I have to rely on someone else to decide if I can have it or not.

So it galls you that other people are in charge of deciding your job future, but it is okay with you to give up total control of your life to others? If you do nothing you WILL end up on the street or in a shelter, you WILL lose your belongings and you WILL end up having to live your life as others have decided. If you put some work in you may ending up being able to make some choices about your future.

I do understand, I have felt like you do for long periods of my life, and it sucks, it's really hard to turn around, and I get that you are genuinely asking for help. If you honestly can't get the energy to give even a little bit of a shit, that is a medical problem, and it won't be solved , no matter how badly you want it to be, without medical intervention. I don't know where you live, or what medical options are available to you, but Google could probably tell you.

You don't know where to turn? Start with the basics, you need a job, or a way to get money, you need somewhere safe to live, you need medical care. If you are close to losing your housing and need money that bad, don't be proud and don't be picky, take whatever you can get. If you can't find something where you are, move. The sooner you accept that it probably won't be perfect, but you are going to have to take good enough for a while, the faster you can start looking for something suitable.

As far as getting a job that works for you, nobody just gets what they want or deserve. People can, and frequently do, get what they earn. How do you earn 'that perfect job'? By doing a ton of crap jobs way better than you have to. By working shit hours for shit pay. By volunteering to do work for free that is in your field, doing it well, going above and beyond, and getting references to put towards that dream job. By living a sucky, crap life, with low pay, less respect, without feeling rewarded for years to earn that chance at the dream. By working your ass off until you earn it. That's it, there is no shortcut (short of rich parents or lottery winnings), and you will have to work through it the same as every one else.

I'm trying. I just....I must admit, right now, I am furious with my parents. And I feel more hurt and rejected by the fact they basically told me they'd rather I was on the street than home than I am by the thought of being homeless, at least to some extent. Am I wrong to feel angry at them? Are they right to treat me like this? They seem to think they're helping me with "tough love" since I have always had trouble holding jobs long term (get too stressed and depressed and quit or get fired,) up until a couple years ago. I'm trying as hard as I can to succeed right now, and they act like I haven't changed at all. I guess I just don't know if I should be angry at them or hate myself, or what. Pretty confused on top of everything.

It's hard being rejected by parents, you feel like parents have to love you, and if they don't what chance is there for anyone else to ever love you. But, really, they are just people. As much as they are not behaving how you would like, you are not behaving how they would like. At some point you have to accept that you are a fully grown adult, who is responsible for your own decisions, and that your parents are just other grown adults, who are responsible only for their decisions. They probably do love you very much, they have probably noticed that bailing you out in the past has not produced the results that they want, and they are probably hoping that trying something different will net a different ending. Hate them if you want, but do it while working on changing your life.

I'll say it again, if you frequently get too stressed or depressed to hold down a job, that is a medical condition. It is not normal (in the sense that most people don't feel like that), it is not something you can just fix or change, and it requires medical help. It took me almost ten years of resisting, trying, fighting, losing and failing before I finally accepted that I needed proper medical help to live any sort of stable acceptable life. A decade of my life, completely wasted. Since I received proper care (going on 12 years) I have only had three different jobs, all in the same field, I have only been off work for the 18 months I was doing the stay at home mom thing, and I have not had to quit or get fired due to stress and unhappiness once. Once the underlying medical conditions are solved you can work at getting your life the way you want it, with great chance of success.

If things get worse, if you do end up losing your housing, if you don't find the job you need, ask for help! I have done homelessness, joblessness and life on 0$/day without ending up in jail (much harder than it sounds). I can give you tips on how to live without shelter and money, and most importantly how to drag yourself up from there, and I'm sure other people on this board can do the same.