Can I start this week over?

[protege]

Sucks that your Dad has turned completely around and become someone you loathe. Especially after all the things you've done together and shared. But even though things are getting ugly now, it'll eventually work itself out for the best.

His behavior is getting more and more bizarre. He's cut himself off from almost everyone. In fact, that's why he's living at my grandmother's. Nobody in that neighborhood knows him, so he doesn't have to explain what he did. If he does run into someone he knows, or someone just says "hello" to him, he quickly turns the other way and runs.

But, like you said, everything will work itself out. If there is a hearing, all of his dirty little secrets will come out--the lies, the hidden bank accounts, the occasional abuse, the million-or-so secrets about his family--all will be revealed. Karma is a bitch, and it's about to smack him upside the head.

I have a feeling that my aunt (his younger step-sister) put him up to it. She and my mom don't get along, and haven't since about 2001. That year, her dad died of cancer. She got upset because my mom wouldn't force him to get chemo. "Grandpa" (remember, he wasn't my dad's real dad) was still somewhat coherent, and said that he didn't want it. He died of cancer later that year. Since then, my aunt has been a bitch. She'll say things to bait my mom into confronting her, or make snide comments about the rest of us.

In the meantime, we're here anytime you need to unload and don't give up on your Dad. Maybe he'll turn around and be decent toward you again (and if he does, still don't let your guard down.)

After all the lies, the deception, being forced to live like paupers, and the mind games, there's no way in hell I'd trust him again.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

After all the lies, the deception, being forced to live like paupers, and the mind games, there's no way in hell I'd trust him again.

Believe me, I still don't trust my Dad and stepmom 100% either. Even now, I still feel like there's a lot of things I cannot divulge to them. Just visiting them or going on a week vacation w/them to the beach house (which if Dad were to call one weekend and say "We're going . . . pack a bag" I'd still go and have a good time.)

I'm slowly learning to trust them . . . but I have to do it by degrees. I'd say within the last year and a half when I talk to my stepmom, she's been telling me things about her family that I didn't previously know about or exactly what's been going on. While I'm glad that she's starting to open up, it's a two way street and I've been trying to open up a little bit with her as well. It's hard for me to completely let go of everything they had done toward us over the years (and that list would be a novel in itself) but I still have to guard myself as to how much I tell about my life w/Mom and Chris.

With Dad, he still doesn't quite get it when it comes to my brother. But I think my stepmom is starting to get a better picture (she's now dealing w/both of her brothers problems in addition to taking care of their Dad, even more so since her Mom passed on last year) so we're learning to lean on each other. Being a caretaker isn't easy . . . and for the last few years I've been feeling increasingly stressed. So it's been helping that I can reach out and vent every once in a while (add to that that once Mom is gone, I'm left by myself with Chris and I'm not sure how yet I'm going to be able to financially handle that so I may need them to step up and help out more than they are already doing).

Remember the Michael Corleone rule: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

But I understand completely where you are coming from. You have to protect yourself from further damage - nobody else can do that for you.

[RootedPhoenix]

*just hugs protege* I can't promise anything other than a listening ear. You're loved, good sir.

[protege]

I spent last night making copies of tax returns and other documents. I still can't believe that it's happening. My dad has retained a lawyer, and divorce is getting closer. In fact, he's already started the proceedings. He's trying to hurt my mom (financially) as much as he can. The estate hasn't settled, and the house hasn't been sold yet, so why not?

However, my mom can delay signing the papers for up to 2 years. Not knowing if she'll be able to keep the house (remember, my dad is still listed as an owner, but is under no obligation to pay any bills) has her worried. So far, he hasn't tried to screw her out of her home. I have a feeling if he did...he'd suddenly have 3 very angry, Irish sons to deal with

What I still cannot believe, is that over the long Memorial Day weekend, he was playing golf with a family friend. After not saying a word during the first 9 holes, the friend finally asked him "what the hell are you doing?" That's when my dad said that "my kids are OK with what I'm doing." That was a lie. So was the "huge fund" he'd set up for my mother.

Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

What I still cannot believe, is that over the long Memorial Day weekend, he was playing golf with a family friend. After not saying a word during the first 9 holes, the friend finally asked him "what the hell are you doing?" That's when my dad said that "my kids are OK with what I'm doing." That was a lie. So was the "huge fund" he'd set up for my mother.

Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?

Somehow I'm not surprised that your Dad is turning this around and trying to make your Mom look like the bad guy and he's done "nothing wrong."

If people really know the couple involved, they'll figure it out pretty quickly . . . and scatter for the four winds.

That was one of the hardest things my Mom had to deal with during her last divorce - all the friends left her as well. Nevermind that her hubs had been seeing another woman behind her back (his brother's g/f's aunt at that) but they all knew about it.

Even his own family knew . . . and his younger brother we helped out w/a place to live during his senior year of HS (he was at our house more than w/his grandparents) Mom helped him buy his first car (he had a late 70's Trans Am for a short spell before he traded that in, w/Mom's help and got the '72 Cutlass, aka The Bundymobile.)

I'd say it was less than a month after the stepdad moved out, we had to throw the brother out - bag and baggage when Mom found out who this "Terry" person actually was the hubby had moved in with (she'd been told it was a guy he knew from the post office.)

Had to have the moulding around the back center of the far office wall patched up due to him throwing his alarm clock up there when he was confronted (way to go there, Brat. Tear up someone else's house) and told to pack up and leave. Their mom left not long afterward (she'd moved back from up north right after hubby had moved out) and we've not had much contact w/her since.

What few times we've seen her out in public, she turns and runs the other way. Come to think of it, I saw a lady in my store yesterday that could have been her and she just looked at me and walked away down the wine aisle.

It's all good though . . . I have nothing to hang my head in shame over. She's welcome to act as if she doesn't know me . . . but it will come back and bite her in the butt one day.

Every dog has its day in the end.

[protege]

Somehow I'm not surprised that your Dad is turning this around and trying to make your Mom look like the bad guy and he's done "nothing wrong."

That's exactly what he's doing. You'd think that if he thought what he was doing was right...he'd have the balls to defend it. Instead, if he runs into someone he knows (or someone tries to talk to him), he runs the other way. That's why he moved into my grandmother's house. She lived across town, and there's very little chance that he'll have to explain what happened.

Lately though, I've been hearing more and more shit that he's done and said over the years. I don't ever remember him saying he was proud of anything I'd ever done. Instead, I hear that he's been talking shit. Imagine hearing that your own father...thinks you're a failure.