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So, it's a normal day. A lady comes up to the bar.
Lady: Excuse me...there's a lady smoking near the entrance.
Me: OK thank you for letting me know.
FYI: It is ILLEGAL to smoke in public places in the UK. It's a criminal offence which means the customer would be fined, and we could be fined up to £5000. So yeah, it was a big deal! I walked over. Two people are sat by the entrance. They both look like very presentable, business types, dressed in their best and with briefcases.
I go over, and surely enough, a woman is sat there with a giagantic plume of smoke above her head and a cigarette dangling out of her mouth.
Sucky Lady; SL
Sucky Man: SM
Me: Excuse me!
SL: Que?
Me: You cannot smoke in here!
SL: Que?
I slammed my hand against the massive NO SMOKING sign.
SL: Que?
Sucky Man joins in. He is on his phone.
SM: She doesn't speak a word of English!
Me: Well can you tell her her to go outside with the cigarette.
Sucky Man does not reply. Sucky Woman looks confused. Sucky Man carries on his phone conversation as if I wasn't even there. I should also point out that Sucky Man was English, so there was NO excuse for him not knowing about the smoking ban. I am beginning to get wound up.
Me: *through my teeth, very annoyed* Tell her to go outside.
Sucky Man tuts.
SM: I'll have to call you back. I'm getting harassed by some idiot.
Me: :O
Sucky Man speaks Spanish and tells Sucky Woman to go outside.
SW: Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Me; It's OK.
She goes outside.
A few minutes later, I am clearing some tables, when I overhear...
SW; Hi Julie! I need you to rescheduel my meeting...
Yep! Sucky Woman was speaking English! Complete with Manchester accent!
I was livid. But I decided to walk away. I informed all the staff behind the bar not to serve them on the grounds that they were idiots.
A few minutes later, I smell cigarettes. I storm over. Both Sucky Man and Sucky Woman are sat there smoking, having a very loud conversation in English.
Me: Right! Get out now!
I took their drinks straight out their hands.
Me: You have completely taken me for a mug. Now get out.
SM: Make us.
Me: Make you?
SW: Yeah! Make us!
Me: Well, if you don't leave now, I'll call the police.
SM: Go on...
He takes a long drag of his cigarette.
SM: ...I dare you.
I said nothing. I walked away. I could hear Sucky Man and Sucky Woman giggling.
I called the police.
Police showed up just over five minutes later.
SM: YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE! YOU ACTUALLY CALLED THEM?!?!?!
Police: Sir, calm down!
Sucky Man proceeded to launch his briefcase at me (he missed by a mile). Sucky Woman sat there, wide eyed with a cigarette dangling out of her mouth.
The two of them ended up being cuffed and taken away and I had to give a statement. The police found it hilarious.
Police: They were sat next to the doors! All they had to do was take two steps and they could have smoked all they wanted! It's not even cold today!
Note to SC's: Don't dare me. EVER.
Lady: Excuse me...there's a lady smoking near the entrance.
Me: OK thank you for letting me know.
FYI: It is ILLEGAL to smoke in public places in the UK. It's a criminal offence which means the customer would be fined, and we could be fined up to £5000. So yeah, it was a big deal! I walked over. Two people are sat by the entrance. They both look like very presentable, business types, dressed in their best and with briefcases.
I go over, and surely enough, a woman is sat there with a giagantic plume of smoke above her head and a cigarette dangling out of her mouth.
Sucky Lady; SL
Sucky Man: SM
Me: Excuse me!
SL: Que?
Me: You cannot smoke in here!
SL: Que?
I slammed my hand against the massive NO SMOKING sign.
SL: Que?
Sucky Man joins in. He is on his phone.
SM: She doesn't speak a word of English!
Me: Well can you tell her her to go outside with the cigarette.
Sucky Man does not reply. Sucky Woman looks confused. Sucky Man carries on his phone conversation as if I wasn't even there. I should also point out that Sucky Man was English, so there was NO excuse for him not knowing about the smoking ban. I am beginning to get wound up.
Me: *through my teeth, very annoyed* Tell her to go outside.
Sucky Man tuts.
SM: I'll have to call you back. I'm getting harassed by some idiot.
Me: :O
Sucky Man speaks Spanish and tells Sucky Woman to go outside.
SW: Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Me; It's OK.
She goes outside.
A few minutes later, I am clearing some tables, when I overhear...
SW; Hi Julie! I need you to rescheduel my meeting...
Yep! Sucky Woman was speaking English! Complete with Manchester accent!
I was livid. But I decided to walk away. I informed all the staff behind the bar not to serve them on the grounds that they were idiots.
A few minutes later, I smell cigarettes. I storm over. Both Sucky Man and Sucky Woman are sat there smoking, having a very loud conversation in English.
Me: Right! Get out now!
I took their drinks straight out their hands.
Me: You have completely taken me for a mug. Now get out.
SM: Make us.
Me: Make you?
SW: Yeah! Make us!
Me: Well, if you don't leave now, I'll call the police.
SM: Go on...
He takes a long drag of his cigarette.
SM: ...I dare you.
I said nothing. I walked away. I could hear Sucky Man and Sucky Woman giggling.
I called the police.
Police showed up just over five minutes later.
SM: YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE! YOU ACTUALLY CALLED THEM?!?!?!
Police: Sir, calm down!
Sucky Man proceeded to launch his briefcase at me (he missed by a mile). Sucky Woman sat there, wide eyed with a cigarette dangling out of her mouth.
The two of them ended up being cuffed and taken away and I had to give a statement. The police found it hilarious.
Police: They were sat next to the doors! All they had to do was take two steps and they could have smoked all they wanted! It's not even cold today!
Note to SC's: Don't dare me. EVER.
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