BABY, I WILL spank the HELL out of you!

unholypet · #1 07-17-2011, 12:59 PM

No no, erv-perts. This is not as it seems.

I am stocking the chips aisle, when a family comes in comparing prices and tastes etc. A woman has a small baby against her left chest area patting it and lightly hopping.

Lady: Shhh... shh... sweet baby, shhh, momma loves you.

The baby was making small weehhh noises like it wanted to be loud, but her voice kept it quiet.

Lady: Shh sh shhh, baby, sweet baby....shh......SHHHHHhhhhh, momma'as gonna beat that ass, beat the hell out of that baby, shh..

I ... silently freak out at the though of BEATING a baby, and turn my work to the other angle where I can witness anything. Aside from them being caught throwing chip bags in the floor >_>

Lady: Shh, shut the hell up, you shut that hell up.. momma's gonna spank that ass, spank the HAY-YUL out of that ass, shhh the hell up just shhh..

But, of course when she shouted HAY-YULL at the baby it started to gently squeal, and the lady began TO!!!!---

...pat the baby's bottom a little more agressively. As in patting a geriatric's back when you hug.

A very frail and small geriatric.

Lady: Now, baby, you done made momma mad and I don't like beating the hell out of you, but I will. You shut the hell up, shh... shut the hell up and I quit beating that baby.... shhh shhh...

Little Retail Rabbit · #2 07-17-2011, 01:05 PM

If she was saying this in a cooing soft voice the entire time, I would have assumed it was a joke, because thats my sort of humour.

Example: I go to feed my cat, who is naughty, and as I feed her, I coo things at her like "I'm gonna beat you up if you don't shut up oh yes I am! Who's a stupid cat who is dumb a brick! You are!" She only hears a cute voice. I'm never actually threatening her at all, I'm joking to amuse myself. I would never beat my cat, even though she really is dumb as a brick.

But otherwise....O.o

unholypet · #3 07-17-2011, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Quoth Little Retail Rabbit

If she was saying this in a cooing soft voice the entire time, I would have assumed it was a joke, because thats my sort of humour.

She was whisper-srceaming at the baby XD

thehuckster · #4 07-17-2011, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Quoth unholypet

She was whisper-srceaming at the baby XD

When I was reading the story I was imagining it in the cooing voice Retail Rabbit was referring to. Now that you say this I have to read it over again.

Shpepper · #5 07-17-2011, 03:04 PM

It almost sounds like Mom was not having the best of days and was trying to keep her cool. I did that from time to time. I could tell the baby what was going on in my head when I got frustrated, but by using a soothing voice for the baby and greatly diminished actions to what I may have felt at the time, baby was calmed down and I didn't feel the anger or frustration any more. Sounds weird, but it worked for me. I didn't usually have anyone to hand the baby off to as I was a single mom. So I managed differently.

pageantmama · #6 07-17-2011, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Quoth Little Retail Rabbit

If she was saying this in a cooing soft voice the entire time, I would have assumed it was a joke, because thats my sort of humour.

Example: I go to feed my cat, who is naughty, and as I feed her, I coo things at her like "I'm gonna beat you up if you don't shut up oh yes I am! Who's a stupid cat who is dumb a brick! You are!" She only hears a cute voice. I'm never actually threatening her at all, I'm joking to amuse myself. I would never beat my cat, even though she really is dumb as a brick.

But otherwise....O.o

haha, i used to do the same thing to my dog. And when my kids were babies and up ALL NIGHT LONG I would be bouncing them and in a lullaby tone sing and be so tired and irritated I would sing something like "Shut up baby, please go to bed. Mama is tired and out of her head. Please shut the hell up and go back to sleep, I wanna go to bed and not hear a peep" ( to rock a bye baby) Or some variation of that. Never in an irritated tone, just a sing songy voice and make up the words according to how tired and irritated I was, lol.
At least she didn't beat the baby, maybe she was just in one of those I have had enough today and can't take anymore moods. I have to admit I cracked up at the last part.

Fire_on_High · #7 07-17-2011, 04:13 PM

Yeah, I've done that to my cats before. Well, 3 of them...the 4th I swear is a fuzzy little person and understands perfectly well. "Shut up, Paws" and "Momma's little dumbass" cooed at the girls seems to get by just fine tho, haha.

Athaelia · #8 07-17-2011, 08:18 PM

That lady's a dumbass.

Not so much for what she said (could be venting) but for where she said it. In public where people could get the wrong idea. It does raise some red flags.

Gibbo · #9 07-17-2011, 08:39 PM

That is something that you just do not say. There is no excuse for it at all.

zombiequeen · #10 07-17-2011, 08:52 PM

I coo silly/mean things to the cats here all the time. "What a cuddly little kitty you are now that I have catnip. Yes you are. If you keep peeing on my stuff I'll pee on you and see how you like it. That's a kitty. Kitty is kittyface." Stuff like that.
I can see how it could be taken wrong, very wrong, because people do beat their kids and threaten them, but I couldn't help but laugh at the geriatric part.