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Did I do something wrong? |
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04-10-2012, 01:11 AM
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Motorheadbanger
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Elk Grove, CA
Posts: 42
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Did I do something wrong?
A little background first:
Back in 2005 I met a girl who became one of my closest friends, and my family and I consider her as family. We've known each other for seven years now, and throughout that time it's only been that, friends. Well, back in January I went to her birthday dinner, and it was there I met one of her friends. We started hanging out in mid-February and started dating. In March we decided to become a couple, and it's been great until recently. She's told me that she feels like said mutual friend, the one who introduced us, is clinging to me, and that since she's known me longer she must be trying to compete for my attention. I don't see this at all. We act like we've acted since we've known each other: go to the movies once in a while, have study groups, and hang out once or twice a week. My girlfriend feels threatened by this, and says she feels like our mutual friend is acting like we're a couple, and that she feels like a third wheel. Keep in mind that this friend has a b/f of her own, and they are planning on getting married sometime in the near future. My girlfriend has told me she knows that there is no romance between me and said friend, but she still has the feeling that the friend is trying to take me away from her. Am I going crazy here, or is my girlfriend overreacting?
__________________
DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin’ round here!
Nicholas Angel: Like who?
DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.
Nicholas Angel: Who else?
DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers’ mums.
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04-10-2012, 01:27 AM
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Purgatory escapee
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 673
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I'd say she's overreacting big time. She needs to get over her insecurities and realize that your friend is just that - a friend.
__________________
The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.
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04-10-2012, 01:48 AM
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Seriously?
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 499
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I have to agree that she's overreacting. Has she been in a similar situation before and that's why? Or maybe she's just jealous and that's escalating into something else.
I think some jealousy is natural in a situation like that (personally, anyway), but that's where it should end. It shouldn't become more than face value.
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04-10-2012, 02:29 AM
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USPS Q&A Person...Sometimes
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Dead Letter Land
Posts: 2,418
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I'm in that place at times. When the guy goes home for holiday he's around the people he was with before me. I begin to get that left out feeling. I don't think I ask for much, let me know what your doing. Say good night, wish me a good morning. Let me know you think of me.
When he goes to a movie with his best female friend it reminds me *I* can't be there with him. And I feel my place as by his side is threatened. The relationship is almost 11 months old. We haven't had enough time to cement ourselves together.
While you may feel cemented to her...she's still cementing her place in her mind to you. Buy her a flower randomly. Give a random love you text and that can help her feel more comfortable.
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04-17-2012, 03:17 PM
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Motorheadbanger
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Elk Grove, CA
Posts: 42
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Everything is better now. She apologized for "acting bitchy", and said she's been stressed due to the impending death of her best friend's grandmother to cancer, and it's consequences. We're back on good terms now
__________________
DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin’ round here!
Nicholas Angel: Like who?
DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.
Nicholas Angel: Who else?
DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers’ mums.
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04-19-2012, 05:54 AM
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Mistress of the House of Books
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: The Wonderful Land of Aus
Posts: 4,135
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In me, at least, jealousy is a symptom. Usually a symptom of feeling left out, or feeling unloved. Watch for signs of it, and if you see even a hint of it, pay attention to her.
I'm with Aethien. A random hug. A random text message. Bringing her a cup of coffee. Whatever.
__________________
Seshat's self-help guide:
1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.
Disclaimer:
My professional areas of expertise are computing and writing: I am not a doctor or a lawyer.
When your health, freedom, etc are at risk, always see a professional.
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06-07-2012, 09:01 PM
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Motorheadbanger
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Elk Grove, CA
Posts: 42
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An update:
We were doing great for a good while, and everything was peachy. But then, just a few days ago we were texting and she cancelled our movie date, saying she can't keep pretending everything is ok when it's not. I talked to her, and she told me that she lost a good friendship (the girl she was jealous of) and "that's not me". I was going to go to Chico to visit a friend, and I told her I was going to cancel it, but she told me she wanted to go. She said she wasn't going to talk to me anyway, and she needed some space to think. So I went to Chico, intent on giving her her space. And then that mutual friend of ours texted me and told me to drive all the way back, a two hour drive, at 9 o'clock at night just was I pulled into Chico. She said women hope their men our smart enough to understand what they really mean (to be honest I didn't say she told me she needed space). And then on Facebook, my girlfriend, without naming names, said she never hated anyone before "you" came along, and that while that feeling will pass, she's content right now to hate every fiber of "your" being. What's the deal? I was 100% content to stay home and cancel my trip, but my girlfriend she needed some space so I went anyway with the intent on giving her the space she wanted. How am I the bad guy?
__________________
DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin’ round here!
Nicholas Angel: Like who?
DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.
Nicholas Angel: Who else?
DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers’ mums.
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06-07-2012, 09:19 PM
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Programming monkey
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 533
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Quote:
Quoth Eddie The 'Ead
She said women hope their men our smart enough to understand what they really mean
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That's all I have to say about that.
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06-07-2012, 10:03 PM
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Seriously?
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 499
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Argh. I absolutely hate people like that. If she wanted you to stay, then say so. Bleah.
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06-07-2012, 11:10 PM
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Store Manager
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 667
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Quote:
Quoth Eddie The 'Ead
She said women hope their men are smart enough to understand what they really mean
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Quote:
Quoth Lachrymose
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DO WHAT I MEAN NOT WHAT I SAY!
It's something you shouldn't tolerate in a manager, much less a girlfriend, and even if you two got together it'd bite you again in the future. You're better off finding someone else.
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