Did I do something wrong?

[Eddie The 'Ead]

A little background first:

Back in 2005 I met a girl who became one of my closest friends, and my family and I consider her as family. We've known each other for seven years now, and throughout that time it's only been that, friends. Well, back in January I went to her birthday dinner, and it was there I met one of her friends. We started hanging out in mid-February and started dating. In March we decided to become a couple, and it's been great until recently. She's told me that she feels like said mutual friend, the one who introduced us, is clinging to me, and that since she's known me longer she must be trying to compete for my attention. I don't see this at all. We act like we've acted since we've known each other: go to the movies once in a while, have study groups, and hang out once or twice a week. My girlfriend feels threatened by this, and says she feels like our mutual friend is acting like we're a couple, and that she feels like a third wheel. Keep in mind that this friend has a b/f of her own, and they are planning on getting married sometime in the near future. My girlfriend has told me she knows that there is no romance between me and said friend, but she still has the feeling that the friend is trying to take me away from her. Am I going crazy here, or is my girlfriend overreacting?

[DeltaSierra]

I'd say she's overreacting big time. She needs to get over her insecurities and realize that your friend is just that - a friend.

[Slayer]

I have to agree that she's overreacting. Has she been in a similar situation before and that's why? Or maybe she's just jealous and that's escalating into something else.

I think some jealousy is natural in a situation like that (personally, anyway), but that's where it should end. It shouldn't become more than face value.

[Aethian]

I'm in that place at times. When the guy goes home for holiday he's around the people he was with before me. I begin to get that left out feeling. I don't think I ask for much, let me know what your doing. Say good night, wish me a good morning. Let me know you think of me.

When he goes to a movie with his best female friend it reminds me *I* can't be there with him. And I feel my place as by his side is threatened. The relationship is almost 11 months old. We haven't had enough time to cement ourselves together.

While you may feel cemented to her...she's still cementing her place in her mind to you. Buy her a flower randomly. Give a random love you text and that can help her feel more comfortable.

[Eddie The 'Ead]

Everything is better now. She apologized for "acting bitchy", and said she's been stressed due to the impending death of her best friend's grandmother to cancer, and it's consequences. We're back on good terms now

[Seshat]

In me, at least, jealousy is a symptom. Usually a symptom of feeling left out, or feeling unloved. Watch for signs of it, and if you see even a hint of it, pay attention to her.

I'm with Aethien. A random hug. A random text message. Bringing her a cup of coffee. Whatever.

[Eddie The 'Ead]

An update:

We were doing great for a good while, and everything was peachy. But then, just a few days ago we were texting and she cancelled our movie date, saying she can't keep pretending everything is ok when it's not. I talked to her, and she told me that she lost a good friendship (the girl she was jealous of) and "that's not me". I was going to go to Chico to visit a friend, and I told her I was going to cancel it, but she told me she wanted to go. She said she wasn't going to talk to me anyway, and she needed some space to think. So I went to Chico, intent on giving her her space. And then that mutual friend of ours texted me and told me to drive all the way back, a two hour drive, at 9 o'clock at night just was I pulled into Chico. She said women hope their men our smart enough to understand what they really mean (to be honest I didn't say she told me she needed space). And then on Facebook, my girlfriend, without naming names, said she never hated anyone before "you" came along, and that while that feeling will pass, she's content right now to hate every fiber of "your" being. What's the deal? I was 100% content to stay home and cancel my trip, but my girlfriend she needed some space so I went anyway with the intent on giving her the space she wanted. How am I the bad guy?

[Lachrymose]

She said women hope their men our smart enough to understand what they really mean

That's all I have to say about that.

[Slayer]

Argh. I absolutely hate people like that. If she wanted you to stay, then say so. Bleah.

[TheSHAD0W]

She said women hope their men are smart enough to understand what they really mean

DO WHAT I MEAN NOT WHAT I SAY!

It's something you shouldn't tolerate in a manager, much less a girlfriend, and even if you two got together it'd bite you again in the future. You're better off finding someone else.

[KiaKat]

I have to ask this - how old are both of you? Because this sounds like some serious high school... strike that... Jr. High shit. If she wants an adult relationship, then she needs to act like an adult and tell you what exactly is wrong, and how you can fix it. And if it's a problem on her end, then she needs to not be in a relationship until she can solve her own issues.

This really is a case of "it's not you, it's her."

[Eddie The 'Ead]

I'm 26, she'll be 24 next month. I thought she'd be too old for this shit.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yeah, well, "women" can hope in one hand and shit in the other, and guess which one will fill up first?

That's ridiculous. What's she saying, that "women hope their men will be willing to play their little mind games instead of respecting them enough to take them at their word"? Because that's what I heard when I read that foolishness about "hoping men are smart enough to figure out what they really mean."

How about a man might hope his grown ass girlfriend is smart enough not to dick around and play stupid schoolyard games when she's having relationship problems? A man might hope his grown ass girlfriends might have a grown ass adult conversation with him?

I have no respect whatsoever for this crap. Can you tell?

[LillFilly]

I'm sorry for you. Even I know to just flat out ask my boyfriend to do stuff but...when things get emotional, it seems like nothing makes sense anymore. If she told you go on the trip, she had no business blaming you for going; you can't try to read between the lines of everything a significant other says, it will drive you NUTS! Sure, I might WANT my boyfriend to stay with me if I'm having a rough time, but when I know that he planned something for eons, I'm not going to make him stay and drag him down with me; I know he still cares for me whether he's here or not...Plus he ends-up bringing me back a gift!

I hope you guys can sit down and talk about it. I didn't understand how annoying it was for my boyfriend until he explained it to me; men and women's brains are just hardwired differently, it's not meant to be an offense. As for blaming you for every problem in her life, maybe you can address that too. Ask her what has made her feel that way. Maybe look into some counseling. The boyfriend and I have gone through at least 3 serious rough spots where we thought we wouldn't make it, but a lot of it turned-out to be misunderstandings and we talked about how to listen to each other better. I guess after a while, you tune-into that person and pretty much understand them no matter what they say.

[auntiem]

I'll just say this from the other side of the "gender fence", I'm the kind of gal who has mostly male friends (gay and straight). I've been in a relationship with the same guy for 14 yrs. You know the thing that endeared him to me the most?
The night, the first year into our relationship, that he left me in a bar with my two best male (straight) friends and said "watch out for her, I know you have her back". No phone calls in the morning - no questions. He trusted.
If you can't/don't have that - then please rethink this.