Horrifying dating tips

[Eireann]

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/si...UtdGlwcwR6egNh

Okay, a few of these make sense... but some are just insane!

[marasbaras]

Which of these are insane? They actually all sound good to me.

[Eireann]

The whole idea of having to be "caught" really chaps me. What's wrong with a woman taking the initiative, rather than waiting for the man to make all the moves?

[marasbaras]

Nothing's wrong with it. But, what makes it insane?

And, sometimes, traditional roles can be fun. They do work most of the time.

Or, do what you want. She was giving general advice. Most of it is quite good. On a first date people really shouldn't be talked about the horrors of the past. Wait until you're married before getting your baggage out of the attic.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

These all sound like good council to me.

The business about "being caught"...listen, we all know who does the catching. It's just wise to set your trap so that the guy thinks it was his hunting prowess that won the day, that's all.

The two times I broke this rule, I ended up not getting either guy. Just sayin'.

[Greenday]

The whole idea of having to be "caught" really chaps me. What's wrong with a woman taking the initiative, rather than waiting for the man to make all the moves?

That's the only one on the list that I really didn't agree with.

Also, a little change to #3, instead of not talking badly about your exes, just don't bring them up at all.

Otherwise, sounds like some pretty solid advice.

[Eireann]

Traps? I must be the weird one here, then, because the thought of "catching" a man or "setting a trap" for him just astounds me - are we still living in an era where a woman is expected to view dating as a form of hunting, and subterfuge is preferred to honesty? Are we supposed to be absolutely desperate to "catch" a man?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, right or wrong, I pretty much got exactly what I wanted, on the terms I wanted them. And ended up getting exactly who and what I wanted in the end.

There are politics involved in dating. You can fight against them, or you can make them work for you. I made them work for me.

[blas]

Don't get me wrong, I am probably the driver of the SS Modern Woman, but I will never break the cardinal rule of letting a man persue you. As a woman, you never want to come across as a Desperate Debby. And like it or not, some guys will think a girl persuing them means that they are desperate, or even worse, "easy". (REMEMBER, I SAID SOME, NOT ALL!!!!!)

From personal experience, I have scared guys away by approaching them first and attempting to try to get them to talk to me or go out with me. Sometimes a guy may be legitimately shy, and then it's fine for a girl to take control, but most of the time, the guys will persue YOU and it's up to you to keep the chase fresh. Don't give it all up right away.

And remember, a man won't buy the whole cow if the milk is free, just like a woman won't buy the whole pig when she just wants a little sausage.

[Rapscallion]

From this side of the gender divide, I look on this with amusement. Well, truth to tell I consider romance to be hilarious, especially when you press fast-forward.

*ahem*

I'm not a romantic. On the few occasions that my glands have acted up and made me think interesting thoughts about women, I did consider asking them out for dates etc. The bullshit of "Maybe later, tralalala," as a ploy wouldn't work on me. I'd just shrug, go off, abuse myself, then get on with life. I'd take an obvious hint of 'no' to mean 'no'.

If dating is a game, the rules need rewriting. The alleged joys of romance are not enough to entice me to rehearse the scripts.

It's probably just me, though that does suggest that no advice like this will work for everyone.

Rapscallion

[ArenaBoy]

If dating is a game, the rules need rewriting. The alleged joys of romance are not enough to entice me to rehearse the scripts.

I always saw those rules as made up by people who overthink, over react, and don't relax at all. All I do is say hello or make a comment about something and wing it. It works and like I said the rules are set by sheep.

[Eireann]

Thank you, Rapscallion. I was thinking earlier today about a friend of mine who was very good at taking the lead in her relationships. And you know what? She dated a lot of really good guys. Unfortunately, she did tend to dump them later, at which point they complained to me about what a rotten person she was. I know that two of her exes became friends with at least one thing in common.

One woman I know told me that she sought out her boyfriend several times at parties and such; she found out much later that he truly had no idea she was hitting on him. Sometimes they're shy. Sometimes they don't pick up the signals. Sometimes they misinterpret the signals. The late Jeremy Brett (the actor best known for his performance as Sherlock Holmes on TV) got together with his wife because she made the initial contact. And they were very happy together until her early death from cancer.

The "rules" I see in dating are, be honest, be straightforward, be yourself, be considerate of the other person's feelings, and be aware that if a person isn't interested, you can't make them interested.

[Saydrah]

You know, I never understood the 'let yourself be caught' or 'set a trap' or any of that. I've always been forward, as I always say I am equally open minded and open mouthed, and have never had any trouble- guys who get intimidated by that aren't worth having.

[Rapscallion]

You reminded me of something. Us men are stupid - most of us do not pick up on hints. I don't mean that things should be along the lines of, "You have decent muscles, my bed, ten minutes," or the other way around, but we don't notice traditional romantic stuff for the most part.

It may also surprise the ladies to realise that some men, if they do pick up on signals on some vestigal levels, are scared in case they're wrong. Call it a lessening of a bloke's machismo or whatever, they can be very scared of being wrong.

One bloke I know spent ages getting advice about approaching a girl from me - someone he'd lusted after since school days. Getting romantic advice from me is a fairly short procedure - "Just sodding ask/tell her, okay? Do it. Now." He agonised over it for some weeks until he actually did that. Sure, she said she loved him as a friend, but nothing more. A week after that, he was over it - it would have been over far sooner, or he would have had more time for groinal bliss. At least he knew.

Oh yes, ladies? Never ever tell anyone you just want to be 'just friends'. It's the biggest cause of genuine* complaining amongst groups of aggrieved men. Yes or no works fine - the 'just friends' thing never works because you never are after someone's made an admission like that and the F word is used.

Rapscallion

* Non-genuine complaining usually involves discussions of anal sex and nobody getting any, but it's understandable since blokes mostly know they wouldn't like it either...

[Saydrah]

I don't mean that things should be along the lines of, "You have decent muscles, my bed, ten minutes," or the other way around....

Wait, you mean that isn't what I'm supposed to say? Damn, gonna have to rethink this.