bookshop customers

[cinema guy]

Wierd things customers say in bookshops

[Caveat Emptor]

Me: Hello Ripping Yarns.
Customer: Do you have any mohair wool?
Me: Sorry, we're not a yarns shop, we're a bookshop.
Customer: You're called Ripping Yarns.
Me: Yes, that's 'yarns' as in stories.
Customer: Well it's a stupid name.
Me: It's a Monty Python reference.
Customer: So you don't sell wool?
Me: No.
Customer: Hmf. Ridiculous.
Me: ...but we do sell dead parrots.
Customer: What?
Me: Parrots. Dead. Extinct. Expired. Would you like one?
Customer: Erm, no.
Me: Ok, well if you change your mind, do call back.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Oh my god

Customer: I read a book in the eighties. I don't remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?

I have found books for people with little more than this. I don't know whether to be proud of this or not.

Me: ...but we do sell dead parrots.
Customer: What?
Me: Parrots. Dead. Extinct. Expired. Would you like one?
Customer: Erm, no.
Me: Ok, well if you change your mind, do call back.

Agreed.

From part 2:

Customer: Do you have brown eyes? *peers over at me*
Me: Yes, I do.
Customer: My mother told me never to trust anyone with brown eyes.
Me: You have brown eyes.
Customer: ..........

...I have brown eyes...!!!

[dalesys]

...I have brown eyes...!!!

See! You aren't really my brother our sister. The po-lice brought you...
[/Cos]

[XCashier]

Customer: I'm just going to nip to Tesco to do the weekly shop. I'm just going to leave my sons here, is that ok? They're three and five. They're no bother.

If they're "no bother", why don't you take them to Tesco with you?!

Customer: I read a book in the eighties. I don't remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?

The first thing that popped into my mind was "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy". I wonder if that's the one? (Maybe I should work in a bookshop...!)

Customer: *nastily* If you can write, can I have a receipt?
Me: If you can read, I'll write you one.

I hate customers who are deliberately nasty to the differently-abled. They deserve all the snarkiness they get.

Man: *enters bookshop smoking a cigarette*
Me: Excuse me?
Man: Yes?
Me: Could you put that cigarette out, please?
Man: Why?
Me: Because it's illegal to smoke in a public place.
Man: This isn't a public place; there's only you and me here.
Me: Yes, but it's still a public place. And apart from anything else: I'm allergic to cigarette smoke, and this shop is rather flammable.
Man: Why?
Me: … because it's filled with paper.
Man: Is it?

You want to smoke so badly, here you go!