Dear....

[Elspeth]

Dear Plaguemonkeys

STAY AWAY FROM ME!!! I own 7 swords, or was it 9. I will hurt you. I have an opening night soccer game to go to this Thursday and I don't want to get sick.

Dear Nickelback
Thank you for making such a rocking ablum!!!!!!

Dear weather
Grab and ()*&%(*#&%(*#$&(*&%(*&*( clue and please make up your mind. I am tired of the snow and the cold and the wind. K? Also I am not allowed to say the word Snow, because it does when i say it.

Dear Hubby
thank you for the trip to the zoo. It was fun. If if you did get weird pictures of monkeys. I question buying you the nice Canon 40D somedays

Dear Seattle sports teams
Can we not suck this year? Please. I have partial season tickets to the Sounders FC and I would like it to go well. Also Mariners, Seahawks, and Husky football, Grab a clue and remember how to play. Go Husky Men's Basketball (our one glimmer of hope)

Yours
Els

[CaroPhoenix]

Not So Dear Germs Plaguing Me,

GO AWAY! Several people now have demanded you leave my body and attack someone else. But you didn't listen to them, did you? NO! You had to stay around last night and now ... now .. I can barely talk above a whisper and even that hurts! Both of my ears hurt too. I'm not a happy penguin! I want my voice back. I want my ears back. I was supposed to go out and hang with my daughter at her school and then I was supposed to hang out with friends afterwards.

Sick of being sick,
Rummy

[SengaKitty]

Dear Body,

I am NOT happy with you right now. First you allow the plague monkey to invade and take over, and then, without even a break, while I continue to try to fight the plague monkey, you allow Aunt Flow to come visit? WTF is up with that?! I have toooo much to do this week to fight both a plague monkey and aunt flow. So I demand they go away. RIGHT NOW!

Upset
RHPG

Not so dear Plague monkey
LEAVE US ALL ALONE!! We want our lives back
RHPG

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Fellow CSers,

I have the plague monkeys known as both Strep Throat and/or Tonsilitis.

I am contagious for the next 24 hours until the Amoxicillian I'm on takes a hold of my plague(s) and makes me to feel better.

Sincerely and very tired, run over, sick,
Rummy

[kaetchen]

Dear self:

Your hair is almost grown all the way in...yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now don't pull at it at all! I know it's tempting, but don't do it okay... I know it was looking better, and it seems to be at a plateau of filling it, but it's been 12 years and I'm sure there's hella damage. It will probably take a lot longer than you thought, maybe even a few more months just for that one area.

<33333

p.s.
Don't do the midnight shift again unless you prepare better for it. I know you tried, but maybe you should have tried a little harder.

Dear Boy,
Remember that I worked until 7am after being up since 11am the day before? Please don't jump on the bed to wake me up at 10 am.

Dear Sgt.
Sorry I scared you when I didn't come into work! Thanks for making sure I wasn't dead/hurt though...



Dear Mom...
Please don't just walk into my apartment without knocking again. I know I asked you to pick me up to take me to my photography class since I was too tired to drive, but knock first? Also, when I said 5:40, I meant 5:40...not 5:15. I was just getting out of the shower and the roomy left the door to the apt unlocked when he came home...

You annoyed the hell out of my roommate (and me) and I don't know how you didn't notice him SITTING at his desk when you were standing right in front of his door while I was in the bathroom getting ready in a hurry. You were speaking very loud, and I was getting annoyed.

P.S.
I know you were talking to me about a friend of your's daughter who I used to babysit back in the day. I sympathize that she's having a hard time at the middle school that I went to when I was that age. I was bullied and had some MAJOR issues with other students and a lot of the staff (for not doing anything about it.). I get that it sucks, HOWEVER... I never PROVOKED any of it. S is deaf and wears hearing aids...but she is just completely off her rocker and I'm sure that she's the type to do stuff on purpose to push people's buttons... just please stop asking me to e-mail or talk to her... I don't know what you want me to do.

P.s.s Thanks for telling me that my facebook was public, I'm not sure HOW that happened, but I think I might know. I'm just slightly irritated that you went through the whole thing to be nosy. Also... I wish you wouldn't tell your 2 friends EVERYTHING about me. I ran into one of them at the store with the boy...and she just kept going on and on. Some of these things weren't true, and I'm not sure why you told her that at all..but the other things were kind of personal and none of her business.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Mr. Rum,

Please come home. Please!? I'm about to fall asleep at any minute. It's taking all my will power to keep from just closing my eyes and sleeping. Someone has to watch Child Rum. Or she'll run away or hurt herself.

Can't hold out much longer ...
Mrs. Rum

[smileyeagle1021]

Dear plague victims,
I have no plague... I think it is worth mentioning

ok, I'm probably going to die now as a huge mob of plague victims hunt me down.
if I don't post again it's because a mob tore me limb from limb
looking forward to meeting y'all though, please do be kind enough to introduce yourselves before killing me

[Wingates_Hellsing]

Dear Plague Monkeys,

I would be shouting at you right now if it weren't for the fact that I can't speak!
And would you tell your Plague Monkey freinds besieging rummy to stop for like 5 seconds? If you don't I'll RAID you!!!

*points RAID can into open mouth, thinks better of it, goes back on the cough drops.... and pouts in anger at missing my german class*

I'm blaming you for ambushing me at school yesterday, at the least mix it up a bit. I'm also blaming you for my bad german grade...

damning you even now,
Wingates

[taurinejunkie]

'Dear' self-confidence issues,

You've sort of disappeared for a while now. There's this girl at work I like, and will be hanging out with Friday night. Please stay the fuck away. And never come back.

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear Kaetchen,

Yeah, I told J since he was covering for D. Not only that, but I told Chief. I'm not sure why there was so much confusion....

[fireheart]

Dear Cellulite,

Please go away.

Love Fireheart.

Dear brain,

Yes I am trying to learn French and make something of myself at uni. So kindly help me to stop procrastinating and I'll give you a lovely treat of some Sudoku puzzles k?

fireheart.

Dear assholes who made 6 months of my life a nightmare,

OK, I told you guys specifically to stop calling me schnookums and various other pet names. Those pet names have now left me with a hate for pet names in all forms. You did not stop calling me schnookums when I told you to, because you thought it was fun and a joke. Well I didn't. You are so lucky that I did not charge you with harassment and I can no longer press charges because I wound up wiping the MSN conversations that we'd had. Also, sex is not to be used as blackmail. Ever. No, I know we did not have sex (thank you morals) but performing other sexual favours is NOT a way to gain favour with you or to be used as blackmail ever. If I hear that you've been doing the same to my friend that you have now befriended, then I don't care if you're an SES member or whatever, it does not make you immune to breaking laws across the state, so I will not hesitate to help her press charges against you.
Also, leave me alone. I'm surviving through uni quite well without you, so please don't try and bait me using a friend.

Love fireheart.

Dear asshole of a coworker,

Stop harassing my teammates. Please. Or I swear to God, you'll be sorry.

fireheart.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Child Rum,

Using utensils is a good thing. Trust me. Hands get less dirty.

Love,
Mommy

[monolayth]

Dear sister-in-law,

You are not my friend on myspace for a reason. I don't approve of your lifestyle. I also think your a stupid bi%#^. You are rude to me and embody every trait of stupid customers that I hate. The only reason I talk to you or see you is because you married my brother. And even then I limit it because I don't always get along with him.

I like that we have maintained seprate lives. It's nice. I don't do illegal drugs. You glorify it's use. I don't want to be associate with people who are like that. Even the friends I have who might do it are discrete about it. Your myspace page is all about it.

You have pictures on your PUBLIC myspace page showing you doing illegal drugs. Regardless what country you might have been it's not smart to post it. Ya see there is no proof in the pictures of your location.


Oh dear lord.

You have called now. You are having an argument with my step sister. How lovely. I have not spoken to my step sister since my father married her mother. Probably because she is a spoiled stupid cow like you.

Oh lord your trying to get ahold of my father to settle this dispute. He probably alredy knows and is not answering your calls for a reason. He quit being any shape or form on a father figure when I move out when I was 14. You must remember this is the man who chose to disregard his children for the sake of his step children. Its not like his step children needed him any more, they are the same age as my brother and I.

Come on D, this is the man who travlled from north carolina to illinois to visit K who lives 6 houses down from you. And yet could not make it to stop by and say hi to his grandkids.

D, you need to get a clue.

[the_std]

Dear Plague Monkey,

Mwahahaha! I seem to have defeated you! Victory is sweet! I... Oh... Wait... What is this cough? You've retreated into my lungs? Nooo! My Fortress of Solitude!

... You shall rue the day you began this fight, evil Monkey. You shall rue it!

Plottingly,
Me

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Man I Married,

Just because I have been taking my antibiotics since Tuesday afternoon, doesn't mean I've miraculously been healed of my strep throat. Please be coming home to take care of me.

The Woman You Married
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Child Rum,

If you pull my hair one more time, I'm taking Daddy's beard trimmer and/or shaver and shaving my head! Pulling my hair hurts!


Your Mommy