Dear....

[Jack T. Chance]

Dear Government of Montgomery County, Maryland;

You are a bunch of Jack-booted thugs, I've been well aware of this for many years. But you've gone too far with your Big Brother impersonation over the last few years. But I have finally discovered the necessary tool to defeat your evil, Nazi-like ways!

Die in a fire,

--Me

----------------------------------------

Dear makers of the GPS Angel;

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! YOU ROCK!!!

Looking forward to no more tickets from the godsdamned speed trap cameras,

--Jack

[RootedPhoenix]

Dear you (you know PRECISELY who you are),

Stop screwing with me. You don't give a crap about me. We both know it, so stop the lies.

--rp

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear MT,

I see what you're doing. I think he does too even if he hasn't flat out said the words yet. And my good news doesn't rule out his problems. And there are some people in my life who are first and foremost. You can be replaced, he can not. So making my day happy does not make me hate you less for what you're doing for him.


Dear A,

The BBQ for you is tomorrow. I still miss you you know. I haven't been able to be downstairs much between the knee and V being gone for a while. Every time I go down there, things just seem off though. You should be there. You've always been there. They had your office open yesterday. I don't know what they were doing with it but it hurt seeing it. I don't think it quite makes sense in my head yet. That I won't ever see you again. That I won't ever be able to hear your stories again. I finally had a cooking story for you the other day but I couldn't tell you about it. I hope you know what you meant to me. I know to you it may have just been chatting with people who were downstairs but you are a big part of what made me feel so comfortable down there. It came out of nowhere you know. I thought you were doing good. I still need to take a picture of the grafitti by the elevator. I think I was doing fairly well about it till yesterday when I saw the post it the guys had put up on the first aid kit about the BBQ. I miss you and the basement feels empty without you.

Love,
Your girl in work boots

[BookstoreEscapee]

Dear Ex,

Go fuck yourself.


-me

[Whiskey]

Dear Ex,

Go fuck yourself.


-me

Dear Self,

Remember, the bad times outweighed the good by 10000%. Get laid, stay fly, forget ex-boyfriends.

Love,
You In A Better Place


Dear B&C Guy,

Ask for my phone number next time you come through.

With care and mayonnaise packets,
Drive Thru Girl

[BookstoreEscapee]

Dear Self,

Remember, the bad times outweighed the good by 10000%. Get laid, stay fly, forget ex-boyfriends.

Love,
You In A Better Place

Dear Whiskey,

I would like nothing more than to forget the Ex. If he would pay the ~$7000 he owes me, and spent five years promising he'd pay back and making excuses for why he wasn't, instead of filing in court to vacate the judgment I was granted on the grounds that his response to the original suit was not entered into the court record...it wasn't entered because it was late. It was both dated and postmarked on the day after it was due. (It also contained an outright lie that flatly contradicts his own email to me which was included in the original filing.) So he can go fuck himself.

But thanks for the thought.

[Whiskey]

Dear Whiskey,

That was actually to me.

[fireheart]

Dear female friend,

Can you PLEASE for the love of freaking god, go and get some free counselling?

Love,
me.

Dear male friend,

You are a fucking idiot.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dearest Child Rum,

When Mommy & Daddy tell you it's bedtime and you need to go to bed in your. own. room., please do not go into Mommy & Daddy's room and:

1. Spray shaving cream all over the bathroom.
2. Use Mommy's toothbrush to brush your teeth.
3. strip nekkid and then get into the shower without closing the shower curtain.
4. look pleased as punch as mommy & daddy trip all over themselves getting up the stairs to see what you've been up to.

At least we know that you'll get into the shower and let Momma wash the potatoes out of your hair.

But ... really?

Mr. Jimmy is going to be "mad" (well, not really, he'll laugh a lot and then charge me another $70 to redo my hair) that your antics have turned my hair a permanent shade of white.


Momma Rum
------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Rum,

Why are you handing me a hair dryer while I'm in the shower with Child Rum?


Mrs. Rum

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Body,

Why do you feel like a Mack Truck hit you? And what's up with you tummy?

I went to the doctor yesterday. Yes, I know I have a sinus infection (just like Child). I've been given meds! Get better darn it!


Rummy

[iradney]

Dear Genes from Mom's side of the family

Dammit, the grey hairs are coming through now...so not cool!!!!

Love
Rads

(BG All the women on my Mom's side of the family started going grey in their early 20's, my 9 months younger than me cousin included. I suppose I'm lucky in that mine are only coming through now...ugh)

[Becks]

Dear MOTH's father,

It's been 5 days and I'm still furious.

I highly doubt your son will make another trip "home" to NJ anytime soon because of you.

I don't appreciate you yelling at me because of your son. I wasn't in the same room at the time, and I sure as hell wasn't paying attention.

No thanks for ruining the end of my vacation.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR,

--me

[Zellie Crescent]

Dear Milie,

Fuck you for lying to me about your cousin not being single, you knew I thought he was hot and that I was interested in him.

Dear Mikey,

Please stop acting like a paranoid retard, just because I'm your ex does not mean that I'm jellous of the girls you date/hang out with. It also doesn't mean that I'm secretly planning to steal you back. You're just being stupid, I'm still your friend idiot.

[CaroPhoenix]

"Dear" Mother Rum,

F U.

Child Rum is a beautiful child. She is 4 feet 3 inches tall (exactly 1 foot shorter than me and in the 90th percentile in height for her age). She's also 73.4 pounds (which makes her being in the 96th percentile for weight in her age group).

DO NOT TELL ME THAT SHE IS FAT AND WE HAVE TO WATCH/RESTRICT HER DIET.

I point-blank asked the pediatrician if she was "fat" and did we have to watch her diet? He. said. no. I'm going with the professional in this case and NEVER EVER AGAIN ASK ABOUT HER WEIGHT.


Your daughter,
Rummy

[Dreamstalker]

Dear Bank:

I know I floated a check and that was bad. I really thought I'd be able to deposit enough this week to cover it.

It should be clear by my contact phone # that I am not located in the same state as you right now. How am I supposed to make a deposit by 1 PM?

I made a transfer online shortly after the phone call that will cover it...IF you process the deposit first.

By the way, what happened to the overdraft protection I'm supposed to have? Aren't you supposed to notify customers before it's suspended?

Not happy at you right now,
Dreamstalker