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  • Dear Socks,

    Once again we meet. You're taking advantage of the fact that I really am liking wearing my boots right now. And that my sandals are on their last leg and I hate shoe shopping. Why can't you just stay up? I would be considerably more likely to spare you in the coming revolution if you did so.

    "Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall


    • Dear Hypocrite,

      I've tried to get past the hurt and pain, I've tried to forgive you, and I've tried to be your friend. I'm sorry. I can't do it anymore. You're moving, I'm moving, and I'm relieved. You hurt me deeper than anyone else ever has, simply because you lied and then refused to acknowledge the truth. I. Can't. Do. It. Anymore. I'm finally standing up for myself. I'm not your rag doll, I'm not your whore, and I'm tired of being taken for granted. Of being your 'dirty secret'.

      When we say good-bye at the end of this month, it's forever. Because looking at the cross on your neck, hearing you go on and on about still being a virgin, and knowing the truth of who you are...I can't. I just can't.

      To conclude: Fuck You

      ~ Me
      "Even arms dealers need groceries." ~ Ziva David, NCIS

      Tony: "Everyone's counting on you, just do what you do best."
      Abby: "Dance?" ~ NCIS


      • Dear Roomie,

        Why do you insist on stomping around like a T-Rex when you're getting ready for work? Some of us don't have to be up at the asscrack of dawn, and would like to sleep a bit more!

        And I'm just about ready to cut your "supporting actor" off. I'm glad you guys still have an active sex life, but holy Hera, if you're gonna do it twice a day, gag her or something! It sounds like amateur opera night in here!



        • Dear neighbor,

          I realize you are from out of state, which means most people hate the very sight of you, since they hate the fact that people moving in from out of the state are bringing their crime with them, but I didn't hold it against you, till you proved to me what a-holes you really are.

          You don't pull out of your parking space like a bat out of hell and expect everyone else to get out your way, since you think the world revolves around you. You almost hit us last night, because you didn't bother to look and see if someone was coming.

          The neighbor hood has been really quiet lately, did you notice? Want to know why that is? It's because your children are not here right now! They are visting out of the state, so what does that tell you? THAT ALL THE NOISE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS FROM YOU ALL!

          Feel free to move the hell back to where you came from. I will help you pack!

          Dear ISP,

          Someone needs to tell the reps in India what names are based on sex of the person. No one is going to buy that some guy's name is Beth, mmkay?

          Plus, how come the I spent an hour on the phone with this guy trying to figure out why my computer wasn't connecting, even after he had me crawling all over the place under my desk checking shit that I knew was working. He told me it was my computer, yeah okay. Oh, and if he had talked to me like I was some illerate hick one more time I was going to go through the phone at him.

          I called back a bit later and a woman who sounded like she was from this country told me in less than 5 minutes what was wrong and fixed it. You guys need to give that woman a raise!

          Dear back,

          WTF?!? I had a more painful procesdure done, because it was suppose to keep the pain away for a longer amount of time than just the injections. So, why in holy hell are you causing me so much friggen pain after only a few weeks?

          Dear allergies,

          GO THE HELL AWAY ALREADY! I'm tired of all the medication I have to take just so I can walk out the friggen door!

          Dear idiot security guy at work,

          I have done your job before and the people I worked with actually liked me. However, no one likes you because you are on a power trip. Don't pull that on me ever again or I will see to it that you are reassigned, got it? GOOD!

          Dear children,

          Stop growing up so fast! WAAH!
          Do not annoy the woman with the flamethrower!

          If you don't like it, I believe you can go to hell! ~Trinity from The Matrix

          Yes, MadMike does live under my couch.


          • Dear Women of the World

            I am a sweet funny caring and loving young man. I make a point of being a gentleman most of the time, it's how I was raised after all. I actually listen to you when you speak and I care about what you have to say. I always pay my own way and most of the time I pick up the check entirely.

            I am educated and I have a drive to be the best I can be at all things including but not limited to : moving ahead with my career, being a pretty good cook, being an attentive and passionate lover and being the best man I can be

            I'm not perfect by any means, I know that. I can be stubborn, I'm a bit of a geek, and I have some self-esteem issues that I am working on. I realize some of the things I am into and some of the friends I keep aren't "mainstream" and certainly aren't everyone's cup of tea and that's fine

            All I really want is to be given a fair shot, a second look, or to not be pushed into the background I just want to loved and feel like someone is interested in me I don't feel that it's to much to ask is it?

            Just a nice guy


            • Dear Uncle and Bossman

              You could have picked any day to move people around, why did you pick the day we come back to work from a two week road trip?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

              And if the marketing stuff you need at the end of the month isn't here when I get back, I might have to kill you.

              Your niece and report/marketing/monkey
              Coffee should be strong, black and chewy! It should strip paint and frighten small children.

              My blog Darkwynd's Musings


              • Dear Frisco,

                You've been such a good dog while I had to house sit you. You're well trained and that makes me happy. But, you see, we have a slight problem. I'm trying to spoil you for all it's worth because I don't have a doggie of my very own and only get a chance to love on and spoil doggies when I help BF house sit you.

                Please cooperate and take the peperoni slice I'm trying to feed you!


                Dear BF,

                Since J is gone and the Fennec is no longer living in the house, can I please have a doggie of my very own yet? How about after I get off full time hours?

                Loveing you but missing a pet,
                Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

                Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

                Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart


                • Mom and Dad,

                  No more hospital visits for a while for either of you, ok? I know this time luckily was something minor but still, it happens enough to worry me. I know it could be a lot worse and a lot more often. I'm getting way to used to getting the calls though.


                  Dear J,

                  I know I have this horrible problem of crashing at the worst possible moments and I'm sorry. Thank you for having more patience with me than I have with myself.

                  Dear Jenna,

                  Thank you for getting so excited that my car's insides look like they were attacked by a rabid sweater. You may be my favorite dog but I should point out that Mara rode in the car without spazzing and she's the one that usually doesn't like to be good. Your lucky that your adorable.
                  "Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall


                  • Dear Creative side

                    WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                    Now that we finally have proper free time to sit down and write something halfway decent you decide to go limp !!! piss off and get cracking!

                    yours in limbo


                    • An email to the Police.


                      I would like to file a missing persons report, as Summer has yet to appear, I last saw Summer briefly last year for a couple of days, she had a golden glow and a lovely warm personality. I was told that Summer would return this year after May (although she has been a bit of a damp squib recently as well).

                      It is with deep regret that I type that Summer has yet to turn up as promised and I am deeply concerned for her welfare, to date I have only seen April (who continually showers), although May made a brief appearance for one or two days this year.

                      I am unaware of the height of Summer (as I haven't seen her for such a long time) however she is usually connected to picnics, barbeques and garden parties so she shouldn't be too hard to find.


                      A PSA, if I may, as well as another.


                      • Dear Dish Network,

                        I am disappointed in the fact you don't have LOGO as one of your channels but when I go to The Weather Channel I can skip the "Local on the 8's" just by hitting the "Select" button. You kick major ass for that. Also, when it rains, there's less complications with the dish due to rain. Might I randomly suggest you replace Sirius with XM Radio though? I misses it!

                        A former couch potato


                        Dear Wawa

                        Thank you for rescuing me from 4 years of bustin my ass for less than minimum wage at Hell. I am officially your bitch.

                        Your faithful associate


                        Dear Best Friend's Mom

                        Learn how to chastise your youngest daughter. She's almost an adult but my manager's toddler is more mature than she is. Also, your oldest daughter's suggestion to beat her ass isn't a bad idea and if you just did that, oh I don't know, every time she called you a bitch or told you to fuck off, she might learn that speaking to you like that is not only disrespectful, but just wrong. So don't yell at her and suggest you know what you're doing because obviously you don't.

                        By the way, Jesus hates you...a lot.

                        Stop trying to coerce my friend to sing in the choir.

                        Stop telling her the devil is blinding her because she feels uncomfortable in the church environment. It seems you're the one who's blinded by your own judgement you ignorant bitch...

                        Also, despite what your radical, overzealous church friends say, We ALL are the sons and daughters of God, not the devil. Dumbass.

                        By the way, you're the afterbirth of a Mongolian clusterfuck for telling that bullshit to her. Your brainwashing techniques have failed. Do not pass/go. Do not collect $200. Grow the fuck up and be a more responsible mother. Stop letting your youngest walk over you like you're a damn throw rug

                        Stop telling both of us how to live our lives. Don't hate because my mom knew what the fuck she was doing when she raised my brothers and I.

                        Your oldest daughter's best friend


                        Dear Jesus,

                        You probably don't really hate my friend's mom and I'm sorry for using your name like that. I just don't appreciate it when she bashes others in your name. Don't you find it disrespectful?

                        Your biggest fan


                        Dear Diet Commercials

                        KISS MY FAT ASS!


                        • Dear dream center of my brain,

                          Please no more dreams/nightmares of daughter being kidnapped while we're out in public and then finding her mutilated body all over the city! No like those dreams. STOP!!!!!!

                          No more sleeping until this stops,


                          • Dear Tokyo,
                            WTF is up with this weather? Ok, the mini-thunderstorm was cool, but I left Bangkok to get away from excessive heat and humidity, and now this?

                            Sweatily and grumpily yours,

                            Dear downstairs neighbours,
                            I'm sorry! We do not, in fact, have an elephant for a pet, just an exuberant 6-year-old who keeps forgetting to walk quietly instead of galloping down the hallway. If you spoke any English or I spoke any Japanese, I would apologise in person, but I'm not sure when you're home, either.
                            Sorry again,
                            mom of the loud kid
                            Arsenic is 'natural'. Hemlock is 'organic'.


                            • Dear Becks--



                              ************************************************** **************

                              Dear Becks' F-I-Ls--

                              Words cannot describe you.


                              ************************************************** *************

                              Dear Grá mo chroí thar fhearaibh --

                              How am I supposed to help you if you aren't online to talk to?

                              Is tusa m'fhíorghrá.


                              ************************************************** *************
                              I'm bringing disdain back...with a vengeance.

                              Oh, and your tool box got out again.


                              • Dear SO,

                                I know you and my mom are on bad terms since that awful verbal fight you two had, but that was three years ago. My mom has already put that behind her, why can't you? She will be your MIL once we marry and the grandmother (along with your mom) to our children too! Besides that, it would be nice if you would come with me to my family's get togethers and what not with me. It's nice that I'm with family, but even nicer with you there with me.


                                I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
                                Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
                                Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09