Dear....

[Becks]

Dear T.,

You're wrong. It'll be much longer than a week.

You're right, too. I have no acceptable reasons or excuses, but one. Only...you wouldn't want to hear it.

--Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear coworkers,

Thanks for the hugs, the best wishes, the cards, the balloons, the cash, the love, and for putting up with me taking pictures off and on these past few days.

I'll miss you all a lot, but I'll leave my contact information on Friday when I go in to pick up my check.

Much love and missing you already,

Rebecca/Becky/Becks/Sexy

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Milwaukee Brewers:

Why why why why WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY?

Why must you always get my hopes for the playoffs up, and then rip my heart right out of my chest and stomp it into little pieces with your cleats!?

The one time all of baseball focuses on you guys (instead of the Yankees and the Red Sox ), and you get swept at home by the FIBS--I mean Cubs?

Real nice of you to give all the trash that blows up from Chicago in Derrick Lee and Aramis Ramierez jerseys free run of your home stadium and lots for them to run their beer-swilling mouths about.

Oh well, I have 45 to 50 years of life left. I can keep waiting.

Irv

[Becks]

Dear (now former) coworkers,

I'm sorry I forgot to thank you for the flowers and the baked goods.

You guys rock and I miss you already.

Going back home,

me

[the_std]

Dear Boy,

Figure your shit out. Know what the fuck you're doing before you do it.

And you wonder why I don't believe that you're coming back.

About to kill someone,
Me

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Fave Ex®--

That was so sweet of you.



--Me

[NimrodJess]

Dear adorable son of mine,

I know you want to cuddle. I understand why you like that so much.

Would it KILL you to stay asleep when I lay you down? I'd really like to be able to clean, do the dishes, cook dinner, etc. without having you practically attached to my breast.

You're making me crazy, and I'm just going to let you scream until your father gets home in 15 minutes. You'll survive, and I can breathe.


Mommy

[morgana]

Dear Barb:

You've sent me, count them, twenty-six emails in the last 36 hours. Which makes 81 in the last week. I realize that this publication is important to you, and reflects on your department. I do realize that.

So you need to realize that, YES! I HAVE CHECKED IT! I HAVE CHECKED EVERY ONE OF THE THINGS YOU'RE ASKING ABOUT! I've only been doing this publication for four years now, you know. Just because you've just taken over that department doesn't suddenly make me incompetent.

Besides, aren't you supposed to be on vacation today? So why are you emailing me at 10 o'clock at night? I'm only in the office 7:30 - 4:30 during the DAY. And you know that.

Huh. There's number twenty-seven. Okay, I'm getting a voodoo doll.

Cursingly yours,

Morgana

[AdminAssistant]

Dear idiot tourists,

I realize that you're in the "big city", well, infinitely bigger than whichever small rural town you came here from, and that the Plah-zah is very exciting. If, in your excitement, you choose to plunge yourself into incoming traffic, please note two things. 1) Traffic here Will Not STOP. Some might actually try to hit you. 2) I personally encourage your perfect example of natural selection at work, but please not in front of my car. You would leave a mighty big dent that I don't want to get fixed. Go find a Range Rover or Hummer if you want to play chicken.

Lovingly,
An Angry Local

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear child,

My crutch is not a hobby horse!

That is all,
Mommy

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Mom--

Thanks for the donuts.

--Me

************************************************** *********

Dear Becks--

Are you excited yet?

--Me again

************************************************** ************


Dear Me--

SLEEP!

--A VERY tired me

************************************************** *************

Dear K--

What is your problem? I didn't call you back because the only time I hear from you is when you want me to babysit. I DID text you to see what was up, though.

Cut me some slack, and get over yourself.

--Me

************************************************** ************

Dear Mom (again)--

You should have sent the rest of the cake home with Patty.

--Me

[Evil Queen]

Dear self,

it's okay. feel better little eq. you'll be fine. this depression is only temporary. it's okay. just take your vitamins and smile. smiling is good. stop feeling like you're going to cry. stop it, please! please.

-from me.

[Becks]

Dear Lizziebeff,

I'm getting there. It all seems a bit unreal yet, though.

Love,

Becks

PS-- Are YOU excited yet?

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Becks--

Words cannot describe how I feel at the moment.

No. Really. I'm not being sarcastic.



--Me

[Amethyst Hunter]

Attention Ebaying assmaggot,

The post office has finally returned my inquiry. So. You DID swipe my money that I sent for my auction WHICH YOU NEVER REPLIED TO OR SENT ME MY GODDAMNED STUFF THAT I BOUGHT AND PAID FOR.

I would hate you harder, but right now I'm too tired and apathetic to bother. So I'll just close by saying that I hope you drink razor blades and DIAF. Fucking scumbag.

Loathing always, Me

--

Dear non-cold weather people,

If I hear one more person complain about cold weather, I swear to whatever god you believe in, I'm gonna hunt that person down and slap them silly if it takes me the rest of my life. I'M SICK OF THIS GODDAMN HEAT.

Soaking unhappily in my own sweat, Me

[monolayth]

horrible heat,


Please go away. I don't like you.

I delt with you last year. It was to be expected. I lived in florida. I also had a pool and the ocean to help make you fun. But here I have none of these things.

Please go back to florida where you belong. (either that or give me a pool. )

overheating,

Mono


Dear mom,

Yayness I see you again this week! so looking forward to a week of nothing to do, I dont even have to cook for myself. Do believe i will cook for you , but because i want to. but YAY!

Happily,

your loving daughter.