Dear....

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear Motorcycle,

Damn you. You know it's finally nice out. I could be out riding you. Instead, you're sitting in my driveway taunting me each time I pull up. I've treated you well. You haven't even had time to hate me as you were only used for a couple of months before the car accident screwed up my back for a bit and then the snow came. Now I have to take you to the shop. I don't see why this is neccessary.

As always,
Sad I'm not getting to ride,
Bectar

[Norton]

Dear Mom,


Please stop worrying over every little thing. If there's nothing you can do to actually solve a problem, worrying certainly won't help. It only makes you more stressed out. One of the reasons why I can't stand to spend more than a few hours at a time with you is because you project your stress onto everyone around you. Yes, life is potentially dangerous. It doesn't mean that I need to be worried about being raped or robbed every time I leave the house. Again, worrying does nothing to help.

Stop thinking that the world is a bad place. I know, your religion tells you that this world is bad, and that God will soon come and fix everything. Please don't sit back and wait for God to make a move. Please, enjoy this world and all the wonderful things it has to offer while you are still here. It is possible to be happy in this existence. I want you to be happy in this existence. It pains me that you focus so much on the negative things in this world. This life is what we make of it. I urge you to make the best of it while you have a chance.

Lastly, please stop hinting about how you want me to return to your religion. I was unhappy all my life being a part of it. Now that I've distanced myself from it and have discovered my own core values, I'm a better person all around. Since I've left, I've noticed the cult-like aspects of that religion. I wouldn't ask you to leave the church, since I think it's the one of the few things that's kept your will to live going. However, I'm content with my life, and do not need or want the support of those people. Stop trying to get me back there.


Unconditional Love,

Your daughter

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Period,

Why have you come back? I haven't seen you since September, and boy was I happy to be rid of you. I considered myself lucky that you disappeared the first month I started Depo-Provera. Why must you come back unannounced seven months later, at a time when I no longer keep feminine products in the house? Worse yet, why have you chosen to make your return right before the bf and I go away on vacation? I really don't want to interrupt our relaxation time by having to attend to you, and the unpleasant side effects you bring.

On the plus side, at least you've let me know I'm not pregnant.

Please go away again,

Norton

[Misanthropical]

Dear Tooth,

The dentist said you would stop hurting, SO STOP HURTING! I have to go to work tonight and do my job which is hard to do when I'm in pain, so stop already!

I swear I'm going to pull you out myself if you don't stop!

I'm getting the pliers,
Me

[crazylegs]

To my body,

Why do you hurt so, I have only done a couple of hours manual labour yet my arm feels like I've held it funny for years, my back is still stiff from chopping logs two days ago and lets not even go near the subject of my left hand and right wrist.

you suck

Me

[draggar]

Dear Facilities Management;

Someday the fire alarm is going to go off for real and no one is going to believe it. I'm also on the top floor and this doesn't make me happy.

-Kentucky Fried Draggar

[Rubyred]

Dear D,

I know things suck right now and you're stressing out but I want you to know that I love you more than anything. I just wish that you'd stop being so damn stubborn and let me do more for you.

Love always,
Cupcake

[Saydrah]

Dear Internet,

Please stop distracting me from work!

-Workin' 9 to 5

[CaroPhoenix]

Not Dear Husband,

Why the in the blue blazes hail, do you want to change our daughter's eye appointment? You were not around for her 2nd eye appointment with the eye doctor. My mom & dad were! You know when doctors start talking surgery and blindness and other bad things happening about our daughter, I get very very anxious!

I do not care that the Awards Luncheon for your work is the same day. I doubt they'll give your award (if you have won an award that is) to someone else. They'll save it for you to give to you the next time they see you!

You. need. to. be. at. the. eye. appointment. It. is. April. 10th. at. 3:15 PM. You darn well better NOT change the appointment day and time!

Your livid wife,
IDaR

Dear state of Virginia's weather,

Why the heck is it sleeting right now??? It's the first week of April! April SHOWERS bring May flowers - NOT April sleetings! Grrrrrr!

No love,
A Virginia resident

[Andara Bledin]

I take care of you, I don't visit sketchy websites, in fact all the trouble started after I visited Myspace!

Totally off-topic, but in way too many cases, MySpace is a sketchy website. It's disturbingly popular, and if there's a way to serve something nasty over a webpage, some schmuck will stick it on a MySpace page until it gets patched out.

^-.-^

[Crazeyal]

Dear Mom,

I love you.

DESPITE the fact that I came home from the Marine Corps to find you gone, our family home sold, and it had been that way for over a year before my EOS. The fact that I had no place to live and my suposedly rock solid "Old School" parents now hated each other is not something that should have been discussed with me. I realize you "not wanting me to worry" wasn't actually you "not giving a damn about me having every last posession stuffed into a duffle bag and NOTHING ELSE TO FALL BACK ON!"

The fact that ever since then, every other word out of your mouth has been a complaint, a plea for money, or yet another tale of woe has been so FANTASTIC over the years. I mean, how many OTHER PEOPLE get to think "How much is THIS gonna cost me??" when their mother calls?

Oh.. and hearing three versions of the same story from differant relatives, every time you get into a fight has been SOOOO RELAXING.

You raised me.
You loved me, despite me being a whiny pain in the ass sometimes.

I got 21 years.
You got 21 years.

Are we even YET?!?!?

[Evil Queen]

Dear Neighbor's behind me,

Why the hell did you let your car alarm go off for TWO HOURS this morning?! I know you're NOT DEAF but come on, NEITHER IS EVERYONE ELSE~! If it goes off, and off, and off, and off AGAIN I will personally go over and break the back windshield so there's a REASON it's going off!

Your extremely tired and pissed off neighbor with a tire iron,
-EQ

Not sure. Not worth the effort? Not that huge a deal? Don't want to change what my parents named me? Despite my opinion of my middle name, I was named after my father's father--both my first and middle names come from his first and middle names. Sure, I go on about my middle name being a piece of crap (and it is), but there are far worse out there, and when it comes down to it, there are far worse things in my life.

At least nowadays Florida allows me to only have my middle initial on my license, not my full name like they used to require.

A friend of mine in CT changed his middle name about a year ago now. At least I think it was a year ago now... he said it was pretty easy and didn't cost much to do. Just time, mostly.
He hated his middle name because it was the same name of his ex-girlfriends new fiance and it upset him to no end. Also I think it, too, was his Dad's name but I'm not sure.
Now he has a cool middle name rather then a boring generic one.

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear Coworker,
I'm sorry I tried to pimp you out to a police officer for a pair of sunglasses.

In all fairness though, the sunglasses were for you and you told me I could. Not to mention you did get them for free. Thank you for having a good sense of humor which is why we are such good friends.

Love,
The crazy one who you keep throwing things at.

P.S. I still think we could have barganed for more than just the sunglasses but oh well.

[Becks]

Dear right hand,

Stop having shooting...well, not pains, just shooting whatever.

Seriously, knock it off. One of these days I'm going to drop something and I won't be happy about it.

The body you're attached to

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear knees (left one especially),

What the hell caused you to spaz out in 2001?

Why do you feel gross when I bend and stretch out?

Thanks for causing me pain, ranging from annoying to excruciating, whenever it rains for longer than three hours at a time.

Damn you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear right foot,

I don't know what I did, but holy biscuit. I would like to make it through one whole shift without limping.

Limping sucks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Lizziebeff,

Thank you for being a wonderful sister.

I love you.

I know I haven't always been as nice to you as I should be. I'm sorry.

I'm also sorry I forgot to give you money for Febreeze for when you let me smoke in your car.

I miss you.

Love,

Becky

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Becks:

Here I am again,
Overwhelming feelings
A thousand miles away
From your ocean home
Part of me is near
Thoughts of what we were invade
The miles that stand between
Can't separate
You're all I hoped you'd become
Sister, I see you
Dancing on the stage
Of memory
Sister, I miss you
Fleeting visits pass
Still they satisfy
Reminders of the next
Overshadow goodbye
Our flames burn as one
Sister, I see you
Dancing on the stage
Of memory
Sister, I miss you
All I am begins with you
Thoughts of hope understood
Half of me breathes in you
Thoughts of love remain true
Here we are again saying goodbye
Still we fall asleep underneath the same sky
You're all I knew you'd become
Sister, I see you
Dancing on the stage
Of memory
Sister, I miss you
Intertwined, you and I
Our souls speak from across the miles
Intertwined, you and I
Our blood flows from the same inside
Half of me breathes in you
Thoughts of love remain true
I see you, I feel you
When I close my eyes
I see walking there...
I see you dancing in my mind
(thank you, Nixons!)



Thank YOU for being a wonderful sister.

I love you.

I know I haven't always been as nice to you as I should be. I'm sorry.

There is, and always will be, room for you here, if and when you need it.

You are my best friend.

--LilLizzyCrabass

[JuniorMintz]

Dear person who has an answer for everything,

I have caught you in so many lies and half truths, and when I call you on them, you always have an answer. Don't you know that the internet exists, and Google is your friend, and the truth can be verified with just a few keystrokes and the click of a mouse?
All your outrageous claims can be seen through if a person just uses their head and doesn't blindly believe everything told to them.

I am really sick of your drama. Nothing is ever simple in your world. It's as if Murphy's Law was written just for you, because anything that can go wrong, does go wrong when it comes to your life - at least, it seems that way, based on all your wild stories.

I especially love it when you tell the same story twice and give 2 different versions of the details. Here's a tip, if you're going to lie, make sure you remember which version you have told before repeating it to the same group of people.

Quit playing for attention and preying on the sympathy of kind-hearted people. Too many people are willing to believe the best of others, and you have people right in the palm of your hand, eating up your tales of misery and feeling sorry for you.

You claim not to have money, and then spend any that you have in stupid ways, but nobody notices. Well, I notice, because everything you say to me now is suspect, and I verify every claim you make.

One of these days, you won't have an easy answer, and I will out you for the liar and needy, grasping attention whore that you are. It will not be pretty.

Ree

Quoted for emphasis!