The Customer Complaint Letter Game

[purplecat41877]

In this game, you get to play the part of an annoyed customer and write a letter to management. The person below will play the part of the manager and respond to the letter and write a customer letter for the person below them.

Dear Mr. Manager,

I was in your store today and your employees have the worst customer service ever. I asked the supervisor if there was anyone who could open another register and she told me there was no one available. I requested that she open another register and she told me that she needed to keep an eye on the employees. I've already waited in line for twenty minutes and I do tons of business with you since I'm in the store all the time. I'm a very important customer and I shouldn't have to wait in line. If it happens again, I will never shop at your store again.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Customer

[Lace Neil Singer]

I'm going to assume that sarcasm is allowed, tho obviously not actual rudeness. XD

Dear Mrs Customer,

I'm sorry to hear of your bad experience; however, the lack of collegues was due entirely to the blizzard that enveloped this part of the country. We may be able to control many things within the store, but we can't control the weather. Sorry, and hope you will continue to shop here.

Sincerely,

Manager With Spine.


Dear Ms Manager,

I am utterly appalled at the terrible service I received at your restaurant yesterday. My son wanted waffles and your waitress refused to serve them to him, giving the pathetic excuse of them not being on the menu. I am of course a very important person with an art degree and I demand that the waitress be fired, that you send me a grovelling apology and your first born son, and also a $1000 gift card.

Sincerely,

Mrs Speshul Snowflake

[JustaCashier]

Mrs Speshul Snowflake,

I'm sorry you had such an unpleasant experience at our establishment.

However, not only do we not have waffles on our menu, you may have noticed that we don't have any breakfast items at all on our menu.

Perhaps your first clue should have been that we don't open up until 11:00 a.m. a common opening time for restaurants that only serve lunch and dinner.

Your second clue should have been, the name of our restaurant. "Casa del Enchilada". You see, we are a Mexican restaurant, that does not offer any type of American cuisine. (Okay, maybe that should have been your first clue.)

As to your requests for compensation: My first born son? You got him! All you need to do is pick him up outside the gates of the State Prison on Tuesday! He's due to be released at 10:00 a.m. The timing of your request couldn't be better! We were so fearful he'd end up back on our doorstep!

He's 25 years old, and being released after serving the full five years of his sentence for Robbery, Burglary, and Aggravated Assault. We, his own family were amongst his victims. We tried our best to bring him up right, but there's just something wrong in his head. He's been a terrible embarrassment to my Husband, Myself, and our entire Family.



He ended up serving that full sentence, and did not get an early release for good behavior because, well, he didn't behave good in Prison. The Warden said he was one of their most troublesome Inmates. The Prison Shrink didn't merely say he'd be likely to re-offend. No. The Shrink put it as he would unlikely to not re-offend.

As far as your other two demands? No.

And fire the Waitress? No to that too. You see, this is a family owned and run establishment. The Waitress is my 93 year old Mother. She truly feels bad when she can't fulfill a Customer's request, and your reaction and attitude kept her awake with worry for an entire week, that she had let a Customer down!

Sincerely,
Ms. Manager


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Dear Sir/Ma'am,

My wife and I recently stayed at your Hotel, six months ago.

It was a most unpleasant experience. Every evening, during our entire two week stay, the people in one of the neighboring rooms partied loudly until the early hours of the next day.

Upon checking out, my Wife had me mention it to the Desk Clerk. He said something about being "very sorry" to hear that, and asked, (while he was fiddling with the computer, my Wife thought he was probably looking at porn or something) what response we had been given upon calling to to complain of these incidents. I replied that we hadn't called down, he said something about the computer confirming there had no complaints registered, according to our "Room Account".

My Wife told me to tell him that we shouldn't have had to call down. She We thought the Hotel should have just made sure the other Guests would remain reasonably quiet.

My Wife had me demand a full refund, but the Desk Clerk said "Im terribly sorry, but I'm only authorized to give a 5% maximum discount to our valued Guests when they find their experience to be less than stellar". My Wife thought he was incredibely rude!

He asked if we'd like to talk to the Manager, and I turned to my Wife and asked her, but by now she was in tears, and she said to the Desk Clerk "No, don't bother! YOU have ruined our entire vacation!

My poor, dear, Wife has been terribly distraught since this most unpleasant experience. So, She is We are renewing our demand for a full refund, Plus a complimentary two weeks for a future visit. During your City's huge Summer Festival is when we will be needing this.

We don't think we are being unreasonable, as we are very regular customers. Besides our most recent visits, we stayed there in 1985, and 1968.

Sincerely,

I.M. Wipped


Mike

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Mr. Wipped:

We are very sorry to hear of your recent experience at our hotel. We certainly would've addressed the loud partiers had we been informed of them.

But now that you mention it, it is very possible our desk clerk was looking at porn on our computer. He apparently is into bestiality. We will deal with this as well.

Sincerely,
Hotel Manager

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Dear Random Krap-Mart Corporate Suit:

I recently bought a clock radio at your store. Well, I guess I could have bought it at Wal-Mart. Or the Clearance Swamp. I'm not exactly sure, because I lost the receipt. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I bought it at Krap-Mart, because I shop there frequently and spend lots of money there. So that makes me a good customer.

I had to return the clock radio because it stopped working after I chucked it against the wall one morning to shut the alarm off. The clerk behind the service desk was extremely rude and wouldn't take it back because I didn't have the receipt. Who keeps receipts anyway these days?

I begged and pleaded for the service desk clerk to take back the clock radio and give me my refund, nicely of course. She wouldn't budge. I kept pleading my case, but then she said to me "Cram it, sunshine!"

I was so astonished I threw the clock radio at the clerk's head and stomped out.

Fire the service desk clerk and give me at least $100 in gift cards. Or else I will never shop at Krap-Mart ever again. You have my word on that as an extremely dissatisfied customer.

Sincerely,
I.B Pissed

[Lace Neil Singer]

Dear I.B Pissed,

Thank you so much for getting in touch with us in such a timely manner. You see, we had no idea where to send the police after we naturally called them to report you for assault, and now we do. Rest assured you will receive full bed and board at the expense of the state to compensate you.

Sincerely,

Cool Mananger.


Dear Manager of Blue Stripy Supermarket,

I was utterly disgusted when I arrived at your store on Christmas Day to do a little shopping, only to find that it was closed! I had run out of milk and I had to go without milk in my tea for two whole days. Please can you send me a £1000 gift card, plus a full apology for this outrage.

Sincerely,

Mrs Whinger.

[BookstoreEscapee]

"timely manner" ...ha!

Dear Mrs. Whinger,

Please accept our condolences on your lack of family and friends to spend the holiday with. Next year, get your milk on Christmas Eve. Because we value your business so very much, we will be shipping a very large gift card, weighing 1000 pounds, just as you requested.

Sincerely,
Head Supermarket Elf

Dear Company,

I was recently in your store and the cashier was very very rude. I was in a hurry, and she would not let me cut in front of the twenty other people on line. She told me I would have to wait. Please fire her, as this is completely unacceptable.

Sincerely,
IM Spechal

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Spechal:

Thank you for your letter. How did you know we were out of toilet paper?

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Dear Makers of Tiger Balm:

I ate an entire tin your product, and it burned everything below my chin clean off! You need to put a warning on your packaging telling people not to take it orally.

Regards,

Ima Soo Yoo

[Lace Neil Singer]

Dear Ima Soo Yoo,

If you look very carefully with a microscope, you will see that the small print warns that product is not to be taken internally. May I suggest going back to school in order to learn what the word "internally" means? I think it would be very useful.

Sincerely,

Tony Tiger.


Dear Local Manager of McDonalds,

Yesterday, I took my daughter to your establishment for her birthday treat. I purchased a Happy Meal for her, and a salad for myself. My daughter informed me that the toy that was in her Happy Meal was one she already had, so I went up to the counter to exchange it. The boy we talked to, one "Laurie" as his name badge stated, refused to do so. I was utterly disgusted. How could he be so cruel to a little girl like that? I demand that he be fired, and that my daughter be amply compensated for having her birthday completely ruined.

Yours sincerely,

Mrs Pushy Mother.

[ralerin]

Dear Mrs. Mother,

The reason why "Laurie" refused to exchange the toy, is because that is the only one left in stock. We will also most assuredly speak to "Laurie", as he is my son, and he has these fantasies of becoming a woman. "Laurie" is actually "Kevin". Thank you for bringing this to my attention. He will be dealt with as swiftly as possible.

Cheers,

Mr. Manager.

***

Dear "Rite-Green-VS" Pharmacist,

I am a 72 year old woman who is absolutely outraged at the treatment I received at your pharmacy. I had to double park in the firelane because some idiot stole MY usual parking spot, the one next to the door with the handicapped symbol painted on the wall in front! I threw my empty bottle at the pharmacy tech behind the counter, who was playing with that stupid computer, and DEMANDED of her to fill my pills THIS INSTANT. The next thing I know, I was being carted out the door in handcuffs with some hideous looking lady cop telling me my rights! What right do you have to treat a 72 year old woman this way? I have a cane! I deserve some respect!

I demand compensation in the form of an immediate $10,000 gift card, the $2,500 it took to secure my bond and pay my parking ticket and free prescriptions for the rest of my life. If that pharmacist wasn't playing on the computer I would not have thrown my pill bottle at her! If you do not give me what I want, I will take my business away from your establishment!

Horribly yours,

Mrs. Ima Hagg

[reirei]

Dear Mrs. Hagg,

We would sincerely like to thank you for the video footage of your arrest. It has become quite the hit during break time and pharmacy holiday parties. One of our interns even created a musical score for it in his spare time.

We hope your upcoming court proceedings go well, and justice is served. Please keep in mind we will be very happy to let the prison health care officials know of your various prescriptions.

Happy Holidays!

Dearest regards,

the pharmacy team





Dear Retail Store Manager,

I was simply trying to buy a new tee-shirt the other day when I was informed that the area with woman's tees was off limits due to damage from a fire. When I tried to make my way to the tee shirts, I was stopped not once, not twice, but FOUR TIMES!!!!!!!!! Then they told I had to leave that section of the store! When I made my displeasure of this known, they had security KICK ME OUT! And when I tried to re-enter the store they threatened to call the police! I will have you know that I have been shopping at your store for FIFTEEN YEARS and now will never again do so.

I might be swayed however, with a $1,000 gift card and a written apology.

Sincerely,

Canna Readsigns

[Lace Neil Singer]

Dear Ms Readsigns,

Since the store ended up burning completely to the ground, I'm afraid we can't give you the pound of flesh you want. However, feel free to come and loot the burned out husk of our store; tho you'll be hard pressed to get anything after our dispossessed staff have been there.

Yours,

Transferred To Another Branch


Dear Pet Store Manager,

I went into your store today with my mischievious twin boys. Since I had other shopping to attend to in the mall, I left my sons in your store so they could look at the animals while I shopped. I was incensed when there came over the mall tannoy an announcement asking me to return to your store to collect my sons. I have never been so humiliated in all my life, and I demand a gift card or I will never shop in your store again.

Yours,

Ima Badmother.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Badmother:

Thank you for informing us of your issue, and for providing us your address to send the giftcard to. CPS is on their way.

Sincerely,
Pet Store Corporate Drone #4F2-917GK

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Dear Shameless Peddlers of Filth:

When reading your magazines, I do not notice one wrinkled face, liver spot, or toothless grin. You perverts ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

To the people of Cosmopolitan Magazine, from some crotchety old fart

[Lace Neil Singer]

Dear Crotchety Old Fart,

You must have not noticed the GILF magazines that our sister company provides; in order to correct this gaping error, I am sending you our latest issue along with a year's prescription. Enjoy.

Yours Sincerely,

Cosmopolitan Magazine



Dear Pizza Place,

I noticed that one of the workers in the shop has blue hair. This is disgraceful and I am quite shocked. Please do something about this at once.

Yours,

Mr Oldgit.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Dear Mr. Oldgit,

Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We have taken steps to ensure all of our employees have the regulation blue hair according to our corporate standards.

Sincerely,
Blue Hair Pizza Shop Manager.

******

Dear Lions Club President,

I paid $5 to attend your fund raising Bazaar last week. I did not not see a single lion in the entire show. I feel ripped off. I want a full refund.

A. Nitpicker

[Lace Neil Singer]

Dear Mr Nitpicker,

We have asked Simba, the lion president of our club if he would consider refunding your money; he growled at us and attempted to eat us. So I'm afraid the answer must be no. Note also that our club is a club for lions, not a lion show, so there was no false advertising. If you wish to dispute this, please feel free to come and speak to Simba in person. He would love to meet you.

Yours,

Human President Of Lions Club



Dear Supermarket manager,

I demand that you play Christian music instore instead of that dreadful Christmas popular music you insist on playing. By doing so, you are taking the Christ out of Christmas.

Yours sincerely,

Moaning Minnie.