The Customer Complaint Letter Game

[Grape The Cat]

Dear Ms. Ronstrings,
If we hired your daughter she would have to abide by the same terms of employment as our other workers. Therefore, we could not permit her to talk with her friends or make out with her boyfriend. If your daughter wants a job she can apply in-store or online. Thretening us with an online petition douse not help your daughter's case. Thank you for your interest in our company.

Art N. Crafts
store manger
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Dear Power Company,

How dare you not have power two days after a storm meant through. All it was was wind and rain!!!!!!! Because of your gross incompetence I have been forced to eat meals out. I ate at Le Chateau Jean-Claude for six meals and I spent $500. I demand that you reimburse me for the meals I was forced to take out and give me a free year of service and also guarantee that my power will never go out again. If you do not do all of the things I will sue you and go to the media with my story of your abuse of a loyal customer.
Sincerely

Irene Was-Nothing

[purplecat41877]

Dear Ms. Was-Nothing,

We have no control over the weather so we can't promise your power will never go out again. Also, there are cheaper restaurants you could've gone to so your meal reimbursements will be denied.

Sincerely,

E. L. Ectric
Power Company Manager



Dear Supermarket Manager,

I came to your store to buy some strawberry kiwi juice and there was none on the shelf. I saw an employee with the juice I wanted and told her to give me some. She had the nerve to tell me that the juice was being put on hold for a customer that was on the phone. The other customer wasn't in the store so I should've been the one to get the juice. I demand you allow customers who are in the store to have first dibs on your items, fire the rude employee, give me free strawberry kiwi juice for life, and a $400 gift card. If I don't get what I want, I will never shop at your store again.

Sincerely,

Ann Titled

[Grape The Cat]

Dear Ms. Titled,
After reviewing the incident we found that the customer who was on the phone did indeed make her request first and was therefore. I have no idea why you were looking for strawberry-kiwi juice in the paper goods aisle, but we had plenty including a sale display in the juice aisle.Your requests are denied , we will not fire an employee for obeying store policy, nor will we give you a lifetime's supply of juice and a gift card.
Sincerely,
Bev R. Age
store manager
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Dear WalTarg,
I recently went to one of your stores and I was appalled!!! At!!! The level of Service!!!! First of All!!!! The lazy syock boys refused to find me a perfect cart!!!!! Secondly!!!! When I got to the toy department !!!! You had some!!! Loser thirty year old !!! Shopping!!! I needed toys for my angels!!! Although he didn't buy any of the toys I wanted he looked like a child molester!!!! I demand!!!! That you clear all areas!!! That I will be shopping in!!! And!!! Fire all you lazy incompetent stock boys!!!! Also do not allow losers to shop in your store!!!!! If you do not!! conform to my demands !! I !!! Will call!!!! The attorney general!!! And the media!!!!
Sincerely!!!!
Dee Manding-All

[XCashier]

Dear Ms Manding-All,

Nothing in your letter was worthy of investigation, except for your excessive use of exclamation points, which makes it look like you're under too much stress and wound way too tightly. Enclosed is a business card to an excellent psychiatrist who can get you the help (and possibly medicine) that you obviously desperately need.

Sincerely,

Mel O'Yellow, manager,
WalTarg

* * * * *

Dear Bullina China Shop,

I am appalled at your lack of pet-friendliness! I went shopping at your store yesterday, bringing my darling little doggie FooFoo with me because he pines when I'm not with him and starts chewing on things. Well, naturally he's a little perky, and likes to play. But your nasty clerks got so angry with me, just because a few silly dishes got knocked over. Why do you hate animals so much?!

I demand that you fire those idiot clerks, give me a million dollars for compensation and let me bring in my little angel FooFoo, and never mind the dishes he breaks, or I will sue you.

Sincerely,
Karen Knott Abitt

[purplecat41877]

Dear Ms. Knott Abitt,

We can't allow pets in our store for safety reasons. Therefore, all of your requests are denied.

Sincerely,

C. H. Ina
Manager



Dear Jewelry Store Manager,

I was in your store deciding on some jewelry to buy when one of your rude employees made a closing announcement. This made me feel rushed so I shoved your earring and necklace displays to the floor and stormed out. I demand you make your employees stop the closing announcements so important customers like me can take as much time as we want. It's not like your workers have anywhere to go. They live to serve customers like me. If you don't stop these closing announcements, I will take as much jewelry from your store as I want and not pay for it.

Sincerely,

Leah Sure

[Iseeyouthere]

Dear Miss Leah Sure.

Enclosed in this letter is a bill for the damages you caused to our earring and necklace display. Failure to pay for the damages will result in legal action. \
Further more, the closing announcements are in place to inform all customers that the store is closing. If you were unable to find what you need, you are more than welcome to return another day.

Police have been notified to your threats to steal from our store.

Sincerely,
Bree Jewelled.

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ToComputerStoreOwner.Iwasdownloadingsomemusicwhenm ylaptopdecidedtostopthedownload.Somethingaboutitbe ing"illegal".Downloadingmusicisn'tillegal.SoIthrew mylaptopagainstthewallandstompedonitafewtimesbecau seitwasastupidhunkofjunkinthefirstplace.NowIcan'tu setheenterorspacebarkeys.Itriedtoreturnitbutyourst upidemployeessaiditwasn'tunderwarrentyandIhadtopay fortherepairs.Iwantafreelaptopreplacementforthetro ubleyouremployeescausedmeandalsoforyoutopayforther epairstomywallthatyourstupidlaptopcausedwhenIthrew itagainstthewall.Andthenewlaptopbetterbeunbreakabl e!!Sincerely,WalloTexCritsu


(To Computer Store Owner.
I was downloading some music when my laptop decided to stop the download.Something about it being "illegal". Downloading music isn't illegal. So I threw my laptop against the wall and stomped on it a few times because it was a stupid hunk of junk in the first place.

Now I can't use the enter or space bar keys. I tried to return it but your stupid employees said it wasn't underwarrenty and I had to pay for the repairs. I want a free laptop replacement for the trouble your employees caused me and also for you to pay for the repairs to my wall that your stupid laptop caused when I threw it against the wall. And the new laptop better be unbreakable!!

Sincerely,
Wallo Tex Critsu)

[Grape The Cat]

Dear Wallo Tex Critsu,
Downloading music can indeed be illegal if you do not pay for it. In addition your computer was out of warranty by three years when you contacted our employees. In addition your admitted actions caused the problems with the computer it was not defective. Therefore we will not give you a new "unbreakable" laptop as none would survive the abuse you put this one through. We will also not pay for the damage to your wall. If you want your computer repaired you'll have to pay for it. By the way we have forwarded your letter to the police and the FBI who will be interested in your illegal downloads of music.
Sincerely,

Chip Motherboard
Owner Motherboard Computers
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Dear food store:
I was in your location and I was offended deeply!!!! First of all you have shirts for a team I don't like. Second of all you have no New York Times. I am not illiterate like the rest of your shoppers and all of peasant workers. Not having the New York Times is discrimination against New Yorkers and Intelligent people!!!Second of all I found fried chicken at your deli. Only inbred hicks like fried chicken it is offensive to me as a New Yorker to have to see that. In addition, I asked how to get to New York City from this hick backwater illiterate town and none of your illiterate sales clerks were able to tell me!!! I demand that you carry the New York Times educate your employees and only have t-shirts of teams I like!!! I have an IQ of 146 and if you do not do these things and give me a $5,000 gift card for my troubles i will report you to the NEW YORK media.
Sincerely,
Gene Yuss-Snob

[purplecat41877]

Dear Mr. Yuss-Snob,

Those items are very popular with our regular customers and we don't have a spot to put a New York Times. If you want to know how to get to New York, go to a computer store and buy a GPS.

Sincerely,

IQ184,

Manager



Dear Fast Food Restaurant Manager,

I went through your drive thru and ordered a coffee. When I took a sip, it spilled on me and burned my lap. I had to go to work with a stained outfit and drink horrible coffee at work since I threw the coffee that burned me out the window. If you don't put warnings on the cup that the drink will be hot, I will sue you and set fire to your restaurant.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Coffee

[Grape The Cat]

Dear Mrs. Coffee:
We already have warnings that our coffee is hot, they are quite prominent, in fact. Also our employee told you that it was a from a fresh pot and very hot. We did warn you as to the high temperature of your coffee, but you did not listen. Also when you through the coffee out the window you threw it into the employee's face. Thank you for identifying yourself, you ar now banned from the store and we have informed the police of you arson threat.
Sincerely,
Maxwell House
manager
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Dear Credit card company.
I tried to pay my bill like a good patriotic American, and when i called you help center to dispute a charge your nasty worker hunged up on me!!! When I called again I got a different service rep. who could not help me and sounded like she was from Jermanee. I was on hold for 62 hours while for a superviser who also couldn't help me, becauz she said the charges were from eight years ago. What kind of nonsense is that?? Also your workers are harassing me on a consumer message board and have prevented me from going to the meedeyah. I will boycott you until i am able to get the carged reversed and an upgrade to a platynumm
card.
Sincerely,

Deb Tore

[Iseeyouthere]

Dear Miss Tore,

We are sorry to hear about your recent experiences. However, the charges filed against you are dating to years ago. Therefore, until you pay off this charge and the several you currently owe us, we are declining your cards and filing a lawsuit.

P.S Learn to spell.

Sincerely,
Ree Padee

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Dear Video Game store,
I was in the store the other day when I saw a few games I wanted. I also noticed that there was a sale on which was: Buy one game, get the second one free.
I went up to the counter with 4 games I wanted, which were, along with their prices:
Sonic: Never says die - $35
Call of Duty: Future Warfare - $70
Grand Theft Auto: Space Edition - $65
World of Warcraft: War of the Angry kobolds expansion pack - $40

I was going to pay the $75 for the two games (Sonic and Warcraft) and get the other two free as part of the sale. But your stupid employee on duty told me that I would get the lower priced one for free and would have to pay $135.
How DARE they try and rip me off. It was only fair that I threw the all the cases off the selves and stomped on them because they were trying to rip me off.
I demand you give me all the games I want for free and a free game each month because I was almost ripped off.

Sincerely,
Faile Scom the Third.

P.S I also demand you pay my bail out of jail because of the false arrest made against me for this.

[Nurian]

Mr. Faile Scome the Third,

Thank you for your patronage at our store. Please know that we value every customer's experience as an opportunity to improve.

As to your complaint, if you had bothered to RTFM , or sign in this case, it clearly states that only 1 BOGO is offered to a customer at a time and the fine print, written in not so fine print, indicates that the lower priced game is the one for free.

To put it in words you understand: j00 failz, OMG!!!11
Also, we will not be reimbursing you for legal fees as we have no desire to deprive Sarge of his favorite shower toy.

Sincerely,
Mr. Ban Hammer


Dear "Customer Satisfaction" Hag,

I walked into your store and thanks to your BAD SELECTION, I couldn't find anything I wanted to pay for. I was on my way out when you Security troll grabbed me by the neck and frog marched me to the office and accused me of stealing! Yes, I tried on the shirt, but I left it in the room. That OX must have reattached those tags to MY SHIRT!
So now, I'm in jail, my reputation is ruined and I had to drop out of classes because of YOUR INABILITY TO HIRE HONEST EMPLOYEES!
I want the shirt, my legal fees reimbursed and the security guard drawn and quartered. Then MAYBE I'll consider not suing you.

I AM NOT CRAZY!

Ima Dumass

[purplecat41877]

Dear Ms. Dumass,

Our cameras confirmed that you did steal from our store. Therefore, we're denying all of your requests.

Sincerely,

Store Manager



Dear Chief of Police,

Where does you rude officer get off charging me? All I did was call 911 because the fast food restaurant I went to was out of fries. That restaurant broke the law by being out of fries when they're required to have everything on the menu in stock. I demand you drop this charge or I will come to your station and break all your first floor windows.

Sincerely,

E. M. Ergency

[XCashier]

Dear Mr. Ergency,

If you can point out to me the exact clause in the law that states that all fast food restaurants must have everything on their menu in stock at all times, I will gladly drop the charges. I suspect you will be examining law books for a very long time.

Sincerely,
John Darme, Chief of Police

* * *

Dear VoldeMart,

My daughter used to work for you until you fired her. I don't think this was just at all, she only took a DVD, I know for a fact that many of her friends took more than just that from you!

I want you to pay my daughter's bail and give her back her job, or my family won't buy from you anymore.

Sincerely,
Ann Abler

[Grape The Cat]

Dear Ms. Abler,
Over the week that your daughter worked for us she stole thirteen DVDs twenty-two CDs, and $500 from her register drawer. We have also fired the other employees who stole. We have video proof of your daughter's thefts, and we will not drop the charges against her, or give her her job back. We have also identified you and your family as shoplifters as well, therefore we will file charges against you and ban you from our stores.
Sincerely,
Justus Served
Loss Prevention manager
Voldemart #3434
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Dear Insurance Company,
I recently called one of your incompetent, idiotic, and rude representatives. I told her I wanted your company to pay for my taxi to and from the hospital. She said she couldn't do it. Do you know how long I have been a member? You need to pay for my taxi, as i am a high-class lady, and i do not have time to talk to people like your representative. Also i am demanding that from now on you give me free limo services for life, that you pay for all of my surgeries and give, that you fire the rude representative and give me $5,000 to make up for the trauma I suffered when i had to call a taxi myself. If you do not do these things I will report you to the media and Congress.
Sincerely,

I. Bea Asnob

[purplecat41877]

Dear Ms. Asnob,

It's not the job of our representatives to call a taxi for you. We're also denying all of your requests.

Sincerely,

I. N. Surance,
Manager



Dear Mini Mart Manager,

I came into the store with my 4 year old daughter so she could use the restroom and your rude employee told me that the restroom was for employees only. I was steamed so I told my daughter to relieve herself on the floor which she did and then we walked out. I want this rude employee fired and a customer bathroom built. If you don't give into my demands, I will pour all of your milk on the floor.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Spoiled