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I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.
Another groaner: A Southerner buys a house that's absolutely perfect. After the closing, he opens the front door, steps inside, and promptly falls into the basement. It's something he should have anticipated - after all, it was a house without a flaw.
Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.
A man sees a chav with an extremely colourful parrot on his shoulder, and asks "Where did you get him?". The parrot answers "At the football game - there's thousands of the worthless buggers there".
How does a family of snakes enter the student residence at Hogwarts? They Slytherin.
A day late, but one for you Yanks:
What kind of tea do you make by infusing the leaves in cold saltwater? Liber-tea.
Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.
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