Hallmark Rejects

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Some versus that didn't quite make the cut.

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat. Sorry!

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You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

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Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

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Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it.
She moved in with me.

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You totaled your car
And can't remember why.
Could it have been.
That whole case of Bud Dry?

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"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking?"

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"Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife."

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"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"

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"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."

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"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you."

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"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
that you're not here to ruin it for me."

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"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!
I never knew what evil was before this!"

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"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go,
Would you like to take this knife out of my back.
You'll probably need it again.

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"Happy Birthday!" You look great for your age...
Almost Lifelike!

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"When we were together,
You always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise."

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"I'm so miserable without you,
It's almost like you're here."

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"You are such a good friend
That if we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

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"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your Birthday
- so we're having you put to sleep."

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"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Kentucky and West Virginia)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

One I just came up with.....

Violets are blue
And so's a bluebonnet
Sorry that we're breaking up
I hope you choke on vomit.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

One I just came up with.....

Violets are blue
And so's a bluebonnet
Sorry that we're breaking up
I hope you choke on vomit.

Ain't love wonderful?

Actually, I wish I had that card to send to a few over the years . . .

[Greenday]

"Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife."

Too bad this card wasn't around for my dad's marriage.

[Aldous]

To quote Bill Maher:
Roses Are Red,
Orchids are Gray
Congratulations
You have Hepatitis A