Did you hear about...

[edible_hat]

Did you hear about the 90-year-old man who streaked through the Chelsea Flower Show? He won the trophy for best dried arrangement.

Did you hear about the dancing idiots who drowned? They were trying to do Riverdance.

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He lies awake at night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Did you hear about the guy who died from drinking varnish? A horrible end...but such a nice finish!

Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.

Did you hear about the dead shoplifter? He was found squished under a shop.

Did you hear about the boomerang that doesn't work? It's called a stick.

Did you hear about the paper company that folded?
Or the brake company that's on the skids?
Or the bra manufacturer that went bust?
Or the corset firm that felt the squeeze?

[MadMike]

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

Did you hear about the dehydrated Frenchman? His name was Pierre, and that's all he could do.

[Nurian]

Did you hear about the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend?

Did you hear about the leper poker game?
One guy threw in his hand, another laughed his head off and the last guy cried his eyes out.

Did you hear what the leper said to the prostitute?
"Keep the tip."

Did you hear about the Irish police officer who was hit with a snow globe?
It was a "Knick-knack Paddy Whack"!

Did you hear about the cannibals eating a clown?
One turned to the other and said "Does this taste funny to you?"

[edible_hat]

Did you hear about the cannibal who hated his mother in law?

He just ate the vegetables.

[Calud]

Did you hear what the leper said to the prostitute?
"Keep the tip."

Your killing me. This is officialy the best and worst joke I've ever read.

[LingualMonkey]

Did you hear about the cannibal who hated his mother in law?

He just ate the vegetables.

Two cannibals are talking. The first says, "Your wife makes good stew."

The second says, "I know. I'll miss her."

[JambaBamba]

Did you hear about the leper poker game?
One guy threw in his hand, another laughed his head off and the last guy cried his eyes out.

Did you hear what the leper said to the prostitute?
"Keep the tip."

What do you call a leper in a hot tub?

Stew

[Nurian]

Your killing me. This is officialy the best and worst joke I've ever read.

My job here is done.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Did you hear about the new The Facts Of Life tribute band?

It's called Death Cab For Tootie.

[edible_hat]

Did you hear about the paranoid optimist?

He thinks everyone's out to get him a present.

[Nurian]

Ever heard about the fortune teller with dwarfism that escaped the jail?

She's a small medium at large.