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Every time you break up with someone, hand them one of these! XD
For Men:
1. How would you describe your overall experience of dating me?
a) A wonderful heart-warming experience that has left you with renewed faith in the inherent beauty and kindness of humanity.
b) A not unpleasant time but with enough niggling doubts to leave you knowing it's not for you.
c) Awful, leaving you with a disturbing desire to do me or anyone who even looks like me harm.
d) Emotionally scarring and regressive.
2. Did I compliment you:
a) Regularly.
b) Now and again.
c) When I wanted a favour.
d) When I wanted a sexual favour.
3. How was my general level of hygiene?
a) Good.
b) Poor.
c) Terrible.
d) An insult to tramps.
4. When saying "I love you" did I:
a) Say it and mean it?
b) Say it but only when prompted?
c) Say it but only when threatened with violence and a ban on sex?
d) OK, I never said it.
5. Once we had engaged in sexual activity, did my enthusiasm for our relationship:
a) Grow stronger and more committed as if our physical union was a perfect demonstration of our love for each other?
b) Stay the same cept for the odd argument over condom disposal?
c) Pretty much fizzle out as if, oddly, I was only really after getting my leg over?
d) You're sorry but your therapist has asked you not to recall such memories outside of a proper therapy environment.
6. How would you describe my foreplay technique?
a) Like a concert pianist playing a beautiful Steinway.
b) Like a drunken pub musician banging away at a clapped out old upright piano.
c) Like a small child banging a saucepan with a wooden spoon.
d) You missed it while blinking.
7. With regard to sex, did you have to:
a) Beat me off with a stick.
b) Beat me with a stick.
c) Bribe me with pizza and beer.
d) Get me going with a couple of energy drinks, Viagra and a car battery.
8. What was your general satisfaction level with my penis?
a) Very attractive despite the 'last chicken in the shop' look.
b) OK; it looked normal but was a bit small.
c) You needed a magnifying glass to find it.
d) What penis?
9. What did you think of the quality of my bathroom?
a) Good. It's nice to find a man who keeps his well cleaned.
b) Passable, as long as you treat it like rock climbing; ie, don't look down.
c) Primative. I thought we'd moved on from a wooden bucket and a rag on a stick.
d) Disgusting. Have you had the health inspector over yet?
10. How would you describe the chances of us getting back together again?
a) Very likely. You're cute, have money and wash.
b) Possibly, if you win the lottery in the meantime.
c) I'd rather eat my own young.
d) Forget it. If I'm ever seen with you again, I've asked my friends to kill me.
For Women:
1. Did I agree with you enough?
a) Yes.
b) No.
2. Was I naked enough?
a) Yes.
b) No.
For Men:
1. How would you describe your overall experience of dating me?
a) A wonderful heart-warming experience that has left you with renewed faith in the inherent beauty and kindness of humanity.
b) A not unpleasant time but with enough niggling doubts to leave you knowing it's not for you.
c) Awful, leaving you with a disturbing desire to do me or anyone who even looks like me harm.
d) Emotionally scarring and regressive.
2. Did I compliment you:
a) Regularly.
b) Now and again.
c) When I wanted a favour.
d) When I wanted a sexual favour.
3. How was my general level of hygiene?
a) Good.
b) Poor.
c) Terrible.
d) An insult to tramps.
4. When saying "I love you" did I:
a) Say it and mean it?
b) Say it but only when prompted?
c) Say it but only when threatened with violence and a ban on sex?
d) OK, I never said it.
5. Once we had engaged in sexual activity, did my enthusiasm for our relationship:
a) Grow stronger and more committed as if our physical union was a perfect demonstration of our love for each other?
b) Stay the same cept for the odd argument over condom disposal?
c) Pretty much fizzle out as if, oddly, I was only really after getting my leg over?
d) You're sorry but your therapist has asked you not to recall such memories outside of a proper therapy environment.
6. How would you describe my foreplay technique?
a) Like a concert pianist playing a beautiful Steinway.
b) Like a drunken pub musician banging away at a clapped out old upright piano.
c) Like a small child banging a saucepan with a wooden spoon.
d) You missed it while blinking.
7. With regard to sex, did you have to:
a) Beat me off with a stick.
b) Beat me with a stick.
c) Bribe me with pizza and beer.
d) Get me going with a couple of energy drinks, Viagra and a car battery.
8. What was your general satisfaction level with my penis?
a) Very attractive despite the 'last chicken in the shop' look.
b) OK; it looked normal but was a bit small.
c) You needed a magnifying glass to find it.
d) What penis?
9. What did you think of the quality of my bathroom?
a) Good. It's nice to find a man who keeps his well cleaned.
b) Passable, as long as you treat it like rock climbing; ie, don't look down.
c) Primative. I thought we'd moved on from a wooden bucket and a rag on a stick.
d) Disgusting. Have you had the health inspector over yet?
10. How would you describe the chances of us getting back together again?
a) Very likely. You're cute, have money and wash.
b) Possibly, if you win the lottery in the meantime.
c) I'd rather eat my own young.
d) Forget it. If I'm ever seen with you again, I've asked my friends to kill me.
For Women:
1. Did I agree with you enough?
a) Yes.
b) No.
2. Was I naked enough?
a) Yes.
b) No.
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