Successful Party Test

[Lace Neil Singer]

{Emailed to me. XD}

So, how do you tell if you're throwing a successful party? Just take this quick and simple quiz to find out!

Festivity Level One.

Your guests are sitting around the table chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your ornaments and stand around the piano singing quietly.

Festivity Level Two

Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."

Festivity Level Three

Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down the ornaments and dancing around the piano bellowing the words to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction".

Festivity Level Four

Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning table in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing. Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three. The true test of party success, however, is whether or not the police arrive. If they do arrive, your job as host is to see that they don't arrest anyone. If they are intent on arresting someone, your job is to see that it isn't you. Following is an example of how to successfully handle this situation.

Police: "We've come in response to the complaints."

You: "Complaints? It isn't about the drugs, is it?"

Police: "No, sir, not drugs."

You: "The guns, then? They're complaining about the guns?"

Police: "No, sir. It's about the noise."

You: "Oh, that's all right then. 'Cause there sure aren't any guns or drugs here, heh heh."

[An explosion sounds somewhere behind you]

You: "Or fireworks either! The neighbors complained, did they?"

Police: "No, sir. The neighbors all fled inland hours ago. The recent complaints have come from Kansas."

[At this point a Volkswagen Bug, painted in various arcane symbols, roars out of the living room, down the hall past you and the policemen, out into the front yard and into the nearest tree. Eight naked bodies tumble out, moaning.]

You: "There, you see? It's winding down already."

[shadowpanda]

I'll be honest, I've been to a few 'Level 4 Parties'

You only need to go to about 1 or 2 a year, but they give you stuff to talk about until the next one!

[wolfie]

You know it's a successful party when the cops show up because the neighbours complain about the noise - and you're thinking "was it the bowling alley or the airport that ratted me out?"

[Ironclad Alibi]

You know it's a successful party when the cops show up and join in.

You know it's a successful party when the cops show up first.

(I been to parties where both happened. So they were neightborhood block parties.)

[teh_blumchenkinder]

oh oh I have to email this to my friends! This is gold!
you had me breathless with laughter!

[RestaurantDude]

You know it's a successful party when the cops show up because the neighbours complain about the noise - and you're thinking "was it the bowling alley or the airport that ratted me out?"

... when you can't find the house the next morning. You know exactly where you left it, but, buggered if you can find it. Bonus points for "Man, i swear, i left it right heere!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I must have a tame social life compared to some of you 'cause I don't think I've been to a gathering that went past a Level 2.

The most racy behavior I can recall was the one Christmas at Martha's house when she decided to model lingerie that her BIL had given her and she came back out into the den and opened her robe to show EVERYBODY.

Let's just say she looked like she was smuggling Chewbacca and we'll leave it at that.

Mom went to the kitchen to get Martha's mother and they both had to herd her down the hall to the bedroom and put her to bed.

[Ironclad Alibi]

This seems like a good place to mention the song Wasn't That A Party.