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  • #1

    Needing to say no...

    So, a friend of mine called me this evening. After 7. He wanted to know if I could help a friend of his with some English-language work for a job she wants. I declined, after some persistence on his part (I don't know why he was so insistent).

    I went back to my yoga routine, ignoring the phone when it rang, because I saw by the readout that this same guy was calling me. When I finished the routine, I found a message from him saying that she didn't want me to do the work for her; she just wanted me to look it over. I messaged him that he could give her my email. By the way, when we spoke earlier, and I told him I didn't want to do it, he told me, "I'll just give her your phone number, and you can talk to her." I vetoed that idea.

    So, as I said, I messaged him that he could give her my email address.

    So what does he do?

    Yep. About an hour later, she calls me. I will now be looking over her work before I leave for my own job in the morning (he didn't tell her that I have a full-time job). We're both in a bind, because he was so pushy. I have agreed to do work that I may not have time to do, and I think she feels awkward because she now knows that right now, I don't have the time to help her, and this assignment of hers has to be done by noon tomorrow.

    He is on Facebook right now. I just sent him a message that my phone number is not to be given out, under any circumstances.
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  • #2
    I'd be having *ahem* WORDS with this "friend" at some point in the not-too-distant future. He has put both of you in an embarrassing position. It's nice to rearrange the world to suit your beliefs of what should be, but it would also be nice to take other people into consideration in the process.

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    • #3
      He doesn't see what was wrong about it! He told me that my number is already online, and showed me the link. Yes, it was... for an entirely different purpose. (Now I know where those telemarketers have been getting my number. I removed it.) That's just clouding the issue, of course. My number being online has nothing to do with what he did yesterday. It's the classic routine of trying to put the other person on the defensive in an attempt to avoid responsibility for something you've done. Fortunately, I know how this works, and I refuse to defend my actions.

      This woman hasn't sent me anything, so either she hasn't done it yet, or she found someone else. I hope she's also given him an earful.

      When we were chatting on Facebook last night, he sent me this message:

      "and this is how you getting new (better) friends and businesses?"

      Yeah, because it's in my best interests to let someone override my decision and ignore what I told him. It was another attempt to put me on the defensive. I don't know how many times I'll have to repeat "No means no" before it finally has an effect.

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      • #4
        I do.

        Until you block him on Facebook and put him on ignore. Is he in other ways a good friend, or would you lose nothing significant by pointing out in this harshest of ways that he overreached himself?
        Seshat's self-help guide:
        1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
        2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
        3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
        4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

        "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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        • #5
          Saying "NO" isn't a dirty word. IF you can't do it for whatever reason then that's your prerogative. They'll get over it.

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          • #6
            This guy's a friend? Because he's coming across as a real jerk in the updates...
            The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
            "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
            Hoc spatio locantur.

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            • #7
              And t extra suck in the situation is that 'friend' is not even really helping the third party, as he seems so insistent on. If Eireann doesn't have the time, she'd be better off elsewhere to begin with. There may be a good intention behind this, but it's being handled pretty badly.

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              • #8
                He's the owner of the thrift store, where I still pull an occasional shift. I have a lot of free clothing, books, and DVDs from them, along with other goodies. He and his wife have done one hell of a lot for me.

                I really don't understand why he was so pushy about this, but he was, and that's what bothers me. He's online now, but he hasn't contacted me, and I'm not going to contact him. He knows I'm upset, he knows why, and I'm not going to drag it up again.

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                • #9
                  You mention that he and his wife have done a lot for you. Is it possible that he sees this as some sort of payback on your part ... that you help people out whenever he points them your way, regardless of how convenient it is for you (or the other person)?

                  Gotta admit, he doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

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                  • #10
                    This is the first time he's done anything like this, which makes it all the more surprising. I don't think he views it as payback - as far as I know, he's not getting anything from his friend for putting her in touch with me, and he certainly isn't getting anything from me. Now that he knows he is not to give out my number to anyone without my permission, we'll see what happens.

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